Shadow of Doubt - Part 1

by W. J. May

  She shivered and then laughed. “I’m from San Antonio so I definitely didn’t grow up understanding the full concept of a white winter. I like the sun and the heat, even as a kid. If you told the kid me I’d be going to Cornell for university I probably would have tried talking myself out of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here but that bloomin’ cold wind takes some getting used to. Where’d you grow up? You mentioned England, how old where you when you immigrated?”

  Questions already? Erebus concentrated on the lines on the sidewalk and not stepping on them. What could he say? “Around London. Is your family still in Texas?”

  “My mom and dad are. They’ve been up to visit here once and are talking about coming here for Christmas. My mom’s curious what Christmas with snow looks like. At the start of the school year I’d planned on heading back home but I’m not so sure what my plans are…”

  Now it was her turn to stare at the ground. Erebus watched her moment of awkwardness and almost uttered “oh” when he realized she was probably hinting at her parents coming up to meet him. No way could he handle that, the risk was beyond even contemplating. “I’d go back. If I were you, I mean. Get some sun, see friends and family. Have a nice holiday.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.” She twirled a loose hair lock around her finger a few times before tucking it behind her ear. “You already have plans?”

  Erebus couldn’t miss the disappointment in her voice. It tugged inside his chest. “Coty and I have a bit of a tradition.”

  “Not going to see your parents? Are they still in England?” Parents? Crap, now what should he say? “It’s just me.”

  Aurora pressed her lips together, the corners of her mouth slightly turning down. “I’m so sorry.”

  “No worries. It’s fine.” He felt like a jerk letting her assume and believe a lie. However it was better than the truth. “Tell me more about what you were like as a kid.” He was curious to know. He’d never been around kids. Most were in bed by the time he came around or the ones still up were miserable and ready to go to bed. He wanted to know everything about her.

  She held her cup with both hands and took a sip. “I had a normal childhood.” She reached out and squeezed his arm a moment. “What’s normal nowadays though? I should say I had a great childhood. My parents married after college and have been together ever since. They’re still as much in love as they were when the met. That doesn’t seem so typical anymore.

  Everyone’s divorced or remarried or who knows what else. We did family stuff too. Road trip vacations all over the country to see all of nature’s wonders. My dad’s a big civil war history

  buff. One year we drove to South Carolina and did the whole drive up through Virginia to Gettysburg. I think we stopped at every civil war monument along the way.” She laughed, staring ahead but obviously seeing memories of the trip in her head. “I was around nine or ten and made this huge scrap book when we got back.”

  “It sounds like a fun trip.” He smiled at her happiness.

  “My dad wants to do it again this summer. He wants him and my mom to fly out when exams are done and go from here. Do it backwards this time.” She tossed her cup into a passing trash bin. “If we’re still hanging out, you should come.”

  Part of him actually wanted to go. Deep inside his chest he felt this longing to see the sights through her eyes. To hold her hand and read some monument or walk through some battlefield now covered in grass and wild flowers. It was an impossible dream. He knew it. Every fiber of his being knew it. But somewhere deep inside a new, foreign emotion was trying to make its way to the surface. He tried to push it back down. “We’ll see.” He couldn’t say anything more.

  They walked in silence, the atmosphere between them slightly strained. It didn’t last long. Aurora seemed to have a natural ability to smooth things over and not press or pry. She changed the subject and began chattering about school and how she got a full scholarship to Cornell before she’d even finished eleventh grade. They ended the evening with a sweet kiss in front of Aurora’s door. He didn’t push to come in nor did she offer.

  Two Friday evenings later, Erebus waited at the same Starbucks for Aurora. Janus had spent the past forty minutes grilling him on how he was doing. He seemed to understand Erebus, obviously better than he knew himself.

  “Don’t break the code,” Janus had warned again. “I don’t want to have to force you to leave.

  I’m not going to ask, so please don’t tell me if you’re still with the blonde girl. Break it off before it’s too late. Do it now. Tonight. It’s clear you’re getting too attached. I don’t understand why or how it’s happening, but it needs to stop.”

  “It’s fine,” Erebus replied curtly.

  “No, it’s not. I see it in your eyes, and I spoke with Coty.” He shook his head at Erebus. “Don’t be stupid. We’re not meant to be with them. They’re gone in the blink of an eye, and we’re left…with nothing.”

  Erebus watched him leave, unsure if destiny was giving him a nudge. He stared at his mug as he thought about Janus’ words. Janus knew better than he did; he’d been around a lot longer, and it was his job as a handler.

  He rubbed his forehead, unsure of what to do. He pulled his phone out, planning on sending Aurora a text to cancel the evening. They’d hung out almost every night the past two weeks. He sent a text to Coty first.

  Dude. What R U doing 2nite? We should meet up.

  Coty’s reply came instantly back.

  ‘Bus! Finally. U ditch the girl? Meet me at Rum Jungle @ 11. We’ll find hot chicks. That’ll drop the memory.

  “Who’re you texting?” Aurora’s sweet voice broke his train of thought.

  “Coty.” He quickly shut his blackberry and stuffed it in his pocket before glancing up. She looked more divine tonight than yesterday.

  “Does he want to meet up?”

  “Yeah. With just me.” He was angry with himself. He should finish this now, not later.

  Janus was totally right. This was a mistake. For him and for Aurora. He rubbed his chin. What was he really worried about? Getting caught and possibly getting her killed? Or Aurora breaking his heart? He straightened and stood. Heading towards the door he walked, almost stomping. He knew she’d be right behind him.

  He stopped and swung around. She bumped into him, hurrying to catch up with his long strides.

  “What’s wrong? Did I say something to piss you off?” She sounded confused. “If you want to hang out with Coty you just have to say. You’re the one who asked me to meet you here tonight.”

  He swallowed hard. “Look, you’re a really sweet girl, but this isn’t going to work. We’re fooling ourselves. Sorry.” He shook his head as he tried to think of what else to say, hating himself for being an ass. The room suddenly felt too hot. He couldn’t come up with anything else, so he turned, shoved the door open and headed outside.

  Aurora ran after him. He was walking by the glass building which looked like black diamonds with the streetlights shining down when she caught up to him. She grabbed his arm and forced him to face her. She snatched the collar of his jacket and pressed up against him, his front torso warmed from her soft breasts pressing against him through the thin fabric of her shirt. Neither had bothered to do up their coats.

  “You can’t blurt that out and then walk away. I don’t believe for a moment you mean it.” She was angry but she looked crushed and so young. Innocent. “I don’t want you to go.”

  Erebus’ head swam with indecision. She smelled intoxicating, and his body allowed it to be drawn towards her. His mind shouted he needed to walk away – to leave before he got hurt. He wanted to ignore the inner voice. It always acted more Shadow than human. He sighed. “I think it’s better for us both.”

  “Why? You say that, but your body’s telling me differently.” She stared intently into his face but pressed her body tighter to his.

  Not so innocent. He closed his eyes and exhaled. Cringing, he realized he’d have to inhale her deli
cious perfume again. It was only going to fog his mind more.

  Aurora pressed. “You’re really going to stand here and tell me you truly don’t want to give me – us – a chance?” Her voice came out quiet, but the determination in it shouted clearly. He could feel her heartbeat strong against his chest; it seemed to echo his own. “I’m not worth whatever risk you’re so afraid of? You’re a liar Aaron Bus. And a fool.”

  He clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth. Screw the risks; screw Janus and his worries. “I do want this, more than anything I’ve ever wanted. You just don’t get it. You have no idea.”

  “What don’t I get? What do—”

  He dropped his head down and kissed her hard, cutting her off. His lips crushed against hers, urging her mouth open to accept his tongue against hers. She kissed him back with the same determination. He brought one arm around her slender waist, the other came to the back of her head so he could bury his fingers in her thick, curly hair. His hips pushed against her with a raw need he’d never felt before.

  Without realizing it, he picked her up and pinned her against the building wall. He poured his entire soul into his kiss. For once, he allowed his feelings to direct his actions, not his thoughts. He didn’t need to breathe; he just needed her lips entwined against his. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her taste, her warmth, her scent, or her body. He wanted everything and debated about taking her right there on the street. He could have his pants undone in mere seconds and her skirt lifted even faster. She’d be ready for him. He could feel her heat pressing against him. His control started to disappear and lust began taking over reason. It was intoxicating.

  He pulled back as suddenly as he’d started. That desire was his inner Shadow controlling him, wanting the physical need satisfied before anything else. This was the life of a Shadow –

  the draw for physical gratification, to absorb everything they could. He’d learned to control those urges, but with Aurora, raw desire and lust took over everything.

  “Wh-what?” Aurora’s chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. She ran her teeth over her lower lip, pausing to bite it before opening her mouth. She pressed her hips harder against his, grinding small circles against him. Her hands entwined behind his neck, she tried to push his face back towards hers.

  Staring at the ground, Erebus ran his fingers through his hair, trying to slow the beat of his heart. He could barely think and fought to contain what little control he had left. He froze the moment he looked at her. The streetlight shining behind them gave the illusion of daylight. He blinked as he momentarily envisioned what it would be like to stand beside her in the sun. He reached for her hand and kissed each finger gently.

  “I don’t think the entire world needs to see me nearly raping and pillaging you.” He smiled, trying to make light of the intensity of his feelings, begging his erection to stop trying to control his brain.

  “I’m not sure you can rape the willing.” She gave a sly smile.

  He groaned at her words, watching her press her back against the building and arch her back, bringing her cleavage towards him. She didn’t do it on purpose; her body was simply responding to him.

  “Do you want to go to my place or yours?” His words sounded rushed. “Yours. You don’t have a roommate to answer to in the morning.”

  “You’ll still have to answer to Tori, you know?” He grinned as he pulled her away from the building and started walking towards his studio apartment. The speed of his gait forced her to almost jog. He made a conscious effort to slow down.

  “True, but you won’t have to.” She snuggled closer to him. Then she stopped and forced him to look at her, her face completely serious. “You want this, right? I mean, not just the sex, but the whole package?”

  This was his last chance to leave. He could lie and live the rest of his life never knowing.

  Was the risk worth breaking every rule he’d ever been taught?

  Reason returned with startling clarity. “Aurora, you probably won’t understand this, but you’re my ray of sunshine. You’ve made the night less dark. I think I’m addicted to you or whatever power you have over me – physically and here.” He brought his hand to his chest.

  She giggled, possibly from nervousness he couldn’t tell, then smiled. “You’re right. I don’t have a clue what you’re saying. If a friend told me their boyfriend said that, I’d think it was totally cheesy. However, coming from you, it sounds deeply romantic…and hot.” She stretched up on her toes to kiss him, her tongue pushing its way into his mouth. She slowly pulled back and rubbed her nose against his.

  “You still got that angel outfit?” They started walking. Desire took over his thoughts again; that wonderful, lustful addiction.

  “If you’re looking for some foreplay, mister, you’d better be the one wearing the costume tonight. I’m tired of waiting for you to come ‘round!” She teased and slapped his butt.

  Chapter 7

  Fallen

  They fit perfectly beside each other. Aurora’s head nestled into his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her, his finger lightly making circles on her soft body. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay where he lay – forever. Except the vibrating from his cell on the nightstand drove Erebus crazy. He sighed with relief when it stopped.

  His gaze travelled across Aurora’s slender arm that covered her chest. He shifted slightly and caught his breath when she moved her arm and showed her naked breasts. Unable to resist, he lightly traced his finger along each rib and then cupped her breast. They were firm and inviting. With his finger, he traced the rim of her nipple. He felt himself harden as her nipple responded to his caress, and, even as she slept, her hips pushed towards his. Mouth open, his breathing got heavier as he debated about rolling her onto her back and letting his mouth finish what his fingers had started.

  His train of lust paused when the irritating buzz of his phone distracted him again. Still lightly squeezing and playing with her nipple, he glanced up at the phone. It danced halfway across the nightstand. Reluctantly, he moved his hand, catching the cell just before it fell to the floor.

  Coty had sent several texts and now resorted to actually phoning. Erebus hit the end button to send the call straight to voice mail. About to toss the phone on the floor, he glanced at the last text message from Coty.

  ‘Bus, I know where U R. I’m outside your pad. Get out here NOW!

  Guilt washed over him. He looked down at Aurora’s luscious naked body. Lust and remorse coursed through his veins. He dropped his head back against the pillow and sighed. Coty wasn’t the problem; he simply wanted to help. Coty had every right to worry, and he’d have to let Janus know.

  Ignoring his own needs, he concentrated on what wasn’t warm and moist beside him. He rolled Aurora onto her back, hoping not to wake her. He gently laid her head on the pillow, freeing his arm. He brushed his lips against her forehead, her eyelashes, and lightly on her mouth.

  “Hmmmm…” She turned over to press her body against him once again.

  He groaned. She felt so good. “Sweetie, I have to go.” His phone started vibrating again, as if to confirm the fact.

  She struggled to open her eyes in the dim light of the moon sifting through the window. She yawned and stretched against him.

  “Don’t go.” Her breath was hot against his chest. Her hot tongue flicked against his chest. “I have to,” he whispered. But I really don’t want to.

  “Wha—” Aurora mumbled. She slowly pushed away and sat up. She looked at him and then wrapped the sheet around her chest.

  Erebus smiled slightly at her sudden shyness. She hadn’t been timid minutes ago. He raised an eyebrow as he watched her stand up and begin snatching her clothes off the floor.

  “What’re you doing?” He didn’t understand her actions. She seemed…angry.

  “Getting dressed. I’m not staying in your apartment if you have to leave.”

  “Oh.” He’d just assumed she’d sleep here until morning and then go about do
ing whatever she did. He bit his tongue and kept silent; the ice in her voice a clear warning.

  Stealthily, he stood up to put his clothes on. He watched her jerk her hair into a ponytail and march into the living room to grab her jacket. She waited for him, arms crossed and foot tapping, by the door.

  “I’ll walk you back to your place.” He wasn’t sure what else to say and felt awkward at the sudden change in the atmosphere.

  “It’s too far. I’ll catch a cab.” She refused to look at him.

  He couldn’t read the expression on her face. Without talking, they walked down the stairs and into the darkness outside.

  A voice erupted from the shadows. “It’s about bloody time!”

  Aurora jumped back against Erebus. Reflexively, he stepped in front of her, one arm protective as he blocked her. He could feel her pulse quicken.

  “Coty, you just scared the crap out of Aurora.” Erebus could hear the venom in his voice. Ignoring Coty’s open-mouthed stare, he put his arm around Aurora and pulled her tight against him and stepped toward the streetlights. Ironically, a cab appeared from around the corner. He flagged it down and held the door open for her.

  “I’ll call you.” He wanted to kiss her but wasn’t sure if he should. She still lingered on his lips, and he was tempted to taste her one more time. Instead, he stood behind the cab door and waited for her.

  “Whatever.” He could hear the disappointment in her voice. He hoped the trembling was from the cold and didn’t mean she was crying – that would destroy any resolve he had inside of him.

  “Bye.” He shut the door and silently watched the cab disappear up the road. He wondered if he should send her flowers. A dozen roses or maybe two?

  The shove against his back brought him out of his trance. He swung around and lashed out at Coty.

  “You idiot! Why’d you have to scare the shit out of her?”

  “Me? Dude, I had nothing to do with the look on that girl’s face. It was there before I even opened my mouth.” Coty leaned against the brick building, his arms crossed.