To Love and Protect

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “Look at me, Clare,” he demanded. She could not deny him. She opened her eyes and witnessed the passion and determination in the sparkling blue depths. She felt him reach between them and he pinched that little bud just as he plunged into her once more. Clarissa spun off into the brightness of the sun that he had promised her earlier. As she returned to earth, she felt him moving faster in her, heard the sound of their bodies meeting. She clenched her inner muscles that he had warned her against earlier in a sultry rhythm. His eyes widened as he plunged one last time and spilled his seed at her entrance as he barely pulled out, before collapsing on her.

  ***

  It seemed like hours later that they lay there, curled into one another, their breathing finally stable. Not having anything else, Justin pulled the Holland cover up over their semi-nude, damp bodies. Clarissa’s head lay pillowed on Justin’s shoulder as if he were made for just that purpose. She ran her fingers back and forth across his chest, playing in the springy hair.

  “Why did you pull out at the very last?” Clarissa asked curiously.

  “To try and prevent your getting with child.”

  “Oh,” she said softly. “Do you think it worked?”

  “I hope so.”

  “Do you not want a child?”

  “Have you forgotten something very important? We are not married, and you said that you never wanted to be?”

  “I did, didn’t I?” She couldn’t help the sadness that leaked into her voice.

  “Dammit, I knew this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this. Get dressed and I’ll help you back to your room,” he threw the cover off, stood, and pulled up his pants. He then walked to the end of the bed. “I couldn’t even take the time to remove my pants and boots, rutting like an animal.” He speared his fingers through his hair and began walking the floor.

  “No, Justin, wait, please,” she scrambled to the end of the bed and perched there in her nude glory. She placed a gentle hand on his arm to stop him. “I’m sorry. It’s just, well, I don’t know. I guess, deep down, every woman thinks of the day she will marry and have children. But you’re right. I’ve made my decision and will stand by it.” He looked at her, and she could not tell if disappointment crossed his face or not. “Please, I didn’t mean to run you out of bed.”

  He looked at her once more and could feel desire course through his body once more. Why did she stir him so? Her blonde hair was a riot of curls about her head. The sun made them look like a golden halo. She reached down and gently wrapped her fingers around his hardening member, ending any thoughts of her being angelic.

  “Didn’t you tell me you would show me how to do this properly?”

  “I can’t remember,” he replied hoarsely.

  “Well, I think you should, Southerby,” she gently scraped a fingernail along his growing length.

  “Damn you, Clarissa,” he growled before tossing her onto the bed and following her.

  “Think you’ll get your boots off this time?”

  “I doubt it,” he kissed her ravenously.

  ***

  Late afternoon shadows fell across the two lovers lying in the bed. Clarissa lay awake in Justin’s arms, thinking about the pleasant way they had spent the day. Justin had taught her so much, not just about men and making love, but also about herself. It had been a wondrous experience, but it had to end. Perhaps they should not have let it happen; however, she did not regret it in the least.

  She rolled over to look at the man she had quietly fallen in love with. She could admit it to herself now. At least she would always have this day to look back on with love and fondness—a day of memories. She shivered as the room darkened and lost the heat provided from the sun. She felt a soft kiss on her shoulder and turned to look up at him.

  “We should probably sneak downstairs.”

  “Probably,” he replied.

  “Are you going to let me up?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Justin,” she admonished, teasingly.

  “All right. I suppose we need to attend supper.”

  “How are we going to act like nothing happened?”

  “I’m sure we’ll do fine.” He rose from the bed and stretched like a jungle cat, not at all concerned about his nudity. She, on the other hand, suddenly felt self-conscious and anxious.

  Once they were both dressed and presentable enough to escape to their own rooms, Justin checked both the passageway and the staircase. After he made certain both were clear, he swung her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom.

  “I thank you for the ride, kind sir.”

  “It was my absolute pleasure, madam. And may I thank you for the ride this afternoon?” he whispered lasciviously.

  “Southerby,” she whispered, swatting his arm and looking around. He merely laughed and closed her door as he left. Clarissa took a few moments to study her appearance in the mirror. She did indeed look as if she had been on a wild ride. Her hair hung in riotous curls that looked to be tangled. Her upper chest had rosy spots from Justin’s day’s growth of beard. Her lips looked bee-stung. She could still smell the musky scent of them together lingering on her skin.

  “I’ll never get through dinner,” she muttered to herself. She rang for a bath and attempted to put herself back to rights as well as she could. She looked at herself in the mirror once more when the dinner bell rang. A well-placed fichu covered the marks Justin had left on her chest. She had piled her hair atop her head in some semblance of order. And her lips, well not much could be done about her lips.

  Halfway down the staircase she saw Justin coming up. She stopped to look at him, taking in everything about him. He too, looked much better. Perhaps they would be able to pull this off, after all.

  “Good evening, Clare,” he bowed to her.

  “Justin,” she bowed her head. “Forgive me if I don’t curtsy. My feet are still tender and make balancing difficult.”

  “Just the reason I was coming up. Would you care for a ride?” he asked wickedly.

  “Southerby,” she breathed looking around.

  “I’m sorry. Would you like me to escort you to dinner in the most chivalrous way that I know?”

  “I would be honored.”

  He lifted her in his arms and carried her down the stairs. His mother saw them and a smile crossed her lips.

  “You two look as if you were meant to be together.”

  “Mother,” Justin said warningly.

  “Just an observation,” she raised her hand to ward him off and turned to the others. “It seems everyone is here now, shall we dine?” They all murmured their agreement and they all moved towards the dining room. Clarissa had been placed next to Justin and across from her sat her father. She saw that he watched her carefully throughout the meal, almost scrutinizing her every move.

  “Papa, I’m so glad you can actually join us for the meal,” she said, perhaps a bit too boisterously during a lull in the conversation.

  “Have to keep my eye on the happenings around here,” he growled.

  Clarissa refused to blush, and refused to let his statement get to her. “Perhaps we should discuss this in private, after the meal,” she proposed. Her father merely grunted his agreement. After that, conversation turned to more mundane, general topics. The food tasted delicious, and Clarissa felt greatly satisfied and extremely full. All she wanted to do was go to bed after the exhausting day she had had, but her father wanted to talk.

  After the meal, they all stood to leave the room. Justin started to bend to lift Clarissa into his arms before she halted his progress.

  “I can walk, but, thank you,” she said softly.

  “Are you certain?”

  She nodded her agreement and slowly left the dining room. Her father beat her up the stairs, but that gave him time to ready for bed. She knocked softly on his door, almost hoping that he would have dozed off. Fate laughed at her.

  “Come in.”

  “Hello, Papa.”

  “Shut the
door.” She did and walked slowly across the room to sit in a chair across from the one he occupied. “What’s the matter, Papa?”

  “You.”

  “What did I do?”

  “What went on in that little cottage?”

  “Absolutely nothing. We sought shelter from the storm.”

  “Is it true?”

  “Is what true?”

  “That you almost died?”

  “I believe I do owe Justin a great deal.”

  “Was it because of me?”

  “What?”

  “Did you fail to fight harder to get out of the way of that boulder because of me? Did you want it to end your life?”

  Clarissa looked down at her hands, searching for the right words. “I am not suicidal, if that is what you are asking. Papa, so many things have happened between us since Lorraine came into our lives. She was like a festering sore to me. I tried on many occasions to tell you my concerns, and you would just brush it off. Never before had you treated me that way. You had always regarded my opinion very highly. Why did she change that?”

  “Perhaps, I became a silly old fool. She turned my head, Clarissa. She made me feel young after you made me feel old.”

  “I...I never,” she stammered.

  “You did. When you told me you would never marry, only take care of me for the rest of your life. I felt so blasted old in that moment. Then Lorraine came along. At first I wondered what a beautiful young woman could see in me. Then I thought about the money and all that and you know what?” Clarissa just shook her head, mesmerized by her father’s words. “I didn’t care.”

  “The will?” Clarissa asked.

  “Changed before Lorraine came along and I don’t know that I will change it back. I don’t want you to become an old maid taking care of me.”

  “Changing your will cannot guarantee that I will find a husband and bear a child within your time period.”

  “That is a decision you will have to make.”

  “You would force me into a loveless marriage or leave me poor.”

  “Clarissa, your mother and I were not a love match. We were very good friends, but we did come to love each other desperately. I do miss her dreadfully, and it is my hope that you will find that kind of love as well.”

  “What has happened to you?” Clarissa asked bitterly. “You are not the father I once knew. My father laughed, he read me stories, kissed my hurts. He would not have put this stipulation on his daughter. Where is that man?”

  “He left when you grew up and didn’t need him anymore.”

  “I still need him, dammit,” Clarissa could not stop the word leaving her mouth or the angry tears that fell down her cheeks. She felt more alone in the world than she ever had.

  “No, you don’t need him. You need someone to love you as a man loves a woman. Clarissa, I think Justin would make you a fine husband.”

  “I heard you tried to force him to propose to me.”

  “Yes.”

  “I do not want a forced proposal. If he does it, I want it to be on his terms. Do you understand?”

  “Do you love him?”

  “I don’t think that is any of your business.”

  “I’m your father.”

  “I’m only your pawn, and you have become the chess master.” Clarissa stood and slowly walked to the door.

  “I will win this battle.” Clarissa closed the door firmly on his words, not caring that he got in the last one.

  “Clare, is everything all right?” Justin stood waiting across the hall, a concerned look on his face.

  “Fine. Everything is fine,” she refused to break down in front of this man. She walked slowly to her room and shut and locked the door. Then she slid down to the floor as the harsh sobs wracked her body.

  ***

  Justin could hear Clarissa sobbing through the door. He turned the knob but found the door locked. How like her to suffer her problems alone. Justin turned to the only other source who knew what had just happened. He turned the doorknob without knocking and what he saw floored him. The old duke sat in a chair, silver tear tracks ran down his face.

  Justin quietly closed the door and made his way to his own room. Instead of undressing, Justin walked out onto his balcony and looked towards the hills. Those two are quite a pair, he thought while shaking his head. Each thinking that they were helping the other when all they were doing were causing each other heartache. From the way Clarissa looked, it might be something that cannot be fixed. As much as he disliked the way the old man had tried to roughshod him into a marriage, he really could not blame him. If Clarissa had been his daughter, he probably would have made the marriage happen when they had first landed in Scotland.

  He knew if nothing else, they had to get this Lorraine and Franklin issue taken care of. There would be no happiness for anyone until those two were out of the picture for good. Justin walked back into his room, undressed, and took care of his nightly rituals. He shrugged into his robe then poured himself a brandy. He carried one of the big chairs out onto the balcony and went back for his brandy.

  The air smelled crisp and clean. A few more days and Christmas would be upon them; too bad they could not celebrate it openly. The moon highlighted the hills and reflected off the river. He loved it here in Dumbarton. No heavy smoke hung in the air as it did in London, and it remained less busy than Glasgow and Edinburgh. You could also forget that most of Europe united in fighting a single enemy. Here, you could forget about everything. He emptied his snifter and set it down on the floor.

  His legs stretched before him, his hands behind his head, he closed his eyes enjoying the smells and sounds of the area. He felt the barest touch on his arm before he grabbed the intruder and pulled her into his lap. Her scent had precluded her.

  “What do you think you are doing?” he asked.

  “I don’t want to be alone right now.” Clarissa’s eyes and nose were red from crying. Her face was splotchy, but beautiful. He hugged her to him and just held her.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

  “No.” She turned in the chair and straddled his legs. “Are you wearing anything beneath your robe?”

  “No.”

  “Neither am I.”

  “Clare, don’t say things like that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because.”

  “Because you’ll want to touch me?”

  “I’ll want to do more than that, and it’s getting colder out here.”

  “Good, we need to warm up then,” she whispered leaning in to kiss him and untie his robe. She pushed the lapels aside and then untied hers. She brushed her breasts against his chest, loving the way her breasts tingled. His erection throbbed against her cleft. She reached down, grabbed it and positioned herself to take him.

  “Let me prepare you,” he whispered.

  “Believe me, I’m more than ready,” she whispered as she slipped down onto him, taking him wholly within her. He wrapped her in his arms and captured her mouth, devouring it as if he were starving. “Justin,” she whispered when she pulled back.

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t know what to do now.”

  “I can’t believe this,” he chuckled quietly, and she could feel the movement within her.

  “Please, don’t laugh at me.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not. I’m laughing at the situation.”

  “Shouldn’t you be quiet?”

  “I’m the only one on this side of the house,” he told her before capturing her lips once more and plundering the deep recesses of her mouth. She felt his hips jerk upward and a spark ignited deep within her. His hands found her hips and helped guide her until she found her own rhythm and what she wanted. She squirmed and wriggled trying to reach the point where she would soar and forget everything. Then she felt him suckle at her breast and reach between them and she flew, her face and arms raised to the sky.

  ***

  Clarissa awoke in her bed, dressed in her nightgown a
nd tucked beneath the heavy coverlet. Sun streamed through the window, and there was no sign of Justin anywhere. Had she dreamed her actions? No, definitely not a dream she thought as she felt the soreness all along her body. She felt a blush cover her body at her boldness last night. What had come over her? She threw the cover over her head, hoping to block out the event from memory.

  What did he think of her? My word, she had acted like a common trollop. Mortified, she rolled over and curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. She could not face anyone this morning. She wanted to blame her actions on her confrontation with her father. But she knew that was only a small part of the reason for her behavior. After having a good cry, she had sought Justin out for two reasons. The first being comfort. She had not wanted to be alone, to face her demons in the dark. Secondly, she had wanted him. She wanted the physical connection they had shared earlier.

  She remembered spending some time in Justin’s room after their interlude on the balcony. He had moved them to his bed where they had several more interludes before she simply fell asleep in his arms. She had been exhausted both physically and emotionally. The clock downstairs began ringing the hour. Noon! My word, she had practically slept the day away.

  Determined to push aside her worries, Clarissa left the bed, performed her ablutions and dressed quickly in a simple outfit. Her stomach growled noisily and she hoped she had not missed the noon meal. After slowly making her way downstairs, she found the dining room occupied by most of Justin’s family. Food had been laid out on trays and warmers in an informal manner. She looked around the room and saw no sign of either Justin or her father.

  Relief coursed through her, relaxing her body. Those who sat around the table greeted her as she made her way to the buffet. After quickly filling her plate, a footman took it from her and carried it to the table for her then assisted her to her seat. Ravenous, she dug into her food. Matilda watched her keenly from across the way. Self-conscious, she began eating more slowly wondering what the old woman saw.