Volume 5 - The Rampage of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  Just as I was knee deep in thought on such trivial matters, Koizumi opened his mouth without warning:

  “Although we might not know Suzumiya-san’s inner desires, should we pry into her mind? For example, hug her from behind out of the blue or whisper ‘I LOVE YOU,’ or something along those lines.”

  “Who would want to go on that suicide mission?”

  “There is no more suitable individual than you.”

  “I exercise veto power. PASS!”

  “In that case, I shall attempt this.”

  I obviously missed the expression that my face might have shown. I didn’t have a mirror on me at the moment. Although Koizumi seemed to have read my mind:

  “I am joking. I lack the caliber to do so. If I really step up to the plate, it will only put Suzumiya-san into an unnecessary state of confusion.”

  The shrieking laughter that came forth from his throat ended his words.

  I fell into silence once more, staring at the bright moon that shone unabated from the melancholic night sky of summer.

  The milky way that decorates the dark canvas blinked under the sun’s reflection, seemingly inviting me to play. To where? God knows.

  I thought of all of this while staring at the shadow of a petrified Nagato, who faced the night sky.

  Summer was not yet over, but summer vacation was coming to an end—although don’t be so sure, since I don’t know if summer break will really end or not. Please spare me. Honest.

  We might very well return to August seventeenth. Just what to do in order to make Haruhi figure out just what this “thing that has not yet been done” is?

  What could she have left out? I had a mountain of summer assignments that hadn’t been touched since I brought it home. That couldn’t be her concern, as she had it done way in advance.

  Whatever should we do next?

  “Let’s head to the practice grounds.”

  Haruhi unveiled an aluminium bat, the very battered one that was taken from some baseball club one day. I never would’ve thought that she would keep the battered bat, which was better for bludgeoning than hitting balls.

  The chief tossed her hair as she waved her bat at us with a beaming smile, and led us to the batting center down the way. I bet that high school league sent some strange vibes to her.

  The specter of melancholy changed hands. It was now time for the blue, minute face of the SOS Brigade’s Asahina-san to sink deeper into the blues. Honestly, this was slightly regrettable, for she must have been longing for her own world.

  Back to the casually-paced Koizumi and Nagato, who were the spitting images of a smiley face and a stoic. Would you all get serious and not act so carefree?!

  “Hu~”

  I let a breath of air out of me, and my view became occupied by the bouncing black hair of Haruhi.

  I have no idea who decided that protecting Haruhi would be my job, which started on the day of SOS’s initiation. I will control my urge to vent my frustrations, since I can’t pinpoint who the culprit is. That said, I shall make a declaration:

  Do not praise me too highly for this job. I am but a layperson.

  Although such a monologue only exposes my inner void.

  Asahina-san was stymied. Koizumi had only smiled, while Nagato observed the surroundings silently.

  I definitely must make Haruhi do something, somehow.

  However, make her do what?

  The answer lay in Haruhi, but not even Haruhi herself had any idea as to what the source of the problem was.

  “Mikuru-chan doesn’t need to swing the bat! You just practice bunting since you couldn’t even get a hit no matter how hard you swing. Knock the ball down to get a ground ball. Ahh—don’t hit it upward!”

  The battlefield of the last baseball tournament still smelled of gunpowder. Does she intend to compete next year?

  Haruhi hogged the 130km/h batting practice net. Bang! Bang! And there went the whistle. I felt a lot better seeing her so happy. That person is definitely a prodigy. Who knows, maybe she was born with more mitochondria than anyone else; how else could she have gotten all that energy? It would’ve been great if she had spared some for charity work…

  We kept going, since no one could press the “stop” button on Haruhi’s caloric exhaustion plan.

  We even headed to the local fireworks show. The fireworks were Shaku-dama shells launched from the shore. The three donned their yukata once more, but only Haruhi was really enjoying the rockets that went “boom, boom!” as they shot up in the air and “boom boom!” as they spread across the sky. Well, only she could be laughing on her belly as she pointed at the poor caricature impressions made by the fireworks. Haruhi just loves the excess of splendor. We can only see her genuine, untainted, and very childish smile at times like these, although I took my eyes away from her rather quickly, because if I kept staring at her, who knows what I would be thinking about. As for what I might think of, I am not sure of it myself. All of this, however, gives me a lesson: one must dress for the occasion.

  A couple of days later, on a sudden whim, we joined in on the municipal Japanese Gobioid fishing competition and came back empty-handed. Our lures kept baiting some little fish that we’d never even seen, so we couldn’t even submit their measurements—although Haruhi was absorbed in the joy of luring and reeling, not in catching. This was more of a reassuring and most moving blessing than having mistakenly fetch a Coelacanth out of nowhere, since I could enjoy the hand-made bento of the now-green Asahina-san, who ran at the sight of the sandworm bait.

  This time around, Haruhi and I were baked black, creating a sharp contrast with the other two, who came with UV protection. Nagato seems to be an exception, as she just doesn’t get a tan no matter what. Great! Since a crispy brown Nagato is something that would be totally out of this world.

  That said, I knew very well that it was really no time to be enjoying myself.

  Time went by like a speeding train on a track.

  Haruhi was still filled with energy as I continued my loathing. The blue Asahina-san was now a shade of dark green, while Koizumi was beaming with his smile as if he were beyond the issue at hand. Only Nagato showed negligible difference.

  In retrospect, these two weeks have been filled with thrills.

  The deadline, however, is up. Today is the thirtieth of August, leaving only one day left for summer break. It will be over if we don’t think of something within the next two days, but I have absolutely no clue as to what to try. The summer light, the cries of higurashi… All the ingredients of summer are sources of anxiety. The high school baseball league has produced a champion, too. Why oh why can’t this last longer!?

  At least, until Haruhi is totally satisfied.

  Haruhi crossed out every single item on the list.

  Yesterday night, we marched right into a graveyard during the heat of the night as we brought the activities of summer to a close with the “test of courage.” There was no ghost fire, nor were there any phantoms. The only thing worth paying attention to was the terrified look of Asahina-san.

  “With that, everything is done.”

  It was just past noon on the thirtieth of August, and we were in the all-too-familiar coffee shop right now.

  Haruhi stared at the torn spot of the note as if she knew the whereabouts of the lost treasures of Tokugawa, with a deadpan expression that was like the pen strokes etched onto a page. She was both somewhat satisfied and unwilling to let go. I would be in her shoes, actually. There was only one more day of summer left.

  Would summer actually end? At this point I was very skeptical about that; maybe I’m too much of a skeptic. Then again, you would become schizophrenic if you had spent a couple of months in this retarded organization lead by an overemotional chief. I sincerely hoped that she would become milder, preferably like when only Asahina-san is present with me, since that would make life… Nonono, I must stop this, since we might end up going in circles from that (all puns intended).

  “Hmm- is th
at all—?”

  Haruhi kept stabbing at the vanilla ice cream adrift on her cola. She was not being very decisive.

  Nagato was silent and was quietly observing the floating lemon slice in her iced tea. Asahina-san’s hands were clutching each other tightly on her knees; she was totally defeated, like a little puppy getting scolded. Koizumi was sipping his Vienna coffee as carefree as ever.

  As for me, I had nothing to say as I hugged my chest, trying to figure out what to do.

  “Never mind. We’ve done enough this summer. We’ve been to all sorts of places, worn yukata, and caught a good share of cicadas.”

  I happen to think that Haruhi was just patting herself on the back. It’s really not like that! As-is, we’ve done enough. I felt from the bottom of my heart that Haruhi was not ready to slam the books on summer. No matter how she covered it, she was merely lying to herself. Inside Haruhi, in the deepest part of Haruhi, she yearned for more.

  “As for today.”

  Haruhi handed the bill to me—

  “It ends now. Leave tomorrow free; it doesn’t matter if you want to stay at home and rest. Let us meet in the clubroom in two days.”

  I felt very jittery when I saw Haruhi get off the chair and leave the table in style.

  We couldn’t let Haruhi go home like this. There had to be a conclusion for once. If not, then the two week span discovered by Koizumi and guaranteed by Nagato would get to its fifteen thousand four hundred and ninety-nineth round.

  But, what to do?

  Haruhi’s form receded from me in slow motion.

  Just now! It was too sudden, out of the blue, just unexpectedly—

  It came.

  This garbled feeling of “where have I seen this?” returned. This wave today came with spells of dizziness that were of an unimaginable magnitude compared to the last few times. It was a sense of déjà vu unlike any other. I knew what this was because I had lived through it thousands of times. August the thirtieth. One day left.

  There must be something in Haruhi’s words that kicked me subconsciously. Just what is it, what is it, what is it~

  “Are you all right?”

  Somebody was saying something. Koizumi’s words should offer hints, as well. Something that keeps getting delayed and has me worrying about…

  Haruhi was off her seat and ready to dash home like a hurricane. She couldn’t leave, or there would be no change to our situation. Have I done anything in the past to twist the scenario? Scene after scene ran past me like a slideshow. Everything we had done within the last two weeks…

  And—things we had not done.

  There was no time to think. I had to say something. How trivial matters not, just say it!

  “My problems aren’t over!”

  I must clarify: that’s not shouting. Looking at it with a cool head later, that would be an instant burnt in and erased from the hippocampus. The surrounding customers and staff, as well as Haruhi, who was at the automatic door, turned their heads around and looked at me.

  Words came pouring out of my mouth straight from my head.

  “That’s right, it’s homework!”

  Everyone in the shop was shocked once more with my loud declaration.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Haruhi stepped toward me as if looking at a maniac.

  “Your issue? Homework?”

  “I haven’t done a thing for the summer assignment that we were given. If that doesn’t get done, I can’t let summer end.”

  “Are you nuts?”

  She showed a look of utter distaste for idiots. Who cares, who cares?!

  “Oy! Koizumi!”

  “Yes, what is it?”

  Koizumi seemed to have gotten a fright.

  “How about you?”

  “Not at all, since we have been running about through this summer. I have about half left.”

  “Let’s do this together, then. Nagato as well, you wouldn’t have it done!”

  Before Nagato could answer, I extended my hand to Asahina-san, whose mouth was as wide open as a marionette doll in a puppet show.

  “Asahina-san, why don’t you tag along as well? Let’s get the summer assignment behind us once and for all.”

  “Ehh…”

  Asahina-san was a sophomore, so her work was different from ours, although that had no importance right now.

  “But… But… Whe… Where to?”

  “Come to my place. Bring your notes and your books and we can talk amongst ourselves while doing it. Nagato, Koizumi, let me copy whatever you two got done.”

  Koizumi nods.

  “Nagato, you in?”

  “Yes.”

  The half-beat kappa head nodded and stared at me.

  “All right! See you all tomorrow! Let’s get started in the morning. We should be able to rush through it all in a day.”

  Just as I held my fist high with an ego to match—

  “Hold it right there!”

  Haruhi, full of pride and with her hands stuck to her waist, came back to the side of the table.

  “Don’t you decide this on your own! I am the chief! You better ask me if it is OK to do something! Kyon, any member making decisions on his own accord commits a serious offense of the brigade rules!”

  With that out of her lungs, Haruhi glares at me and shrieked:

  “Count me in!”

  It was now the morning after.

  I think I have it right. As I got up from my bed, I knew that we were out of the woods.

  I knew this because I remembered that I had come back from the countryside when O-bon was over, and I could also recall memories of August from the pool and cicada hunts and so forth. Of all those memories to boot, the best of them would be yesterday’s date, clearly in my mind right now.

  Yesterday was the thirty-first of August, and today was the first of September.

  My freshest memories revealed to me that, on the last day of summer, I hosted the SOS Brigade crunch fest in this room. I recall that feeling of dazed fatigue well. It was exhausting enough having to copy down all the notes, so I can only dread the magnitude of the work had I been left to my own devices. When I hit the bunks yesterday night, my brain was sure of one thing, that being that my HP, MP, and LIMIT bars were so low that just one swing would be enough to knock me out cold in my bed.

  Yesterday, Haruhi took her pile of summer assignments to my room and shot a cold look at me, knee deep in work with my automatic pencil. Koizumi, Nagato, and Asahina-san then played with my little sister.

  “Don’t just plagiarize.”

  Haruhi continued as she was pressing the buttons on the controller and gaming with my sister:

  “Paraphrase a bit, make sure you take extra steps with the equations as well. The teachers aren’t all idiots. Math teacher Yoshizaki in particular likes to go after the gritty details. That said, Yoshizaki’s solutions aren’t exactly strokes of genius.”

  Having five people plus my sister in my room was cramped enough as it was, but adding my mom, who kept delivering lunches, desserts, and juice, only added fuel to my fire. Unlike most of us, who were close to getting carpal tunnel from all the wrist movements, Haruhi was having a great time. Just look at her! The higher-ups must look upon peons with that same smile on their face. Who knows if she’s in over her head. Haruhi actually decided to offer input on Asahina-san’s short essay. If Asahina-san comes home with a “C,” we can blame it squarely on Haruhi…

  As the trip down memory lane came to an end, I crawled my way out of bed.

  Today was a brand new beginning in a brand new term, I guess.

  This was the first time in my life that I had looked forward to the coming of the new term.

  Class had ended. The principal’s lecture was over, as was the short class meeting. Today was the first of September. I asked while in class, “What day is it?” with Taniguchi and Kunosaki giving me a look of pity. I guess it really is the first of September.

  Because the cafeteria and the
convenience store had yet to open, Haruhi headed off to the restaurant outside the schoolyard for her dining needs. The clubroom was occupied by me and Koizumi.

  “Suzumiya-san is a maestro of the Renaissance. No doubt that she was remarkable from her infancy, so this summer assignment is not a burden of any sort to her. Such a remarkable personality would not fathom having to share the work with her friends, as it is pointless given her ability to single-handedly complete the tasks at hand.”

  Having heard Koizumi’s explanation, I pulled the collapsible chair over to the windowpane. We were in the clubroom of the literature club. Today was orientation day, so we could’ve packed our bags and left, but I just felt like taking a detour in the clubroom, only to find Koizumi tagging along. The scariest and the most important thing is that Nagato was not with us. Although she didn’t show it, the summer break must have been incredibly weary for her.

  There was a change at hand over the cicada’s territorial control. Higurashi were taking over the brown cicadas. Summer was over, that I was sure of. However—

  “It’s like a dream! We’ve been through the end of August for fifteen thousand somewhat odd times.”

  “It would not be baseless to think as such.”

  Koizumi started to shuffle the deck with his beaming smile.

  “There is no common memory between us that existed within those fifteen thousand four hundred and ninety seven fortnights. They don’t exist on the same time axis. Only we who have advanced in the fifteen thousand four hundred and ninety eight iterations have returned to the time stream.”

  That might be so, but I have received definite hints, those being the sense of familiarity that struck me so many times, especially that last wave that hit me. Maybe the gifts from “us” of the previous loops stuck in the moment. Would it be odd to say that’s in the past? Whether it’d be before or in the beginning, time is just like tigerskin melted down to butter as it twirls round and round.

  Well, it is thanks to the me in the thousands of repeats that the me of today can be back on track. If I don’t think this way, then thousands upon thousands of summer days, courtesy of Haruhi, would’ve seemingly been wasted.