Drowning (Tears of Sin Series)

by Rachel Firasek

  “Yes. Please.”

  I can't stop. I yank my shirt over my head and fumble with my pants, and she's shucking hers off along with her panties. I crawl back up her body and cover her from the slight breeze floating in off the water. “No regrets.”

  She nods. “None.”

  I test her, stretching her with two fingers, and she's ready for me, but fucking tight as hell. I line up with her passage, and she shifts her knees even wider. So fucking trusting. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve her.

  Her eyes are wide, blinking up at me with adoration and hope. She makes this little mewling sound, and I can’t stop. She sucks me in with tight little squeezes, and I plunge deep. Her small sounds of pleasure turn into a sharp cry of pain. Fuck. “Alice, are you okay? I'm so sorry.” She’s a fucking virgin. I’ve never been with a virgin. I begin to withdraw and pray she doesn’t hate me.

  A tear slides down her cheek and she smiles, those small hands gripping my shoulders, keeping me tight against her. “Don’t.”

  “I thought… You’ve never… Shit, I’m so sorry.” I brush the stray hairs floating around her cheeks back. “I hate that I had to be the one to hurt you, but I’m so glad he never did that to you.”

  “No. Never. Not like that. Not sex.” New tears gather in her eyes. “I can’t talk about him now.”

  It dawns on me what she's saying, and I hate that bastard even more. I’m squeezing a curl between my hands, and she tugs it away. Yeah, I've done anal with a few girls, but unless the chick has done it a lot, it takes time and trust to get beyond that point with a woman. I can't even imagine a child... My eyes fill up. She raises her hands to my cheeks, brushing away the light spattering of tears there. “No, Seth, no. No tears. I want this with you. Teach me. Love me. Please.”

  I kiss her. Softly, sweetly. She wraps her arms around me and tickles the back of my calf with her foot. I'm not so sure I didn't just fall in love with this troubled woman. “You.” I slide deeper. “Are.” I pull back. “So. Fucking. Real.”

  She groans and grips my waist with her knees. “That feels good. A little sore, but good. Keep going!”

  I cup her ass and lift her against me. We buck against each other. Both greedy. Both reaching for something never found before. I want her heart. She wants my calm. Neither willing to take what the other offers so freely without a fight.

  “Seth…please.”

  “I got you, baby.” I lift her by the ass, tilting her hips up for a deeper penetration. It’s her first time, so I ease in slow, but pump right at the end, hitting her in that spot that can go from pain to pleasure in half a heartbeat.

  She squeaks, and her eyes roll back. I’ve done this. Given her an absolutely fucktastic first time.

  Her inner muscles clamp down around me. I reach between us and pinch her clit, squeezing with the pulse of my pounding heart. She goes crazy, screaming my name and beating a foot against the blanket. That’s right, give it to me. I could go at this all day just to hear my name wrenched from her throat like that again.

  She’s so fucking adorable when she comes. I lose my rhythm and grip her waist, tugging her against me as I spasm against her. I fill her up and almost cry like a baby when I feel the last few squeezes of her orgasm suck me dry. She’s watching me as I come down from my high, and we smile at each other. I kiss her, murmuring sounds to her, hoping she gets how much this meant to me.

  I roll off her, and smack my forehead. I’m such a fucking idiot. “Shit.”

  Alice rolls toward me and frowns. “I'm not sure that's the right thing to say at this point.”

  “Alice, I didn't use protection.”

  She tsks me and begins to trace circles on my abdomen. “Are you clean?”

  “Yeah, I make the guys get checkups every six months. I'm kind of a fanatic about it. And I normally don't go bare.”

  She kisses me. “Then don't sweat it.”

  I sit up and use my T-shirt to wipe the stains of her innocence from me. “Are you worried about pregnancy? I think they make a pill for that if it’s a concern.”

  “I can't have kids, and you were my first.” She rolls her eyes at me. “So stop sweating it already.”

  I flip over, slipping my thighs between hers and hold my weight off her with my elbows. “Why the fuck can’t you have kids.”

  She brushes a wave away from my forehead and smiles. It’s so fucking sad I want to scream. “Too many beatings. Too much damage.”

  “But he didn’t fuck you?”

  “No.” She stops and twists her mouth. “Seth, I think you have the wrong impression about what my father did to me.”

  “I don’t think so. He fucking beat you, slashed you, scarred you, and put a pain in your eyes that I don’t think will ever go away.” I live with what he did to her. I’ll have to overcome what he did to her if I ever hope to have her heart.

  She kisses me, and I’m instantly hard again. Her lips slide down my chin, beneath my jaw, and she nibbles on my neck. My cock jumps, prodding against the sweet haven that waits for only me.

  “Fuck me, Seth.”

  I slide in, gasping when she bites my collar bone. Damn, this girl is it. I can’t think of ever sinking into another pussy again.

  She rocks her hips up, taking me deeper and then stops. “He's a sadist. It doesn't have anything to do with sex. Well, not in the traditional sense. He used some things on my ass a few times, but he never fucked me.” Her words are all rushed together like she’s afraid she won’t have the nerve to say them later.

  I wiped a hand down my face. “Jesus, Alice. I'm still inside you. Can we have this conversation later?”

  “I need to talk about it now.” She bites her bottom lip. “I didn’t think I could, but it’s actually easier like this. We’re both vulnerable like this.”

  “Now? Really?” I arch my back, hoping that with a deeper stroke, she’ll shut up and let me go back to loving her. “I can be vulnerable for you later, baby.”

  She giggles. I groan and roll off of her. “Do you realize how totally twisted this is? I mean, it’s just fucked up.”

  “It’s not that twisted.”

  “It’s pretty fucking twisted, Alice. I can’t understand how you can talk about that shit while we’re here… doing this.” I’m getting angry, but I can’t explain why. I think it’s more at this whole fucked up situation than at her, but I haven’t had time to process. I want to kill her father, and I’m afraid that if I keep touching her, she’ll feel that anger or I’ll accidentally hurt her.

  “Why are you getting mad?”

  Because everything’s so messed up. “I’m not mad.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You fucking are.”

  I sit up, naked, with my elbows propped on my knees. I take a deep breath and hope that she doesn’t say anything else until I calm down. “Can you just give me a minute?”

  “You are just so spoiled. When are you going to figure out that you can't control everything in your life?”

  I roll my eyes at her and a pink stain spreads across her cheeks.

  “You can't control how your dad is handling his grief, you can't control whether Gabe grows up to be a douche or not, you can't even keep control of your band forever. You can talk with your dad. You can guide Gabe. You can ditch that monster you have singing for you. But it's all the same. Eventually you can't control anything.” She’s rolling to her knees and crawling across the blanket. Her jerky movements a clear sign of how pissed I made her.

  “Alice, I don't want to control you.”

  “I know that. I think you need to just let go sometime.” She pulls on her panties and her bra. I enjoy the show, even though I’m sure she’s past caring what I want. “When's the last time you did something crazy.”

  “Uh, I have a tattoo.”

  “That's sooo crazy. Everyone has one nowadays.”

  “You don't.”

  She tips her head to the side. “I don't need one.�
�

  “Hey, I got mine when I was sixteen, don't judge.”

  “Yeah, it looks like it too.”

  I glance down at my deep stitched Chinese symbol. “It means sacrifice. Something you don’t have a clue about.”

  She’s in my face and panting. “I don’t know what sacrifice is? I gave up my body. I gave up my innocence, my youth, and my fucking mind so my sister would never be hurt. So my mom could stay at her apartment. What the fuck do you know about sacrifice?” She pushes me in the chest and screams. “God, I fucking hate you right now.”

  “You don’t.”

  She flutters a hand over her heart. “I’m real close.”

  “You don’t hate me. You’re actually a little scared of how much you like me. That’s why you brought up your dad that second time.” I do a crunch to get a better look at her. “Was it getting too real for you?”

  “You’re a spoiled brat.”

  “Yeah, you're a fucking cock tease. Looking all gorgeous with the wind in your hair.” I’m holding back a laugh. We’re too damn stubborn to give in to what’s really happening here. I’m falling for her. She’s afraid to fall for me. “Get back down here and let me love you again.” My dick rises to show her how ready we were.

  She glares at me, her little cheeks puffing in and out as she tries to calm down. An evil glint flares behind her dark eyes. “I'm going to teach you how to live.”

  “I live, dammit. Now, get down here.” I reach for her leg, but she flits away.

  “Nah, you're on life support.” She glances over her shoulder. “When you jump, be sure to give it your all and clear the lower ledges.”

  “What?”

  “See you at the bottom!” Before I can even get to my feet, she turns and sprints to the edge of the cliff.

  “ALICE!” Her black hair fans out as she arches and then disappears over the edge. “Fuck!” I grab my boxers and put them on mid-run, and then I jump. At this moment, I know I'll follow this girl to hell and back.

  I HIT THE COLD WATER with barely a ripple and fight my way to the surface. A few seconds later there is a loud splash to my left. I laugh when Seth clears the glassy calm and brushes the water from his eyes.

  “What the hell are you laughing at?”

  “You made the biggest splash ever.”

  He’s probably pissed at me, but I had to calm down. Nothing prepared me for this afternoon. If I hadn’t known before that I was falling for Seth, I definitely knew now. Not that the sex did the trick. Sex was great. Fucking fantastic actually, but it’s the fact that he followed me down. He cared enough to dive over the side of a cliff to take care of me.

  “Alice, that was dangerous. I don't know of anyone who's ever made it off Widow's Peak alive.”

  “Well, now you know two.” I tread water an inch closer to him.

  “Did you know that we'd make it?”

  “I've done it before. I checked the waves. I knew we'd make it.” I swim toward him and wrap my legs around his waist. He treads water easily, and I kiss him. “Don’t be mad.”

  “I'm not mad. You scared the shit out of me.”

  “I didn't scare you too bad. You still put on your boxers.” I slip my hand down the front of his clinging shorts and find his erection. The ride down has done the same for him as it has for me. “Baby, I'm going to make it up to you.” I push them down enough to free him and slip my panties to the side. I twist and seat myself on him, and his eyes roll back. I’m sore, but I’ll take the tiny bit of discomfort to have this with him. To take him with me over the point of pleasure.

  “Oh, God.”

  “You keep us up and I'm going to take care of the rest.” With little motions, I swivel my hips, gyrating against him until we are both panting. It doesn’t take long, and it’s a good thing. I don’t know how long he could keep doing this.

  He cries out my name, and I lock my ankles tighter against his back. When he comes, we slip beneath the waves and sputter to the surface. “I’m sorry, baby.”

  I laugh and brush water from my eyes. “For what?”

  “I was kind of selfish.”

  I kiss him, enjoying the warmth of his lips in contrast to the cold water around us. “It was kind of perfect.”

  A wave rocks us sideways, drenching us beneath the surface. “That'll fucking ruin a moment. Come on, I want to get you back to my room. I think you need a spanking.”

  Spanking? Hands hitting flesh? Bruising?

  As soon as the words leave him, I take off. He doesn't understand what the threat of punishment does to me, and I don't want to see the pity in his eyes when he finally gets it. So it's better that I just swim away and take the short lap to calm down.

  We make it back to his apartment, and we're both soaking wet and cold. He grabs my hand and drags me toward his door. “Come in and we'll order take-out.”

  “I...I better not.” I untwine our fingers and step back, ignoring the frown dipping his brows down. “I like you, Seth. A lot. But I don't want to go too fast with this. Since I've met you, we've been spending a lot of time together.”

  “I know.” He grins, and a light enters his eyes that hadn’t been there this morning. I put that there. I make him happy. Even if it’s only in a sexual way, it makes me feel good. “I like you too. We’re good together.”

  I back away from him and search for my keys in my bag. “I'll see you in the morning.”

  “Alice? Don't lock me out.”

  I glance up, hoping that my eyes are innocent and don’t reflect the truth. “I'm not. I promise. Just let’s go slow, okay?”

  Seth flexes his shoulders. “Okay, yeah, whatever you want. If you get lonely, I'll be here.”

  “Okay, I know.” I kiss him softly, and hop back before he can take it further. “Thank you for today, I had a good time.”

  He nods and steps back into his apartment. “Night.”

  I hate the confused look on his face, but I also need the space. I need to decide what I'm going to do about everything.

  I'm at home for three days before Molly returns. I've been out with Seth twice, but only for dinner. I won't go home with him, and we haven't had sex again. Staying off of him is the hardest thing ever. It’s so hard, that I’ve doubled my yoga routine and have taken to pushups when I can’t get the throbbing between my legs to stop.

  Molly is working in her office when someone knocks at our door. I hurry to answer it before she hears and stops her writing.

  Gabe is standing in the hall, tall and foreboding. “Hey, Alice. Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” He steps inside and the room instantly feels smaller. “Listen, I won't stay long, but I just wanted to make sure everything's okay.”

  I smile. Seeing this big man all thumbs is so sweet. He’s glancing around my apartment, but not looking at me. “Yeah, everything's good. Why do you ask?”

  He messes with the chain on his belt loop. “Well, Seth's been acting weird, and when I ask about you, he gets all disgusted and mumbly.”

  “I'm pretty sure ‘mumbly’ isn't a word.” Shit. Shit. Shit. I’d hurt his feelings. The first good thing to happen in my life, and I was about to fuck it up.

  “There's not a better one for him. I know you two did the deed. Good on you.” He drops the chain and stares me dead in the eyes. “So, why did you go all cold feet on him?”

  I know they were tight, but I doubt Seth would like Gabe over here doing this. “Gabe, that's none of your business.”

  “I'm making it. Look, Seth has spent his life making sure that I never felt the cold treatment from our dad. He's been mother, father, and sometimes teacher to me for more years than I deserve. So, I want him happy. I think you'd make him happy.”

  He is being honest with me, so I go for it. “Has Seth ever hit you?”

  Gabe grins. “Sure. We used to wrestle all the time.”

  “No, like in anger.”

  He blanches. “Uh, no.” Gabe's fingers wrap around my biceps and he holds me at arm’s length, his eyes ro
aming over my body. “Did he hit you?”

  “He threatened to spank me.”

  “Did he?” Gabe laughed. “I didn't know the old prude had it in him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He was just teasing, Alice. He'd just made love to you and you scared the shit out of him. It's just something guys do. For fun.” I watch Gabe's eye wrinkle while he laughs. “You know? It’s kind of kinky fun.”

  Fun? There’s definitely nothing fun about punishment. “Have you ever been caned?”

  His shoulders hunch up, and his hands come out in front of him. “Jesus, no!”

  “Well, a spanking is not something you joke about.” Spanking was only part of the problem. Yeah, after I’d calmed down, I figured out that it wasn’t so much Seth’s threat as it was his familiarity. We went from awkward friends to making dates for kinky sex in the matter of minutes. I needed the space, and I’m not too proud to use any means to create the wedge.

  Gabe taps my nose. “Okay, listen. If it makes you feel better, I'll beat his ass if he ever lays a finger on you. I don't care if he is my bro, you don't fuck with girls.” I smile. I think he wouldbeat Seth's ass. “Deal. Does he hate me?”

  “Seth has some pretty strong feeling about you, but hate doesn’t even register.” He leans closer. “You’ve hooked him, Alice. Please don’t hurt him.”

  I hear Molly's cane before I see her, and she's leaning toward the sound of our voices. “We're in the living room.” I’m so glad she saved me. I have no idea what to say to Gabe’s statement.

  She makes her way around, and Gabe straightens. He has a dreamy look on his face. Uh-oh. This could get weird.

  “Molly, Seth's brother, Gabe stopped by.”

  Molly's polite smile widens. “Hi. I'm so glad to meet you. Are you living across the hall too?”

  “No, but I wish I was.” Gabe walks around our coffee table and holds his hand out. “I mean, it's nice to meet you.”

  He looks lost, so I hurry to Molly's side and raise her hand. Her smile tightens when she concentrates on the hand shake. “Well, Alice. I better get over there before the wounded bear gets after me. Bring your sister over later. She can listen to us play.”

  Molly is shaking her head yes before I can agree. “Well, I guess we're going.”