Outback Heart

by Palmer, Fiona

  ‘Yeah, okay. Can I be the taste tester?’

  Together they made a batch to her mum’s famous recipe. They had a mess from one end of the kitchen to the next but it had killed two birds with one stone. Afternoon tea was done and the nerves were pushed aside.

  When Indi arrived at the oval she kept her eyes focused on whoever she was talking to. She was determined not to seek out Troy. The growing crowd was the biggest ever. Kingy stood by the end of the verandah, laughing with some mates. Trevor had requested that his plastic seat be placed front and centre so he wouldn’t miss any of the game, and Jenny, along with some of her friends, had made up a huge banner for the guys. It had their team logo on it, a footy player wearing the team colours carrying a football in one hand and a harp in the other. He also had a halo and wings. She had to laugh – the team was hardly a bunch of saints, but they were a mob of bloody good lads and she was happy to be a part of them.

  Indi had done well, getting to the change rooms without a glimpse of Troy. All the boys had cheered when she walked in, embarrassing her as they all came up to nudge her, slap her back or just to touch her as if she were some lucky buddha.

  ‘Bloody great to have you back, Indi,’ said Killer. ‘Now, can you do me first?’ Killer wiggled his eyebrows.

  Indi laughed and grabbed her tape. ‘Sure. Where would you like it first?’ she said with a smile. It was good to be back.

  The banter continued, always rough, but it felt like home and Indi knew it was harmless. She was coping just fine, feeling relaxed and comfortable, but when James called out ‘Yoda!’, she just about squealed.

  Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look, she told herself. But her head turned regardless. There he stood, tall and strong, filling the doorway. Her breath caught in her throat and she couldn’t look away, not even if she tried.

  ‘Hey, lads, are we ready for a win today?’ he yelled.

  The change room erupted in a burst of testosterone-fuelled grunting. It was a scary place to be if you weren’t prepared for the onslaught of men psyching themselves up.

  Troy had all the guys’ eyes on him. They looked charged up and ready, their uniforms on and the room smelling of deodorant and Deep Heat.

  ‘I want to share a quote with you today; it was used by one of the greatest coaches of all time, Mick Malthouse. “Only he who does not fear death by a thousand cuts dares to unseat the emperor.”’ Troy turned, studying each of his players. ‘I expect great things from you guys, only because I know you can produce great things. I believe in you – now it’s your turn to believe in yourselves and take control of our oval.’

  Patrick finished off with a ‘Go get’em, boys.’

  Jasper sat down so Indi could finish strapping his ankle. He was the last one. She was glad for something to concentrate on other than Troy’s stirring words. If only he believed in her.

  ‘Indi, can I talk to you quickly?’

  Oh my god, Indi thought. Troy was talking to her. Now what should she do? Her knees felt weak and she sat back on the floor.

  ‘I’ve got it, sis. You go,’ said Jasper, prying the tape from her clenched fingers. She shot Jasper a steely glare.

  ‘Come on. We don’t have much time before the game.’ Troy reached for her hand and pulled her up. Like a stupid hungry lamb she followed him, possibly to slaughter.

  Troy led her through the parked cars, all the way over to the hockey field behind the clubhouse where he finally sat down on the limestone blocks that edged the grass.

  Indi was still standing dumbly, her hand tucked up warmly in his.

  ‘Sit. I have things to say,’ he said, tugging her hand.

  Indi practically fell down beside him.

  ‘So do I . . . have things to say,’ she said, pulling her hand away, finally finding her voice and her strength. She wasn’t a weakling. She had a spine and it was high time she used it. ‘I can’t believe you, Troy. The way you spoke to those guys, yet you’ve already handed in your notice at work. And did you think I wouldn’t hear about you parading another girl around town? This is Hyden, for god’s sake! You could have at least waited until you’d left.’ Indi was so worked up she was almost panting.

  Indi glanced towards the oval. She could see their team running onto the field. ‘We should get back,’ she said, even though she wanted to hear his reply. She stood up but found herself pulled back down by Troy.

  ‘Indi, we can’t go yet,’ he said holding her hands in his. ‘Not until I explain things. That girl is Gerry, my sister. She came down to visit me from the city after I called her – for the first time in years.’

  Now he had Indi’s attention. ‘That was Gerry?’

  He nodded. ‘Jasper made me realise just how much I was hurting you, and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do, Indi. I didn’t realise what you went through with your mum, and Jasper told me that you’d never change any of that.’

  Indi frowned at him. ‘Of course not. I loved every moment I got to spend with Mum, and I’d do it all over again if I could, even though it hurt like hell to watch her die. And I’d do it all for you too, if it ever came to that. I already told you.’

  Troy nodded. ‘I know. I’ve come to realise that I have a second chance at life and at love and I’d be a bloody fool not to grab it with both hands.’ Troy’s hands reached for her, cupping her face tenderly. ‘Indi, seeing you in Spud’s arms made me realise just how much I love you. I thought I’d never say those words again after Peta, and I thought they would hurt, but telling you I love you is a great relief. I feel alive, finally.’

  Indi could see tears in his eyes. She squeezed his hands and studied his dark eyes, looking for the lie, looking for any other hidden secrets, but there was nothing, just a pure rich chocolate brown.

  ‘You love me?’ she whispered, hardly able to believe it. Troy flashed her a smile, a real one. It lit up his whole face and she couldn’t remember ever seeing him this happy.

  ‘I can tell you that every day for the rest of our lives if it will help you to believe it,’ he said.

  Indi could hear the siren to start the game, the roar of the crowd cheering, but it seemed miles away. ‘The game,’ she spluttered.

  ‘The game means nothing if I can’t have you beside me.’

  His thumbs caressed her cheek before his lips brushed against hers. ‘Tell me you still feel the same, Indi?’ he mumbled, his breath tickling her. With one hand he put her palm against his chest, over his scar. ‘Tell me that you still want me, with all my problems,’ he said.

  Under her hand his heart beat fast and powerful. ‘Yes,’ she said, moving closer to him. She just wanted him to kiss her properly – she needed it. ‘I love you and I want you, Troy, no matter what.’ Indi kissed him; she kissed him with relief, with love, with a passion that she no longer had to deny herself. Troy groaned as their tongues met and a big cheer erupted around them. They pulled back, studying each other.

  ‘Someone got a goal?’ he said.

  ‘Shit, I hope it was us,’ she said.

  Together they stood up, and holding hands they ran through the crowd back to the oval. Indi had to keep checking Troy was at her side, just to make sure she hadn’t dreamed this whole thing. But sure enough he was there, holding her hand tightly.

  37

  TROY was alive. Indi was holding his hand, she’d told him she still loved him, and the Saints had scored the first goal. He felt like he was flying. For the first time since Peta’s death, he had a life worth living.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket.

  I’m here, by the kids area, where r u?

  Troy couldn’t stop grinning. He’d actually pulled it off!

  Turning, he scanned the play area for the familiar fiery red hair. Troy spotted a guy in jeans, a jumper and sunnies. Dressed just like everyone else here. Troy knew that stance and he knew that ginger hair. The only thing unfamiliar about Freddie Mansfield was the sling around his arm.

  ‘Come with me,’ Troy said to Indi. He was still
holding her hand – he wasn’t game to let her go again – and dragged her with him. He weaved back through the crowd.

  ‘You’re here!’ said Troy as he got closer. ‘I wasn’t sure, you know,’ he said, feeling hesitant. He didn’t deserve a mate as great as Freddie.

  ‘I told you I’d always be your best mate, Troy, and I meant it. It’s bloody great to see you.’ Freddie reached his good arm out and pulled Troy in for a strong hug. Troy finally let Indi’s hand go and wrapped it around Freddie. He didn’t realise how much he’d missed him, and if Freddie kept squeezing him this hard his emotions were going to burst from his eyes in a very unmanly way.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Troy.

  Freddie pulled back at last, his hand remaining on Troy’s shoulder. ‘Don’t be. I don’t care any more. What’s important is that you’re here and you rang me.’ After the longest minute he glanced at Indi. ‘And you must be Indi?’

  Troy found Indi’s hand again, giving it a squeeze. He almost laughed when he saw her face. ‘This is one of your biggest fans. Indi, I’d like you to meet my best mate, Freddie.’

  ‘What? Freddie Mansfield? The Freddie Mansfield, captain of the West Coast Eagles? Brownlow Medallist and Club Champion four times?’ Indi shot Troy a look of shock.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Indi.’ Freddie gave her a hug, and when Indi realised that’s what he was doing, she latched onto him.

  Troy laughed and pulled her back. ‘You’re with me, remember?’ he joked, but still a tinge of jealousy stirred. Oh, how he loved his awesome football girl.

  ‘I can’t believe you know Freddie,’ said Indi, gathering her wits. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ She glanced back at the game, eager to pay attention but distracted by this new turn of events.

  Troy just shrugged. ‘Indi’s a football nut,’ he explained to Freddie. ‘She helps with the team and kicks a mean ball herself.’

  Freddie chuckled. ‘I find it quite funny that you finally found a girl, and she likes me,’ he said teasingly. ‘Indi, if it wasn’t for Troy’s heart, he’d be the captain of West Coast, not me. I’d bet my own heart on it. You were a better player than I ever was.’

  ‘Is that right? What else haven’t you been telling me, Troy?’ she asked.

  He just gave her that guilty look again.

  ‘Well, at least now he’s a brilliant coach,’ Indi gushed. ‘You’d be proud of what he’s done, Freddie. He’s taken this team from zero to hero.’ Indi smiled across at Troy. ‘He’s a natural leader and such an inspiration.’

  Troy kissed her forehead, wondering if he could possibly love her any more if he tried. Tonight he was taking her home and he wasn’t letting her out of his sight.

  ‘Come on. Let’s go watch the game.’

  As the three of them headed back to the boundary line, Troy noticed the stares of disbelief. No one would expect to see a football great like Freddie in Hyden.

  ‘How’s the shoulder?’ Indi asked him.

  Trust her to want to quiz him on that, Troy thought.

  ‘It’ll be okay. Out for a few more games. I still have to get back to Perth tonight, ready for tomorrow’s game against Port, though.’

  Indi smiled at Freddie like a starstruck teenager.

  ‘So, who are your boys?’ Freddie asked.

  ‘The Hyden–Karlgarin Saints,’ said Indi proudly.

  ‘We’re behind by a goal,’ said Troy. He wasn’t worried yet. They looked good, but were getting some bad bounces and unlucky calls. ‘But they have so much determination. I’m proud of them.’

  ‘Would you both come and watch the home games if I got you tickets?’ Freddie asked.

  ‘Shit, yeah!’ Indi said.

  ‘Would love to, Freddie.’ Troy squeezed Indi’s hand to get her attention. ‘Well,’ Troy said, watching Indi carefully, ‘I was planning on the two of us taking a trip to Geraldton to visit my folks, so we could time that around the next Eagles match.’ He turned to his best mate. ‘Thanks, mate. That’d be great.’ He couldn’t stop looking at Freddie even though the game was on. He hadn’t changed, yet at the same time he had. He was amazing. It was weird watching him on TV and now finally to see him in the flesh. All brawn. He admired how fit Freddie was.

  ‘You want to take me to see your folks?’ Indi squeaked, shaking his arm.

  ‘Of course. I’m planning a surprise visit. Gerry wants to come too. Is that okay?’

  Indi buried her head in his neck, her arm around his waist. ‘It’s more than okay.’

  Troy studied the play for a moment before turning to Indi. ‘Indi, we need some changes. Brick needs to come off.’ He had her full attention as he passed on some more messages. She grabbed a water bottle and ran onto the field.

  ‘It’s good to see you so happy,’ said Freddie, as Troy realised his best mate was watching Indi and not the game.

  ‘Yeah, I didn’t think I’d get so lucky again.’

  Indi came back to their sides with a bounce in her step. She turned to Troy suddenly, a curious expression on her face. ‘Hey, if you’re not leaving, why did you quit working with Jenny and Phil?’

  ‘Lucky’s going back to Ireland so the Taylors needed a new worker. I’ve been wanting to get back on a farm and they have a great house that goes with the job,’ he said, giving her a wink. ‘He offered me the job straight away.’

  ‘Oh, that sounds amazing, Troy. I’m so glad you’re not leaving.’ Indi’s eyes were shining and her face glowed.

  He would have been such a fool to leave her behind. ‘Did you really think I would?’ he asked.

  She kissed him in response.

  Indi’s pocket beeped and she pulled out her phone. ‘It’s Teegs, wanting to know the score. Oh, I have to tell her who I’m standing next to. She won’t believe it. Can you get a photo of me and Freddie?’ she asked. Troy rolled his eyes.

  The quarter-time siren sounded and the team gathered on the field, waiting for Troy’s instructions. Killer was rolling his shoulder, and Troy hoped he hadn’t done anything serious. Jasper was walking fine, his ankle holding up well, and Lucky was staggering as usual. The rest walked with their heads high and shoulders back. They still had plenty of spirit but the fight had just begun.

  Troy glanced at Freddie. ‘You ready to come inspire my team?’

  ‘Sounds to me like you already do that,’ Freddie replied, clapping Troy on the back.

  Together they walked onto the field. Troy felt like he was sixteen again with the whole world at his feet. He realised now that it still was, and with Indi by his side it always would be.

  38

  FOUR YEARS LATER

  INDI held onto the wooden lectern to give herself strength. It was hard and cold to touch, and she could feel the sweat starting to bead on her forehead. She hated public speaking at the best of times, but it was even more frightening now as she looked out over the sea of mourners. Most wore black, except for the footy guys. They’d all put their jumpers on over their shirts and Brick had brought the premiership flags. Two years in a row they’d won it, but it was their first Grand Final win, the year Troy had taken the helm, that was still their favourite. It had certainly brought the town to life again and the club hadn’t looked back since. He would have been so happy to see them all here in their team colours, their jumpers adding some much-needed colour to the room. Tears had streamed down her cheeks when she first saw them all arriving in their footy jumpers. It broke her heart.

  Indi had been here before, facing a mass of heartbroken faces, most hidden behind sunglasses. It was something she would never get used to. It wasn’t the first funeral and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

  With a shaking hand, she smoothed out her handwritten notes. She didn’t know why she bothered with notes – she always forgot to follow them. The crowd waited patiently, probably expecting her to break down. She would have if she had any tears left.

  Tegan was by her side, cradling Indi’s baby Lizzy. Little Lizzy was still at the cooing stage and totally fascinated by h
er own tiny fingers. Tegan cuddled her close, kissing her soft scattering of dark hair. Lizzy had Troy’s eyes, deep dark browns that often kept Indi from getting any work done. Smiling at her baby in Tegan’s loving arms, she nodded. Now was the time to make her start before she fell to pieces. The thought of babies without their fathers was too much to bear.

  ‘Thank you all for coming. He really would have been so happy to see you all here.’ Pat had said earlier that there were nearly a thousand people coming today. She tried not to think about the number as she continued. ‘It seems like just the other day I was up here for my mum, and this feels too soon. I loved him so much. We loved the same things and we loved a good laugh. I will miss him every day.’ Indi felt a tear slip down her face. With a smile she flicked it away.

  ‘Every tear I shed is a reminder of another wonderful time we have shared. Every moment we had is worth every single tear. If I had a chance to go through this again, knowing the outcome, I would do it in a heartbeat. Just to share those moments with him all over again. Every second of pain since his passing is nothing compared to the joy of sharing his life, no matter how short. I’m eternally grateful for just getting to kick a football with him, or to watch him laugh. He had a heart bigger than this town. Only a few of us ever got to see just how gentle and caring he was. But we will go on, for him. He would be expecting great things from all of us.’

  Indi was about to crumble. It didn’t help that she spotted Trevor in the front row in his Saints scarf. He smiled and gave her a wink. She could use one of his hugs right now. She rushed out her last thoughts. ‘Hold those you love close to your heart and cherish every second. I can guarantee you it is worth it in every way.’ Indi smiled through her tears as people began to clap and cheer. It was like the grand final win. ‘He would have loved this,’ she said to Tegan as she held out her arms for Lizzy. She needed her baby for strength as she glanced over to the coffin.

  ‘That was beautiful,’ Tegan said, tears pouring down her face. She rubbed her large belly through the tight black dress. Tegan was even more stunning pregnant.