Pieces

by G. Benson

  Ollie stared at Carmen, amazed at the conviction in her voice, the hard line of her shoulder as she sat up straighter with every word.

  Her father was watching her too, a smile playing at the edge of his mouth. “Good point.” He grinned now. “I would never have thought of that as a response to ‘you’re too young.’”

  Carmen shrugged. “It’s just how I feel. Everyone seems to want us all to know what we want to do and where we want to be in the next few years and then keep telling us how young we all are and how we can’t make dramatic decisions because of this.”

  He huffed a laugh, reaching for the salad bowl. Glancing at Ollie, he said, “I like this one.”

  “I do too.”

  Carmen flushed next to her, and Ollie wanted to kiss it off her, to feel the blush under her lips. They still smelled of the chlorine from the pool.

  “Well. I wanted to talk to you both about something.”

  They froze, and Ollie tore her eyes from Carmen’s neck.

  He was watching them, his expression impassive. “This is something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a long time, but the more I get to know you, and especially after what you’ve just said, the more I’m convinced it’s the right thing to do.”

  He took in a deep breath, and Ollie could feel that Carmen had gone completely still beside her. What was he going to say?

  “I want to get you a lawyer. A good one. One who can really get you the best shot at this, but not just that. One who will tell you, realistically, what the best plan is.”

  If she’d been still before, now Carmen was a rock. Ollie could hardly breathe. Had her father really just said that?

  “What…” Carmen couldn’t even finish her sentence.

  “Dad, are you serious?”

  “Of course I am.”

  “Calvin…”

  Her father turned his attention back to Carmen. “You can say no, of course. But please don’t. Consider it a birthday present.”

  “A ridiculously expensive one,” Carmen said.

  He sighed. “In relation to some things, yes. In relation to the life I’ve built, and the one I built w—with Ollie’s mother, no. I can do this, and I want to. You mean a lot to Ollie, Carmen. And I know… I know her mother would want this too.”

  A lump welled in Ollie’s throat, and she blinked rapidly.

  “I…” Carmen looked to Ollie, then back to her father. “I don’t know what to say.”

  No one said anything, and Ollie knew her dad didn’t want to push the decision. Ollie had a feeling if either of them tried, Carmen would run.

  “Okay.” Carmen’s voice was tight. “Okay. Thank you. On one condition. You let me pay you back one day.”

  “No.” There was a firmness to his voice Ollie rarely heard. “That’s not how birthday presents work. However, there is something else that we can talk about, and this I will negotiate on if you say yes.” When neither of the girls said anything, he pressed on. “I haven’t talked to Ollie about any of this first, Carmen, because I want you to understand I’m doing this for you. Independent of your relationship with Ollie. So don’t be mad at her for being blindsided.”

  Clearing her throat, Carmen nodded.

  Ollie just kept staring between the two of them. Did Carmen get what he was saying? That he was offering help and it didn’t matter what went down between Carmen and Ollie? That Carmen could have some security, her life not a constant tightrope threatening to snap under her feet?

  “We have a small apartment we bought as an investment. We have people renting it, and their lease will finish in a couple of months. I don’t know where you’ve been staying.” Something in his tone made Ollie think he’d doubted where she was staying from the start. “But I want to offer you this place. You’ll be on a legitimate lease.”

  “No. No. That’s far too much.” Carmen sounded a little panicked.

  “I want you to think about it first. We can discuss how much you can afford if you say yes. With time, I’ll increase the rent. We can organize, again with time, for you to pay back the extra if it means that much to you. But not until you can afford it. It’s a small place, far from the center of the city. Two bedroom. Near a bus line.”

  Ollie couldn’t stop staring at her father. No doubt Carmen looked even more shocked than Ollie did. How long had her father been considering this? She knew he had a soft spot for Carmen, an understanding for her situation, but she would never have asked him to do this.

  Her mother would have, though.

  “Dad…” He looked at her, and she didn’t have anything else to give.

  He gave her a small smile before looking back to Carmen. “Just think about it. Okay?”

  Slowly, Carmen nodded, which amazed Ollie even more than her father’s offer. “Okay. I’ll think about it.” And probably say no. It was too much.

  “Good.” He smiled. “So. We need to make this appointment as soon as possible. Your birthday is Tuesday, right? How is Wednesday in the afternoon for you? I can come with you, if you like, or you can go alone.”

  “Uh, Wednesday is good. If, if you want to come, that would be good.”

  “Great. We’ll talk about getting you set up with visiting him. And ask everything you want about custody. Write a list so you remember everything.”

  “Okay.” Carmen sounded so overwhelmed. Her voice was losing its edge and seeming to trip out of her mouth.

  “Good.”

  They were all finished with food after that, so Ollie and Carmen cleaned up. Normally, they’d fool around in the kitchen, hands soapy and leaving suds in each other’s hair and smothering their giggles. That night, though, Carmen was introspective, staring down at the dishes as she rinsed them, and Ollie left her to her thoughts. That had been a lot of information, and she knew how much Carmen hated being thought of as a charity case. She’d done everything alone for so long. But Ollie couldn’t help it. A part of her really hoped Carmen would move past that and let someone help her.

  “You had no idea he’d offer that?” Her voice broke the silence, and Ollie almost jumped.

  “Nope.” She closed the dishwasher and turned it on, the noise starting instantly. “None. I think he meant it—this is something between you two, not to do with me.”

  Carmen was biting her lip, her eyebrows drawn together. “It’s too much.”

  “Carmen…it’s not. He wouldn’t offer if he didn’t mean it.”

  All Carmen did was shrug. “I think—I don’t think I’ll stay tonight.”

  “What?”

  Maybe panic laced Ollie’s voice, because Carmen finally smiled at her, grabbing her hand and squeezing. “No, not because I feel bad. I think I need to talk to Dex. No, to Jia.”

  Ollie looked sheepish. “Oh. That’s a good idea.” She pouted. “I’ll miss you, though.”

  Carmen kissed the pout off her lip. “Me too. But I need to have this conversation now.”

  “You won’t sleep until you do. Though I do know things to help with that…”

  “Hm? Really?”

  “Yup.” Ollie twined her arms around Carmen’s waist. “Many things. Fun things. But.” She kissed her again. “I understand. You should go.”

  “What? Tease. Now I want to stay.”

  “Nope. I’ll see you tomorrow at the bar.” She kissed Carmen again, more softly this time. “You’ll feel better if you go talk this out now.”

  Carmen hummed. “True. Okay. Tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  Ollie didn’t walk her out but stayed in the kitchen and tidied up more. Mostly, she wanted to let Carmen say good night alone to her dad. Murmuring voices floated into the kitchen for five minutes before Ollie heard the click of the front door. A second later, her dad cleared his throat, and Ollie spun around, droppi
ng the cloth in the sink.

  He stared at her for a second. “Was that okay?”

  “Of course it was, Dad. It was…it was amazing. Thank you.”

  The shrug he gave was almost awkward. “It was nothing. I… Your mom would want to help. I want to too, of course. But… I just keep thinking, what would she do?”

  A chasm opened up between them, the first time in a long time. So much talk of her mother, the fact she wasn’t there, hit Ollie like a slap against her cheek. But Ollie found words more quickly than normal this time and managed to say them before that hole swallowed them both.

  “This. She’d do this.”

  “She would, yeah.”

  Ollie walked around the island in the middle and wrapped her arms around him, her cheek against his chest and his heart racing a touch too fast against it. His arms pulled her in tighter, and they stayed that way for a while, swaying slightly.

  Now if only Carmen would accept the help.

  “Of course you accept, Carmen.”

  “What?”

  Jia stared at her from her office chair, unflinching. “You accept.”

  Carmen had expected more questions, a bit of the uncertainty she was feeling to be reflected in what Jia had to say. Not this. “But…it’s too much.”

  “He offered for a reason.”

  The chair under her was uncomfortable, biting into her tailbone, and Carmen’s legs bounced. Unable to sit still any longer, she stood and paced around the room, her hands flapping a little. “But…it’s far too generous. I should be able to do this on my own, shouldn’t I? If, if we rely on him, it could go wrong. What if he changes his mind? And—”

  “Calm the hell down.”

  Spinning on the spot, Carmen hadn’t stopped moving when she said, “Rae! You’re an eavesdropper.”

  Against the doorframe, Rae shrugged. “You were ranting pretty loudly.”

  With a sigh, Carmen flopped onto Jia’s mattress. She looked between the two of them. Jia stared at her impassively, and Rae just looked amused. “What should I do?”

  “Accept it,” they said at the same time, neither reacting to each other and just continuing to watch Carmen.

  “But—”

  “Look.” Jia’s voice, soothing and full of wisdom, washed over her. She smiled, the scar on her face folding in and deepening. Her eyes were soft. “I understand your worries. But he purposefully tried to make it clear that this was separate from Ollie. He’s not going to change his mind. And if he does, I’d imagine you’d have Mattie in your care by then and will be able to keep yourselves afloat.”

  “What she said,” Rae chimed in.

  Carmen gnawed on the inside of her cheek. She was breathless, too scared to fall into this feeling of opportunity. What if she did and she just kept falling because it got whisked away? “I’ll consider it.”

  An apartment was too much to accept. Surely she could find one on her own.

  “This is your best shot at getting Mattie into your care, Carmen.” Jia shrugged. “Let someone help you.”

  “What she said,” Rae repeated, grinning.

  Carmen looked from one to the other again.

  Let someone help?

  As a last resort, maybe.

  Chapter 26

  Turning eighteen was done quietly. The highlight was seeing Mattie.

  “A lawyer?”

  “Yeah.”

  He hitched his backpack up on his back. “Like, one who can really help?”

  “Yup.” She didn’t tell him about the apartment. Carmen knew she couldn’t accept so much.

  “How do you have the money for that?”

  “It’s a birthday present.” The brick wall bit into Carmen’s back as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

  “Woah. From who? Jia and Dex don’t have that kind of money.”

  “From Ollie’s dad.”

  “Woah.”

  “Yeah, whoa.”

  He beamed then, and Carmen’s stomach panged at the sight of it. Despite everything life had thrown at him, he still managed to look like every other kid around.

  “That’s pretty cool. So we can see each other for real soon? Like, for longer?”

  “That’s the plan.” Carmen tried to look optimistic, and she must have done a decent job, because his smile didn’t falter. She was trying to be positive about everything, to trust that it could all come together. But what if it all got ripped out from under them?

  “Well, that’s way better than my present.”

  This time, her smile was as genuine as they come. “You got me a present? How?”

  “Well, I have no money.”

  She smirked when he said that. He could be so blunt. Sometimes she wondered if it was a kid thing or just a Mattie thing.

  “So I made you a card. I had to hide it, because no one knows I’m seeing you. But, uh, here.”

  He looked older then, scuffing his foot on the ground, sheepish as he handed over the card. She was struck, then, with the memory of his ninth birthday so long ago, and how happy he’d been with the cake Rae had nabbed from a supermarket. Until now, she hadn’t seen that extra year he’d turned in his face, the way it had thinned that bit more. The way he was embarrassed to give her something he made.

  “Thanks, Mattie.”

  “Look at it later.”

  “Okay.” She put it in her bag, slipping it between the journal Ollie had given her and a book so it wouldn’t get rumpled. “I see the lawyer tomorrow afternoon, so—”

  “You can’t come?”

  “No. But I’ll come the next day.”

  “The summer school has a few days off. I’ll be at the house.”

  Carmen’s throat tightened at the thought of not seeing him until the next week. She tried to smile, and this time she knew he could tell it wasn’t real from the way his dark eyebrows pushed together.

  “I’ll see you next week, then.”

  With his lips tight together, he shook his head. “That’s too far away. Carmen… I—” His jaw clenched so tight she could see it, the muscles shifting.

  Lowering herself to her knees, Carmen was surprised she was looking up at him a little. “What, Mattie?”

  “I miss you. I—” He bit back whatever he was going to say, taking in a shaky breath.

  The loss of him was like missing a limb, but everything else around her was familiar. She had Ollie and Rae, the bed they’d been sleeping in for months. The roof. The bar. Dex. Jia. Artie. Mattie didn’t, though. He had nothing familiar, just the DS he’d had in his pocket when she’d left him at the hospital. He was surrounded by strangers and had nothing to ground him.

  She tugged his shirt, soft in her hand and he let himself be pulled into a hug. His fingertips gripped her hard. He was still so bony. Under her hands, she could feel the knobs of his spine.

  “I am doing everything I can to be with you,” she said into his hair and just hugged him tighter.

  “I want to run again.”

  “Stay focused, Mattie. It’ll be worth it in the end.”

  Every time she promised him that, she hoped she wasn’t lying.

  The bus was going much slower than normal.

  It stopped at another red light, and Ollie groaned. The older woman across from her threw her a look, but she just ignored it. Her leg was bouncing, and she had to physically concentrate to get it to stop. The other one started, and she glared at it.

  The city had stopped zooming past, and they were finally on the outskirts. Shells of buildings rumbled past, some obviously gutted and empty; others looked simply abandoned. When she saw the sign that had faded so much that it was now all green and black smudges, she hit the Call button and bounced off when the bus came to a stop. She didn
’t bother acknowledging the looks thrown her way for jumping out in a part of town that was, according to most people, completely uninhabited.

  All she wanted to do was get to the warehouse.

  Carmen had had her meeting with the lawyer today. Such a big lead-up after a simple night of hanging out for Carmen’s birthday. Ollie had bought her soccer cleats, bright orange, and shin pads. She’d wanted to do more, but Carmen had wanted something quiet, and the day had passed quickly. Now Ollie was itching to arrive so she could see how the meeting with the lawyer had gone. Any minute, she’d be back at the warehouse. And would see if that edge in Carmen’s gaze had eased for the first time since that horrible moment in the bar.

  Carmen didn’t know it, but Ollie had tried to sketch that fight to get it out of her head—the blurs as Carmen had ducked and swung her leg out, the shading over Dex’s eye that darkened their look in a way she’d never have thought she’d see on him, the sharpness when Mattie’s head had snapped back and to the side.

  She’d burned the pages when she was done.

  Ollie turned down the final street and wove down an alley. Finally, she ended up in front of the door with peeling paint.

  A knock. Three long knocks. Wait. Two knocks.

  It pulled open instantly. Rae was staring at her. “She’s up on the roof.”

  “Did she say—”

  “Up to you to go ask her.”

  Ollie pouted, but Rae just shrugged at her. Ollie sighed. “Fine. Not even a hint?”

  “Nope.”

  “Damn. Sara said to say she would be by later.” She paused for effect. “See how I tell you things?” Rae simply stared at Ollie’s now-hopeful look. Brushing past her toward the stairs, Ollie just yelled over her shoulder, “You suck.”