To Love and Protect

by Tammy Jo Burns

  He kissed her gently on her temple before whispering in her ear, “Clarissa, wake up. I want to show you something.” She mumbled in her sleep and a frown marred her brow. “You’ll be upset that you missed it.”

  She pushed away from him and yawned sleepily before stretching as far as she could within the confining space. “What is it?” A mutinous look crossed her face.

  “So, you don’t like to be wakened from a good sleep?”

  “Not particularly.”

  “Take a look out the window,” he nodded his head towards the window next to her. She looked through the open curtains, and her breath caught in her throat. Everything looked so beautiful. Mountains lay before them, running into the edge of the lake and disappearing below its glassy surface. Woods lay before them, their fall foliage not completely gone.

  “It is like a mirror.”

  “Loch Lomond,” he said.

  “Pardon?”

  “This is Loch Lomond.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “I had hoped you would like it.”

  “I love it. Is this my surprise?”

  “Aye,” he said softly enjoying the sparkle in her eyes.

  She turned her head and saw the smile spreading across his face. Then she realized that when he had been with Kala Simmons, he had seemed to smile all the time. With her, he seldom smiled. On impulse she leaned up to him and captured his lips with hers. “Thank you,” she whispered softly caressing his cheek.

  “You’re welcome,” he replied, capturing her lips for another kiss. He reluctantly pulled away from her. “Enjoy the view, we still have a little further to travel.”

  Finally, the carriage slowed to a stop. Leaning across her, he opened the door and climbed out before turning and lifting her down after him. The coachman untied the picnic basket in the back while Justin removed several blankets from inside the coach.

  “What are we doing?” she asked, practically skipping next to him to keep up with his long strides. He had handed the blankets to her so he could take the picnic basket and leave the coachman at the carriage.

  “We are having a picnic.”

  “Truly? It has been ages since I’ve been on a picnic.”

  “Wonderful,” he said enjoying her excitement. They walked quietly down towards the water until they found an open, sunny area that would be perfect to spread the blanket out. Clarissa quickly unfolded two of the blankets, snapping them open into a plaid cloud that floated to the ground. The snow had mostly disappeared thanks to the sun shining brightly. Justin placed the basket on the corner of the blankets and lowered himself onto the plaid. He stretched out, crossing his legs at his ankles. Leaning back on his forearms he looked up, eyeing her sensuously.

  “Are you going to join me?”

  “I wondered when you were going to ask me.” She gracefully sat next to the basket so that she could easily lay the food out. Clarissa adjusted her dress so that it covered her ankles properly. The water lapped peacefully at the near shore.

  “Happy birthday, Clare,” he said softly.

  “What?” Shock laced the question that escaped her lips.

  “My sister told me you were not able to celebrate your birthday. Mamma wanted to throw a party in your honor, but I talked her out of it,” he quickly added when he saw the look of horror that crossed her face.

  “Thank you for that,” she answered heartily.

  “Instead, I planned this outing so you could enjoy your belated birthday in relative peace and quiet, and enjoy our beautiful, wild countryside.”

  “Justin, you’re so sweet.”

  “Believe me when I say that around you, I feel anything but sweet,” he said. When she looked like she might scold him, he changed the subject, “See those large, craggy mountains over there,” he pointed at the far end of the loch.

  “Yes.”

  “That is where the Highlands begin.”

  “Truly? I thought they were much further north.”

  “No. We could easily reach it in a day.”

  “It is a beautiful sight.”

  “I’m glad you think so. Now, I’m starving. What did Cook pack for us to eat?”

  Clarissa opened the basket and found it stuffed to the brim with food and drink. She took out item after item and placed them on the plaid. She brought out a jar and stared at the contents, trying to determine what it was. She ended up giving up and setting it down.

  “Aren’t you going to try that?”

  “I can’t even figure out what it is.”

  “I’ll show you mercy. It’s haggis.”

  “Haggis?”

  “Sheep stomach filled with meat, potatoes, onions, and other vegetables and spices.”

  “And you wanted me to eat that?”

  “I’ll admit, it’s an acquired taste.”

  “It would have to be.”

  “It is Gramps’ favorite meal.”

  “An old Scotsman.”

  “And more importantly, a Highlander. What else is there?”

  Clarissa finished pulling out the contents of the basket. They had a veritable feast spread before them. She faintly heard the clopping of horse hooves and looked at the road in time to see the coach round a bend.

  “Where is the coachman going?”

  “There is an inn not very far from here. He is going there for a while. I want us to be able to enjoy the quiet and each other. You know, it looks as if you have dropped years just by being here.”

  “Your grandmother has worked a miracle. She has done so much for Papa. I don’t know how to thank your family. They are all so wonderful.”

  “Even Megan?”

  “You sell your sister short. She has a lot of potential and cannot help it that her interests do not correspond with that of society. I’m impressed that she knows what she wants with her life. I’m still floundering,” she said, removing the heavy coat as the day warmed up. She pulled the shawl around her enjoying the sun on her face.

  “What do you mean?”

  “For so long, it was only Papa and I. I had sworn to myself that I would spend the rest of his days caring for him, since he had given up so much for me. When he married Lorraine, it hurt so much. It felt like a defection, not because I begrudged him happiness, but because she was so hateful and manipulative. She truly aimed to turn him against me. Papa still loves me, and deep down I know that. He has even apologized about Lorraine. But part of me wonders if another woman comes into his life, will he do the same thing? Our lives are only tied together by blood, and I want him to be happy, so where would that leave me? I realized through this situation that I have not been realistic.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” he replied, reaching out to push a stray lock of blonde hair behind her delicate ear. “Mayhap it is time for you to focus on yourself for a change. Quit worrying about everyone else,” he let his fingers play with the lobe of her ear.

  “Perhaps,” she replied, breathless at his gentle touch.

  “I’m starving,” he said softly.

  “Yes,” she whispered unsteadily.

  “How about some of that chicken that Cook packed?”

  “Oh, of course,” she leaned back, startled. Clarissa thought he would kiss her, and now her nerves were rattled beyond thought. Her hands shook as she reached for the chicken that Justin had requested. She turned her back to him on the pretext of getting a few more items for the meal. The few moments allowed her to gather her breath and settle herself.

  He watched as Clarissa turned away from him and knew that she was moved as much by those few touches as he had been. It took barely the touch of her skin or a strand of her hair wrapped around a finger to quicken his blood. Justin only had to catch a whiff of the roses that seemed to surround her to feel his groin tighten in reaction.

  She turned with their food and he could see a faint blush still covered her face. He felt oddly protective of Clarissa. Justin wanted her first experiences to be with him, no matter how innocent they may be. Slow
ly he began chewing the chicken that she had laid out before them. He was proud of the way she had held up during the drama of finding her father and getting him to Scotland.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked, nervously fingering her hair.

  “Not at all,” he said with a grin. “Aren’t you going to eat something?”

  “Of course,” she settled down and began to eat.

  “You have a hearty appetite,” he mused.

  “Compared to most women in society, you mean?”

  “Something like that.”

  “I guess it is one of the things I haven’t really thought about. Society dictates so much of our lives. I never gave much thought to food consumption. If I am hungry, I eat, if not, I don’t. It is as simple as that. Papa…”

  “You worry too much about your father,” he cut her off, a hint of anger tingeing his voice. “He is a grown man and can make mistakes on his own. Hamilton does not need you to care for him. He has servants that can do that very easily.”

  “But he did need me.”

  “This time he did. I will admit that. But under most circumstances, can your father survive without you?”

  “But I am his hostess for parties and dinners.”

  “Gertie would be more than happy to fill in as a hostess.”

  “Papa wouldn’t want to impose.”

  “What happened to your hostess duties when Lorraine came into the picture? Dammit, Clarissa, you have to quit making excuses for your father. Quit treating him like he is your child. You are robbing yourself of a future. Do you realize that?” Justin watched as anger suffused Clarissa’s face. At that moment, he realized he had pushed her too far. He brought things up about her life that she would rather not face, but needed to hear. A cold wind whipped through the valley. Justin looked into the sky and saw the clouds that had looked wispy and harmless earlier, were beginning to boil.

  “I’m going for a walk,” Clarissa said tersely.

  “You really shouldn’t,” he stood, grabbing her arm. “The weather is beginning to turn. In fact, we should walk towards the road and head home. Storms that roll in from the sea to the loch can be vicious.”

  She jerked her arm free of his grip. “I need some time alone.” Justin watched as Clarissa bent over and scooped up the extra blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders and over the shawl. She turned and walked off through the woods without looking back.

  He kept watch on both her and the clouds. He quickly lost sight of her as she walked among the trees. He packed up the food and threw it haphazardly back into the wicker basket. Bloody hell, why did I tell the driver to leave, he blew out a frustrated breath. Because you expected the outcome to be decidedly different. Justin cursed roundly as he carried the basket, blankets, and her coat in the direction of the road.

  The day had been meant to be a day for her to have a little celebration and time to relax and forget about her troubles, if only briefly. He had not planned on criticizing her for her decisions or to berate her for taking excellent care of her father.

  “Clarissa,” he cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled. He heard no response. “Clare, a storm is moving in. We need to go towards the inn.” Silence. “Quit sulking,” he yelled angrily, “and come out.” He paced for another quarter of an hour, occasionally calling her name. Fat, cold raindrops hit him in the face alerting him to the storm that was about to unleash itself. “Bloody women,” he muttered as he began walking through the words, looking for leaves that held imprints of her footfalls. Her tucked her coat under his arm and the rain began to fall faster.

  “Bloody hell,” he muttered, jogging. She had no clue how dangerous a thunderstorm could turn here. He had to find her before something happened.

  ***

  Clarissa walked, unaware of her surroundings. Justin’s words angered her, more for their truth than for his speaking them. Her father was a grown man and could live without her. Her father had found a suitable replacement for her in Lorraine. She might not approved of her, but she did serve as an excellent hostess and moved well among society.

  Even though Lorraine no longer remained in the picture, or at least would not be once they figured out what to do about her and Franklin, but that did not mean that her father should not find someone else. He needed to find someone who would be both an excellent wife and hostess. And that woman would replace Clarissa in her father’s life once and for all. No, she berated herself, you will always be in his life. You will just be fulfilling the role of daughter as it should be.

  Sadness and emptiness crept into Clarissa’s chest. Most of the women her age were already married, albeit not always happily, with at least one child. Had she thrown away her happiness in exchange for taking care of her father? Too many members of the ton believed her to be firmly on the shelf, having declined several marriage offers already.

  Clarissa felt cold raindrops hit her cheeks and cling to her lashes. She pulled the blanket more securely over her head and about her shoulders to ward off the chill of the dropping temperature. She paused and turned in a slow circle, looking around at her surroundings. Nothing looked familiar. I should have been paying attention, she reprimanded herself. She thought she heard someone calling her name and turned towards it, but the wind carried the sound away.

  A lighting bolt struck a tree not a hundred yards in front of her, sparking it to life. Clarissa quickly dropped to the ground, screaming as she did. The ground shook beneath her in time with the rumble of the thunder. Something out of the corner of her eye caused her to look up the ridge on her left. Nature’s fury had dislodged a giant boulder, and it began rolling down the slope, quickly gaining speed. She frantically tried to move out of the way, but her thin, silky slippers would not allow her to find purchase. In those final moments, she sent a prayer heavenward that her death would be quick and painless.

  Chapter 10

  “Dammit, Clarissa, where are you?” Justin shouted. He knew she left angry, but now was not the time to be silent and moody. Storms that came off the coast into this valley could be violent beyond your wildest imagination. She didn’t know what danger she could be in. And you just let her go and wander about on her own, he lectured himself.

  He turned the corner of the dogleg and watched a lighting bolt strike a tree, followed by the sound of a small explosion and ground-shaking thunder. What Justin saw next had him frozen in fear. A large boulder had been dislodged and careened down the slope towards Clarissa. Justin shook himself and ran towards Clarissa where she lay prone in the mud. He tried to gauge the rock’s speed as he continued to run towards her.

  “Clare!” Justin dropped the forgotten picnic basket and ran as fast as he could. He kept running, not wasting his breath trying to yell. The rain came down heavier as the seconds passed. The massive boulder gained speed as it moved towards Clarissa. He had to get her out of there, fast, and did not know if he would reach her in time. As he got closer he yelled her name once more.

  Clarissa heard her name called above the wind, rain, and her own prayers. She looked in the direction it came from to see Justin racing towards her. She tried to scrabble out of the way once more, to no avail.

  “Move!”

  “I’m trying!” Clarissa screamed, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes to join the rain splattered on her face.

  “Dammit, move!”

  She managed to roll over on her back and saw the boulder only a few yards from her. At that moment a solid figure blocked her view. She felt hands biting firmly into her waist, rolling her over and over. Clarissa alternately felt cold, hard ground and cold rain on her back. The boulder scraped along her left leg and arm as it passed by. A heavy, warm body lay on top of her. She could not tell if the tremors she felt belonged to her, Justin, or the ground as the boulder passed by, a trail of rocks and debris following after it. She wrapped her arms around him, clinging tightly to his warmth. A crunch reached her ears and she cocked her head at an odd angle to see the boulder hit a small tree, effectively crushing
it, before continuing on its way.

  “Thank you,” she whispered tremulously, meeting Justin’s worried gaze.

  “Damn, woman, I lost years off my life. That tree could have very well been you,” Justin answered back, bracing himself on his forearms above her. “Are you hurt?”

  “I don’t think so,” Clarissa replied, looking into his blue eyes. “You?”

  “Fine,” he said just before another bolt of lightening lit the sky and thunder rumbled, once again shaking the ground. “We have to find shelter.”

  “The coach,” she began.

  “We are miles from the road. I let you walk far too long.”

  “Now I am to blame for this situation?”

  “If you had stayed put like I told you.”

  “I can’t believe you even said that to me!”

  “We are not going to argue about this now,” his words were punctuated by yet another bolt of lightening and rumble of thunder. He pushed himself up to stand, and held his hands out for her.

  Clarissa reluctantly took his proffered hands, and he easily helped her stand. She jerked her hands free once she stood, and pulled the muddy, wet blanket firmly over her head and around her. “What do you suggest we do then?”

  “Just follow me,” he yelled to be heard above the rain. He turned occasionally to make certain that she stayed behind him. The ground fast became a quagmire as the cold rain continued to fall. Justin bent over and retrieved the earlier dropped picnic basket. He cursed himself for bringing her out here. He knew how quickly winter storms could come upon them, and he had foolishly thought a change of scenery would do her good.

  “Justin,” Clarissa called, when something caught her eye. He kept walking, like a man possessed, in the opposite direction of the object. “Justin!”

  “What?” he turned, yelling at her, his empty hand fisted at his side.