LOL #3 Romantic Comedy Anthology

by Anthology

  Danielle’s stomach growled, which made them all laugh. She was only doing this prank to eat. She wasn’t romantically interested in the man sitting by himself in the dining room, or so she believed.

  She’d gotten a good look at him on her way in. He was the key-tossing jerk, tall and broad-shouldered, with sandy-brown hair, emerald eyes, and great posture. He’d looked lonely, sitting at a table with only bread rolls and a martini for company.

  He didn’t know that the woman he’d been scheduled to meet had called the restaurant to say she couldn’t make it. His blind date had been thorough in the message she’d asked the resort staff to pass along, even saying, “Tell Carter I was so looking forward to meeting him after hearing so much about him from his lovely sister, and I deeply regret having to cancel.”

  From that very informative phone message, the Canadian bartender who’d taken the call had accurately surmised the date was a blind date. She loved shenanigans as much as any of them, and within minutes, the prank fell into place.

  Yes, it was the sort of thing they could all get in trouble for if they were caught, but it was unlikely they’d be fired. Peak season had begun, and the lodge owners would be reluctant to fire a dozen staff members and be short-handed and scrambling. The gang’s job security depended on having everyone be involved in these pranks.

  “Knock ‘em dead,” the bartender said to Danielle as she applied the finishing touches to her makeup.

  “To be clear, I’m only doing this because I’m so hangry,” Danielle said.

  The other girls exchanged knowing looks.

  “There won’t be any funny business with the rich jerk,” Danielle said.

  They handed her a long wool jacket to wear over the dress, then pushed her toward the side door that exited the building. To preserve the illusion she was this man’s blind date, she would enter via the front door.

  Once outside, Danielle stood underneath the immense sculpture of the elephant that jutted out of the building high overhead. She looked up at its silhouette against the starry night sky and realized she was forgetting something.

  The elephant was covered in snow. It was her job as the valet parking attendant to get up on the roof every few hours and sweep the snow off so it didn’t suddenly dump on people passing underneath, but she’d forgotten.

  Her whole evening had been off-kilter. Back at the house she shared with her dozen roommates, she’d decided to make herself useful before her valet shift began, and cleaned out the wood-burning fireplace on the house’s main floor. She’d gotten ashes and soot all over herself from dealing with the cinders, then barely had time to clean up before work. In her haste, she’d forgotten to bring her packed meal and snacks, which led to a growling stomach and susceptibility to bad ideas.

  Now she was wearing a gorgeous outfit, about to enjoy a sumptuous meal from the menu, with a handsome man. She’d be lying to him, but he was a key-tossing jerk.

  She walked into The Snowy Elephant, handed her coat to the attendant in exchange for a wink, then walked to the table. Her breath caught in her throat. Up close, the man was so much more handsome than she’d prepared herself for.

  Danielle had seen attractive men before, and powerful men, but rarely had she seen this particular combination. Carter didn’t look like a real person, but like the gorgeous actor hired to play him in the Hollywood movie.

  She could happily be in love with a man like this, and he wouldn’t even need to love her back. In fact, it would be better if they didn’t interact beyond this evening. She would happily love him from afar.

  He quickly stood up, as a gentleman of good breeding does, and looked into her eyes. His emerald green eyes seared their way to her soul. He saw right through her disguise, or so it felt to Danielle. She’d been wearing the Hat of Invisibility so much, she’d forgotten what it felt like to be truly seen.

  This was a bad idea, her brain screamed. Run away!

  She might have turned around and run away, abandoning the prank, but a force more powerful than her anxiety drove her forward.

  This unseen force was not her growling stomach, nor was it her desire to entertain her friends—though both of those things were powerful in their own way.

  The extra bit of courage she could feel was a swirling vortex of energy—a magical spell that most people call… hope.

  Were you expecting love?

  Hope comes first.

  5.

  Carter didn’t reach out his hand, but glanced with embarrassment down to the table. He had taken all of the bread rolls and used broken bits of the toothpicks from his martini as an internal support system for a bread roll tower.

  “That’s interesting,” Danielle said as she took her seat. “Your sister didn’t mention your interest in pastry-based architecture.” Danielle didn’t know his sister at all, but the Canadian bartender had filled her in on the pertinent details from the man’s absentee blind date.

  He sat across from her and dazzled her with a happy, surprised smile.

  “You’ve got to be Elle,” he said. “I’m so glad you made it. I was beginning to worry you’d been dragged off and eaten by the yetis of local legend.”

  You’ve got to be Elle.

  Did she? Did she have to be Elle?

  Could she actually follow through with the prank? Lying seemed so much easier in theory than in reality. Sure, she had a decade of experience as a corporate liar in the marketing sector, but she’d taken this job to get away from that.

  The sandy-brown-haired, handsome man reached across the table with an outstretched palm.

  “Carter,” he said. “As you know. And I’ll have the waiter bring us some bread that hasn’t been manhandled. It’s actually nice to meet you, Elle.”

  Actually? What was he expecting?

  They shook hands, and Danielle’s brow knitted over being called Elle. Was she really lying by saying she was Elle? It was a portion of her name. She loved the French-ness of it, the femininity. She typically got called Dani, or Dan, or That Girl Who Poured Ketchup on Herself.

  Elle. Perhaps this prank could turn into more than just an interesting story. Perhaps she could become Elle, this glamorous girl who showed up late—but fabulous—for blind dates with handsome bachelors.

  While Danielle contemplated new nicknames, Carter pinched his arm to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He’d only agreed to this blind date because he was so bored after a few days at the resort by himself. He’d planned to misbehave to get his sister off his back, and had been thinking up rude and disgusting ways to end dinner early. Building a tower out of bread rolls and getting drunk on martinis was the first phase of his plan.

  But all Carter’s juvenile plans evaporated as he stared at the lovely woman across from him. She was different from all the girls he’d dated. For one thing, she wasn’t a girl, but a grown woman. And she seemed almost wise, like she knew who she was. She just seemed so… honest.

  The air around Carter swirled with energy, and he felt something shift inside him. He wanted to change. He wanted to hope for love.

  Maybe.

  Carter signaled for the waiter, who came and removed all the bread rolls. He heard a whimper from across the table.

  “You seem dismayed,” Carter said to his date.

  “Just famished. I would have eaten those rolls, broken toothpicks and all.”

  The waiter assured them he’d be right back with more, and asked if she’d like a drink. Danielle stared at the plump, green olive in Carter’s empty martini glass.

  “That olive looks delicious,” she said with a watering mouth.

  “Two martinis,” Carter said to the waiter, “And one each of the house appetizers.”

  Once the waiter was gone, Carter said, “I hope you don’t mind me ordering for both of us. I usually dine alone. Please forgive my bad manners.”

  She shrugged. “As long as I get to eat, I’m happy.”

  “I love your honesty.”

  She coughed and made a funny face befor
e reaching for her glass of water.

  He leaned forward suddenly, staring at her dress like he’d just noticed something surprising.

  “You’re dressed in yellow,” he said, then narrowed his eyes as though she’d done something terrible.

  Uh-oh, Danielle thought.

  She didn’t like this suspicious look on Carter’s handsome face. As he scoured her face and upper body, she panicked. He recognized her as the valet who’d parked his car.

  “Have I done something wrong?” she asked innocently.

  “Very funny,” he said with a snort. “I knew you were too perfect. Someone put you up to this. The whole thing, yellow dress and all.”

  She took a deep breath, holding it while her eyebrows raised higher and higher. Of course he knew. He’d chucked his keys right at her face, and everyone knew there was no such thing as a magical Hat of Invisibility.

  “I’m not stupid,” Carter said. “I can tell when someone’s pulling a prank.”

  Danielle let her breath out with a sigh.

  “Yes,” she admitted. “It’s another one of our classic pranks. I’m very sorry.”

  She meant to explain more about the prank, and how it had been the idea of the kitchen staff, but she was too weak from hunger, so she just slumped in the chair and tried to blend with the background.

  “You prankster,” he said with a snort. He seemed more amused than angry.

  She met his snort with one of her own. “Pretty stupid, right?”

  “Totally stupid,” he said with a relaxed laugh. “The elephant, plus the yellow dress. If I hadn’t had those two martinis, I would have known immediately.”

  “It was worth a shot,” she said with a shrug. “A girl’s gotta eat. Know what I mean?” She winked.

  “A girl’s gotta eat,” he repeated.

  “You’re being such a great sport about it. Some guys would complain and try to get me fired.”

  “Fired?” He gave her a confused look.

  “Never mind.” She laughed. “I’ll just stop talking now before I give you any ideas. And I should probably be going now, leaving you.”

  “There’s no need to leave.”

  “Are you sure? You don’t hate me for being a fraud?” She laughed nervously.

  “I don’t hate you.” Carter joined her laughter with his own chuckle. Their voices blended together, harmonizing. They didn’t notice the harmony on a conscious level, but the resonance manifested as a shiver in their spines.

  She ended her laughter with a sigh. “I don’t hate you, either,” she said. “I assumed you were a rich jerk, and you are, but you’re not the worst.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said. “I have two questions. Are you single, and if you are, do you have any time to date? Not that I’m interested in dating right now. I don’t believe in love. I’m asking as a hypothetical question.”

  She leaned forward. “I am single, but I’m only sitting here because I’m hungry.”

  “That’s all you’re after? Some food?”

  “Yes?” Her answer sounded like a question.

  She couldn’t manage much more, because his emerald green eyes captivated her, reflecting the shimmering chandelier lights of the elegant dining room.

  The way he was looking at her, combined with the sensual feeling of the elegant designer dress against her skin, gave her some very complicated feelings. She ought to apologize and excuse herself immediately. But… they hadn’t even gotten their appetizers yet.

  “What brought you to this resort?” he asked.

  “A bus.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. Have you ever taken a left turn when you should have gone right and found yourself on the road?”

  “No. I make a plan and I stick to it. I don’t go for walks in the woods. I do my cardio on a treadmill while I take calls and set up more appointments. That’s why I’m wildly successful and rich.” Carter went on to boast about climbing the corporate ladder, and how he never did one thing at a time if he could do two things, or three things.

  As he spoke, Danielle was reminded of someone who’d had a similar attitude. She’d worked long hours, and expected everyone else to make the same sacrifices. It was because of the crazy multi-tasking that she’d cracked.

  Also, crunching caffeine tablets like candy and drinking illegal energy drinks had certainly contributed.

  Carter kept talking about his corporate achievements, wrongly assuming she’d be impressed with his ambition. With each buzzword—growth hacking, responsive design, organic reach, discoverability, millennials—Danielle felt a nausea rising, along with a craving for those sickly sweet canned energy drinks.

  She’d pushed her chair back and was preparing to run when the waiter returned with their martinis and appetizers. The waiter’s name was Terry, and he was in on the prank, and possibly some side bets. Terry gave her a forceful glare and used his foot to shove her chair back toward the table. Yes, he had money riding on the date lasting a bit longer.

  She gave Waiter-Terry a wide-eyed glare of her own, then grabbed the martini he’d brought and tossed it back in two swallows.

  Danielle had never been a drinker, not even in her corporate days, because alcohol made her feel relaxed, and she preferred feeling wound up like a spring. She immediately regretted the martini-guzzling, but wouldn’t let the pain show on her face. Sure, the booze tasted like something you’d use to remove stubborn sticker labels from new stemware, but she was cool. As she struggled to not let her eyes water, she could feel the stares of all her coworkers, watching from their places throughout the dining room. They were all so young. She had to play it cool, or they’d think she was old and uncool.

  “Mmm,” she said. “I do love a good martini.”

  “Game on,” Carter said, and he downed his martini as well.

  The smell of the appetizers made Danielle’s mouth water. The hot food sat between them, looking inviting, so they began to eat.

  “These are so good,” Danielle moaned over the appetizers. “I’ve never had these without charred black bits.”

  Carter wasn’t as excited by the jalapeño cheese-poppers. He’d been hoping for more of a fine dining experience, but he did enjoy seeing the joy on Danielle’s face.

  When she ate a jalapeño cheese-popper, her cheeks flushed, and Carter noticed she did a cute thing where she waved her hands like fans, as though that would reduce the mouth-burn from the capsicum in the peppers.

  Everything his blind date did, from the way she ate deep-fried appetizers, to the way she looked at him out of the corner of her eyes as she sipped her next martini, was captivating. He’d never met anyone like her.

  He couldn’t look away from Danielle, who was now shoveling cheese-and-bacon-covered potato skins into her mouth like the world was running out of potatoes.

  He loved watching her eat. She was hungry, for cheesy potato skins, and for life. She was an enthusiastic, lusty woman, and watching her enjoy the appetizers thrilled and scared him. His life was all restraint and order, and this dangerous woman posed a threat.

  They finished the appetizers, and started their main courses. Danielle made sex noises over the hot food, and they both laughed. Carter got more comfortable and relaxed, even without touching his next martini. They talked about the food and the weather that day, then exchanged stories about their nieces and nephews.

  Danielle found it strange that Carter spoke of his nieces and nephews as though she knew exactly who they were, but she chalked that up to him simply loving them so much.

  She smiled and leaned in when he told her about his niece, Sadie, who slept with a teddy bear in addition to the family’s pepper grinder. He’d taken her to see The Nutcracker, and when she got home, she decided the pepper grinder was basically the same thing as a nutcracker, and she “luuuuuurved him so much.”

  Laughing, Danielle pointed to the pepper grinder on the table and said, “You have to admit, he is handsome.”

  Carter stroked
his fingers down the side of the tall wooden grinder. “This one’s curvy. Are we sure it’s not a female?”

  He met her gaze, and Danielle felt the tender caress along her own curved sides. He felt it too, and kept fondling the pepper mill for a full thirty seconds.

  After dinner, Carter signaled to someone and said, “Espresso, if you will.”

  Danielle followed his gaze to a clump of resort staff, all of whom were watching and grinning. She broke out in goosebumps. She’d forgotten about the prank, but now the spell was broken. She looked down at her curves, spilling out of the low-cut yellow dress, and yearned for her comfortable loose clothes.

  “I guess this is it,” Danielle said as she pushed her chair back and prepared the leave the table. There was nothing left for them, since it wasn’t a real date.

  “Don’t you dare run off,” he teased.

  She ran her hand over her amber hair. “Thank you for being such a good sport. I’ll pay for my half of the meal, of course.”

  “No. I’ll pay. I’m a rich jerk, remember?”

  “Thank you.” She pushed her chair back another inch.

  “Are you ready for the next part, Elle? I thought we could go for a walk.”

  “You’re still calling me Elle,” she said.

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  She gave him a perplexed look, then got to her feet. She gave Carter a wave goodbye and went off in search of her coworkers.

  6.

  After Danielle left the table, Carter sipped his espresso and paid the bill, but made no move to leave the restaurant.

  He thought she was simply off freshening up for the next phase of their date. Carter used his time to check his phone for messages. He had over two hundred unopened emails.

  He started powering into them, burning through a hundred in record time. He didn’t even type out full sentences as responses. He just wrote YES or NO or OK.

  When he reached a message from a woman named Elle, he assumed his pretty blind date was currently sending him a message from wherever she was.

  Elle: Sorry I’m taking so long!

  He raised his eyebrows at the message. She was texting him from the washroom to apologize for the time she was taking?