Valerie

by Richa Resa

  From the pained expression on his face, I knew he had heard my harsh words. I never expected to meet him like this face to face, but I never thought of meeting him in the first place. I could feel something in my bones as he stood before me in reality. He was the man because of whom I came into existence, but sadly he wasn't the father I wanted. He had left me when my mother and I needed him the most.

  So many things could have been different if he could have been a man enough. Maybe my mother would have been alive, but I was happy with the way things were in my life right now. Something’s are meant to be they are the way now, and I was happy how mine was. At least I had Carmen, Shay, and Dad. I was content with them and my baby is coming up.

  "Val, please just sit down and listen to him for once," Aiden's pleading tone snapped me out of my thoughts.

  "If you want to be near your child, Aiden, it will be fucking better for you to just shut up and stop sticking your nose into my life," I snapped. I really needed to cool down and stop swearing I don't want my child to say those words until he or she is twenty-something.

  "You are expecting?" The deep sound of my father with happiness in it, drew my eyes to him. His eyes looked at me with so much love, and kindness and tears were glistening in them. It hurt me a bit to see him like this even though I didn't know him. He had brought this upon himself I remembered. It was his decision to walk away from me, not the other way around.

  "Look Travis, I really don't have much to say to you because I initially don't know you and you won't believe, but it is hard for me to think of you. A lot of things have happened in my life, and I had faced them up all. I didn't become a coward like you did. I don't know what went through your mind back then, but it would have been great if you had stuck around. And please don't send people with a recommendation to talk to you. I think you should find your courage now. I’m really sorry for what you have heard." I paused, looking at him as I tried to remember every feature of his face.

  "I have to go. Forgive me, for being harsh. It wasn't my intention to be," my voice was low and gentle. I didn't take my anger on him that Aiden had riled up in me. Like I told I didn't know about him and from what Aiden has said Laura's father had painted a wrong picture of his in front of me. I respected my elders and something inside me didn't allow me to snap at him.

  His eyes grew sad, and I felt bad for him. Remorse and guilt were swirling in them. I just didn't know what else could I say to him. He had left me alone without caring about me for even a second, but even Bryan did the same. I couldn't understand which one the worst was out of the two.

  The more I stared at him, the more I realised that both him and Bryan were painted with colours of sin and breaking my heart. Was I fair to Travis or not? My attention got stole away, by Aiden who was trying to reach for my hand. I backed away, and instantly hurt masked his face.

  "And you Aiden. Stay the fu- Stay away from me for next forty-eight hours, or else you wouldn't like what I do." I lashed out at him and mentally patted my back for not swearing.

  Progress it was. Taking a lost look at Travis I walked past him and with each step I felt this awkward feeling inside of me and it made me, uncomfortable and sad.

  Please show me the right way, God.

  Chapter 29

  Valerie

  "So, Aiden isn't coming today?" Shay asked sitting beside me. I had been like hell mad at Aiden and who wouldn't be. He was mingling in my personal business. It had become a daily routine for Aiden to drop by at my house every evening before he went to his. He didn't want to miss any part of our child growing, even if it was in my tummy but after what happened today I had to cut him off.

  I swear, if I saw him, I would say things that I would definitely regret. I didn't have control over my emotions nowadays. I was a mess emotionally. Well, that is what pregnancy would do to me. I would feel hundred times more emotional than I normally did. The doctor had told me with sweet words, Welcome to pregnancy! Note the sarcasm.

  "Did you not listen to me, Shay? I told him to stay away from me, and you are still asking me that dumb questions." See, this is what pregnancy is doing to me. With a frown on her face, she looked at me without blinking.

  "I'm sorry, it's just the-."

  "Hormones," She completed my sentence. Nodding to her I reached for the cup on the coffee table, and my face scrunched up when I sipped what was in the cup. It wasn't coffee but tea, which I really didn't like. Carmen was persistent that I drank only tea, and not dare drink a cup of coffee. I was reminded again and again that this was for keeping my baby safe and sound and any fight inside of me for coffee died soon.

  "So, how does your biological father look like?" She sat beside me on the couch with legs tucked beneath her just like me.

  "Hmm, much like Laura's dad but his with eyes like mine and nose too. It is tough to differentiate between Laura's dad and him. But one look at him, and I knew it was him. Each of my bone screamed at me that it was him, that he was my father. I did feel a connection which I can't deny. His eyes were pleading and filled with pain and somewhere deep inside, it hurt me seeing him like that. Maybe it is just the daughter-father thing which comes from inside emotionally."

  "I get that. Remember the reason why I don't go and meet my dad? I could feel that connection, his sadness, his pleading. When I was young, all I felt was disappointment that came from him. I just can't go to him; I hate even talking to him. Now if we talked, I could hear the guilt and plea in his voice, and it would pull down my walls. However, I still have that connection even if I hate him the most. He just never gives up I don't know what will take for him to just give up. I don't want to talk to him or have any connection. I mean who blames an eight-year-old for a sudden drop in the company share prices and lock her up in a bathroom early morning?" She shuddered remembering it. I held her hand and smiled at her.

  "I think we both had bad luck in the father department, Shay." she chuckled at this.

  "Bad luck in father department?" Carmen queried while coming with her cup of coffee. God, how much I craved coffee.

  "You aren't getting any," Carmen told me as she caught me staring at her cup longingly. Two weeks without coffee was killing me, but it was worth it, for my child.

  "What you both talking about?" She asked as she settled on the recliner with her warm cup.

  "She met her biological father, Travis, for the first time today, thanks to Aiden. He set it all up." Carmen's eyes grew wide at this.

  "And she banned him from coming here or anywhere near her for the next forty-eight hours." Shay was enjoying it, the wide smile on her face gave her away.

  "I pity him, but he kind of deserves it," Carmen's words made me laugh.

  "Oh boy that he does," Shay agreed, and we had a good laugh at it.

  "That aside how did it feel meeting him?" Carmen asked with her eyes fixed on mine.

  "I can't exactly say how I felt. It was just overwhelming. I was mad at Aiden as hell for trying to put his nose in my business. I think I might have pushed some of my anger on Travis too even when I tried my best not too. I could clearly see the guilt and remorse in his eyes, and it freaked me out. I didn't know what to say to him. I could feel a connection for sure but then the fact that he left me even when he knew about me kicked in, and I could feel the bitter taste of betrayal in my mouth. Does that even make any sense? I mean how did he even betray me when I didn't know about him? I think he just betrayed his own flesh and blood by never acknowledging me and not giving me a chance. When he came to know about that, his eyes were happy glistening with tears and kindness and love lurking in them. Were they this happy when he came to know about me? I don't think so." I was lost in my own thoughts and talking my heart out.

  "You know Aiden slipped on the fact that even Bryan wasn't a good dad. I kind of blew up at him because of it but when I think about it right now, maybe he's right. They are kind of both cut out from the same cloth. I can put both of them on the same scale. But still, I can't put all of the blame on them, m
y mom had a share in it too. I mean, if she hadn't met Travis, maybe this whole trouble wouldn't have stirred up in our lives, but then, I wouldn't have been here. Bryan knew everything, but somewhere he hurt me too. I mean I don't think a small child has to live in a place like a brothel which, I assure you my home had become. I still remember the day when I found my mother dead with her wrists sliced open and tear streaked ashen face." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered that day clearly.

  "The fucked-up fact was seeing and hearing my father fucking some bitch that night. It hurt back then, I loathed him and hated him then. You can't imagine how scared I was when his friends would come to the house, some eyeing me up. The house reeked of sex and alcohol. I didn't have anyone to protect me and keep me safe. I couldn't sleep with the fear that someone would come up my room. Even the lock on my door didn't assure me. Dad was always wasted or fucking some two-dollar whore. The only thing I was thankful for, was the fact that he was there to kick out his friend when he tried to come at me. Somewhere, I saw the dad I once had, but it vanished too quickly when he turned away from me and walked away. Two days later, I packed what little stuff I had, and hopped on a bus that would take me to my granny. A little me on a bus with the hopes that she would accept me and she did. That was the day I started again. I still can't fully blame dad, you know. He loved mom a lot and knowing she betrayed him like that would have left him with a bitter taste of betrayal, but I still didn't deserve the treatment I got," I didn't know how to stop the overflowing emotions I had inside of me.

  "Travis, on the other hand, was never a part of my life. He just abandoned me at the knowledge of me. Besides that, he hasn't done anything wrong to me, but this one act could have had changed my life. I gave Bryan a second chance, but Aiden's words that Travis deserves one more chance has made my mind go mad. I just don't know what to do." I rubbed my temples to soothe away the pain in hopes that it would give some clarity but it just left me more and more lost.

  "Hey," the hand over my shoulder drew me out of my self-pity party. Carmen looked at me with sympathy.

  "Do what you feel like, but if you need clarity, hear my opinion over it. I think that the both of them are in the same boat. They both have their own level of sins that have hurt you badly. I can't just say that one is better than another. Their acts have made you this way. You can't change the past so stop thinking about what could have changed if things were different in the past. What has happened, has already happened. Right now, I want to beat the shit out of your dad, but we can't measure up the level about how he felt at that time. I'm not taking anyone's side I just don't think it had been easy on him. Travis, on the other hand, made a run for the hills. I mean, your mother might have just dropped the bomb on him and maybe he got scared, but he should have been sensible and come back. But, we don't know all about him and his history. Maybe, something might have made him react that way; we can't say it clearly. We don't even know if he had ever looked for you or not. But you really can't just shove him down just because of one mistake. I think you should give everyone a chance, Val. Bryan got one, Aiden got one, and it wouldn't be fair for Travis not to get another chance. That's what I think, but if you really think he doesn't deserve a chance or need to work more for it, then, that is up to you. It is your decision to make, not anyone else's." Carmen's word made a lot of sense. She was right in a way, but I was scared for my heart.

  It was a huge risk to take, and there was another problem about what dad would think. I saw him beat the shit out of Lauren's father. I don't want him hating me and, in the end, left with no one at all.

  "Would dad be alright with it?" My meek voice filled with desperation to get assurance.

  "Hell, he should be!" Shay's outburst snapped Carmen's and my attention towards her.

  "If he isn't, I would just make him be okay with it," Carmen winked at me as she said those words. I was not going to think how she was going to do that. Not my place. The ringing of the bell startled all of us.

  "Your dad isn't going to be here now. He has a meeting with a real estate agent at six."

  "Do you think it's Aiden? I would love to trouble him." Shay's eyes glimmered with mischief.

  "Fry him up a bit if you don't mind," She laughed while walking towards the door. I really hoped it wasn't him but someone else or maybe even dad.

  "Everything is going to turn out good. Go and see what Shay is up to. I'm sure she will fry Aiden up if he is there. If he is there, just telling him that you will talk to him later," Carmen told me as she went back to picking up the used cups. I kind of rush walked towards the door only to see Shay shutting it up with a bang.

  "Who is it?" I asked only to have her look at me with expressions like she had seen a ghost. A frown was evident on my face, and after taking her sweet time of a minute, she spoke.

  "Umm, it's Laura." God, my day can't just get any better. I really couldn't talk to her right now. Not her fault but after Aiden's stunt to have me meet my father. I'm all drained out. No more drama or anyone from Laura's family coming here. I would just go fucking crazy. I needed the damn peace, but it felt like it was never anywhere near me. It just couldn't be.

  The bell rang again, snapping me out of my thoughts. No, I can't have a heart to heart talk with her today. I knew she hadn't done anything wrong, but I had my dose of drama for today. Actually, I had the double dose of it.

  "I'm just going to tell her that we can talk someday later. Today, isn't the day I would like to talk to her." I took in a deep breath and motioned for Shay to get away from the door. I prepped myself for a minute before opening the door. Laura stood there and watched me sadly as I opened the door. Damn, I really didn't want to send her away like this, but I had to take care of myself too.

  "Hi, Laura." I greeted.

  "Hey, Valerie. I just wanted to talk with you if you don't mind." God, I really did mind.

  "Umm, Can we talk someday later on, Laura? Aiden had riled me up today, and I would love to have some peace of mind by myself for a while. If I don't get that, I'm sure I wouldn't be a good company for myself too. So I hope you don't mind." I won't lie, but I felt bad saying that to her because I saw that she was taking it as a rejection and rejection isn't an emotion that I liked.

  "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for all that happened in your life because of me. I have no other intention. I just wanted to talk to you about things and Travis." As the word Travis left her lips, I closed my eyes and breathed out.

  "Does Travis know you are here?"

  "No, he doesn't. but-"

  "Then I think you should just leave, Laura. Aiden already tried to set up a meeting with him without my knowing and it didn't go well. I think all of you should just leave me alone. I will decide when I would like to talk to him on my own. Anyone trying to interrupt us is just going to lead it nowhere and make me hate him even more than I do right now. I think you should just go."

  Giving me a weak nod, she agreed upon it. I was closing the door when I caught a glimpse of another person. Laura was trying to say something to me. I couldn't have closed the door anymore hastily. Really, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed a day of silence, ice cream and being lazy.

  Another ring had Shay's and my eyes grow wide. Goddamnit! Laura was fucking persistent. Couldn't she get the idea that I wanted peace and didn't want to talk to her now? God, what would it take her to understand?

  "I'm going to give her a piece of my mind and have her running for the hills for the day." Shay angrily whisper yelled and with a gentle tug, pulling me away from the door. I didn't stop her, I just couldn't. The baby and I needed peace.

  "Can't you get the notion that she doesn't want to talk to you?" Shay kind of yelled. It wasn't angry but dangerous. Her voice was low and threatening.

  "Maybe she could talk to me." An unfamiliar voice spoke up, forcing me to see who it was, leaving me stunned. If Aiden had sent her, I would kill him with my bare hands.

  Chapter 30

  Valerie

  "He
llo, I'm Aiden's mother, Rose. I really hope that you could really fit in some time for me." Aiden's mother had this hopeful look in her eyes that I couldn't say no to. I assure you it was all the fault of my hormones. I missed being me. The bitchy me to be exact, the one who didn't flow with the emotions. I stepped aside making way for her.

  "Who is it dear?" Carmen came asking.

  "It's Aiden's mother." My words came out dry. I really wasn't looking forward to this meeting and if Aiden would have sent her here I would be kicking him down from his penthouse. He was getting on my nerves.

  "Oh, come on in then." Carmen took over from there making Laura and Rose comfortable in my living room. I guess peace and I aren't going to exist in the same universe for a while. We all settled down in the living room which I would say became too crowded for me. I waited for someone to say anything but nope not a word was uttered and it did really irritate me. I mean, talk if you want to rather than this uncomfortable and awkward silence.

  "I don't know how to say this but I'm really sorry about what my son did. I didn't raise him to be this person, but I think somewhere it had been my fault for what happened." Her words didn't only break the silence but also had my interest quipped.

  "Laura's mother and I have been childhood friends. Our families are close. When Laura was born we, ourselves had paired Aiden and her together. I mean Aiden was protective of her, I made him that way, and never put a halt to it. As they grew, we never tried to pull them apart just push them close. Laura's mother and I were pretty sure that Aiden and Laura were getting married, we were so sure that we were just ready to plan their wedding but then Drew came and Laura fell hard for him. Aiden was heartbroken, he felt betrayed, but he loved her. So, he let her have the happiness she desired. It was hard for him to leave her but he did. He had this hope in him that she might choose him but she never did even when she came out of her coma. Aiden had been the only person who never left her side and yet she didn’t choose him. It was the last resort maybe." I could see Laura's eyes glistening with tears while looking at her but Rose's eyes were set on me.