To Love and Protect

by Tammy Jo Burns

“Nothing that cannot be dealt with another day. How did you get up here anyway?”

  “I walked, very slowly, but I walked. I hope it is all right that I am in this room.”

  “Governess’ room.”

  “That is what I guessed. My feet hurt so badly after climbing those stairs, and with Megan nowhere about, I just couldn’t make myself turn around and go back down the stairs. Besides, this window has such a beautiful view of the hills.”

  “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Clarissa.” Justin stood and stretched, holding his hand out for her. “Are you ready to tackle the stairs now?”

  “I think so.” She made to stand, but her feet throbbed when she put pressure on them causing her to fall forward. Justin moved quickly and caught her up in his arms. Her chest pressed flat against his, her breasts throbbed with the pleasure. Her hands gripped his muscular upper arms while his held her waist. She tipped her head back to look up at his face and saw the strained look that crossed it. Unable to help herself, she slowly moved her arms up around his neck.

  “Clarissa, this is not a good idea.”

  “You’re right,” she breathed before she pulled his head down to hers.

  ***

  Her lips were soft and gentle under his. He felt his hands flex on her waist. Justin tried to push her away, but he felt her arms tighten around his neck as if he were her lifeline. He felt himself being swayed by the gentleness she aroused in the kiss, even as he deepened it to something more. Someone moaned, but he could not make out if it was one of them or both.

  “Stop,” he dragged out, pulling away from her. He gently pushed her back in the rocking chair and stepped away from her.

  “Why?”

  “I can’t explain.”

  “You had better. Do you realize that I want to be with you as I have never been with another man? And yet you stop me at every turn.”

  “I want to be with you, too; but, we can’t.”

  “Why not? We’re both adults. We both know the consequences.”

  “I cannot give your father any more fuel for the fire,” he lashed out at her, the words tasting bitter in his mouth. Only after having seen the questioning look in her eyes did he realize what he had let slip, and wished he could call back the words.

  “What does my father have to do with us?”

  “Please don’t make me tell you.”

  “Oh, no you don’t. You have to tell me now. What has he done?”

  “He’s threatening to force us into a marriage.”

  “I won’t marry.”

  “All the more reason to stop what we’re doing. Perhaps he will rewrite his will. He now knows that you are aware of the stipulation.”

  “I don’t care if he does rewrite it. I don’t care if he gives all the money to charity or to my cousin who will inherit the title. I’m tired of pleasing everyone else,” she grabbed Justin’s hand as he paced beside her. Gently, she placed his palm between her breasts. “Do you feel what you do to me? When I’m with you I forget about what I should do, or who I should be. I feel alive when I’m with you. I’m free to be myself.”

  He stopped and looked down at her face. He could feel the rushing, pounding beat of her heart beneath his palm. Her eyes pleaded with him to understand her feelings. God help him, but he did. She stirred feelings in him like no woman before. She could irritate him to no end with her stubbornness one moment and move him to longing the next.

  His body ached with wanting her. He knew it would be wrong to take her. She was an innocent, and her father temporarily resided in his parents’ house. He had already threatened to force them into a marriage. But this was Clarissa. Resilient, strong, independent Clarissa. She inspired him at every turn. Making his decision, he pulled his hand from hers and walked towards the door. He quietly shut and locked it. When he turned, he saw her head bent and her shoulders shaking softly.

  Clarissa sat in the chair feeling bereft and alone. Silent sobs shook her slender figure and tears tracked down her cheeks to fall on the clasped hands in her lap. She was so tired of everyone pushing her away, thinking they knew best, making decisions for her. Now Justin had pushed her away, and she felt certain she would not be able to face him again. The click of the door shutting had echoed as loudly in her mind as a gunshot. She had laid her soul bare before Justin, and he had walked away. She understood his reasoning, which made it so much worse. She had a mind and could make her own decisions. In fact, she had, only to have them rejected.

  She felt a tickling touch on her neck and swiped at it only to come in contact with a slightly whiskered face. Clarissa quickly turned her head and swiped Justin’s cheek with her lips. Hastily swiping at the tears that ran down her cheeks she accused, “I thought you left.”

  “I should have.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Because of you.”

  “I don’t want your pity.”

  “Believe me, what I am feeling for you is definitely not pity.” He bent over and lifted her into his arms, seizing her lips in a deep, wet kiss. Their tongues dueled and he knew that they both, most definitely, moaned that time. He felt her arms circle his neck as she pulled herself tighter against him, her breasts flattening against his chest. He leaned over the bed and pulled the Holland cover back before gently laying her down. “Roll over,” he commanded softly.

  She did and he began working on the buttons that ran down the back of her dress. Each little bit that he opened, he would place a soft kiss before moving to the next fastening. Once he had released all of the little catches, he rolled her back over and gently peeled the dress down her slender arms. “This is like unwrapping a package and receiving a little tantalizing glimpse the more you remove,” he told her as he pulled the dress completely off and dropped it at the end of the bed.

  She lay there in her thin shift, giving him just the tiniest hint of what lay hidden beneath. “You take my breath away, Clare,” he said softly before capturing her lips. He pulled away from her a bit, “When I had to undress you in the hut to warm you, I thought I would die with wanting you. And then later, you walked towards me in all your glory.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me then?”

  “Honor. Not thinking straight. I really don’t know,” he shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

  “To hell with honor,” she declared pulling him down once more for a sultry kiss. She felt his hands at the ties on her shift, gently pulling them undone and spreading open the thin material. His hands were not soft like many of the men she knew, and she welcomed the roughness. The texture heightened the sensations she felt as he ran his palm from her neck to the upper part of her breasts. Then his palm swallowed her breast entirely. She simultaneously arched and moaned at the sensation.

  “I can still stop,” he declared raggedly, tenderly moving his thumb back and forth over a nipple, causing sensations to bolt throughout her body.

  “Why would you do that?” Clarissa asked a bit breathless.

  “Are you certain this is what you want?”

  “I’m certain that you are what I want.”

  He bent, taking her lips once more, and began to roll her nipple between his thumb and forefinger causing it to peak. She arched in silent demand at the sensations that he caused to course through her. He kissed her earlobe and trailed kisses down her neck and across her upper chest. Justin moved lower, swiping her other nipple with his tongue.

  “Oh my,” she whispered. Before she knew what happened, Justin captured the tip of her breast in his mouth and suckled, gently at first, and then fiercely. Lightening arced between his mouth and the spot between her thighs. She felt herself becoming moist, and could not help the blush that covered her body. Her legs moved restlessly and she placed a hand at the back of his head as if to hold him in place. He moved to the other breast to give it the equal amount of attention.

  In the haze of her passion, she could feel his hard manhood pressing against her thigh. In a very unladylike manner, she reached down and cuppe
d his erection through his pantaloons. He jerked back and looked down at her. An innocent, yet knowing look entered her chocolate eyes. She pressed her hand against him and felt him grow larger.

  “Clare, you’re killing me.”

  “Then by all means, undress and let me take care of you. You have on far too much clothing compared to me.” He pulled away from her and made quick work of his waistcoat and shirt. She inhaled sharply at the breadth of his muscular chest. Dark auburn hair lightly dusted it, and his skin looked like peaches and cream, as if he had not seen the sun much, as of late. Clarissa reached up and ran a hand through the pelt of hair, savoring the springy sensation on her fingers. She ran her hand over his nipples, pinching them lightly.

  “Where have you learned to do this?” he asked breathlessly.

  “Curiosity,” she whispered softly. He fought with the placket of his pants, becoming all thumbs in an instant. It only endeared him more to her that he could become this nervous with her. “Justin, why are you so nervous? It’s only me. If anything, I should be the nervous one,” she said softly, kissing him on his throat.

  His movements stopped as he looked at her lying on the bed. “Clare, I’m not as experienced as most of the men in society. Living here in Scotland, well, we were taught not to take advantage of the lasses.”

  “You’re a...” she broke off.

  “Virgin? Nay,” he responded. “I’m just not as experienced as others,” he said, shrugging.

  “As long as you have some experience. Don’t you think one of us should?”

  “Clare,” he moaned, swooping in for another taste of her mouth. She felt his hands rove all over her body, touching and teasing. When she felt him struggling to remove her shift, she lifted slightly to ease his way. When he began working on the ties of her drawers was when all her bravado flew out the window. She placed her hands on top of his to stop his action, her eyes wide. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked, thinking he might perish where he lay if she said yes.

  “No, but do we have to get to that part now? I enjoyed the other so much, is this really necessary?”

  “Clare, I will ask you once more, are you sure you want to do this?”

  “Yes, I’m just being silly.”

  “Never silly,” he said and kissed the palms on both of her hands. He moved back up to kiss her berry colored lips once more, kneading her breasts and helping her to lose herself in the moment. Moving back to her breasts, he teased them with his mouth. Her movements became restless, and she became absorbed in what he made her feel. He moved a single hand to the ties of her drawers and gently pulled on the string. They loosened and he pulled them down her legs tossing them off the bed as well.

  She laid before him in all her glory, the sun had moved in the sky and acted like a spotlight on her body. At that moment he was glad he had not removed his clothing. He would give her satisfaction before he took her, knowing that this first time might be painful for her. Justin ran his palm down her side and cupped her hip.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, kissing her cheek softly in awe. A blush covered her body, and she made to cover herself with her hands. “No,” he stopped her. “Let me look at you.” He held her hands beside her head, pinned to the bed. He felt himself growing harder just looking at her. Justin placed a kiss on a delicate ivory shoulder and watched her face as one of his hands wandered to the apex of her thighs and gently cupped her.

  Her eyes widened, and her mouth formed a perfect O. His fingers began to ply her, slipping into the already slick crevice.

  “Justin,” she cried hoarsely.

  “This is just the beginning,” he cooed. His hand slid to her stomach, resting low between her hips. “I’m going to touch you now,” he whispered, before inserting a single finger into the hot and weepy crevice.

  “Please, just make it stop.” She felt his fingers tease a part of her that she had refused to acknowledge even existed. She knew she should not be allowing him these intimacies. His calloused finger brushed a part of her, making her jolt.

  “What?” he queried, pulling away only to hear her whimper.

  Was that me? Clarissa wondered somewhat dazedly. She watched him return his attention to her breast, and this time definitely heard herself moan. Her hands fell away from his head and instead clutched at his impressive shoulders. In seconds she felt so tightly strung she thought her body would snap in two, like one might a dried twig. He left her alabaster globe and kissed her deeply. He began a rhythm within her, using his skilled fingers, plunge, retreat, plunge, retreat. She felt her body trying to follow his tempo.

  He teased her apex, parting the curls to give him better access to her hidden jewel. After finding the nub of nerves that he knew would give her great pleasure, he began to manipulate it, as well. He watched with satisfaction as her hips began to jerk to and fro. She voluntarily spread her legs wider as if to give him greater access.

  “Oh,” she moaned softly.

  “Am I hurting you?” he inquired.

  “No, don’t stop,” she cried, grabbing his wrist. “It feels new and wonderful and just don’t stop.”

  He bent to kiss her as he began a rhythm within her body. She felt herself moving, trying to find what she needed. She felt like she stood on the edge of a cliff, trying to grab for something just out of her reach. She moved her hips at a different angle as she felt another finger plunge in to join the first. “Ahh,” she cried as she felt him scrape across an extremely sensitive area. “Again,” she pleaded.

  He followed her dictates, knowing she was his best source on what pleased her. He watched, mesmerized, as she licked her lips, her head thrashing on the mattress. She reached up and gripped his shoulders. He put the tiniest pressure on that bundle of nerves with his thumb as he plunged his fingers in once more. He watched, and felt, her fracture from the sensation.

  He pulled her into his arms, feeling her heart pounding against her chest. Her hair clung to her damp body. Her breathing felt harsh and labored, and he just held her, calming her in the aftermath of her climax. Her breathing began to return to normal and the shaking slowly subsided. He could not help himself and kissed her once more.

  “My,” she said, when they finally broke apart.

  “‘My’ what?”

  “My, my.”

  “Is that a good ‘my, my’ or a bad ‘my, my’?”

  “Good, very good. If I had known that this is what would have happened in the study that day, I would have run Megan off myself,” she said. He laughed, tilted her chin up and took her lips.

  “Perhaps we should stop here,” he said, trying to be the voice of reason.

  “I don’t think so,” she said, running a hand down his back and into the loosened waist of his trousers. Her hand cupped his buttocks and squeezed.

  Chapter 12

  Clarissa knelt on the bed beside Justin and pushed his trousers down the length of his legs to the tops of his boots. She looked at what she had uncovered. In her years of growing up on an estate, she had witnessed stallions covering mares, but never had she seen a naked human male. He looked glorious.

  His manhood sprang up at her from a nest of curls. Its size took her breath away, and for a moment, she felt unsure about the entire process. Hesitantly, she reached out to touch the tip of his member, and it jerked in response. She snatched her hand back as if bitten by a snake. She heard a chuckle emanate from Justin.

  “What is so funny?”

  “You.”

  “Me?”

  “You want to appear brave and worldly, but you are anything but. It warms my heart.”

  “Truly?”

  “Truly. Now come here.”

  “But don’t you want me to, well, you know, touch you?”

  “I would love for you to touch me, but I don’t think you’re ready for that just yet. But don’t worry, you will be.”

  “We’ll do this again?”

  “As much as we shouldn’t, I don’t think I can stay away from you.” He grabbed h
er about the waist and flipped her so that she lay on the bed once more. “Now, where were we?”

  “I think I just flew to the moon,” she answered, a smile teasing her lips.

  “Prepare to make a trip to the sun, as well,” Justin replied and captured her mouth. She could truly feel his member throbbing against her hip now. A slight dampness seeped from the tip onto her. Just the thought that she could do that to him excited her and caused her to become damp once more. She kissed Justin back, throwing her arms around his neck, holding him tight.

  She felt him plying her nether lips once more. Clarissa found herself lost in the sensations. Soon something larger than his finger probed her. She wrapped her legs around his thighs, pulling him closer.

  Justin rubbed himself back and forth against her causing a tantalizing friction between them. He teased her opening with his fingers and his member, preparing her for his entrance. When he felt her body weep for him, he slowly began joining his body to hers. He gave her time to become accustomed to his size before he pushed any more of himself into her. Her channel widened, accepting him, and then she welcomed him fully within herself.

  He rested his forehead against hers and looked into those deep, brown eyes. Amber highlights sparkled in them. “It is not too late. I can still stop.”

  “If you stop now, I might very well kill you,” she said breathlessly, unconsciously clenching her sheath around him.

  “Don’t do that quite yet or you’ll unman me.”

  “This?” she asked, a sultry note in her voice, and repeated the action.

  “Stop,” he groaned.

  “Well, is this it?”

  “Oh, no, this is not it at all. This is just the beginning,” he murmured. He pulled his lower body away from her, very slowly, causing sensations to pulse madly within her. Just when she thought he would leave her entirely, he rejoined with her. He began a slow rhythm, back and forth. Slowly, she began to move with him, adding to the friction and the feelings.

  She heard herself encouraging him, begging him to move faster. She could barely believe that she said those things. But he did as she asked. The feelings, both physically and emotionally, were almost too much for her to bear. It was the same feelings as earlier, only magnified. Justin plunged into her with more force now. She pushed against him, causing a greater friction between them. Her eyes were closed, savoring the feelings.