Voyage to Ayama

by K. A Knight

  “What?” He asks gruffly.

  “Thank you.” He looks confused.

  “For what?” His voice is quieter now.

  “Understanding.” His face softens.

  “I didn’t realise at first, but I kept replaying it in my head. She looked so smug. I just don't know why she hates me,” I voice the nagging thought that’s been bothering me awhile.

  “She wants what you have. It's because she's jealous of you,” he says, like it’s obvious.

  “What do you mean?” I look at him in confusion.

  “For someone so smart, you are dumb sometimes.” He laughs as I sputter. “She’s jealous of you, most of the girls our age on board are. You’re effortlessly beautiful, they spend hours on their hair and makeup and you rock up, having just gotten out of bed, looking amazing. You don’t care what anyone thinks and you're smart as hell. You think yourself out of situations and act like an adult, not a kid playing adult. You don’t dumb yourself down to get attention, hell, half of the time you don’t even realise you have it. Barrott, the two new kids and,” he looks at me seriously. “Me. You’ve had me chasing after you since our first race. I could go on forever, but the point is you’re an adult while they are still children. They notice, especially Chrissy; it's obvious she's jealous of you.” I don’t know what to say, I just stare at him.

  He looks back at me and I see his gaze drop to my lips. He leans in and I know I should pull away, but I don’t want to. I want him to kiss me. I missed feeling like a teenage girl and I know Cain would never take advantage. I want to remember our kiss this time. His lips barely touch mine when a siren blares to life. We jump apart and leap up. I look at him in confusion.

  “What is that?” I shout to be heard over it. He shakes his head and grabs my hand. I follow him as we go to see what's happened.

  We run into Barrott in one of the hallways. Streams of guards are running past us when he spots us. He yanks me to the side and waits for them to go past.

  “Why aren’t you in your unit?” he growls. I pull my arm from his, still hurt over his words. He looks at Cain and then his eyes drop. Barrott looks pained as he looks at my hand in Cain’s, but he glances back up quickly and wipes it away like it was never there.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, the volume of the siren lowered, leaving just the red lights flashing in every corridor.

  “I have to go.” He looks at Cain. “Get her home and stay there with her until the siren stops.” He goes to leave, and I grab his arm.

  “What is going on?” I ask louder. He looks around and then back at me.

  “Rebels.” With that, he runs after the other guards. Wait, as in the rebels caused the siren? How would they do that?

  “Come on Indy.” Cain pulls me after him, the mood sombre as we watch everything on our way to my unit. The hallways are deserted, it's weird. We don’t see a single person. We lock the door to my unit, and I start to pace around. Cain is stretched out on my sofa, watching me with a bemused look.

  “Sit down Indy, before you wear through the steel.” I stop and look at him, my hands on my hips.

  “What did he mean rebels? How did they cause the alarm?” I nibble on my lower lip. “I need to know what's happening.” He sighs and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

  “What do you know about the rebels?” he asks gently. I narrow my eyes at him.

  “What do you know?” I shoot back. He pats the spot beside him, and reluctantly I sit down.

  “Just what I overheard from my father. Apparently, the attacks started small,,,”

  “Attacks?” I shout. He shushes me.

  “Attacks. They are starting fires, damaging property, and in the process, the ship. That’s why the guards are pulling doubles as well as the engineers.” The accidents, I think with a gasp. Wait, Barrott is out there, what if he gets hurt? My heart nearly stops at that. I might be mad at him, but I still care.

  “Why?” I ask instead. Cain shrugs.

  “All I heard was they are claiming they fight for the truth.”

  I sigh and rub my head, a headache forming.

  “Do you think Barrott will be okay?” I ask, concerned. He snorts.

  “That man is like the Terminator. Ain't no hurting him, speed demon.” I nod, he's right, I know he's right.

  “Can I ask you something?” he asks hesitantly.

  I focus on his face again and nod.

  “Are you and him...?” He trails off, watching me.

  I tilt my head.

  “No.” All I'm willing to give him. He offers me a wide smile.

  “Good.” He tangles his hand through mine and we spend the rest of the siren talking. Him more than me, he keeps my mind busy with funny stories and when the siren stops, I'm actually laughing. He says goodnight, then disappears, and I’m left with my thoughts.

  First Effie, and now Chrissy, accusing me of having four men. When did my love life get so complicated? Effie! I jump up and race to the comms unit. I call her housing unit again and again until eventually, she answers. Her hair is disheveled, and she's in her pyjamas.

  “Indy?” She asks around a yawn. I slump, the tension running out of me.

  “You okay?” I ask her. She nods and scrubs her eyes.

  “Are you? What’s up?”

  “Just the siren, I just wanted to check that you are okay. Go back to sleep.” She nods, still half asleep, and says a tired goodbye.

  I head back to the sofa and pick up a book, but I read the same page ten times before I chuck it down with a huff. I try watching a film but I'm too distracted. I need to know Barrott’s okay. The brothers said they were stopping at home, so I'm betting they’re fine. The siren was on this level after all. He’s the only one I don’t know about, I won't be able to sleep without knowing.

  All my anger and hurt floats away with the thought that he could be hurt. I resume my pacing from earlier. It's another half an hour before the buzzer at my door goes. I rush over and open it. Barrott stands on the other side looking exhausted, but unhurt. I jump at him and he wraps his arms around me. I cling to him like a monkey, but he doesn’t complain. He just walks into my unit, carrying me. I eventually let go and run my eyes over him.

  “You okay?” I need to be sure. His lips quirk at me. He pushes me down to the sofa and follows, sitting next to me.

  “I’m fine. Is that kid gone?” he asks gruffly. I slap his chest lightly.

  “He’s not a kid, and yes,” I grumble. He grabs my hand and holds it to his chest, his heart beating against my palm, reassuring me better than his words. He leans his head back against the sofa and closes his eyes.

  “So, the rebels?” I ask lightly, making him groan.

  “I don’t wanna talk about it,” he grumbles. I nod and look anywhere but at him. Now that I know he's okay, the hurt is returning. I don’t know how, but he must realise it, because he cracks his eyes open and looks at me. With a sigh, he sits up and turns to face me.

  “Indy, what I said yesterday. I didn’t mean it. I was just mad and tired, and I took it out on you.” He watches my face closely.

  “So, I'm not a burden?” I joke but it falls flat. He frowns and then grabs me, putting me on his lap. He wraps his arms around me and leans his head against mine where it's resting against his chest.

  “Never Inds. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I sit there a while, letting him hold me.

  “So the kid..,” He trails off. I smile against his chest, content to be in his arms even if it means something different for both of us.

  “Not a kid,” I remind.

  “Fine, the not kid. You two dating?” he asks casually, but I feel his body tense.

  “No.”

  He lets out a breath. I never lie to Barrott though.

  “We've just been hanging out, but I like him.” He tenses again, his whole body hardening like steel.

  “You do?” His voice is deep and full of emotion.

  “I do.” He flinches like I've struck
him. I lean my head back and look at his face. His eyes are downcast and his face is full of pain. It's now or never. I need to know.

  “Why do you care?” I ask, watching him intently.

  “Because I look after you and I don’t want you to get hurt again.” But he won't look at me and I feel like he's left something out.

  “We promised to never lie to each other, so why are you now?” I demand, crossing my arms under my breasts. He rubs his forehead and then looks at me. He leans back, me still perched on his lap. I go to scoot off, feeling weird, but he locks me there with his arms.

  “Because you don’t want to know the truth.” He stares at me as he says it.

  “What-“ His radio goes of cutting off, what I was going to say. He stares at me as he answers it.

  “Yeah?” He says gruffly.

  “Sir, we need you in command.”

  “Understood, on my way.” I get off his knee. He brushes my cheekbone gently.

  “Go to sleep, Indy. I’ll see you later.” I nod, watching him leave again, hoping one day he will stop running.

  “Be careful,” I call after him.

  TRANSMISSION LOG 00308

  DATE: 2033

  MISSION: 43, COLONY

  SHIP: DAWNBREAKER

  DESTINATION: AYAMA

  >…………… Accepted

  > Last night, the rebels targeted the guard quarters. A few have serious injuries, the others minor. Workers are starting to ask questions as the rebels get braver. Please advise on how to proceed?

  DAY 919

  With flying training still cancelled and Effie busy in the medical centre, I'm bored out of my fucking mind. Barrott is off doing god knows what and Cain is in the upper which I don’t have access to. So, I’m laying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. Wait, I haven’t heard from the brothers since before the siren. Jumping up, I head to the comms unit. When I get there I hesitate, they never told me their unit number. I nibble on my lip in thought. I guess it might be on the registry though?

  I scroll through the units and names, looking for a familiar one. When none stick out, I get annoyed. I never even asked their last name, some friend I am. I look through the other options when I spot ‘recent.’

  Opening it, I see the news from inside the ship. There, at number twenty, is a mechanics promotion, it's got to be their dad. His last name is listed so I go back over to the unit listings and find it. While it rings, I do a happy dance to myself. It rings and rings and no one answers. Trying again, I start to get worried. I know they had today off so why wouldn’t they answer? They still don’t answer after my third attempt, so I grab my jacket and jog out of the door, intent on finding my boys.

  I'll check their unit first and then the lagoon. I make my way through the twisting halls and down a level, counting the units as I go. Their unit is one of the last before the levels of the lowers. I press their buzzer and wait, my nerves eating me up. When no one answers, I press it again. It slides open to reveal an older man in a dirty tank top and the standard mechanic trousers. I take a step back from the fury on his face. He looks like the brothers, apart from his grey hair and his eyes the eyes that have crows feet around them, but he has the same face.

  “Mr. Basford?” I inquire in a nervous voice.

  “Who the fuck is asking?” He looks me up and down and I flinch from the leer he throws at me.

  “I’m looking for Auden and Eldon.” He snorts, which makes his belly jiggle in an unattractive way.

  “I don’t know where them good for nothing boys are. If you find them, you tell them I’m looking for them.” He goes to step back but looks me up and down again.

  “You get bored of those kids and need a real man, you come to me.” He slams the door shut and I’m left gaping at the metal. I knew their dad was an asshole, but still.

  I head to the lagoon hoping I can find them there, if not, I'll have to search all the common areas which will take forever. When I reach the lagoon, I stand at the door looking around, my eyes desperately seeking them. There's a man swimming and a woman seated on the beach. I stop when I notice two bodies side by side, sitting at the end of the jetty. I know it's them. Happiness bursts in my chest as I hurry their way, kicking off my shoes and jacket as I go. They don’t even acknowledge me when I stand behind them. I lay one hand on each of their shoulders and they jump.

  “It's me, guys. I've been looking for you,” I say cheerfully. Auden's shoulders hunch and Eldon doesn’t say anything. I sit behind Auden, wrap my arms around his back, and lean my head on it.

  “You two okay?” I ask, slightly worried at their reactions. Auden starts to shake in my arms.

  “Guys, you're freaking me out. I went to see your dad and-“ Eldon shoots up, towering above me, his hands clenched into fists.

  “Did he hurt you?” he shouts. My eyes go wide and then I spot the bruise along the top of his forehead. I jump up and reach to gently touch it. He lets me, but his face is still dark with anger.

  “Tell me he didn't touch you?” His voice is deep, and his eyes beg me to prove that the monster hasn't hurt me.

  “He didn’t, he made a few advances that’s about it. Did he do this?” I go to touch it again and he catches my hand.

  “It's fine,” he mutters, deflating now that he knows I'm okay. I yank my arm back, getting angry.

  “Like fuck it is. Did he do this to you?” I ask louder. He grinds his teeth, but doesn’t respond. I spin to Auden and grab his shoulder, pulling him to face me. He closes his eyes, but I can still see the pain and embarrassment on his face. He has a black eye and a split lip. My emotions turn deadly at the damage to his face. I whirl back to Eldon.

  “Did. He. Do. This?” I enunciate every word. He nods and looks at the ground. I look at them both, they are ashamed. I push my anger down for later, knowing that right now they need me calm. I turn to Auden and kneel, he's looking everywhere but at me. I brush my lips under his eye and then gently over his split lip.

  “Come on, cutie.” I grab his hand, standing, and let him make the decision. He stands slowly and clutches my hand like he's scared I will leave. Eldon looks at his brother, the pain clear on his face. I step forward, still holding Auden's hand, brace myself on Eldon's chest, and lean on my tiptoes. I wait there, letting him make the decision like I did with his brother. He eventually tilts his head down where I can reach. I brush my lips over his bruise and then step back.

  “Let's go watch a movie, okay?” My voice sounds weird to me, but they don’t seem to notice. They nod and follow after me. Their silence, more than anything else, breaking my heart. I miss my happy boys. I lead them back to my unit where they fall asleep curled up on either side of me halfway through the movie as I stroke their hair and whisper funny stories in their ears. The whole time, the fury has been burning in my blood and a plan was forming in my head. When I’m sure they are asleep, I slip out of their arms and make my way to the medical centre.

  “Hey, you looking for Effie?” One of the doctors asks, I recognize him but don’t care at the moment. I nod, if I open my mouth I might scream.

  “She was in one of the offices.” He walks away to a patient with a distracted smile. Luck must be on my side. I leave the treatment rooms and head down the hallway to the offices. A few are busy, but I notice one with a doctor’s name on it. I open the door and immediately lock it behind me. Shutting the privacy blinds as I head to the computer.

  I use Effie's login and access the database. I look through the files and print what I need. Grabbing a folder, I shove the papers in before I log Effie out and quickly log myself in. I send a quick message over the comms before waiting anxiously for the reply, grinning when it pops through. I log out and leave the room. Stepping out of the office, I look around to see if anyone noticed. The hallway is empty. I don’t rush, but I leave the medical wing, and make my way to the engineering wing my blood burning with every step.

  I ignore all the others working there while looking for Howard. I find him bent over a t
able, plans and papers spread in front of him. Standing next to him, I wait for him to notice me. When he does, he looks confused.

  “You okay, kiddo?” He rubs his head as he speaks.

  “I need a favour.” His eyebrows reach his hairline, but he nods straight away. I outline my plan and leave him to his work, the next step in my plan making me walk faster. I don’t even see the hallways as I speed past. Instead, I concentrate on breathing deep and trying to stay in control, which is hard for someone who is notorious for having none, but for them? I’m willing to do anything. Effie was right. I let them in and now they are in deep. They took my pain as their own and offer me comfort when I need it. But right now, they need me, even if they don’t know it.

  I buzz on the door and hear shuffling and cursing. It slides open to his enraged face again. Good to know it's not just me he greets like that. He leers at me like he did earlier. I wonder if it is his go-to facial expression.

  “Decide they are too young for you, sexy?” I swallow my disgust and paint a smile on my face.

  “Yep.”

  He smirks and steps back, letting me in. I follow him, looking around as I step through the threshold. It’s a hot mess. No wonder they don’t want to live here. I turn and wait for him to shut the door. He looks at me, licking his disgusting lips.

  “Did you know that they keep medical records from Earth?” I ask conversationally. He frowns, his blood clearly headed south.

  “The fuck you on about?” He snarls.

  “You see, I know you beat your sons and now I know you used to beat your wife. No wonder the poor woman left you, space doesn’t change whether you are an abusive asshole or not. I have hers and their medical records here. They might have been overlooked, but if I go higher up and present them with evidence of your most recent beatings...” I tut. He grows redder, his eyes bugging out of his head. He might resemble the brothers, but the harshness to his face and the anger in his eyes are something that you would never see in Eldon and Auden.