The Heart of the Garden

by Victoria Connelly

‘Anne Marie?’

  She hung up on him. She couldn’t talk to him when he was in that kind of a mood because it would be all about him and he simply wouldn’t hear her.

  It was pretty hard to concentrate on her work after that, but she refused to let Grant get the better of her. She wasn’t going to have him speak to her like that ever again.

  By lunch time, she felt brave enough to switch her phone back on. There were five messages.

  Anne Marie? I said, where the hell are you?

  She pressed delete.

  Look, this isn’t funny, Anne Marie. I demand you—

  Delete.

  This is getting serious, now. I’m not able to work for worrying about you. It’s really selfish of you to—

  Delete.

  Hello? Anne Marie?

  Her finger hovered over the delete. It wasn’t Grant: it was Cape.

  I’m just wondering how you are. Hope you’re okay. Give me a call if you need to talk, all right? Okay, then. I’ll – erm – see you around. Bye.

  She took a deep breath. He’d sounded truly anxious about her, which was more than could be said for her husband. She played the fifth and final message.

  That’s it, Anne Marie. I’m not going to keep calling you if you’re simply going to bugg—

  She pressed delete and made herself some lunch.

  By Thursday, Anne Marie felt it was time to confront Grant and sort things out. It seemed strange that he hadn’t worked out that she was actually still in Parvington. If he’d taken a simple walk through the village, he would have spotted her car parked outside Kathleen’s. But the only time Grant left the house was to go to work and that meant him leaving from the other side of the village. The girls caught their bus from that side too. Anne Marie was only a short walk away from them, but they had absolutely no idea.

  After consulting his timetable, she drove the short distance to Garrard House late that morning when she knew he would be teaching. Walking through the front door knowing that she would never live there again was a strange experience; she had to suppress the lump in her throat as she entered the bedroom and caught sight of their wedding photograph on the dresser. How long ago that day seemed now. She barely recognised the smiling woman she’d been back then. Where had she vanished? Where had all that sparkle gone?

  Looking up into the mirror behind the photograph, she saw the pale-faced woman she’d turned into, the woman who didn’t laugh much anymore, the woman who found it hard to even have a conversation. But there was a determination in the large brown eyes staring back at her. She hadn’t given up completely. She still had a life to live and she was determined to make it a good one, and so she got to work, hauling her biggest suitcase out from under the bed and packing the rest of her clothes. She then ventured up into the loft where a supply of boxes was kept and filled them with her books and the few pieces of crockery from the kitchen that belonged to her. It pained her to leave the photo albums, but she was only a small part of them. Instead, she took one of the smaller framed photos of their wedding. Grant would be sure to notice if she touched any of the thousands of books in his library, but she felt quite sure that he wouldn’t miss this photo.

  Packing her car with her things, she promised herself that she would return later that evening. It wouldn’t be easy and she was absolutely dreading it, but she would be a coward if she didn’t face things head on and Grant deserved to know what was happening.

  Anne Marie recognised Kathleen’s car parked outside her bed and breakfast when she got back, but she frowned when she saw another vehicle alongside it. It looked like Cape’s car, but what would he be doing here?

  She got out, grabbing one of her boxes of books, and walked up the path. The front door was already open, saving her the trouble of finding the key Kathleen had lent her, and there stood Cape.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked in surprise.

  ‘I was worried about you,’ he said.

  ‘You don’t need to be worried about me.’

  ‘Maybe not, but I can’t help it. Are you okay? Here – let me.’ He reached out to take the box from her.

  ‘I’m fine. Kathleen’s taking good care of me.’

  ‘I’m sure she is.’

  ‘You really came over to see how I am?’ She smiled as Kathleen appeared in the hallway.

  ‘Cape’s here. Well, you can see that. Isn’t he sweet?’

  ‘Yes,’ Anne Marie said. ‘But you should have just rung me. You didn’t need to come all the way out here.’

  ‘It’s no bother, really.’

  ‘I’ve put the kettle on for you both,’ Kathleen said. ‘I’m nipping out to the shop for a paper.’ And she was gone before anybody could question her. Anne Marie wasn’t sure she liked the implication of that. Surely Kathleen didn’t think there was anything going on between her and Cape, did she?

  Cape cleared his throat, suddenly looking awkward at being there.

  ‘I’ll make us some tea,’ Anne Marie said, and Cape followed her through to the kitchen.

  ‘Has Grant been to see you?’ he asked.

  ‘Here? No! He doesn’t know where I am.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I’m going to see him tonight,’ she explained. ‘I’ve just been to collect some of my things.’

  ‘So you’re serious about this? You’ve really left him?’

  Anne Marie got two mugs from the cupboard and made the tea. ‘I wouldn’t have walked out if I hadn’t been serious.’

  ‘Of course not.’

  They walked through to the living room and sat down on the sofa together as it was the only place for them both to sit.

  ‘Kathleen’s getting her place back bit by bit,’ she told him.

  ‘She’s amazing.’

  ‘She is, isn’t she?’

  ‘But not as amazing as you.’

  Anne Marie caught her breath at his declaration. ‘I’m not amazing.’

  Cape smiled. ‘No? What would you say you were then? Brave? Courageous?’

  She shook her head. ‘I’ve just been a fool not to have acted sooner. But you helped me to see that the time had come.’

  Cape swallowed hard. ‘I feel really bad about that.’

  ‘Don’t,’ she told him. ‘Please don’t.’

  ‘I can’t help it. I feel like I might have pushed you into doing that.’

  ‘But it was my decision,’ she assured him, ‘and it needed to be made.’

  Cape took a long slow sip of his tea.

  ‘I needed to do it, Cape,’ she whispered. ‘I needed to leave him.’

  He nodded and sighed. ‘I know,’ he said at last.

  ‘He’d never do this.’

  ‘Do what?’ he asked.

  ‘Just sit and talk like we’re doing now. I think we’d have been all right if he paid me even the smallest attention.’ She paused and then continued. ‘I remember there was this one bad day I was having. A real stinker. I’d been doing some editing for a small publisher. I’d really loved working with the authors, but the publisher refused to pay me for the work I’d done – which was pretty considerable – until the book was on sale and earning. I was fuming. I’d put so much time and energy into it. Anyway, I tried to talk to Grant about it, and you know what he said?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘He said, “You’ll sort it out” and then shut himself in his study. You’ll sort it out.’

  ‘In other words, he didn’t want to help you sort it out?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘Maybe he had complete faith in you.’

  ‘Or maybe he just wasn’t interested in anything that was going on in my life,’ Anne Marie said. ‘That’s what it felt like.’

  Cape put his empty mug on the table in front of him.

  ‘Do you mind me asking why you married him?’

  Anne Marie gave a little laugh at that and then she sighed, her mind flying back to those early heady days when she’d been a student of Dr Keely’s at St Bridget’s College in
Oxford.

  ‘He was handsome, smart and witty,’ she said, ‘and he used to pay me attention. We’d talk too – walking around the quad after lectures, discussing poetry and all the great nineteenth-century novelists we loved. I thought I was in love and that it would last forever, but there wasn’t anything beyond those conversations. He never really wanted to get to know me.’ She looked down at her hands, her fingers knotting themselves together. ‘He just wanted a like-minded person to share the load with. I think he might have picked any of the students in my class and been happy.’

  ‘I don’t believe that,’ Cape said. ‘He chose you because you’re special.’

  ‘Really? I think he chose me because I don’t fight back. At least, I never have until now. He got the measure of me pretty quickly. He knew I’d always try to do what was right and that I wouldn’t make a scene.’

  ‘I’m sure there was more to it than that. He must have known how wonderful you are.’

  ‘It’s kind of you to say that, but he never made me feel very wonderful.’ She paused again. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go on like that.’

  ‘Hey, I asked you, didn’t I?’

  ‘Yes, you did,’ she said, ‘and I bet you won’t ever make that mistake again!’

  They exchanged awkward smiles.

  ‘How are you? How’s Poppy?’ Anne Marie asked.

  Cape visibly relaxed. ‘She’s good. She talks about Morton constantly.’

  ‘Patrick’s boys seem to be enjoying it now too.’

  ‘Yeah, it’s great how Patrick’s motivated them.’

  ‘I think you helped a lot with that.’

  Cape shrugged. ‘I just pointed them in the right direction.’

  She smiled. She loved his modesty. ‘I think everyone’s getting a lot out of the garden. You know, I was wondering if that might have been Miss Morton’s intention.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Anne Marie took a sip of tea. ‘I keep thinking about our little group and why she picked us all. Did she know what was going on in our lives? Like Kathleen who suffered this awful fire, and Dorothy who lost her husband. Miss Morton couldn’t just have randomly plucked our names out of a hat. I think we might have been specially chosen.’

  ‘You mean like charity cases?’

  ‘Perhaps,’ Anne Marie said. ‘Maybe she thought we all needed the release that gardening brings.’

  Cape looked thoughtful. ‘I like it. I’ve always thought of gardening as a release too. A kind of therapy.’

  ‘And she knew that it would do us good.’

  ‘You think she knew about your marriage?’ Cape asked.

  ‘I don’t see how she could, but I think she was aware that I visited the garden.’

  Cape nodded. ‘I wish we knew more about her.’

  ‘Erin said Mrs Beatty took her to one side on Sunday just before she left and asked if she’d be up for working in the house.’

  ‘We’re going to lose her help in the garden?’

  ‘I don’t know. But we might find out more about Miss Morton if Erin works in the house.’

  ‘She’s got a degree in art history, hasn’t she? Maybe that’s why Miss Morton chose her for this project.’

  Anne Marie felt excited by this. ‘You think so? That never occurred to me, but it makes total sense.’ She smiled at him, but a shadow seemed to have passed over his face.

  ‘Cape? What is it?’

  He shook his head. ‘Nothing. I was just thinking.’

  ‘What about?’

  ‘I don’t want to bother you with all this.’

  ‘But you’ve just been listening to all my woes,’ she reminded him.

  He gave a little smile. ‘I was just wishing that I could persuade Renee to join our group.’

  ‘Your partner?’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve never been able to get her into gardening, but I’m pretty sure it would help us come together again. Like it’s helping Patrick and his sons. I’ve mentioned the project to her a couple of times, but she isn’t interested.’

  ‘Are things difficult at the moment?’

  ‘That’s the understatement of the year.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Yeah, so am I. I don’t know what’s gone wrong. One minute, everything was good. We’d found our home, we had Poppy, our jobs were going well . . .’ His voice petered out. ‘What the hell happened? I thought we wanted the same things but, now, I’m not so sure. I think she’s using what we have as some kind of stepping stone whereas I’m content with where we are. We’ve got a good life. It’s comfortable. Happy. Well, that’s what I thought.’

  ‘And what does she want?’

  ‘America.’

  ‘Really?’

  He nodded. ‘Her sister’s in California and Renee’s got this absolute conviction that life’s better over there.’

  ‘And you don’t believe that?’

  ‘It might be a bit warmer,’ he said, ‘but I don’t imagine it’s that much different from here.’

  ‘So, if it’s not that different, why don’t you want to go?’

  He gave a chuckle. ‘Ah!’ he said. ‘Good point. Because I love it here. Because I can’t imagine life away from the green fields and woods of Oxfordshire.’

  ‘That’s a problem.’

  ‘You’re telling me,’ he said. ‘I’ve asked her if she’ll wait a while. She knows about the garden at Morton Hall and how passionate I am about this project, but she told me that there’ll never be a right time because I’m always into one project or another.’

  ‘And is she right about that?’

  He grinned. ‘Pretty much. I guess I’ve been a bit selfish when it comes to my career, but it’s just because I love my job so much. Is that so wrong of me?’

  Anne Marie sighed. ‘It’s hard to compromise when you’re so passionate about something.’

  ‘Like Grant and his work, you mean?’

  She nodded.

  ‘He didn’t compromise and you left him.’

  Anne Marie frowned. ‘You think Renee will leave you?’

  ‘It’s certainly crossed my mind and she has mentioned it.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘She said she’d take Poppy too.’

  ‘Oh, Cape!’

  ‘I don’t think it’ll come to that. But I’m – I don’t know – permanently on edge.’

  ‘I’m not surprised.’ She gave him a sympathetic smile. ‘Do you think she’s changed since you met her?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ he said after a pause. ‘I don’t think people change so much as our perceptions of them do. I think I kind of only saw a part of her when we got together and now I’m discovering all these other sides to her.’

  Anne Marie nodded. ‘That’s how I feel about Grant. It was like he was showing me only the charming parts – the parts that would reel me in.’

  ‘It’s hard to keep up that kind of charade after a few years of co-habiting, isn’t it?’ He looked down at the floorboards, his shoulders seeming to sag as he gave a weary sigh. ‘I can’t help wondering if I could have changed anything or if it was inevitable that we would end up like this. But there’s a part of me that thinks it would have all ended between us years ago if it hadn’t been for Poppy.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I think she’s held us together these last couple of years. I really do.’

  They sat quietly for a moment before Cape spoke. ‘Listen, I’d better get going.’

  They stood up and walked to the front door. Anne Marie couldn’t help feeling disappointed that he was leaving. She’d really enjoyed talking to him.

  ‘Thanks for coming over,’ she said, opening the door.

  ‘No problem,’ he told her. ‘You’ll tell me if you need – well – anything, won’t you?’

  Her mouth dropped open, surprised by his offer. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘I know you will.’

  ‘And you – I hope things are okay with Renee.’

  ‘Yeah, wel
l . . .’ He shrugged. ‘I’ll see you at the weekend.’

  ‘You bet!’ Anne Marie said as he left.

  Kathleen arrived back a couple of minutes later.

  ‘Cape gone, has he? Nice of him to pop round, wasn’t it?’ she said.

  ‘And unexpected,’ Anne Marie said.

  ‘Was it?’

  ‘Yes, he shouldn’t have gone to that trouble.’

  ‘But it’s obvious why he did.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Anne Marie felt confused.

  ‘He likes you,’ Kathleen told her.

  ‘What?’

  She smiled. ‘You must know that.’

  ‘Well, he’s kind to me. But he’s kind to everyone. He’s one of those people who likes taking care of others.’

  ‘I don’t mean that. I mean, he likes you likes you.’

  Anne Marie walked through to the living room and picked up her and Cape’s mugs before going into the kitchen, noting that Kathleen was following her.

  ‘I’m married,’ she stated, ‘and Cape has Poppy’s mother.’

  ‘That might be so,’ Kathleen said, ‘but he still likes you.’

  She turned to face her new landlady. ‘We’re friends and new friends at that.’

  ‘Of course,’ Kathleen said, seemingly reading that Anne Marie wanted this particular conversation to end.

  It was evening when Anne Marie left Kathleen’s. She’d chosen to walk through the village rather than driving the short distance. She felt inexplicably nervous as she returned to Garrard House, but she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. It would just become more and more difficult as time went on.

  She fished in her handbag for the front door key, then, taking a deep breath that fogged the night air as she exhaled, she entered.

  It was quiet but, once she’d stood for a moment in the hallway, she could hear the regular thump thump from a bass upstairs. Nobody, it seemed, had heard her come in. Steeling herself, she approached Grant’s study and tapped quietly on the door. Predictably, there was no reply, so she knocked louder.

  ‘What is it?’ he barked from the other side. He must think it was one of the girls daring to bother him while he was working.

  ‘It’s your wife,’ Anne Marie barked in return. She immediately heard his chair scrape the floor and the door was opened a moment later.