Valerie

by Richa Resa

  "How are you feeling Val?" Dad's worried expression tugged at my heart. I didn't want him to worry. I was fine. Things were going to be fine. I had someone to live and be happy for.

  "I'm fine dad. A bit tired but better." His face softened and worry started to vanish from his face.

  "You scared me, Val. Shay told us you are pregnant and it scared me for you. I mean you were drinking, Val. You shouldn't be so irresponsible about your health. You have a little one to care for and I need my grandchild healthy and cute." He gave a smile and it brightened my day a bit. He wasn't mad at me. He was happy and supporting.

  "God, she just came to know about her pregnancy today herself, Bryan. Give her a rest." Carmen chided him. Dad laughed at this.

  "You are going to be alright, Val. You need a lot of rest and lot of water so that champagne leaves your body." I cut her in between.

  "I kind of heard you two talking, Carmen. I know what your doctor friend said. I will go with you tomorrow but until then I going to rest." She looked at me and then shook her head with a smile on her lips.

  "Your habit of eavesdropping never goes, Val." I laughed at this.

  "I wasn't eavesdropping you were talking loudly around me thinking I was asleep. Shay would surely agree with me on this. Where is she by the way?" I asked and my dad's face grew upset.

  "Umm, she is outside with Aiden. Lecturing and degrading him actually. She says it is her right because he is a shitty person and he saved you from hitting you head on the floor when he should have taken care of himself. Your father did a number on Aiden. His previous injuries and the new one your father gave him were enough to make a man collapse but yet he rushed to save you and that is why Shay is frying his ass." She said laughingly. Aiden saved me from falling even when he was hurt. I didn't know what to say to him.

  "He has been waiting for you to wake up. He just wants to talk you for a bit." Carmen added. She let me reel in what was happening.

  "Do you want to meet him or should I send him home. You know he will go if you want." I knew I had to talk to him at some point. Maybe I should just do it today and get it over with. I really never wanted to drag this on and have a sword hanging over my head. Stress wasn't going to be good for me and my child. I knew that well enough from all I had heard. It was better to discuss things and come to an understanding. From what Carmen said I knew well that Aiden was going to be part of my life being the father of my child. However, the line draws there. I can't marry him. I just can't.

  "Send him in." I breathed out.

  "Are you sure, Val?" Dad asked and I nodded to him. "Do you want me to stay?" And I smiled at him. He was my father and he worried so much about me. I hope I would be a good parent to my child too.

  "It's alright, dad. I can handle him." I held his hand and told him.

  "Come on, Bryan. Let's get out of here. We need to cook something healthy to feed her and her baby." She said pulling my dad and I smiled seeing them like this. I knew it well that something was going on between them. They were happy and I was happy about their happiness. They walked out of giving me peace for a moment to prepare for what was to come. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the headboard gathering my thoughts. I could sense his presence as soon as he entered the room. His scent filled the room enveloping me in his presence. I opened my eyes and he was there standing in the door frame of my room. He was applying an ice pack over his face. He really didn't look like an Aiden at all, all bruised up and face swelled. He wasn't my Aiden but when did I ever have him. He was never mine. I made a gesture of him to sit down and with hesitance, he sat on the bed near me with his head hung low. Silence fell over us. I didn't know what to talk about. The sound of our breathing was the only one that filled the room.

  "Would you have told me?" He croaked. How could I answer a question whose answer I didn't know of?

  "I don't know. I haven't thought so far about it. I didn't have the time I had just come to know about it myself only a few minutes ago. You and Shay were the first one to know besides me." I didn't look at him because if I did I would break down. There were so many memories I had with him and they would all rush back to me just from a glimpse too long.

  "I want to marry you." he breathed out. I bit my lower lip as he waited for my answer with my eyes shut close.

  "I don't want to." the words rolled out of my tongue easily. "I can't marry you, Aiden; I don't think I ever can. It will not be right to me. I can't live a life with you knowing that I will never be in it." It was the harsh truth I had to face.

  "It won't be like that, Val. I love you. I really do." I wanted to believe in them but I knew it couldn't. They were all a lie for his benefit.

  "No, Aiden, you love Laura, not me. It was never me. It had always been her. I don't need to give you any reason, Aiden. You know very well about everything because you had told me everything yourself." I could feel tears forming in my eyes but I didn't let them fall.

  "God, Val I swear to you on my life that I love you and only you. I love Laura but I love you more in every aspect. How do I explain this to you, Val. I love her the way you love Shay. She is my best friend, I care for her but no more can I think of a life with her. She doesn't hold a candle to my love for you. It has always been you. It just took me too much time to understand." His eyes pleaded with me to believe him but I couldn't.

  "Aiden, I can't believe in you anymore. You really don't know how much you have messed me up. I have this insecurity inside of me always making me doubt myself. I'm scared when someone new approaches me. All I can think about is whether they are looking for me or mistaken me as Laura. You had ruined me." Anger from pain boiled inside of me.

  "Just give me one chance, Val. One chance. I beg you." He pleaded to me getting down on his knees.

  "I can't, Aiden. I just can't. Think about me, think about the fact how hard it is upon me. How could I come out of something like this? I don't want to be made a fool of once again. I don't know who you will be looking at me or Laura. God, Aiden, I'm scared of the fact that you might even pretend that our child is your and Laura's child." As the words left my lips a painful groan left his lips.

  "Please stop, stop. I can't. I can't ever do this to you and our child, Val. Please don't degrade my love for this child and you anymore. I know I had built these insecurities in you, made you like this but please don't say any more. Don't torture me like this." He sobbed out. How hard I tried I couldn't stop my own tears to fall seeing him like that. He was on his knees crying and begging me. We stayed where we were not a word uttered. We cried together but didn't comfort each other. We both were hurting.

  "How are we going to raise our child, Val?" he questioned with his eyes to the floor. I knew from his voice he was in pain but I couldn't do a thing. I couldn't lose myself in it.

  "We will raise our child together but there will be no marriage. You will be his father in every way you want but I will not marry you. Your name will be on the birth certificate. You will be his father. I will let you be there to see our child grow, be there in every step of my pregnancy. I will let you be a part of my life but I can't let you be a part of my heart. I just can't let you ever be in there because I know you will hurt me ultimately." I said looking anywhere but at him because I knew his eyes were at me. His teary eyes were piercing me from the inside, making my heart bleed.

  "Then what will we be, Val?" Why was he asking me such questions right now? Didn't he know how hard it was on me? I took my time to answer it. We won't be married, not husband and wife but parents.

  "We will be friends, who are having a kid together. We can build our friendship and be the parents our child needs but nothing more than that. All I can give you is my friendship Aiden, that's all." It was all I could give him and even that wasn't easy for me. It was hard on me but I knew I had to do it not for my sake but for my child, the life growing inside of me.

  "Do you really want this Val? Please look in my eyes and say you want this." He pleaded me while crying. "Please," I loo
ked at him and our eyes clashed. They were filled with so much pain and regret that it was unbearable to even look at them. I had to turn away from him and I did.

  "No, no please don't do this Val. Just please look at me and tell me you want this. Please tell me just this once. Just for once tell me." He begged me with pain in his voice. With stone on my heart I looked at him and what I saw made me break. He was burning in an agony, he was broken and I didn't know this man at all.

  "I want this." I breathed out. My words trembled. It was so hard to say those three words. It felt like I was killing a part of me. Fresh tears fell from both of our eyes and seeing each other broke us but we couldn't do a thing. I need to do something. I needed to take a step. My shaking hand reached for his beaten face.

  "We will be alright, Aiden," I told him but I didn't how much time it would take us to be alright. He leant into my touch while crying harder. For minutes it was us like this. It felt like an eternity has passed. Composing myself, I wiped my tears away and also his.

  "Come with me tomorrow to the hospital. I have an appointment come with me and see how our child is." It was the best I could do with him. He nodded and tried giving me weak smile but it was a failed attempt due to his swollen jaw.

  "What? You invited him and not me! That's just not fair!" Shay yelled jokingly making me laugh. Even Aiden tried to give a genuine smile.

  Maybe things will be good for us. Maybe this will be my new beginning.

  Chapter 28

  Valerie

  I was on the fucking verge of blasting in anger. I knew it wasn't as hell good for my child and me, but I couldn't stop myself from getting annoyed. Really, I wanted to find a bat and beat the shit out of him.

  He just had to ruin my day and dump a heap of troubles over my head and shoulder. I felt my ears grow hot from the raging anger inside of me. He couldn't have just stopped himself from butting in my life. I gave him everything I could, and that fucker paid me back like this.

  I was so happy last week. Things were going well for me that I had at times felt like that I had landed in heaven. I had everything I could have wanted.

  I had gone with Carmen, to the doctor she had set the appointment up with. She was an excellent gynaecologist, the one who treated you like a sweet child who needed guidance. I had even taken Aiden with me even though it was not easy on me. I had promised myself that I would be civil towards him. I was not going to be back in a routine with him without having my heart guarded.

  So, as I was saying, Aiden had gone with Carmen and me. I had made sure that Aiden didn't really get into my personal space too much. I really couldn't have him touching me or kissing me. All that I could allow him was to touch my belly, and it was more than sufficient according to me. I hadn't forgiven him and forgetting what had happened, was far away, more like another solar system far.

  I made Carmen sit between Aiden and me. It was for the best for me. When the doctor took me in for an ultrasound, I asked the doctor to please allow Carmen stay with me; she was a must. Aiden being the father, was also allowed.

  It wasn't his hand I held, when the cold gel was applied to my lower abdomen, it was Carmen's. It was her whom I looked up to when I heard the heartbeat of my child for the very first time. It was just magical for me, I had this emotion inside of me, this overwhelming feeling of happiness that I couldn't describe in words. I had tears in my eyes, and everything seemed so good to me. I just felt like I had just found god.

  As the picture of my little bean pulled up on the screen, I broke down. There on the screen was my child, it was small like a peanut, but the sight just made me want to stare it at all day and night. That was my child growing inside of me, and no other thing could compare up with it.

  My whole life just lit up and I couldn't get my eyes off the screen. In that moment, that screen and my baby only existed. There wasn't anything else I wanted in my life anymore. I was beaming from ear to ear. I just loved this child, my child, and I would go to any extent to take great care of my baby. I wouldn't ever let her get hurt, never let her experience what I had to.

  I had requested to print many copies of it. One went to Carmen, one to Aiden, one to dad, and one to Shay while the last one was for me. My eyes went to Aiden; his eyes glistened with tears. I didn't reach him; I couldn't. I didn't know how to act around him now. It was difficult with my wounds still fresh. It was hard for me, and at times it felt like I was selfish.

  Everything was just fresh for now. I knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed with him to be part of my life, but it was hard to look at him and not remember the way he broke my heart. At times I would catch him staring at me with the same adoration that he had before shit went downhill between us, but then the truth would echo in my mind and made me feel like crap from inside.

  It pained me tremendously, but for the sake of my child and not wanting Aiden to miss any part of his child's life I would brave up and act like everything was okay. However, those views went flying out the window when he opened his mouth and started controlling my life.

  "What the fucking hell Aiden?" I whisper yelled at him. I was blazing in anger. If it were possible, I would have been on fire and burned him to ashes. I was that fucking mad at him.

  "Val, listen to me for a moment with an open mind. It is just for your betterment and your future." His voice gentle and calm. How the hell could he so calm while I was burning holes into him?

  "Hell, with it Aiden. How dare you try to control my life? How the hell did you think that I would be ready to do something like this? Who the hell allowed you to play god with my life?" My voice was rising with every word, enough to grab everyone's attention over us in the cafe.

  When I had come to the cafe on his begging, I thought it was to talk about our child or at most us but the blow I got left we aghast. He had called, Travis, to meet me at the cafe, and I didn't know shit about him. Laura's asshole, cunt face father couldn't fucking keep a secret and had spilled the truth. If I ever saw him I would let dad beat him blue and black and even let Shay use her baseball bat on him. He was a fucking cunt.

  "I'm not trying to do anything like that Val. He is your biological father, and I look up to him ever since my dad passed away. What Laura's father told you about him was all lie, Val? He did it deliberately just to make sure that his brother stays unhappy. He has always been like that. Travis is your father, Val."

  "He is not my father, Aiden. Bryan is my father, not Travis."

  "Yeah, like he had cared for you until now." He snapped, and I wanted to strangle him. If it weren't for my baby, I would have just raged out at him there in the cafe, but I didn't because stress and anger weren't good for my baby and me.

  I took deep breathes in and concentrated on my child instead of freaking out on Aiden sitting beside him. I thought it would help, but it was of no use. He shouldn't have fucking said that. My dad wasn't a saint, but at least he was trying. He didn't need me, but I needed him.

  He told me a few days back that he has got a lot of money sitting in his bank account gathering dust when I asked what the amount was. I was stunned to know it was near to two million. I had more like demanded him from where he got the money from and if he had money why the hell was he on the streets.

  He had sold the house and his father's farm years back. The rest was most of his savings from when he worked. He was so lost that he couldn't get himself to use that money it constantly reminded him of my mom and me. It felt wrong for him to use it for alcohol or anything else. Hence, he decided to become a beggar.

  I had looked at him as if I just saw an alien and he just shrugged. He had deposited the money to gather interest over it, and it has been more than like ten years since he made it. He recited me his account number like a pro, and I assure you I had to double check that it was my dad. He told me his bank name and the branch. We had visited the bank, and my dad had signed in various documents to reopen the account. It wasn't dead but inoperative.

  After a good hour, we got to know the
balance, and it had crossed three million. It was fucking great to know my dad was a millionaire. He had not given me the time for arguing and asked to transfer half the amount to my account. I thought I was a genius but dad overpowered me over it, he had gotten his hand on my account number.

  I simply stood there with my mouth open to let the flies in. It was terrible. He said that it belonged to me too, in a tone that left no room for arguing. When the topic of his grandchild came up, he smiled from ear to ear. He already had planned of spoiling my kid. Well, I guess my baby will be loved a lot. Now, back to the problem at hand.

  "He is my father, Aiden and don't you dare do a fucking thing against him. He is far better than Travis. You wouldn't know what it would have felt to be betrayed by the woman you loved the most. He had a lot of shit to handle, and he isn't proud to act the way he did. But now we are here. He accepts me as his daughter even though I am not his flesh and blood. He treats me as any father would do. Travis was my biological father, and he could have manned up and owned up to his responsibility, but he didn't, and he ran away. I wouldn't have ever come to know of his existence if it weren’t for Laura's father and neither would he have. Did he ever try to look for me? No. He never tried and who the hell are you to play as his messenger? Your own life is dangling, and you are fucking pissing me off. I don't think that we can even work out Aiden!" I had tried my best to control my voice, but it was of no use. I could feel strange eyes over us. I was fucking mad at him, and I wanted to get rid of him right at the moment.

  "I'm sorry Val, I didn't mean it like that. Please just listen to him for once. He is sorry for what he did. He just wants to get to know you. He is not half as bad as he was painted," he pleaded and guilt laced his voice.

  I couldn't stay there for another fucking second. Hell, with Aiden and Travis. I grabbed my bag and stood up quickly. As I turned around, I was flabbergasted. Similar eyes as mine, stared back at me. I knew who he was. My heart rate spiked as I took him in. He was my biological father, my sperm donor, and the man who ran away from me. He looked so familiar to Laura's dad but the slight difference in eyes and nose distinguished from him.