The Exception To The Rule

by Rinyu, Beth

  “Really? So you felt that gave you the right to do this?” he asked. “What, were you trying to punish me for not wanting what you wanted?”

  “No, that’s not at all what I was trying to do!”

  He shook his head as he looked away. “I can’t believe that you just assumed I wouldn’t want to be in his life.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to feel trapped into something you didn’t want,” I replied.

  “I missed out on five years of my son’s life because you actually thought that’s what I wanted. Why didn’t it ever occur to you to ask me what I wanted? Would I have ever known if he hadn’t gotten sick?”

  I looked away knowing that he was right - I wouldn’t be here now if Matty weren’t sick. He shook his head in disbelief, making me feel as if I had to defend my actions.

  “Right before I found out I was pregnant I was planning on calling you to tell you that I would go to Germany. I was willing to up-root my whole life, forgo everything that I wanted just to be with you. Once I found out that I was pregnant that changed everything. There were days that I had wished that you would have called to tell me that you would be willing to rethink your plan for me, but you didn’t.” I was looking for some softness in his eyes - but there was none.

  “You told me not to,” he said defensively.

  “Exactly. I thought I knew what you wanted and you thought you knew what I wanted,” I said, a little more calmly.

  “You had no right to just assume what I wanted,” he said with disgust.

  “I know that I was wrong and you can hate me if you want to,” I said with tears streaming down my face. “But Matty needs you now. Please, Julian, I’m begging you.”

  He didn’t reply and just stared at me coldly, which upset me even more. “I came here to ask you if you would be willing to be tested to see if you’re a match and to oversee his medical treatment.” I grabbed a napkin from the table and wiped my eyes. “I want you to be part of his life; to be his father. I want you to fall in love with him the same way I have.” He was unresponsive, unable to look at me.

  I quickly pulled out Dr. Fowler’s business card, which had my cell phone number written on the back, and handed it to him. He snatched it from my hand and glared at me with an unfamiliar look in his eyes. He got up from the table without saying a word and abruptly walked out the door.

  I was unsure of what to do. Part of me wanted to go running after him and beg him. I sat there for a few moments, trying to get myself together. I wished that he would come back through the door and tell me that he forgave me. I realized that this wasn’t going to happen, so I composed myself as best I could. The secret that I had harbored for all these years was finally out, and it was bittersweet.

  Chapter 26

  I arrived home as planned - just in time to tuck Matty into bed. The look on his face as I walked through the door was priceless.

  We spent my last day off together. We walked up to the bay and had a picnic lunch. I tried not to think that tomorrow would have been his first day of school. I had emailed the principal making her aware of the circumstances. I was very appreciative of her email back, telling me if there was anything that the school community could do to help out to please let her know, and that she looked forward to welcoming Matty as a kindergartener next year.

  We went back to the house to have some burgers on the grill for dinner. I was able to relax a little by taking in the sun and watching Matty play with his dump trucks in the backyard. It was the perfect day.

  Before I knew it, Tuesday was here and I was back to the same old routine of working. I felt bad, putting a heavier burden on Charles and Claire. With Matty no longer attending preschool and Samantha back at college full-time, I had no one else to watch him. I knew that they didn’t mind one bit. It was only for another few weeks. Soon Matty would be spending most of his days in the hospital.

  I stopped at the hospital to do my rounds quickly before heading into the office. I was trying to stay focused as best as I could. I couldn’t stop thinking of Julian. I was hoping that I would have heard from him once he had cooled down, but I didn’t. I had no clue if he had any intention of even calling Dr. Fowler or seeing if he were a match for Matty. I had replayed that day at the coffee shop over and over in my head trying to think of how I could have done things differently. I came to the realization that there wasn’t any good way that I could have broken the news to him, no matter how hard I had tried. I had no choice but to just go forward with Dr. Fowler’s recommendations for Matty. I was praying that I or some random stranger would be a match for the marrow transplant.

  “Well if this isn’t a coincidence,” Dr. Fowler said as I literally walked right into him coming off of the elevator. “I was going to call you as soon as I was done here. Do you have a minute now?” he asked.

  I nodded. We went into one of the empty rooms. He sat down on the bed with a serious look in his eyes, while I remained standing. I hoped there wasn’t more bad news from Matty’s test results.

  “I received a message yesterday from Dr. Kiron regarding Matty,” he said as if he were confused.

  “You did?” I asked, sounding somewhat surprised and relieved.

  “I had no idea that the two of you even knew one another,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

  “Jul—I mean Dr. Kiron and I know one another from years ago, when we were in Nigeria together.”

  “I understand you wanting to get a second opinion, but there are other doctors who are much closer.”

  “I know.” I said as I looked out the window.

  “Well then why would you make Dr. Kiron travel out here to see Matty?” he asked. “I mean don’t get me wrong, he is probably one of the most brilliant oncologists in the country, but I can assure you of what he is going to tell you.”

  “Because that’s not the only reason that I contacted him.”

  “Oh, then I don’t understand.” He arched his eyebrows.

  “He’s Matty’s father,” I said, this time looking right into his eyes.

  “Oh,” he said, surprised. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to pry.”

  “No it’s okay, you would have found out soon enough,” I said, trying to put him at ease.

  “Well Matty has another good shot at finding a match then – this is great news,” he said.

  He stood up and asked how Matty was doing. I told him that the fevers had finally subsided but he was still not himself. We walked out of the room together. He told me that he would let me know the outcome after he had spoken with Julian.

  I headed to my office, preparing myself for my first patient. Tricia popped her head in to get an update on Matty. I filled her in on my conversation with Dr. Fowler and expressed to her how anxious I was becoming to just get this underway now. The sooner Matty started treatments, the sooner he could put this behind him.

  I was finally finishing up for the day, returning phone calls and catching up on some paperwork. I was deep in thought and nearly jumped out of my skin when my cell phone rang. I did not recognize the number on the caller ID.

  “Hello,” I answered.

  “Kat, its Julian.”

  I began to feel the same familiar butterflies in my stomach at the sound of his voice.

  “Hi,” I responded.

  He was short and emotionless as he spoke. “I’ll have Matty’s records tomorrow to review. I’ll be flying out there on Thursday—are you free on Thursday afternoon to meet with Dr. Fowler?”

  “Of course,” I answered.

  I could feel the ice coming through the phone. He didn’t even say goodbye as he hung up. I knew I deserved everything I was getting but a small part of me wondered - would he ever forgive me?

  * * * * *

  I tried to remain focused for the next couple of days. I had gone for my blood test and was anxiously awaiting the results to see if I was a match for Matty. Matty had begun to run his low grade fevers on and off again over the past few days, again making me nervous and just wa
nting to get everything underway even more.

  I was running a little late with my last appointment and realized I had just enough time to make it to Dr. Fowler’s office at our scheduled time. I jumped into my car and drove a lot faster than I should have. “Damn,” I shouted by the time I had hit the third red light. I made it into the parking lot ten minutes late and hurriedly made my way in. There was no one in the waiting room, just the front desk receptionist. She took me back to Dr. Fowler’s conference room where Dr. Fowler, Julian, and another, much younger, doctor were already seated and deep in conversation. Both Dr. Fowler and the younger doctor stood up as I entered. Julian remained seated, not even acknowledging my presence. I apologized for running late. Dr. Fowler introduced me to Dr. Devin, the younger doctor. I took the only available seat, which happened to be next to Julian. I could tell that he was purposely going out of his way to ignore me.

  Dr. Devin began to speak, giving us a rundown of his credentials and medical training, sounding more like he was on a job interview. He told us that he had just returned from Switzerland, where they were coming leaps and bounds with curing the type of cancer Matty had. I could tell from the look on Julian’s face that he wasn’t impressed. Dr. Devin was talking to Julian as if he were just an average clueless parent of a child with cancer. As I listened to him speak, I noticed that he did have a lot of the same traits that Julian had when I had first met him. He was young and very driven; the only other feature that he exhibited that Julian didn’t have was a very strong characteristic of self-importance. Julian remained polite, listening to everything that he had to offer, until he began to speak of an experimental drug that they had been using on patients in lieu of a bone marrow transplant. Julian stopped him immediately upon hearing this, letting him know that there was no way that Matty was going to be a test case for some drug. Dr. Devin tried to plead his case but Julian wouldn’t listen any longer.

  “Dr. Kiron, I’ve read many articles and journal write-ups about you and you are always welcoming of new and innovative treatments,” Dr. Devin continued.

  “Not experimental drugs,” Julian answered quickly and sharply.

  “These children have been spared the physical and emotional hardship of a bone marrow transplant thanks to this drug,” Dr. Devin said.

  “And what side effects are these children going to have years from now because of this so called miracle drug?” Julian asked, clearly already knowing the answer to his question.

  “None that they can tell,” Dr. Devin said.

  “Well, I was in Germany and was introduced to these so-called types of drugs. The kids that took them are far worse off now, than if they had just gone ahead with the bone marrow transplant,” Julian said with his voice getting a little louder.

  “They have come a long way in six years,” Dr. Devin responded.

  “I have recommended Matty’s course of treatment and that is what we’re going with,” Julian said bluntly, not wanting to hear any more of what Dr. Devin had to offer.

  “What are the drugs that you’re referring to, Dr. Devin?” I asked. I felt Julian glaring at me.

  “Kat, it doesn’t matter, it’s not an option,” Julian said, finally acknowledging my presence.

  “Well maybe I would like to know what they are, Julian,” I said sarcastically.

  He shook his head at me and I could tell he was getting angrier by the minute. “You know nothing about these drugs and the side effects they will have on him for years to come.”

  “You’re right, I don’t know; that’s why I want Dr. Devin to explain,” I challenged him.

  “Oh imagine that; you’re actually getting all the facts before making assumptions,” he said callously.

  I felt my face turning hot and my anger growing. I shook my head in disgust at him as I looked across the table at Dr. Fowler and Dr. Devin, who were clearly growing uncomfortable with the exchange between Julian and me.

  “Would you mind if I spoke to Dr. Kiron alone for a few minutes?” I asked.

  They both gladly obliged as they got up and quickly left the room.

  Julian had a smug look on his face that made me even angrier.

  “How dare you sit here and insult me in front of them!” I said angrily.

  “I don’t think I was insulting you. If you’ve got a guilty conscience, that’s not my fault,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

  “You’re right—I do have a guilty conscience. I can apologize to you a million times and I know it will never give you back what I took from you.” My voice softened. “I understand if you hate me for it, but can we please come to some common ground and at least be civil to one another where Matty’s concerned?”

  He didn’t answer but I could tell he was in agreement just by the look on his face. We sat in silence until Dr. Fowler re-entered the room. He sat down slowly with a solemn look on his face. “I just got Kat’s test results—she isn’t a match for Matty,” he said compassionately.

  I sighed deeply, trying not to cry. Julian was Matty’s only hope now. I quickly glanced at Julian, who looked disappointed as well. I listened to him and Dr. Fowler going over Matty’s plan of treatment, this time remaining quiet and letting Julian take over. I signed off on everything that Julian had recommended. I never had any intention of doing otherwise. I felt defeated. I didn’t know what would happen to Matty if Julian wasn’t a match and I cringed, just thinking about it.

  Dr. Fowler left the room once again to get more paperwork. “What happens if he doesn’t find a match?” I asked Julian.

  “He will,” he said confidently, as if he didn’t want to think of any other alternative. “I want to meet him,” he said, finally looking me in the eye.

  “Sure—of course,” I quickly obliged.

  He began to open up to me a bit. He informed me that he had been tested back in Chicago and should have the results any day now. He was staying with James and would be here until Sunday and then had to fly back to Chicago for another week, assuring me he would be back in time for Matty to start his treatments.

  “When did you want to meet him?” I asked.

  “Today,” he said anxiously.

  I nodded in agreement and started to feel a little anxious and at the same time a twinge of excitement for both Matty and Julian.

  Chapter 27

  We finished with the paperwork and Julian followed me to my house. I called Claire on the way to make sure they were there. She informed me that she had just gotten back to her house to wait for a delivery but Charles and Matty were up at the bay fishing. I pulled in the driveway, with Julian right behind me. I told him that Matty was up the street fishing and asked him if he wanted to come in and wait for him or take a walk up to the bay. He opted for going up to the bay. I was quickly accommodating as we began the short walk. He had his hand in his pockets the whole time, jingling loose change. I could tell that he was nervous, which was so out of character for him.

  “Why are you so nervous?” I asked.

  He shrugged.

  “You’re great with kids, you deal with them for a living,” I tried to reassure him.

  “Yes, but they’re other people’s kids,” he reminded me with a sarcastic tone.

  “You are successful at everything you do; I’m sure that this will be no different,” I said, ignoring his coldness. “Besides, Matty is the most easy-going kid you will ever meet,” I added.

  We walked onto the beach. It took me a couple seconds to locate Charles and Matty. There were more people than normal on the usually deserted beach. I finally spotted them when I saw Gracie running amuck. Charles turned around and immediately came walking toward us. Matty was oblivious, running around with Gracie chasing the seagulls. Charles greeted Julian with a handshake. He said that he was going to be heading home since we were here. I knew it was because he wanted to give Julian his time with Matty. Matty was still unaware that I was even there or that Charles had left. He and Gracie were having a great time rolling around in the sand.

  �
��Matty,” I called, using my hand to shield the sun that was slowly setting into the water.

  “Mommy,” he said as he picked himself up from the sand, running over as fast as he could. Gracie was right behind him. I bent down to give him a hug, getting covered in sand in the process.

  “Did you see Gracie and me, chasing all those bad seagulls away?” he asked proudly.

  I shook my head and smiled. “Matty, I have someone very special that I would like you to meet,” I said, as he had finally noticed Julian standing there. “Matty, this is your dad,” I said as I stood up.

  Matty looked up at Julian as if he were awe-struck. He gave him the shy little smile that he always gave when meeting someone for the first time.

  Julian bent down to talk to him, taking in everything about him. His eyes glazed over. I could see that he was getting emotional as he was laying his eyes for the very first time on his little boy. “Hey Matty, how are you?” I felt that all-too-familiar burn in my eyes as the tears began to form just watching him.

  Matty’s smile was a mile wide now. “My mommy said that you were far away.”

  “I was, but not anymore,” Julian said, still unable to take his eyes off Matty.

  “We have the same color eyes,” Matty said, looking at Julian and then at me. “My mommy told me that only really special people have this color eyes.” It amazed me how astute he could be at only five-years-old. Julian looked up at me. I looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

  Gracie finally greeted Julian in the usual Gracie way. “She likes you,” Matty giggled as Gracie gave Julian a kiss on the cheek.

  “Did you catch anything?” Julian looked at Charles and Matty’s fishing poles still in the water.

  Matty gasped as if he had forgotten all about the fishing poles. “Oh no, not yet, but I’m gonna catch a shark,” he said. “Come on, you want to help?” He grabbed Julian’s hand to take him over to the poles. I smiled and looked at Julian. I asked him if he would be okay if I left, wanting to give them some time together. He nodded as Matty whisked him away.