Volume 5 - The Rampage of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  Koizumi followed suit after me.

  “We’ve been very blessed.”

  “No no, it’s nothing.”

  Asahina-san ducked her head as she fidgeted her fingers about.

  “I don’t know how they turned out… Don’t be too surprised if they taste bad.”

  It would be impossible for these to taste bad. Any food that is carefully prepared by Asahina-san’s golden touch, regardless of when and where it was made and what the materials were, is a delicacy of the mortal realm. After all, it boils down to ‘Whodunit’ of the 5W1H (what, who, when, why, where, how) at that point.

  As such, I was touched beyond words at being able to enjoy Asahina-san’s hand-made club sandwiches, such that I couldn’t distinguish whether they tasted bad or not. Basically, anything she makes is great. For that matter, even the warm Japanese Tea that she poured forth from her thermos, although not a good match for the sandwich, was truly heavenly. Even the sweet drops of dew from her body made me feel refreshed.

  Haruhi swept through her share in a moment, as if she were desperate to dissipate the body heat she had accumulated.

  “I am going to swim for a bit. Come to swim when you’re all done.”

  After this order, she jumped right back into the pool.

  That woman was remarkable, moving about as if nobody were there when in fact obstacles were about in every corner. From the looks of it, it seemed that the theory of human evolution undersea was not without merit. I believe that even if Haruhi’s ancestors were tossed onto the surface of the moon with nothing but their garments they would somehow survive.

  Later on, save for Nagato who was dining in a pristine manner, we remaining three drifted toward Haruhi as if we were sea dogs hungry for mates. This time around, Haruhi and the group of elementary schoolgirls were playing water volleyball together.

  “Mikuru-chan! Hurry up and come here!”

  “Yes.”

  Seconds after nodding her head, Asahina-san was hit by the speeding volleyball of steel from Haruhi and sank into the water.

  Koizumi and I emerged from the pool only after an hour had passed as we lay around the shores of the pool, crushed by the energetic screeching of toddlers.

  No matter how I look at it, we simply don’t fit in here. Just what is Haruhi thinking, picking of all places this municipal pool that barely has any amenities? I’m not asking for water slides, but there should be more suitable facilities for us to go to.

  I know that the skin will quickly accumulate melanin under blazing sunlight; as soon as I thought of whether or not Nagato was scouting about in order to find a place to sun tan, I saw that small, silent girl with short hair sitting perfectly still by the shade where our stuff was, gazing at the sky with those sharp eyes of hers.

  It was an image that always seemed to be the same: the vision of Nagato sitting still as a doll, constant regardless of her whereabouts.

  “Hmm?”

  A slight sense of perplexity overtook my heart and vanished in an instant. The bizarre sensation had returned. Just for a brief instant, I felt as if Nagato were bored, and I had a sense of déjà vu. Moreover, I seemed to have some familiarity with what was to come after this. Oh yeah, Haruhi will say something along the lines of—

  “These two are members of my brigade. If I say east they dare not say west. Come to them if anything comes up.”

  I looked back toward the pool to discover that Haruhi had appeared before us with a horde of little girls.

  Asahina-san lay her chin on the surface of the water and shut her eyes, perhaps exhausted from playing with the hyperactive elementary school kids. The brimming Haruhi, more carefree than the elementary kids, stared at the glimmering stars and said this to Koizumi and me:

  “Join the fun! We’re gonna play water polo and we need two guys as goalkeepers.”

  Just as I think of asking what the game’s like and what the rules are, my sense of familiarity vanishes.

  “…Umm.”

  I gave a half-assed reply and stood up. Koizumi joined in with the children with a smile on his face.

  That sense of familiarity had totally disappeared.

  Umm, never mind. This sort of thing happens. I often feel as if I’ve seen certain scenes from some dreams normally, plus I’d been to this pool when I was a kid. It might’ve been that my memories back then were overlapping with the present. Otherwise, it would seem that my brain’s data transmission program had developed a minor glitch.

  I pushed aside a dolphin shaped swim ring as I hurried after the beach ball that flew away from a head-on impact.

  We left the municipal pool only after we were dead tired. Even on the trip back, I still had to repeat that three-rider trick as Koizumi kept up his Gemini tale of youth. This undoubtedly makes one’s heart tremble with no end.

  Asahina-san sat at the back of the seat with the elegance of a lady, with her white skin amplifying those flushes on her face. My fledgling heart rumbled all the more when one of her hands wrapped around the waist of the rider. If I were to stick my ears to them, I just might have heard the howls of the wind that brushes through the barren ground and slices across the sky.

  Following Haruhi’s directions, I turned left and right on my bicycle and ended up at the station where we met.

  Ahh, I see. I have to treat everyone out of my own pocket.

  As soon as we found our seats at the café, I placed a small cold towel atop my head and collapsed on the chair. Meanwhile-

  “I have decided on a plan for our next activities, so let’s take a look.”

  Haruhi put a sheet of paper down cautiously and pointed at it with her index finger for us. This was a sheet of A4 torn from a notebook.

  “What is this for?”

  Haruhi replied slightly proudly.

  “This is a plan on how to spend the few remaining days of summer.”

  “Whose plan?”

  “Ours, it’s the special SOS Brigade summer activities version!”

  Haruhi finished her cold drink in one gulp and continued after requesting a refill:

  “I suddenly realized that there’s only two weeks left before summer is over, which shocks me. This is terrible! There are still so many things that should’ve been done, and we’ve got so little time now. As such, we have to make up for it right this instant.

  The following lines of text were present on Haruhi’s hand-written proposal.

  ○ Must-do Events of Summer Vacation

  ▪ Summer Co-ed.

  ▪ Pool.

  ▪ O-bon.

  ▪ Fireworks Show.

  ▪ Part-time Job.

  ▪ Stargazing.

  ▪ Shooting Practice.

  ▪ Bug Catching.

  ▪ Test of Courage.

  ▪ Other.

  Summer fever.

  Most likely, some kind of tropical disease was spreading from some unknown jungle and had started to infect humans through media such as mosquitoes. I felt rather sad for the “medium” that had bitten Haruhi. Perhaps it died of food poisoning.

  The “Summer Co-ed” and “Pool” had already been crossed off the list, probably because they had long been done.

  Of course, that also meant that Suzumiya Haruhi would have every single one of these activities done within two weeks. Then there was the “Other” field. I wonder if it means that Haruhi still has things planned?

  “I can only think of this much. I will add to this when it comes to me. Mikuru-chan, anything you want to do?”

  “Umm…”

  I looked at Asahina-san, who was deep in thought, trying to hint a “PASS.” Oh, please, don’t come up with something extreme.

  “I would like to catch goldfish.”

  “OK!”

  Haruhi took out her pen and appended that to the list.

  Afterwards, she asked both Koizumi and Nagato for input. Nagato shook her head a little, while Koizumi refused with a smile. They have done the right thing.

  “Sorry, may I take a look at t
his?”

  Koizumi finished his iced coffee au lait in a hurry, and gave the list a thorough read-through. He seemed to be thinking of something, but was slightly lost in it… wonder what he’s thinking about.

  Nagato was sipping her cola through her straw for some time –

  “Thank you.”

  Koizumi put the so-called plan back onto the table and kept his thoughts going. Just what is he up to?

  “We’ll start tomorrow. Let’s meet in front of the station! Anyone know a place nearby where an O-bon festival is going to take place? A fireworks festival is fine as well.”

  Couldn’t you at least do your research before proceeding?

  “I will look into it.”

  Just like Koizumi to clean up after her.

  “I will contact Suzumiya-san as soon as I have obtained the information. We are after O-bon and fireworks festival locations for now, right?”

  “Don’t forget about goldfish catching, Koizumi-kun. This is Mikuru-chan’s only request.”

  “Then I will do what I can to find a location where O-bon and the Summer Festival are held together.”

  “Umm, please do. I’ll leave this to you then, Koizumi-kun.”

  Haruhi finished off the ice cream that was floating about in her cup of ice coffee, and folded up her note carefully as if it were some kind of treasure map.

  Just as I was paying for the bill, Haruhi rushed out of the store like a marathon runner just before the competition. Maybe she was just storing energy and waiting until tomorrow to spend it. I hoped that she would burn it through at once and not make it last, which would save us all the trouble of cleaning up afterwards.

  The four members dismissed themselves, and as everyone started to part ways, I called for the shadow-like one of them.

  “Nagato.”

  The organic intelligent android, dressed in summer sailor outfit, turned around to answer my call.

  “…”

  She looked at me emotionlessly. You couldn’t tell if she was denying or affirming from those widened, inorganic pupils of hers on her white face.

  There was something odd about it. Although Nagato had always been emotionless, I still felt that there was something odd about Nagato today, but I couldn’t quite put a finger on exactly what.

  “Nothing…”

  It was rather awkward to call her, and then realize that I didn’t have much to say to her.

  “It’s nothing. How are you lately? Is everything all right?”

  I really couldn’t think of a thing to say, so I was left with chitchat to break the ice.

  Nagato’s eyes blinked, and slightly, so slightly that you’d have to use a protractor to the measure the angle, she nodded.

  “I am fine.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Really.”

  Her face, which seemed to be more or less set with little motion, was somehow more concrete… No, on the contrary, it seemed to have softened… Why would I have such contradictory thoughts? I don’t get it. Maybe human perception is just that bad? It’s best to just let it slip.

  In the end, since I couldn’t think of anything to say, I came up with some parting words on the spot and left as if I were running away from Nagato.

  I felt that it was probably for the best for some reason. I rode my bicycle home, hit the shower as soon as I finished my dinner, turned on the T.V. when I got out of the bath, and fell asleep while watching T.V.

  Haruhi’s call woke me from my lazy sleep once more the next morning.

  The O-bon festival location had been found. It was to take place that night, and it was at the civic stadium in the city… according to her.

  How could it all work out so well? Just as I was feeling amazed at how everything fit together, Haruhi continued, saying:

  “We’re going to buy yukata together.”

  Sounds like it’s time for morning exercise class to start.

  “Originally I wanted everyone to wear them at Tanabata but I forgot about it. I really don’t know what was wrong with me. Luckily, I am saved thanks to the fact Japan has the tradition of wearing yukata for two months.”

  Who’s saved?

  Just to add, it was morning then. I was just thinking that meeting by dusk would be fine, but Haruhi had me up so early just for this matter. So, just as it was the day before, the majestic Haruhi, the pitiful Asahina-san, the silent Nagato, and the merry Koizumi all headed to the old meeting place by the train station.

  “Both Mikuru-chan and Yuki lack yukata while I forgot mine. I saw a place when I walked past the shopping district where they were selling the set complete with slippers, so we’ll just go there later and get them.”

  I looked to Asahina-san and Nagato, wondering how they might look in yukata.

  Sigh, it’s summer.

  Koizumi and I would do with just casuals. We’re guys; merely wearing yukata while in a hotel for the heck of it is enough. Besides, men aren’t that attractive in them anyway.

  “Yea, Koizumi-kun in a yukata would be a great fit, but as for you…”

  Haruhi looked at me from head to toe with a grimace.

  “All right, off we go.”

  She then bossed us around with her self-prepared brigade fan.

  “Destination: yukata shop!”

  Haruhi dashed headlong into the volume store, single-mindedly picked out the patterns for Asahina-san and Nagato, and then rushed into the dressing room.

  The ladies (save Nagato) had no idea how to put on the yukata, so they asked the saleswomen for help, which ate up a lot of time. Koizumi and I idled about outside the display filled with women’s fashion for a long time before the trio finally showed up in front of the dressing mirror.

  Haruhi’s yukata pattern was made up of delicate Fuso (Hibiscus), Asahina-san’s had goldfish of all colors, while Nagato’s had run-of-the-mill geometric patterns. I didn’t know which to look at first, as each of the three dazzled differently.

  The clerks glanced at Koizumi and me, perhaps guessing at “who’s the boyfriend to which of the three ladies?” A pity, for it’s neither. Leaving Koizumi aside for the time being, I was just a tag-along. Perhaps I should’ve felt some regret at the moment over this.

  Never mind that. So long as I see the yukata version of Asahina-san, I have no more regrets for my lifetime. Haruhi and Nagato each fit their attire and had their flair, but I won’t be able to do them justice if I try to describe their look.

  “Mikuru-chan, you…”

  Haruhi’s exhilaration after seeing the yukata version of Asahina-san was no less than mine.

  “You look sooo cute! I am impressed with myself, having an eye for fashion! You in a yukata can swoon 95% of all men!”

  What’s with the 5%?

  “Cause a real GAY will not be swayed no matter how cute a girl is. Please remember this: out of a hundred men, five are GAY.”

  I don’t see a point of keeping that in my mind.

  Asahina-san didn’t seem to deny her own cuteness, as she kept turning about in front of the mirror, judging her own attire.

  “So this is the traditional wardrobe of this country. Although a bit tight in the chest, it does look pretty good…”

  This would be the most formal and fitting garment out of all the costumes that Haruhi had forced onto Asahina-san. It was not nearly as revealing as the bunny-suit, nor was it as provoking as the maid uniform, for this was a normal outfit for the season, a symbol of summer, which nobody would leer at. This set matched her perfectly. It felt as if I were looking at my sister in yukata, aside from the overly voluptuous bust. However, it’s all right as long as it’s cute. Asahina-san radiated a divine glow that seemed able to purify the sins of this world. I would stand up for her even if she was the mastermind behind a bank robbery, whereas if it were Haruhi then I’m not too sure…

  The ever-changing hairstyles on the two girls sitting as still as marionettes were so awe-inspiring that I would like to have taken sequential shots with a camera in commemora
tion.

  Thanks to Haruhi calling us out early (the woman had no time management skill), there was still a ton of time left before the festival started. As such, we ended up killing time by standing around at the park outside the station. Haruhi “helped” to tie Nagato’s and Asahina-san’s hair. The ever-changing hairstyles on the two girls sitting as still as marionettes were so awe-inspiring that I would like to have taken sequential shots with a camera in commemoration. It wasn’t until sundown that we lined up at the stadium.

  The O-bon festival ground, already busy before dusk, was suddenly flocked with people coming in waves from out of nowhere. It’s unbelievable how such a crowd can be gathered.

  “Waa!”

  Asahina-san exclaimed without reservation.

  “…”

  Nagato remained emotionless to the event.

  The feeling crept back at me, but I hadn’t seen such live events often. Why is it that I think I’ve seen this before… this is the O-bon dance of all things!

  “Hmm?”

  It hit me again; this déjà vu came to me like a headache. I kept thinking that I’d been there recently, even though I was telling myself that I had not been in there for the longest time. It’s all so familiar… the platform in the center of the stadium, the outlying festival stands littered about…

  But just as I was about to catch the tattered strands of the spider web dangling in the air, the feeling vanished.

  I heard Haruhi’s voice.

  “Here’s the goldfish stand that you’ve been so excited about. Just keep scooping. You get two hundred extra points if you can get the one with black exposed eyes.”

  Haruhi dragged Asahina-san’s hand toward the goldfish tank over the stand after making up bogus rules on the spot.

  “Let’s join in. Let’s see who scoops up more!”

  I vetoed Koizumi, the game addict’s proposal. Even if I were to bring the goldfish home, I had no tank to keep it in. I had more interest in the finger-licking food stands with their tempting aroma that surrounded us.

  “Nagato, want to grab a bite?”

  Her expressionless eyes focused on me for the longest time, and gradually shifted their focus. The mask stand was in her direct line of vision. It’s hard to understand what the girl likes.