Last Resort Love

by Holly Cortelyou

  She patted her tummy and sent a little thought heavenward.

  She had wanted the perfect family. Perfect. There was that stupid word again. Perfect. There was no such thing. She couldn’t trust perfect. She thought she’d found perfect once, and look how that had ended. It was an illusion.

  There was no such thing, and certainly not for her. Her absentee father had been in and out of her life so many times that she’d barely had a chance to know him. She’d last seen him when she was twelve, and he’d died when she was a sophomore in college. She’d met Tim a few weeks before she had gotten the news about her father, and Tim had seemed to fill up the gap in her life. Until she caught him kissing another woman. Hell, he’d been in a full-blown affair. She pushed aside the hundred little hurtful things he’d done.

  Krissa mumbled a curse and kicked her legs to untangle them from the sheets. She longed for her own loving family. Her heart still felt hollow and numb around the edges. She had wanted her little baby so much, and Tim hadn’t been able to get away quickly enough. Just like her father. Too much responsibility. Too much real life. Or maybe it had been her?

  Ugh. She was tired of thinking about it. She supposed she ought to find out what Tim wanted. It wasn’t like she had to worry about falling under his spell again—she was well and truly over him. She might still be mad at him for being an immature jerk, but she sure didn’t love him anymore.

  Why would he be calling after all this time? She wished all men would leave her alone and quit disrupting her life. She flung the covers off of her and stamped into the living room and flipped on the TV. No point in simply watching the minutes tick by on the clock.

  As Shasta settled down on his pillow by the couch, Krissa stared at the TV and the never-ending weather forecast; her mind drifted away.

  An image of Nick bending down to crush her mouth with his lips danced in her brain. Krissa fidgeted and crossed and recrossed her legs. Nick’s kisses. Hot, demanding, possessive. Yet gentle. Smoldering, yet soft. No one had ever kissed her like that and she had never responded like that. At the touch of his lips, she’d wanted to rip her clothes off and let their scorching flesh become one. She could still feel his palm cupping her bottom and pressing her closer.

  Maybe she should give him a chance, a little voice whispered. It might be wonderful.

  With a sip from her icy glass of water, Krissa shook her head. It was much too risky. Nick certainly made her nervous and edgy. And hot and bothered. She gulped down more water and a pile of ice cubes shifted and splashed her face. Krissa sputtered.

  “Cold shower for me,” she announced to Shasta, who thumped his tail at the attention. “Maybe, Shasta, I’m just a big old chicken who’s afraid of getting plucked, gutted, and deep fat fried again?”

  She tried to laugh at her lame joke, but she couldn’t even muster a smile. No, she wasn’t going to let herself get hurt again. Nick was too dangerous. She could not see him again.

  Chapter 20

  THE next days were a jumble for Krissa. Tim sent her one text a day and kept asking her to call. Nick sent one last text saying he would be home soon and that he hoped she would see him and talk to him.

  Krissa deleted all their messages and thought about call blocking the pair of them. Surely she could ignore them longer than they could keep calling her.

  With her laptop balanced on her legs, Krissa stared blankly at the screen and waited for inspiration. She had a fresh lesson plan to create for her online students. Her mouth drooped at the corners and her shoulders slumped. Her brain refused to focus.

  How could she even avoid seeing Nick? He lived a dozen steps from her. She was going to have to find a new place to live and on the opposite side of the lake from him. Immediately.

  Well, maybe she wouldn’t have to move right away if he was going to sell the resort. She frowned. It wasn’t like she was going to see much of him anyway. She mustered a half-smile, but she just felt drear and gray.

  Shasta barked at the crunch-crunch of tires rolling through gravel. It was Nick. Maybe he would go straight to his house and leave her alone. Couldn’t he just accept the fact that she was ignoring him?

  * * * *

  Nick knocked on the sliding glass door and he heard Shasta’s paws scrambling on the floor followed by happy barking. He spied Krissa sitting on the couch almost like a stone. He smiled and waved, and Krissa slowly rose up.

  With no welcoming smile, Krissa slid through the doorway and shut it quickly behind her before Shasta could barge through the opening. He gave a puppy bark of indignation and then flumped down to wait.

  Krissa leaned against the wall and crossed her arms under her breasts. Nick took in her body language and a tight knot of tension returned to his belly. Four days of no returned phone calls or text messages was truly a bad sign.

  “Hey,” he said. It was the best he could muster. Krissa’s arms pressed closer to her body.

  “I just got back,” Nick said. “The trip went well, and we’re close to signing the deal.”

  “I am so glad for you,” Krissa said and offered a quick smile. “I know it means a lot to your company.”

  Nick spoke about his trip for a few minutes, but he felt the chill between them. Shasta whined and yipped twice.

  “Can I come in?” Nick asked with a wrinkle of his forehead. “I’ve got Shasta’s approval.”

  Krissa just shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “What’s going on? What’s happened?”

  He watched Krissa take a deep breath and then she blurted out, “I don’t want to see you anymore. You need to leave me alone.”

  Even though he’d been expecting a blow off, it still hurt. Seriously, what had he thought she was going to say after so many unanswered calls and texts? Why hadn’t he taken the hint and disappeared?

  “Okay,” he said slowly and then tried to buy some time. Somehow, he wasn’t ready to skip out. “Can you tell me why? That was a pretty spectacular night we shared.”

  Krissa stared at her hands clinched tightly together.

  “Have I done something wrong?” he asked.

  “It isn’t one thing,” Krissa said. Her voice was uneven and rushed. “It’s a bunch of things. I think it is way too soon for me to jump into a relationship. And you’re so busy and you travel. I don’t think you have time for any kind of girlfriend or relationship…not that we’re exactly dating or anything. I know your whole focus is your career and business ventures. You’re never going to be around.”

  “What if I make time for you? What if I make a lot of time for you?” Nick rubbed the back of his neck. What was he saying? A rush of emotion hit him. He needed this woman.

  There was a flicker of hope in her eyes. Yet the next moment, Krissa’s shoulders sagged.

  “I don’t want any entanglements,” she said flatly, “and you’re about to become a full-fledged partner in your business. You won’t have any spare time for some small town schoolteacher.”

  “That’s bull,” Nick interrupted. “I may be busy, but I will make room for you in my life.” He put his hand on her arm and she quivered at his touch. “It isn’t every day that I find someone like you. We have an incredible connection.”

  For a moment, Nick wondered where the words and the emotions had come from. Is that how he felt?

  Krissa stared up at him. Nick pressed his advantage.

  “Last week was amazing. I’ve never felt like that. You’re incredibly sexy and passionate. You showed me your heart. I think…I think I started falling for you as the mist from the waterfall clung to your hair and the tip of your nose. You looked like an angel.”

  Nick felt her resistance fade and he slowly pulled her to him.

  “Why won’t you give us a chance?” he asked softly. “See where it goes. Maybe we’ll find something pretty remarkable. We just might be perfect for each other.”

  Krissa repeated the word “perfect” as if she were in a daze. Nick watched unknown emotions flit across her sad eyes. She stiffened an
d then wrenched her arm away.

  “Krissa?” There was a world of questioning in his voice, but she refused to meet his eyes. Nick tried a shot in the dark.

  “Something hurt you. Bad.” Nick waited. “What happened with Tim?”

  Krissa tensed. He sensed her confusion and pressed on. “I know there’s something more than what you’ve told me about how Tim cheated on you. It was a rough breakup, but why can’t you give us a chance? You don’t seem like a quitter and you have so much to give, but I don’t think you even want to try.”

  Nick hoped she was softening, maybe he could get through to her. “You’re a wonderful woman, and any guy would be lucky to have you. Tim was an idiot.”

  Tears drizzled down her cheeks as she nodded. She ground at them with the heels of her palms.

  “Please tell me,” Nick said softly. “Are you still in love with Tim?”

  “No,” she said in a clear voice. She looked at him with a firm gaze. “Not even remotely. I still get mad and sad about it all, but the love is long gone. He demolished the trust, and I cannot love without trust.”

  “What then? Why won’t you try to trust again?”

  Krissa closed her eyes for a moment, and Nick willed her to relent.

  “Just go away,” she whispered.

  “Tell me why, then I’ll go. Just give me a good reason.”

  “Please go.”

  “No.” He leaned up against the porch post as if he had all the time in the world. “Tell me why.”

  Krissa frowned. “I don’t owe you anything.”

  “Please, Krissa. I want to understand.” Nick hooked his thumbs into his pockets.

  She turned to the door and tugged on the handle, but she stopped and turned back to him. Nick felt a glimmer of hope.

  “I was pregnant,” Krissa said with a hand pressed flat against her stomach. A flame of pink stained her cheeks and Nick could see the distress in her eyes.

  Nick kept his expression neutral, but she had his full attention.

  “I was nine weeks pregnant on the day I caught Tim with his girlfriend. I’m pretty sure the idea of a baby pushed Tim into running away. It was a surprise to both of us, but Tim was floored by the news. He was afraid to tell his mother. He didn’t think we could afford to have a baby, buy a house, and get married all at the same time. Of course, I was hurt, but I figured he was scared. A baby is a huge change.”

  Nick nodded but said nothing. He moved a half step closer to her. He wanted to touch her and support her. He watched Krissa stare at a point over his shoulder as she continued. Her voice was calm, detached.

  “I think the miscarriage actually started much earlier that day—the day I found out Tim was cheating. I won’t give you all the gruesome details, but I had odd cramps and some pangs early in the morning and again after lunch when I found out about the layoffs. When Ginny called me up to hit a movie that evening, I let her talk me into going—she didn’t think I should be sitting at home if Tim was out with his friends having fun.

  “Well, you know how that all turned out—Surprise! Your fiancé is a complete jackass.” She tried to smile but only mustered a frown. “That night, when Ginny and I were packing up all of his stuff, I lifted up one heavy bag and then I felt…well, it was pretty clear within a few minutes that I needed to go to the hospital. It was a long night and there was no fixing things. I lost the baby.”

  Krissa’s eyes locked on Nick. Pain was chiseled on her face. He gazed back with sympathy and caring.

  “Stop,” Krissa commanded. “I don’t want your pity. There’s nothing for you to say. I’m sure you’re terribly sorry for all of my pain, heck, who wouldn’t be? But it won’t do any good. Two strikes and I’m out. My father left us all high and dry over and over again and then right when I am about to start my own family, the man of my choice ditches me. I’m not meant to have a man in my life.”

  Nick tried to interrupt, but Krissa silenced him. “Oh, you might be nice to me and maybe even love me, but it will end as it always does. You will leave. I’ll be all alone again. There’s simply no reason to even try. I know it won’t work.”

  Nick’s heart ached for her and all she had been through. Was there anything he could say to help her?

  “You’ve been so strong and you’ve had so much to deal with.”

  “Go away, Nick,” Krissa interrupted. “I don’t want to hear how sorry you are for what happened. Of course it stinks. But there it is. No changing it.” Krissa put her hand back on the door.

  “Let me prove myself to you.”

  “Ha! You can’t,” Krissa said with a snort of derision. “You are as pathetic as I am. You don’t trust in love either. You’ve built your own safe world that revolves around all your deal making.”

  Krissa stared at him for a moment and then tilted her head and pursed her lips.

  “You have pretty eye candy hanging on your arm when you want a little action,” Krissa said, “but at the end of the day you go home alone. You’re not sharing your life with anyone. You’re a loner. Admit it. You’re too afraid of getting hurt.”

  She’d scored a direct hit. He felt it. His emotions recoiled from her attack, and his pulse rate jacked up. Panic.

  He stepped back and his face was a smooth shield. Nick stared at Krissa. Their eyes locked. Krissa crossed her arms and shook her head. She looked away.

  “You can’t do it. It’s too risky, isn’t it?” Krissa said. “I’m the same. I won’t take that chance. I can’t bear the hurt again.”

  Nick opened his mouth but hesitated. The silence was a roar.

  Her hands fell to her side in tight fists while her eyes studied her shoes. Nick watched her fingers relax and her shoulders straighten up. She slowly looked into his eyes. He searched for some emotion in them, but only saw a flat coldness. He felt his heart melt at the strong will of this woman.

  “Go away, Nick.”

  Nick stretched out his arm to stall her. Krissa stopped and a flutter of sadness whispered across her face. Hope lanced through his belly. He turned his palm up and beckoned her, but she shook her head and slipped back into the house.

  He heard the lock flip into place and watched her flick the curtains closed. It sounded final. He walked back to his pickup, climbed in, and gripped the steering wheel. He stared at the lofty pines and the cottage. He willed the door to open, but it was firmly barred against him.

  What had he done? What had he lost?

  * * * *

  Krissa sat on the edge of her bed. Numb. She stared out the window, but the birds flitting from tree to shrub and back again were all but invisible to her. She had no tears. She was dry and empty.

  After almost thirty minutes, Nick’s pickup rumbled to life and then roared down the driveway in a spray of gravel. He was gone. All was quiet except for Shasta’s small snores as he slumbered at her feet.

  Chapter 21

  THE school days passed in a numb blur for Krissa and before she even noticed, a week had slipped away from her.

  Her kids were rambunctious and refused to settle down in anticipation of the long Fourth of July holiday. Their spirits were as high as hers were low. She tried to smile at their antics and reminded herself that it was summer, after all.

  She had planned to give them each a reading assignment, but relented at the last minute and let them all skip out of the classroom.

  Eli lingered by her desk.

  “Are you coming out to the resort for the fireworks?” he asked. “It’s super cool and they shoot them off over the lake. They explode up in the sky and you can see their reflection at the same time in the lake. We do it every year. Uncle Nick throws a party for everyone.”

  Krissa didn’t think there was one chance in a million that she would be at the resort on Independence Day. She couldn’t risk seeing Nick again this soon.

  “Maybe I will,” she fibbed. At least she ought to be able to see the fireworks from her side of the lake.

  “I want to show you the golf shop too,” Eli ad
ded. “I can run the cash register and I could show you the golf ball picker. It is awesome to drive it around and pick up all the balls. It’s really funny when you get hit by balls too. The guys at the driving range can really smack a golf ball!”

  Krissa laughed at Eli’s enthusiastic invitation. Maybe she could go. The resort was a big place and she could probably avoid Nick if she tried. Maybe even easier than at the guest cottage right next to his house. It was getting pretty dull just hiding in her cottage. There was no point in hiding out forever.

  Krissa heard herself accept his invitation and wondered about her sanity as he dashed out of her classroom and off to his week-long vacation.

  * * * *

  After dismissing her students, Krissa made her way to the town center of Wescott Springs and randomly picked a western-themed grill for her lunch. There was nothing interesting left to eat in her cupboards and she was in no mood to go grocery shopping.

  Krissa sat in the diner and stared out the window at the short Main Street in Wescott. A steady trickle of tourists and locals drifted from window to window of the storefronts. Krissa sipped on an iced tea and nibbled at her club sandwich.

  She tried to keep her mind clear of Nick or Tim, but only managed it for minutes at a time. She folded the small Wescott Springs newspaper; she’d only seen one rental listing and that was for the sad little place over the deli. She pushed it aside and ate a crispy, salty fry. Maybe there were other places listed on the Internet. She jammed two more fries into her mouth and willed away her bad mood.

  She glanced out the window again and a French fry fell unnoticed to her plate. There was Nick coming out of the post office. She tried to slink back behind the curtains but craned her neck to get a better view and only managed to knock over the salt shaker.

  She righted the glass shaker and tried to sweep up the mess. When she looked up again, Nick stood next to Angie, who was smiling that seductive smile of hers and leaning close to Nick.