To Love and Protect

by Tammy Jo Burns

  Justin looked around the room and saw men’s jaws hanging open in amazement. He rubbed his neck and took several deep breaths before the men began exchanging money. Blood trickled from one corner of his mouth, and more from above one of his eyes. One eye was already swelling shut and he could already feel bruises developing on his ribs. His knee hurt the most. Justin was not sure where the man learned that move, but he tucked it away in the back of his mind in case he needed it in the future.

  Slowly, he limped over to the bar and placed a pile of money on it and nodded at the keep. He dropped some money on the unconscious man’s chest and looked at the men around the room.

  “See he gets medical attention, and make certain he doesn’t talk about women like that again.” Justin turned, limping out of the alehouse and back to the inn. He did a hop step as he climbed the stairs. After entering the room and locking the door, he limped over to the washstand.

  “Justin, is that you?”

  “No, it’s the local welcoming committee. Who else would it be? Or are there other men you don’t want bothering you as well?”

  “For heaven’s sake. I’m sorry, all right? I’m tired and riding the horse for so long has made me sore. And I still don’t feel quite the thing. Are you happy?”

  He merely shrugged. No, he wasn’t really happy because it was still his fault that they had ridden so hard. So truly everything was still fully placed on him. He made his way to the chair and fell onto it, moaning a little.

  “What was all that noise? I started to come look, but thought it best not to.”

  “Go to sleep,” he practically growled.

  “What’s wrong? You used to be fun and laugh.”

  “That was before I met you,” he replied, ignoring her question. “Go to sleep.”

  She pulled herself from the bed and walked over to him, hands fisted at her side. He made her so incredibly angry. Then she saw his face. She released the air she held on a sigh. Even in the firelight she could see the swelling on his face and the bruising on his knuckles. There were two cuts, one in his brow line and one at the corner of his mouth that were still bleeding. His right knee was swelling grotesquely and he had an arm wrapped around his ribcage.

  “Nothing, is it? What did you do? Take on the whole village?”

  “Just one man.”

  “One man did this to you?”

  “You should see what he looks like.”

  “I know you were mad at me, but did you have to go looking for a fight?”

  “No, I went looking for a way to drown my anger and get you off my bloody mind. I went to the alehouse and a local man was talking about you. He compared you to a harlot he had known in the past, and was betting his friends he could make you scream by the time he was done with you. Are you happy? Is there anything else you want to know? Should I have sat there and listened to him talk about my wife like that? Should I have showed them the room and let him see if he could do what he claimed?” Justin watched as her eyes filled with shadows. He studied her as she sucked her lower lip into the deep recesses of her mouth before nibbling on it.

  “What have we done to each other?” Clarissa asked huskily.

  “I don’t know,” Justin sighed.

  “We used to be friends, didn’t we?”

  “No, Clare. We were acquaintances. Then desire and lust took over. Yes, we had begun to learn things about each other, but we were still merely two people connected by one person. If it weren’t for Gertie, I don’t know that I would have ever approached you.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I hate to say this, but the ton considered you to be aloof.”

  “Aloof?”

  Justin cleared his throat before saying, “I believe I have overheard some of the men refer to you as the Ice Princess.”

  “Oh, really?” Clare asked, pulling away and arching a finely sculpted brow at him.

  “I didn’t say I ever did.”

  “Am I really that intolerable?”

  “No. You are just very select as to whom you open up to. The women resent not being able to pry every little detail of your life out of you. I find it refreshing to know that I can tell you anything and not hear about it at White’s within the hour. If I can admit it without you hitting me, I don’t think of you as the Ice Princess at all,” he finished as a smirk lifted his upper lip on one side.

  Clarissa sank on the floor in front of him and leaned against his uninjured leg. Justin could not keep himself from running his fingers through her blonde curls. He reveled in the way they snaked around his fingers and then bounced free once he reached the end.

  “I don’t want to live like this. I hate fighting. Why can’t things just be normal?”

  “What’s normal?”

  “I don’t know. Remember, I never had two parents except when I was very small. What is normal in your family?”

  “Oh, there’s fighting. But you must remember, Mamma has a fierce Scottish temper. Then after the fighting, my parents would disappear for hours. When we saw them again, they would be blushing like they had just fallen in love all over again. Da’ is the head of the family, but if he needs advice, he always looks to Mamma,” he looked down at Clarissa and saw her looking up at him. The shadows and worry had not left her face. “Come here.”

  “No,” she shook her head. “I’ll hurt you.”

  “No, you won’t. I only want to hold you.”

  “You can hold me in bed, where we will both be more comfortable.”

  “When did you become such a termagant?”

  “Since I married a stubborn ass.”

  He couldn’t stop the low chuckle. He watched her add a log to the fire as he carefully crossed the room and eased himself onto the bed. The light made her sedate gown practically indecent. She moved to him and carefully crawled onto the bed next to him, making certain she lay on the side of his good leg. He held her snugly against him despite the discomfort. “We are going to make this work.”

  She only nodded her head and fisted her hand in his shirt as if holding on for dear life.

  ***

  Justin was awakened from a dreamless sleep that night by objects clattering. He heard Clarissa mumbling to herself and saw her moving around the room.

  “Clare, what’s the matter?”

  “Nothing, go back to sleep,” she said distracted. The backache and headache she had fought most of the day were easily explained now, her courses had begun in earnest. Why could this not have happened last night, or even this morning? Now she was tied to a man who thought she only needed him for stud services, as he had so eloquently put it earlier. She could only begin to imagine what he would say about her courses starting now, only hours after the ceremony. Why had her life become so complicated?

  Sleep eluded Justin with the commotion Clarissa made, so he rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

  “Are you looking for something?”

  “Do you have a knife?”

  “Aye, in my boot. There is a hidden sheath built in. Why do you need a knife?”

  “Please, just go back to sleep.” She sounded flustered.

  “That’s not going to happen until you are back in bed with me.”

  “Fine,” she disappeared behind the screen and he heard the ripping of fabric. Minutes ticked slowly by before she came out from behind the screen. She did not join him back in bed, but instead walked to the window and watched the moon glisten on the fresh snow. “There is no baby, my courses started.” He barely heard her whispered words. Disappointment and relief slammed through him.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Neither do I. You know what this means?” she asked, never taking her eyes off of the landscape.

  “That no one will question the legitimacy of our future children?”

  “No. Since you and I are the only ones that know we are married, you do not have to stay with me.”

  “What in the hell are you saying?”

  “You married me because you thoug
ht there was a baby. We married over the anvil. There is no baby. Who’s to say our marriage is legitimate? We can burn the certificate now and no one has to be the wiser. It hasn’t even been consummated. This is your chance to not have to worry about a family while in service to the Crown. I won’t stop you. You deserve your chance at fulfilling your dream.”

  “Are you through?”

  “No,” she walked over to him with something in her hand. Her eyes were clear and bright. He had married the most stubborn woman in the world. She laid the beautiful wedding ring on the bedside table and turned to walk back to the window. Before she made it a foot, a hand quickly lashed out and grabbed her, pulling her back on the bed.

  Justin reached for the ring and placed it once more on her finger. “You will never take that off again, do you understand me?”

  “You are no longer under an obligation.”

  “As I remember it, when I asked you to marry me, I was not under obligation then either.”

  “Yes, but that was before you realized what your service would do to a wife.”

  “That may be true, but I have not changed my mind. You are the only woman I want as a wife, regardless of how incredibly stubborn you have become.”

  “Justin, I will not hold you to a promise you do not want to keep.”

  “I want to keep this promise, now will you get back in bed?” She obliged, but remained stiff in his arms. “Relax and get some rest,” he whispered in her ear and soothed her until he heard her even breathing. He should have let her go. It would have been the safest thing for her, but when he thought about another man holding her, anger and jealousy inundated him. She was his and would be for however long they had together—hopefully that would be a hundred years.

  Chapter 17

  They created an unspoken truce between them that night. They decided to stay on in the village for a week in order to give him time to heal a bit and Clarissa time to rest. She had not realized how weak the illness had made her until they had started traveling. Her courses had finally come to an end as well, which also made her feel better. The innkeeper guaranteed there would be no more trouble from the man that Justin had quarreled with at the alehouse, which also brought her a measure of peace.

  They slept late into the morning each day, which is something neither did very often. The two also spent time talking and getting to know each other. The fifth afternoon, they had fallen into a comfortable silence. Clarissa read a book she had found downstairs that a traveler had left behind, while Justin read old newssheets from London, catching up on the latest happenings.

  Clarissa had read the same paragraph for the third time when she heard Justin toss down the newssheets. She watched from under her lashes as he stretched his muscular form on the bed. They had not been intimate in several days, but it did not matter all that much to Clarissa. Every night he held her close, and they talked until they drifted off to sleep, and each morning she awoke in his arms. That mattered most to her, the affection that he showed her.

  As long as he kept showing her that kind of attention, she thought she could live without hearing him tell her he loved her. Perhaps she should take a lesson and be more studious in protecting her own heart. She moved her gaze to watch the snow that fell lightly outside. When they did start back to London, it would be a chilly trip, but she did so love the snow.

  She had a vague memory before her mother died of her father taking them for a sleigh ride. Closing her eyes, she slipped back into time as if she were reliving the moment. She had been seated between her parents, and her father had pulled her mother close for a kiss. Clarissa remembered giggling as she looked up at the two adults before they both hugged her tightly to them. She gave a soft sigh and felt a smile tip up the corners of her lips.

  “What has put that smile on your face?” Justin’s low voice intruded pleasantly on her memory.

  “Just remembering one of my only memories about my mother.”

  “And?”

  She relayed the story to him.

  “Let’s go for a walk. I think we both need out of this room for a bit,” he said as he pushed himself off the bed.

  “What about your knee?”

  “Stiff, but the walk will do me good. Wrap up so you don’t catch a chill.”

  “Yes, sir,” she curtsied after she herself had stood.

  He waited until she passed by and playfully swatted her on the rump. “Don’t make me punish you.”

  “No, sir,” she said sweetly, gathering up the cloak he had purchased and wrapping it around her shoulders.

  “Shall we?” he asked as he held his arm out for her to take.

  “Yes,” she agreed. They walked down the stairs to the taproom.

  “Where ye be off to?” the jovial innkeeper asked.

  “A walk.”

  “Try over by the river. With the snow falling it should be right pretty. Might even see some deer.”

  “How ‘bout it?”

  “Sounds lovely.” The two headed in the direction the innkeeper indicated. The man had been right. It was a lovely walk. The river ran clear with some rapids here and there. The light snowfall added character to the dying plants.

  “Are you all right?” Justin asked.

  “Fine,” she murmured.

  “Not too tired?”

  “No. This is exactly what I needed. What about you? How is your knee?”

  “Better. The stiffness is working itself out. I don’t know where that man learned to do that, but someone needs to tell him it was a dirty hit.”

  “I think you were looking for a fight that night anyway,” Clarissa felt brave enough to finally voice her true thoughts.

  “Perhaps.”

  “When are we leaving?”

  “Tomorrow, if you feel up to it.”

  “I’m feeling much better than what I was.”

  “Excellent.”

  “Justin,” she began hesitantly.

  “Yes?”

  “I’ve really enjoyed this week with you. I’m glad we have spent time getting to know one another. I know it isn’t very conventional, but I don’t want to end up in a marriage where the husband goes his way and the wife goes hers, and the only thing they have in common is the children.”

  “I agree wholeheartedly.” He felt a shiver run across her body. “Cold?”

  “Chilled,” she agreed.

  “Perhaps we should go back,” he stated and turned her around. Once back at the inn, Justin asked for hot tea, and plenty of firewood be sent up to their room. Clarissa enjoyed his fussing over her. They reached their room and both stood in front of the fire, warming their bodies. Two maids came in, one carrying the requested firewood and the other the tea tray. Justin walked over and placed several logs on the fire while Clarissa locked the door to their room.

  Justin heard the click of the lock and felt his body tense. He had enjoyed holding her every night. Knowing that she needed that and that he could provide it made him happy. He wanted her to need and want him in all ways. He closed his eyes and straightened, hoping that they wanted the same thing. The swish of her skirts felt like a caress to his senses, and he could feel himself harden as he imagined her hips swaying back and forth with every step she took. He felt her gently lay her head on his shoulder blade and run her hand around his waist to his tense stomach muscles.

  “Clare,” he moaned softly. He caught her hand, moving it lower. He felt her stiffen slightly and moved her hand back to his stomach.

  “Justin, show me what you need,” she requested, placing a gentle kiss between his shoulder blades.

  “Clare,” he said gruffly, spinning around, and dislodging her hand altogether. He walked her backwards to the bed until they tumbled onto it together. “I need you. You’re driving me insane. You need to say something now if you want me to leave you alone,” he whispered.

  “I don’t want you to,” she countered, and began undoing buttons on his shirt. She hoped he felt as hurried and on fire as she did. Somewhere in the back
of her mind a little voice nagged about consequences, but she fought it, pushing it aside. She wanted to worry about nothing but her and Justin and this attraction between them.

  “Next time will be slow, I promise.”

  “I don’t care, just hurry,” she panted breathlessly. “Justin.”

  “What?”

  “No babies. Not just yet.”

  “I’ll do my best,” he reassured her as best he could, knowing why she spoke those words without having to ask.

  “No,” she said, stopping him as he reached down to ready her for his possession. “If you touch me now, I’ll fly apart.”

  “That’s the idea.”

  “I’m ready enough. I don’t want to fly without you,” her sparkling brown eyes held his blue ones as she spoke.

  “You’re mine and you always will be,” he said as he entered her slowly but firmly. He felt her grip on his biceps tighten, her nails digging in.

  “Yes,” she cried hoarsely as he began to move in her, slowly and tenderly at first, then increasingly faster, harder. She matched him every step of the way until they both touched the sky.

  ***

  A knock sounded on the door to their room that evening. The innkeeper stood on the other side, a worried expression on his face.

  “Good evening, my lord.”

  “Smith. What brings you up here?”

  “A man arrived today asking after you and the missus.”

  “An older man?”

  “No, my lord. This man was younger and quite fetching. He had light hair and came in a coach with a crest on the door.”

  “What did the crest look like?”

  “Yellow and red with lions on it.”

  “Damn,” Justin muttered. Franklin had finally caught up with them. “Do you think that blonde maid and your son would be willing to earn a few extra coins?”

  “I would expect so.”

  “It might be dangerous.”

  “My Daniel can take care of himself.”