Why You Shouldn't Lend A Bad Boy Your Clothes

by Philline Harms

  “Dear? Great idea,” he said, clearly delighted. “You’re looking gorgeous, dear.”

  I couldn’t hold back a laugh because the words just seemed so weird coming from Hunter’s mouth. “Not that one. My great aunt always calls me that.”

  “Well, that’s a turn-off…But I’ll find something else, sweetheart,” he said. “For real though, you’re looking so damn hot right now.”

  I looked at my reflection skeptically. In my eyes, it looked like I was a little boy who was playing dress-up in my father’s clothes. “Do you think? I don’t know…”

  Hunter rolled his eyes at me and then drawled, struggling to keep a serious face. “Ya lookin’ fine, bae.”

  We both looked at each other for a second before we burst out laughing.

  ***

  Shortly afterward, we were standing next to Hunter’s car, carrying our bags. I felt kind of bad about buying the suit with my parents’ money. I had told them I’d buy a suit for prom and, assuming I’d go there with Emily, they automatically gave me the money that I needed. I chose to ask not myself if they would’ve been just as supportive if they had known it was Hunter who I might go with.

  “I’ll drive, okay?” Alexis suggested and held a hand out for the keys.

  Hunter only cocked a brow at her. “I don’t know…You’re a girl. Can you even drive properly?”

  Alexis immediately glared at him in disgust. “Hunter, I swear—”

  “Just kidding, honeybee.” Hunter laughed. “I’ve been friends with you long enough to know that will earn me an entire feminist lecture.”

  Alex’s angry expression quickly turned into a satisfied one. “Good. I thought you might want to…cuddle with Jules in the backseat or something.”

  Hunter glanced over at me and shrugged, dropping the keys into her palm. “Fair point. Here you go.”

  I snorted and got into the backseat, quickly followed by Hunter, who sat down in the middle seat, so he was close enough to wrap an arm around me. Once we fastened our seatbelts, I rested my head on his shoulder and stayed like that for the rest of the ride.

  I was almost disappointed by how quickly we pulled up in front of my house. After saying goodbye to them and taking my bag from the trunk, I made my way inside.

  As soon as I entered, I felt that something wasn’t quite right. I had become pretty good at sensing tension, and right now, the air was practically crackling with it. With an uneasy feeling in my stomach, I dropped the bag next to the door and got out of my coat and shoes. The scarf, I obviously left on.

  Then I walked towards the living room, where I heard the muffled voices of my family. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped into the room, smiling nervously.

  “Hey…What’s up?”

  The faces of my parents unsettled me even more. They both stared up at me with blank faces, a hard line on my dad’s mouth. Maya was sitting on the floor playing with a doll and was the only one who smiled at me when I came in.

  “Jules, sit down,” my father said.

  It wasn’t a request. It was a command.

  I immediately did as I was told, sinking into the armchair on the opposite side of the small table, facing my parents. I noticed that my mom wasn’t looking directly at me. Instead, she was staring at her fidgeting hands in her lap.

  “Where were you today?”

  “I was buying a suit for prom like I said…” I stated. The nervous fluttering in my chest became stronger as my anxiety grew. “Why?”

  My parents exchanged a glance before my mom finally spoke up for the first time. “Jules, please take off your scarf.”

  I could feel my heart skip a beat. I was clenching and unclenching my hands nervously. “What? Why—”

  “Take it off,” my father growled and started to get to his feet.

  Gulping, I obeyed, slowly pulling it over my head. I closed my eyes as I heard my mom gasp. Then I suddenly felt my dad’s hand gripping my chin, forcing my head to turn from side to side so he could get a better view. Only when he let go, I dared to look up at him. His jaw was tense, eyes narrowed.

  I expected him to say something to me. Instead, he turned to my mom. “See, I told you. The video is real.”

  It was in that exact moment that I felt my blood freeze in my veins, my entire body becoming stiff.

  “What video?” I rasped.

  Dad turned around, looking at me coldly. Then he lifted his mobile and let me see the clip.

  While the video started, showing Hunter kissing my cheek in the gay club, my dad asked, “Does this look familiar?”

  Chapter 26

  The room began to spin and the floor tilted. For a few seconds, all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. My mom’s lips were moving, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

  I had to fight down the childish impulse to jump up and run to my room. What use would it be? They knew. My parents knew about Hunter, and there was nothing I could do to make them forget about it.

  There was this feeling again—the same one that overcame me the day the video had been passed around my school, the feeling of vulnerability, being exposed, and not being able to take the big secret back, the feeling of not being ready to face the consequences of having the truth out in the open.

  My father’s hand on my shoulder, shaking me, snapped me out of my daze. “Julian, answer when we speak to you.” He demanded, his face turning red as his anger grew. “Where was this filmed and why the hell were you letting Hunter Adams kiss your cheek?”

  I gulped, staring down at my hands. The words seemed to burn like acid in my throat as I spoke them out loud. “It was filmed in a gay bar. And I let him because I…” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “Because I like him.”

  Everything was silent for a moment. Even Maya stopped babbling and looked up at me with wide eyes. She picked up the mood in the room and looked accordingly troubled. When I looked up, I saw that my dad was staring down at me in shock. There was a vein on his forehead that was pulsing rapidly.

  My mom looked like she was about to burst into tears as she now got up and walked over to where my father was standing, positioning herself next to him. Her voice was thin and high-pitched when she said, “What do you mean you like him? Surely not like that, right?”

  I clenched my teeth, directing my stare at the floorboards again, feeling like I might throw up any second if they kept looking at me like that.

  “Are the bruises on your neck from him?” my father asked sharply.

  I put a protecting hand over the side of my neck but nodded.

  “But what about Emily?” Mom asked.

  “I broke up with her a few weeks ago. Mom, please—”

  Before I could finish, I got cut off by Dad. “You only speak when we ask you to. You understand me? After all that you’ve done, the least you can do is be respectful.”

  My head snapped up at that, anger slowly seeping through the mess in my head. “What are you talking about? I didn’t even do anything!”

  “You broke up with your girlfriend without telling us, only to let some obscure little faggot harass you in a gay bar!” my father yelled.

  Next to me, Maya winced as he raised his voice and immediately went to hide behind my mom. She had experienced enough of Dad’s temper tantrums to know when it was best to stay away from him.

  Unfortunately, I wasn’t that smart. Clenching my hands into fists to stop them from shaking, I leaped to my feet.

  “Don’t call him that,” I hissed, looking my father in the eye for the first time since I came home. The blatant hatred in them sent a shiver down my spine. “And he didn’t harass me. That’s what I wanted.”

  “No, you didn’t,” Dad screamed, stepping forward to grip a fistful of my shirt.

  I gasped when he nearly pulled me off my feet.

  “My son is not gay!”

  As soon as he spoke the words, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. But somehow
I managed to keep my chin up high and said, “Well. Apparently, he is.”

  Even before I said it, I knew it was a mistake. When my father started raising his hand, this only got confirmed.

  I shut my eyes, preparing myself for the impact of his blow, but it never came. When I blinked up at him, I saw that my mom had a hand on his shoulder and was muttering to him in a low voice. I was surprised when I made out that she was asking him to let go of me.

  Finally, my father pulled his hand back and asked, voice dripping with disgust, “For how long has this been going on?”

  “A few weeks,” I muttered.

  “And why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Because I knew you would react like this! This is exactly what I’ve been scared of.”

  Dad snorted. “Then why did you go out with him if you knew we wouldn’t be happy with it?”

  “Because I don’t care if it makes you happy or not,” I said quietly. “This isn’t a decision I made to…annoy you or make you upset. This is who I am.”

  Mom made a choking noise, and I could see that she was fighting her tears. A small angry voice in my head was asking why she was the one crying.

  My father’s face turned an alarming shade of red. His voice was loud enough to make Maya start sobbing quietly. “Jules, go to your room. Now.”

  I gaped at him incredulously. Why was he talking to me like I was a child who had broken a vase or something?

  “Dad, please, listen to me—” I began, not wanting to drop the subject just like this. There were a million things I needed to say, but they wouldn’t let me explain any of it.

  “Jules, go.” Mom interrupted, clutching Maya tightly in her arms. “Before your dad does something that he’ll regret later.”

  “Oh, would he?” I asked, fighting against the tears that were already stinging in my eyes.

  Before they could spill and give my weakness away, I turned around and stormed out of the room and up the stairs.

  Once I was in my room and sitting on my bed, I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to go back downstairs and yell at them, beg them for their understanding, and apologize at the same time while the rest of me wanted to stay in my room and never face my parents again.

  Both weren’t really an option, so in the end, I just flopped onto my back and stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. What happened felt surreal. It was like I wasn’t the one experiencing it.

  It was exactly like I had pictured when I thought about coming out to them and decided against it.

  The urge to cry faded slowly and left me feeling numb.

  After a while, I pulled my mobile out. My stomach lurched when I saw that I had three new messages from Hunter already. I couldn’t muster the strength to look at them, so I just deleted the notifications and tossed my phone onto my bedside table.

  It was absurd how quickly the tables had turned. One moment, I was sitting with Hunter in the backseat of his car, completely happy and at ease. The next, I had to justify myself for my sexuality in front of my parents. They didn’t even give me the opportunity to express myself, to argue back. Instead, they bombed me with insults and accusations, leaving me feeling dirty like I had actually done something wrong.

  When I had been with Hunter, it felt right, better than anything else in a long time. Maybe I could make them understand. But thinking of the look on my dad’s face was enough for me to understand that that would not happen.

  I was six when I saw a gay couple in town for the first time. My mom immediately grabbed my hand and dragged me away. I asked her about it, wanting to know why two boys were kissing. She didn’t answer and only said that it was wrong.

  At age eight, I found out that my grandpa was gay and that he left his family when my dad was only twelve to live with his new lover. My dad grew up despising homosexuality, only knowing it for what took his father away from him.

  Even though I knew all of this, I had somehow thought that if I came out to them, things would be different. I was their son. Surely, that was more important than anything else, but that wasn’t the case. It shouldn’t have hurt this much since I knew their stand from the start. But it did. It felt like a stab in the back like I was choking, like I had disappointed them in the worst way possible.

  I knew that I couldn’t change anything about it and that it was stupid to let them make me feel this way. Still, after hours of blindly staring at the ceiling, I cried myself to sleep that night.

  ***

  When I woke up the next morning, I was too drowsy to remember yesterday’s events for precious five minutes. Then the memories came back, rolling over me like an avalanche, and the pressure on my chest returned.

  Deciding that I wanted to spend as little time at home as possible, I rushed into the bathroom and showered in record time, then quickly put on some random clothes I found scattered around the room. Today, I didn’t even bother to cover up the hickeys that were still evident on my neck. My parents had already seen them, and in my hazy state of mind, I didn’t really care what people at my school would think.

  Then I slipped my phone in my pocket, not responding to Hunter’s good morning text, and pondered if I should go into the kitchen, where my parents were, or not. I decided to go for it. Simply because I couldn’t go to the first period without eating anything and also because hiding from them seemed stupid. Sooner or later, I would have to face them anyway.

  My parents fell silent as soon as I entered the room, my mom even dropping her teaspoon. I winced as it hit the saucer with a loud clatter. Maya was chewing on a slice of toast in silence but waved at me with one hand, sending crumbles flying all over the table.

  I didn’t say anything as I crossed the room, only ruffled her hair in passing and took a banana and yogurt from the fridge. Their eyes followed my every move as if they were waiting for me to do something outrageous. I wasn’t quite sure what they were expecting…For me to throw up rainbows? Turn into a drag queen in front of their eyes?

  By the time, I turned around to escape the kitchen and the tense silence, my hands were shaking slightly from the undivided attention that was directed at me. I couldn’t wait to get out of there, but as I was just about to leave, my father suddenly rose to his feet and blocked my way.

  Steeling myself for the worst, I came to a stop.

  “Sit down.” He commanded.

  I knew that tone of his well enough to obey, but it didn’t keep me from snorting quietly. Even though I sat down right on the opposite side of the table, my mom somehow managed to not look me in the eye. To make it easier for her, I looked down at my hands, not able to bear the devastated look on her face.

  “So, Julian. Your mother and I have come to a decision,” my father said. He made no move to sit down. Instead, he put his hands on the back of his chair and stared down at me, probably to intimidate me with his alpha male behavior. “I think it’s clear, even for you, that this abnormal lifestyle you’ve apparently been leading without our knowledge needs to stop. We’re positive that if we prohibit it now before it can get out of hand, you can get back on the right path.”

  “And what’s that? The right path?” I asked, unable to keep the challenging tone from my voice. “Just because it’s right in your eyes, doesn’t mean it’s the right one for me.”

  Dad held tighter onto the chair, knuckles turning white. Without responding to my argument, he said, “From now on, any contact with Hunter Adams is forbidden. As is contact to any other boy, for that matter…Except for Nate, maybe.”

  I was on my feet as soon as I heard Hunter’s name. My jaw was set, my hands clenched to fists at my sides. Without even intending to, I got myself into a fighting stance. “You can’t do that!”

  He nodded with a self-satisfied smile. “Oh, I can. As long as you’re living under my roof, you do what I tell you. You’re not eighteen yet.”

  “And how are you going to keep me away from him?” I asked, fuming with rage by now. Every fiber of my being ached to slap that disgustin
g grin off his face. It was a terrifying feeling.

  I was surprised when my mother answered. Her head was still ducked, her eyes trained on her fidgeting hands, but her voice was clear when she spoke. “The girl who sent us the video, Victoria. We asked her to keep an eye out for you and tell us if you…misbehave.”

  My jaw dropped, and all I could do was stare from my dad to my mom and back for a few seconds. Not only had she just confirmed my suspicion about Victoria, but she outright said that they set her up to monitor me and report back to them.

  I didn’t even recognize my voice, cold and unforgiving as I asked, “You did what?” I looked back at my father. “You can’t do that! She only wants to keep me away from Hunter!”

  “She’s the ideal person for this then, isn’t she?” Dad sneered. “If we hear from her, we’ll think of a punishment for you. Do you understand me?”

  I swallowed, trying to keep my cool. “This is insane.”

  “This is necessary. It’s for the best,” my mom said.

  The sad thing was that she probably actually believed that.

  “It might be the best for you because that way you can just forget that I’m gay, so you don’t have to be embarrassed about it. But I bet you couldn’t care less about me in this situation. Being with Hunter was the best for me, and now, you’re taking that away from me,” I said, nearly choking on the words. Even in my own ears, the words sounded overdramatic and childish, but I found no better way to say my feelings.

  My father didn’t even seem guilty. Instead of answering, he held his hand out. “Give me your phone.”

  “I…Why?”

  “Give me your phone.” He repeated, pronouncing every word carefully. “I don’t want you to text or call him.” When I didn’t react, he stepped closer. “Julian, you don’t want to provoke me right now.”

  I gulped and handed him my phone. He took it and to my horror, opened it by pressing the on/off button. Hunter’s previous messages were still on the screen.

  My father snorted and read the last one out loud, “Good morning, sunshine. Hey, do you think I should call you that from now on? Can’t wait to see you later…”