Pieces

by G. Benson

  “Very well too!”

  Already halfway to the stairs, Ollie shouted over her shoulder, “Good to know!”

  Clanking filled her ears as she pounded up the stairs, ignoring the “shut up” that drifted out of one of the rooms. Slightly out of breath, she ran up the next set that led to the roof and pushed the door open. It was bright. Blinking, she looked around.

  There was Carmen, sitting on the edge, with the sky exploding in sunset behind her. Orange streaked her hair. She turned around. A smile was on her face, and Ollie took the first breath in what could have been forever.

  A smile was good. Especially that one.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey.” Ollie let the door slam behind her. “How did it go?”

  She closed the distance and sat cross-legged, facing Carmen, who was swinging her legs slowly over the edge. In profile, the fiery sky haloed her. She almost glowed.

  “Well, I think.”

  Ollie waited all of five seconds. “Seriously? That’s all I get?”

  Carmen laughed.

  That was what did it. That made Ollie realize Carmen had always held her stress in her eyes, around her lips. Because with that laugh, she looked her age. Like a girl Ollie could run into in the corridor at school. She looked like Carmen, but softer. In her chest, Ollie’s heart skipped over.

  “No. Sorry. I’m just overwhelmed. The lawyer, Maria, she said I can get visits next week.”

  “What? So soon?” Now Ollie was grinning.

  Carmen nodded. “She said there’s no way they’ll deny sibling visits, especially because I’m independent now and it doesn’t have to be organized within the system. She’s sent the paperwork to Mattie’s caseworker, but once it’s approved, I have visits. His caseworker will go to the house with me the first time or two. Then, depending on Mattie and what they think, I can have more access.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  Ollie squeezed Carmen’s knee. “That’s fantastic. How will you set it up?”

  Until then, Ollie hadn’t noticed that Carmen was holding something in her lap. She held it up between two fingers, as if a little afraid of it. “With this. Your dad gave it to me.”

  “That’s his old phone.”

  “He didn’t make that up?”

  Carmen was looking at her in a way Ollie couldn’t place. “No? What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. I thought he just bought me a new one. I tried to say no, but he said it was an old one that would just sit in a drawer.”

  Of course. Carmen didn’t want more charity. “It’s true. It would have. Do you have a SIM?”

  “He put one in. It’s a prepaid. I just top it up as I need to. I suppose I really do need one. To look more legit. And when I have Mattie, if the school ever needs to call, or emergencies or whatever.”

  Ollie almost smiled but didn’t want Carmen to think she was laughing at her. “That’s true.” She shoved Carmen’s arm gently. “Now we can message. Photos. Oh! Snapchat.” She winked, and Carmen laughed. “And Dad just wants to help.”

  “I know.”

  She still looked a little uncomfortable, but Ollie just let it go. If she pushed too hard, it probably wouldn’t help. Even if she did just want Carmen to understand that in the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t a big deal, moneywise, for Ollie’s dad. “And what about custody?”

  Carmen was back to staring out over the buildings, still washed in that golden glow. Dimmer now. The stars would be out soon. They could lie here all night. Summer had always been Ollie’s favorite time. Selfishly, she thought this one might possibly be the best one yet. Days by the pool with Carmen, her friends, the closeness they’d all built. The feel of it was tainted with the way Carmen sometimes seemed like she was missing something, with how badly she wanted Mattie back. But for Ollie, it was everything. The lack of her mom still left an aching hole, something that would never heal over completely. But it seemed smaller now, caved in on itself a little.

  Maybe it would never be filled in, but things were building up over it. And maybe that was enough.

  “Maria said we should wait a month or two to file for custody, to make sure I’m set up with my contract and an apartment, and that the bank things are all sorted out. To show I’m responsible and always show up to visits.” Carmen wrinkled her nose.

  It was the most adorable thing Ollie had ever seen.

  “She liked the idea of your dad renting the house to me, and the official rental contract, how it would look.”

  “Did…did she say anything about the chances of you getting custody?”

  Carmen shrugged, her feet swinging again, heels hitting the cement. “She said she really didn’t know, that these things could go either way, and it all depended on what the court thought was best for Mattie. But she also said that in this state, you have to be registered as a foster parent to be able to take custody, whether you’re a sibling or an uncle or a cousin or whatever.”

  “How long does that take? Does it mean you won’t be able to get him until that happens?”

  “That’s what I asked. She said here you have ninety days to get it, even if you have custody. The only reason you have to do it is to go through the courses and things.”

  “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

  “It’s not. And here guardians get support payments from the government too, like a foster parent. So if I do all of this and have an apartment, I think I have a chance.”

  Carmen turned and looked at Ollie. The sun had sunk quickly, and the light was liquid blue.

  “I hope it all works out.” Ollie kept her voice at a whisper. It sounded like it all could. And then what? She didn’t want to think that far ahead. Why bother if all of this worked out?

  “Me too.”

  The way Carmen said the words, Ollie had never heard so much conviction. Not sure how to respond, she kissed Carmen instead and hoped her own conviction made it through.

  It only took a few days, and Carmen had a phone call from Mattie’s caseworker, who introduced himself as Ryan. She went in for an interview that lasted thirty minutes. All it involved was showing her birth certificate and address—Carmen gave her workplace, which he said was fine while she was “between places.” He side-eyed her and she couldn’t help but wonder if he had been her caseworker too.

  “You disappeared off the radar, Carmen. It’s good to see you’re okay.”

  “Thanks.” She said it awkwardly, so much so that Ryan laughed.

  Though, apparently, it didn’t take long to bring up the past.

  Heat crept up her neck and across her cheeks. Maria had said to be vague and stick with her story about finding Mattie months after he’d run. Of course, that was the story Carmen had told Maria, who hadn’t pushed for more. When they’d left, Ollie’s dad had told Carmen not to tell Maria any alternative story, because she was required to not lie on Carmen’s behalf.

  Ryan looked a little harsh, like someone who had seen too much or was always thinking about the next thing to do. But the sound of his laughter softened him a little, and Carmen wondered if maybe he was just a little exhausted by an endless stream of kids the world was trying to break.

  “No problem.” He blinked. “So we thought you were in New York. Mattie, too, since two tickets were bought with a card that, by the way, no one wanted to press charges about.”

  She grimaced, and he kept talking like it was about the weather. “Strange that you bought two tickets, since you didn’t know Mattie had run.”

  That had completely slipped Carmen’s mind, this decoy move that had seemed like such a great idea at the time. “I, uh, had thought about taking him with me. Of getting him and leaving. I knew he would want it. But I changed my mind and decided he would be better in foster care.” Car
men could only hope her face wasn’t betraying her. “I had no idea he’d run away.”

  “Hm. Interesting. Then, it’s so…lucky, you running into Mattie that day. What were you planning to do with him before you got mugged?”

  Carmen swallowed. The air felt hot, warmth prickling along her arms. “We were walking to the police station. The street wasn’t a place for him. I wanted him in school.”

  “You didn’t think about keeping him with you? I bet he was pretty loud about wanting to stay with you, especially after having been on the street for so long, hoping to find you. He’s certainly been loud about wanting to be with you since he’s been with us.”

  This was dangerous territory, but Carmen still had to repress a smile at the thought of Mattie constantly bleating that he wanted to be back with Carmen. “Of—of course I wanted to keep him with me. Mattie is the most important person in the world to me. But I also… I knew that if I was ever going to get custody of him, he needed to be in the system.”

  “Smart girl.” Carmen hoped he meant for that part and not for the lie. A shrug should be enough, so that’s what she did.

  “So that’s what you hope? To get custody eventually?”

  “Definitely.” That was an easy question to answer. The others were like walking on eggshells, when at any moment, they were going to crunch apart under her feet.

  “Great. Well, visits are a great step toward that. When do you want to start?”

  “Um, now?”

  “Okay.” For a second, she thought he’d been teasing her with that, but he continued. “Well, I have to contact the family he’s with. But maybe we can try tomorrow. It all depends on the foster family’s schedule, Mattie’s schedule, and yours too, of course. The first time, I’ll come to observe and make sure he’s comfortable and you’re comfortable. I really doubt that will be an issue, though.” He smiled then, everything about his face softening. “Honestly, all Mattie asks when we have contact is when he can see you. He told me he wants to live with you.”

  “And—he’s really okay there?” Carmen had asked that as soon as she’d walked in the door. Not just to make it seem as if she hadn’t seen him when she shouldn’t at school, but also because she just needed the reassurance. A few days had passed, and sometimes, in the depth of night when her thoughts were loudest, especially when Ollie wasn’t there, Carmen worried that Mattie was in a far worse situation than he let on.

  “He seems to have settled in fine. The family feels he is adjusting okay. One boy, well, they’ve had some issues with, but they have Mattie in summer school to catch up, and he’s been doing well. The teachers all say he’s very bright. They’ve asked about putting him in karate classes.”

  “Really?” The idea made her smile. “Karate? He’d love that.”

  “Good, good. So I’ll call you once I’ve contacted the family and cleared a time.”

  “That’s…that’s it?”

  At eighteen, she was supposed to be an adult. But nothing felt different from last week, or even last year. Everything about her body was uncomfortable. Did she cross her legs and look confident? Sit comfortably? How could she scream responsibility when unsure questions like that came out of her mouth?

  “That’s all for now. Wait.” He cocked his head, dark eyes staring at her intently. “How are you doing?”

  Carmen blinked at him, her mouth falling open to answer the question before snapping shut. The question had sounded so sincere. “I’m good.”

  “How is getting yourself set up to take on Mattie going?”

  “I, uh, I have a job. But I’m looking for something more full-time. I should have an apartment soon.” Which she would do alone. She didn’t want to take advantage of Ollie’s dad’s generosity more than she already had. The phone was a stone in her pocket. She knew Ollie wanted her to take the lease he could offer, but Carmen would search for one on her own.

  “Good, that’s good. And you know the process?”

  “I’ve been speaking to a lawyer. She’s helping me. I know I need to register for the foster program.”

  “You have a lawyer who knows her stuff.” He stared at her again, his head cocked, before breaking eye contact so fast that she was left blinking as he rummaged in a drawer. “Here.” He pushed a handful of pamphlets across the desk. “These have information on all our registration days, the process, how to register for the foster program. May as well get that ball rolling.”

  Carmen started to pick them up, and he placed his fingertips lightly on top of them. “Just be sure about this. Mattie needs stability. Right now, he’s in a decent foster place. And this is a huge responsibility.”

  She bristled at that. Spine straightening, she stared him straight in the eye. “You have no idea how aware I am of the responsibilities of taking care of Mattie.”

  The smile he gave her was sad, and he moved his hand. “I have some idea, I think. I’ve seen your files. I imagine you’re what kept you and your brother going for many years. I do wish you luck in this, if it’s what you really want.”

  He screamed sincerity. Maybe she’d flashed to her defenses too soon. “Mattie isn’t a hobby to me. Or a project for a few weeks. He’s my family. My only family. It is what I want. And I think it’s what Mattie wants.”

  “Well,” he said, “he has certainly made that known.”

  Carmen pushed the pamphlets into her bag, and when she stood up, she tried to look like the adult she was supposed to be, straightening her shoulders. It was like slipping on a costume, paying a role that didn’t quite fit. Clothing she drowned in. “Thanks, Ryan.”

  “I’ll talk to you soon, Carmen.”

  When Carmen walked out, Ollie was waiting by the bus stop, just like she’d promised. All the tension that had risen up in her throat eased, and she fell into the hug Ollie offered.

  “Hey,” she whispered into Carmen’s hair.

  “Hi.”

  Chapter 27

  “Carmen!”

  Mattie hit Carmen before she’d even managed to walk across the front lawn, pushing her a step backward. Not that she cared. At all.

  Even on their fourth visit at his foster home, every time was too long since the last. He clung to her for a minute before pulling back. He was grinning, his eyes bright. And like always, she did the same. Sometimes she thought he was her mirror. Or maybe she was his.

  “We really get all afternoon?” he asked.

  “We do.”

  “All afternoon?”

  “Yup.”

  “It’s also fine to have dinner.” The voice came from nowhere.

  Mattie turned, and Carmen leaned to the side to look up at the front porch. Faye, Mattie’s foster mother, stood looking down at them. Her eyes were so dark they were more black than brown, her skin the same shade as Mattie’s. At times, she could seem formidable, but not once had she made Carmen feel uncomfortable during their visits. All of them so far had been in the house, the last two without Ryan. The last time, Carmen and Mattie had gone for a walk together. This time, she’d been given a gift, and even more of one than she’d anticipated.

  “Really? That’s okay?” Carmen stood up, Mattie against her side instantly.

  “Ryan said we could make it up as we go from now, as long as we were sure Mattie was okay. This is his home, and most kids get to go out with their siblings, especially when they’re older. Once you have a place, we can talk about sleepovers.”

  “That’s—thank you.”

  Faye shrugged. “No thanks for this kind of thing. He’s your brother.”

  Carmen tightened her grip and pulled him closer. The last few weeks, she’d been working as much as Dex could give her. Since turning eighteen, she had been allowed to serve alcohol without worrying about being caught, but couldn’t drink it legally until age twenty-one. America would never cease
to confuse her. But all of this meant more hours, which meant money to buy Mattie a meal with. The downside was it all meant she had to find a different job. There were too many night hours at the bar. Once the custody process finally starting moving forward, she needed something to show she’d be able to be home with Mattie.

  “So what time would you like him back?”

  “Let’s say seven. That’s five hours. Official school is back on next week. If you want, maybe we can talk about you getting him back here from there. Maybe some afternoons, he can be with you for dinner. You just make sure he does his homework.”

  Mattie turned to look up at her. “That’d be awesome.”

  “Thanks, Faye.”

  The extra hours at the bar meant she could afford to get him some decent food. Even if that did mean some evenings of pizza by the slice. She wasn’t a millionaire, after all.

  Carmen had wanted to not like Faye and Rob on principle. The part inside her that had been broken by her last few foster homes had reared up. But Mattie’s foster parents were nice enough. A bit brisk, but Carmen had started to think that was just a cover. Mattie seemed to like them.

  “See you soon.”

  They ended up at the warehouse, and Mattie threw himself at Rae and Dex. When Jia appeared an hour later, he did the same to her. Rae kept knuckling his hair, which he pretended to hate, but he couldn’t seem to suppress the laugh that bubbled out. They sparred with him, and Carmen stepped back to join Dex against the wall and watch Mattie, like they used to.

  Every now and again, her ribs still ached, even after so much time, but that wasn’t why she stopped. She just wanted to take Mattie in. He’d pulled his shirt off, sweating in the hot warehouse, his face lit up and his eyes shining. Everything in Carmen throbbed with the knowledge that she had to get back on the bus later and leave him at his foster home. It was right, him being here.

  He laughed as he ducked under Rae’s arm, popping up behind her and swiping a kick.