Beyond Grace's Rainbow: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance

by Carmel Harrington

  ‘Anyhow, back to Jack’s birthday. I cleaned myself up and got the early-bird flight from Gatwick. Got into Dublin at eight o’clock. But I blew it. I went to an early house and arrived at Grace’s that evening drunk.’

  ‘Grace never told us that,’ Tara said sharply.

  ‘She never knew. I was outside the apartment waiting for her to get home when a little boy, about four or five, walked by. He was lovely, so I said hello to the little fella. Went to cuff him behind the ear. You know the way you do. Then all of a sudden, this woman came running and picked him up, screaming at me to keep away from her son. I looked at her and started telling her I meant no harm, but the more I spoke the more freaked out she got. I was slurring my words, with bloodshot eyes, reeking of booze. No wonder she was freaking out. It was at that moment, seeing how scared that little boy was and the look of revulsion on her face, that the house of cards all came tumbling down. What the fuck was I doing? I couldn’t even stay sober to go visit my son on his second birthday. That’s when I knew I needed help.’

  ‘What did you do?’ Abby asked, her eyes wide in shock at the story.

  ‘I jumped in a taxi, and did what any self-respecting Irish man does – I went home to Mammy.’

  ‘Jaysus, you must really have hit rock bottom to have done that!’ Tom quipped.

  The gang all laughed. Liam’s mother was a legend in the group. Tom always said she made Mrs Bouquet look tame!

  ‘She saved my life, Tom. I hadn’t been home in nearly two years. I hadn’t even told her about Jack. I was too ashamed. I think that was the thing she found hardest to forgive. Not knowing that she had a grandson only down the road. Anyhow, she got me into a rehab clinic the following week. I had to be eight days sober at home before they would take me. That was hard. But I’m telling you my mother was a force to be reckoned with. She locked me up in her bedroom. There’s an en suite there and a TV, so she said I’d have no excuse to leave. She got my uncle Martin round every day, morning and evening, to bring in some grub, so I couldn’t try to escape.’

  ‘It’s like Trainspotting and 28 Days all rolled into one,’ Gerry squealed. ‘And now that I think about it, if Sandra Bullock and Ewan McGregor got together and had a kid, it would look exactly like you Liam!’

  ‘Still the movie buff, I see,’ Liam laughed. ‘God this soul baring is thirsty work. I need something to drink mate. Any chance of a coffee?’

  ‘Now there’s one sentence that I never thought I’d hear you say, Liam,’ Tom joked. ‘I’ll get some coffee going.’

  Tara jumped up and joined Tom in the kitchen, leaving Gerry, Abby and Sean to chat to Liam.

  ‘Are you buying all this remorse shit, Tom?’ Tara demanded.

  ‘You’re making it painfully obvious that you aren’t, sweetie, but I’ll be honest, I think he’s genuine. Give him a chance. I don’t believe he’s anything to gain by coming around here.’

  ‘Yes he has,’ Tara whispered flatly, ‘Grace and Jack.’

  ‘Coffee’s very good mate,’ Liam said, taking a moment to savour the blend. ‘At a guess, you guys have got a Nespresso?’

  ‘Yes Darling,’ Gerry gleefully shouted, ‘it is a Nespresso! Tom would serve instant if I’d let him, the heathen! This is our compromise. When did you get so cultured?’

  ‘New addiction I suppose,’ Liam wryly commented. ‘I think all alcoholics have addictive personalities. That’s why so many of them smoke as well as drink. For me, I chose to get into coffees. It’s become a hobby for me now. I enjoy it.’

  The phrase ‘might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb,’ crossed Liam’s mind as he turned to Sean and Tara.

  ‘Tara and Sean, I want to apologise for making a scene at your wedding. I know that I embarrassed you both. That one I don’t really remember, but Grace told me about it often enough so I know it happened. I’m sorry for falling on the wedding cake, Tara. And I’m sorry for trying to get Sean’s aunt to do the lambada. I didn’t know she had a bad hip. I was wasted.’

  Gerry and Abby started to giggle at that. And there was definitely the hint of a smile on Tom’s face.

  Sean finally decided to speak. ‘Well they say confession is good for the soul, Liam. So your soul must be in good nick at this stage. For me, I’d forgiven and forgotten about the cake incident ages ago. As for Aunt Molly and the lambada, I’ve never seen her move like that before; it’s a sight I’ll never forget! So, I take your apology and accept it. As for Tara, I think you may have to accept that you guys are never going to be buddies. Too much water under the bridge.’

  ‘I can speak for myself, Sean.’ Tara’s voice was like ice. ‘I’ll never be buddies with you, Liam. I’ll never trust you. Maybe I’m being hard, but I saw what you did to Grace. I’ve had a bellyful of this soul baring. So spill, Liam. Why are you really back?’ Tara asked.

  ‘It’s very simple, Tara. I want Grace back. And I want to be a dad to Jack.’

  ‘You’ve a bloody nerve, Liam. What makes you think Grace would even consider talking to you again?’ Tara snapped.

  ‘That’s why I came to see Tom. I want to find out what’s going on in Grace’s life. Is she happy? Is she involved with someone else, someone who’s being a father for Jack?’ Liam paused, taking a deep breath.

  ‘It would kill me,’ he continued quietly. ‘But I caused Grace enough pain over the years to last her a lifetime, and I never want to be responsible for hurting her again. If staying away is the right thing for Grace, then I’ll do it. When I was in rehab, I had plenty of time to think about my life, where I went wrong. I genuinely thought about all the shit things I did in my time to you guys and to my family. But the things that have haunted me the most are what I did to Grace. I still love her, guys. But aside from Grace, Jack is non-negotiable. I intend to spend the rest of my life making up to him the first three years I’ve missed.’

  ‘I said it earlier to Gerry, your timing is marvellous,’ Tom deadpanned.

  ‘Why? What’s so bad about my timing? Does she have someone else? Am I too late? Tom?’ Liam asked desperately.

  Tara’s face and the small shake of her head were blatantly clear to all of the friends. That imperceptible shake was all it took – nobody was to mention Grace’s cancer to Liam.

  ‘Why do I get the feeling that there’s something going on here that everyone knows about except me? Tom, what’s going on buddy?’ Liam asked.

  The look on his face was so earnest that Tom almost answered him and told him about Grace’s cancer. But that wasn’t his secret to share. If Grace met Liam, it would be her decision if she decided to tell him.

  ‘Look, Liam. This is how it is. Grace isn’t seeing anyone, so don’t worry on that score. Tara, there’s no point giving me dirty looks. I’m not lying to Liam. He’s done some stupid things in the past. But he was our friend once upon a time. And he’s still mine,’ Tom stated.

  ‘Thanks mate,’ Liam replied in a strangled voice.

  ‘For what it’s worth Liam, I think you’ve paid a high price for your sins. You’ve missed out on having Grace in your life for the past three years. And what’s even sadder is that you have no idea how special your son is. You couldn’t even begin to imagine it. That, my friend, is a price I wouldn’t want to pay.’

  ‘I’m with Tom on this one,’ Sean added. ‘It’s not our decision if Grace sees Liam or not. She’s big enough and bold enough to make her own mind up.’

  ‘All I’m asking is that you give Grace this message for me. Tell her I’m sober and to call me at this number. Please,’ Liam said.

  Chapter Four

  ‘Mommy, is my Daddy coming soon?’ Jack asked for the hundredth time that day.

  ‘Not too long now, sweetie-pie,’ Grace grimaced as she answered. Her nerves were in shreds. ‘Watch your programmes.’

  When Tom called to tell her about Liam’s visit two days ago, Grace thought her heart would jump out of her chest it started to beat so loudly. She supposed she always knew this day would come, but why now? She ha
d to start chemotherapy in a few days, and boy did she not need this, now of all times.

  She had struggled about whether to let Jack see Liam straightaway or not. Should she meet him a few times first and then see how she felt? Or just bite the bullet and tell Jack that his Daddy was in town? Finally, eerily enough it was Jack who made her mind up for her. Picking him up from Montessori school yesterday, he had asked, ‘When is my Daddy going to pick me up from school Mommy?’

  With those words, Grace had frozen. Why was he asking her this, today of all days? Was he flipping psychic? Before she had a chance to respond, his teacher came out, and asked to have a quick word. Mary was a lovely woman and really easygoing. She’d never asked to speak to Grace before, and somehow or other, Grace figured she wouldn’t like what she had to say.

  ‘Hi Grace, don’t look so scared, it’s nothing major. Jack has started talking about his Daddy in the last week or two and I thought you should know. He’s never mentioned him before, so that’s why I picked up on it. Is he back in Jack’s life?’ Mary had asked gently.

  ‘No, in fact he’s never even met him. His Daddy writes to him every week but he’s been out of the picture physically. Oh my God, Mary. What kind of stuff has Jack been saying? He hasn’t mentioned his Daddy to me lately at all. It’s always me who brings him up.’

  ‘Well, he’s got a great imagination then Grace. He’s been telling his friends stories about his dad. Stuff about how his dad took him on holiday this year. How his dad is so strong, he could beat Spider-Man. The usual three year old’s “my dad is better than yours” repertoire. Don’t go beating yourself up too much. It’s probably just a phase. I’ll keep an eye on him for you.’

  Hearing about Jack’s over-fertile imagination really upset Grace. Abby was always telling her that she should relax and not worry so much about Jack. She reckoned Grace had way too much single-mother guilt and that Jack was very lucky to have the life he had with Grace. Grace knew that Abby was right; Jack was loved, not only by her, but also by her extended family. But here she was thinking they were doing okay and that Jack wasn’t affected by the lack of a father figure and how wrong could she be? She felt like crying just at the thought of Jack being so upset. If she was honest with herself, she knew that the subject of Liam meeting Jack would come up eventually, but she just wasn’t prepared for it so early on. What on earth goes on in the little mind of a three year old? That thought was sobering.

  Having processed the news that Jack was talking about his dad so much in Montessori made her decision easier and she told Jack that his Daddy was in Ireland and wanted to visit him, and he was so excited, jumping up and down.

  ‘Yay Mommy, can I wear my Spider-Man outfit?’ Jack had said to her. No hard questions, no wobbly lip, just a fashion query. As Gerry had pointed out, Jack took after his Mom in a lot of ways!

  So Grace had called Liam and asked him to come round today after Montessori, explaining to him that Jack knew nothing about his drinking, just that he’d been working overseas for the past three years and that Daddy loved him very much. Grace had spent the day tidying her already spotless apartment and then trying on every outfit in her wardrobe. What exactly do you wear to meet an ex-boyfriend and father of your child? Nothing too sexy, but sexy enough he’ll realise what he’s been missing, Gerry the fashion guru had said to her last night when he called over. One advantage to being ill for the past month, Grace realised, was that she’d dropped a stone. Don’t recommend getting cancer as a diet tip, she thought wryly, but so far it was about the only plus Grace could find about this whole cancer trip.

  She was ready, buffed to an inch of her life. Gerry had been at her apartment earlier and had done Grace’s hair and make-up. He understood more than anyone the need for the perfect appearance for an occasion such as this. By the time he was finished with her, he declared Grace was ‘pure Carrie from Sex in the City – bohemian New York chic meets Dublin hottie!’ And looking at herself in the mirror, she had to agree. She did look like a hottie, or a Yummy Mummy as Gerry called her. Her long strawberry blonde hair was falling in soft waves down her back. Gerry spent over an hour applying Mac make-up to make it look like Grace had none on! She was wearing a bright turquoise t-shirt over skinny Miss Sixty blue jeans, with her favourite navy Converse runners. Jack earned himself a big sloppy kiss when he walked into Grace’s bedroom and said ‘Mommy, you pretty. Just like Upsy Daisy.’ What a guy! At least fifty times a day her little man said something to make her smile. Three was such a great age.

  Grace was broken out of her reverie by the sound of the buzzer. Jack jumped up and whispered excitedly ‘Is that my Daddy?’

  ‘Let’s go find out, sweetie-pie,’ she replied, straightening Jack’s Spider-Man mask.

  ‘Long time, no see, Grace,’ Liam huskily said when she opened the door. Then he cursed himself for saying something so lame.

  Grace had thought many times about how she would feel the moment she was faced with Liam. But nothing prepared her for her reaction. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck. She felt winded and also dizzy. Realising Liam was waiting for a response from her, she closed her eyes for a moment to compose herself. Finding it impossible to speak, she decided to simply nod. With her heart beating so hard, Grace was sure he had heard it. He looked good, great in fact. Being sober suited him. He’d dropped a few pounds, and looked healthy like he had done in the early days. She suddenly became aware that she was staring and that her little boy was hiding behind her. Knowing she had to pull herself together for Jack’s sake, she mentally shook herself and then invited Liam in. Jack was clinging on to Grace really tightly and suddenly looked like a baby again. Pulling him on to her lap, Grace was overwhelmed by the need to protect him. She really prayed that she was doing the right thing by agreeing to this.

  ‘Jack, say hello to your Daddy,’ she said quietly.

  Liam dropped to his knees, bringing himself down to Jack’s level. ‘Cool costume, Jack. I’m a big fan of Spider-Man too.’

  Jack rolled his eyes and moved closer into his Mommy. Raising his eyebrows to Grace, Liam looked a bit thrown by Jack’s response. Grace felt a burst of protectiveness explode in her. Liam couldn’t expect Jack to just throw himself into his arms as if he’d just popped home after buying a pint of milk. He’d been away three years what did he expect. It would take more than five minutes to build the relationship!

  Liam tried again, ‘Jack, I really am a fan. I’ve seen the movie loads of times. I have it on DVD in fact. I tried to buy a costume too, but couldn’t get one to fit me!’ Liam said to his son, laughing.

  Jack started to giggle. Maybe this was going to be okay, thought Liam. He moved a little closer to Jack and continued seriously, ‘It makes me happy that we both like the same things, Jack. How cool is that?’

  Jack just shrugged but he had moved a little further away from Grace. She decided that maybe she should leave them for a few minutes on their own.

  ‘I’m going to make some coffee. Jack, why don’t you show your Daddy all your Spider-Man toys?’

  Walking away holding her breath, Grace wondered if Jack would follow her or stay with his dad? Ten minutes later, she walked back into the sitting room to find Jack showing Liam every toy he had in his toy box. Her son still had his mask on though, so it was difficult to know what was going on in his mind.

  ‘Jack, honey, why don’t you take your mask off? You must be hot under that.’ Grace figured, correctly, that Liam must be desperate to see his face too.

  ‘Don’t want to, Mommy. Can I watch my programmes now?’ Grace knew that this was his way of saying he’d had enough. He couldn’t deal with anymore right now.

  ‘Sure pet, no problem. Daddy and I are going to be in the kitchen drinking our coffee. You come get me if you want me, okay?’

  ‘I want a snuggle, Mommy,’ Jack said in a small voice.

  ‘I’ll follow you in,’ Grace said to Liam and sat down on the couch with her little man scooped into her arms. Fireman Sam came on, and
as Norman began another adventure that would surely end in disaster, Grace felt Jack begin to relax. She sat with him for a few moments and then, once satisfied he was okay she detangled herself and moved to the kitchen.

  Grace poured the coffee, thinking about Jack, how grown up he was sometimes, for a three year old, but also how scary it must have been meeting his Daddy for the first time.

  ‘Grace,’ Liam interrupted. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For letting me see Jack. For being an amazing mother to Jack for the past three years. For never saying anything negative about me to Jack. For all of that, I thank you.’

  ‘I don’t need your thanks Liam, being a mother to Jack is reward enough. He is amazing, and you’ll find that out soon enough. I thank God every night for that gift. As for letting Jack see you, I told you three years ago that I’d never keep you away, as long as you were sober. Jack needs his Daddy.’

  Liam nodded silently. They both drank their coffees for a couple of minutes, and there wasn’t a need for words.

  ‘Do you think he’ll take his mask off before I go? I’m desperate to see his face,’ Liam asked worriedly.

  ‘I’m not going to push him, Liam. He has to do this at his own pace. Give him time. This is a big day for him. He’ll take it off when he feels comfortable with you.’