Shadow of Doubt - Part 1

by W. J. May

  Coty’s casual stance just pissed him off more. “Can’t you spend one night on your own?

  Why do you have to be SO annoying? I can’t have one night without you calling or bugging me! Your stupid texts messed everything up.” He detested that he sounded like a spoiled brat but still refused to look Coty in the eye.

  “Oh, no, you don’t. You were supposed to meet me at the Rum Jungle. When one o’clock rolled ‘round, I knew you were with her.” Coty’s head jerked in the direction the cab had driven off.

  “So what?”

  “So what?” Coty mocked. “You know exactly what. Janus told you. I’ve warned you. Your head’s so bloody messed up. What’s it going to take for you to realize we aren’t supposed to be with them? They’re supposed to be just toys for us, nothing more.”

  “Whatever.” Erebus started to head back into his building. Coty irritated him more tonight than he ever had. Erebus needed to clean up before finding a pay phone.

  “I don’t think you’re listening. You need to get it through your thick skull.”

  Erebus stomped back to Coty. “I’m thick skulled? Ain’t that the kettle calling the pot black?”

  “Huh?” The look on Coty’s face would’ve made Erebus laugh, had it been any other time. “Speak English, man. You’re the one being the idiot here.” He pointed an accusing finger. “You’re trying to pretend you’re one of them.”

  Erebus would have punched Coty if he knew it could actually hurt him. Damn Shadows for not being able to get hurt. Immortality sucked. He took a deep breath, not even trying to hide how pissed off he was. “I’m not trying to be human. I know what I am. I know the rules. I know my limitations. You’re mad at me because I stood you up for a girl.” He turned to walk away from his friend.

  Coty spun him around, and Erebus froze, surprised by the look of genuine concern in his friend’s face. “I’ve seen Shadows act stupid, selfish, and even overreact.” He jabbed a finger at Erebus. “But you…You’re a Shadow of doubt. The sad thing is you don’t even know it. You hide behind this mask of depression.”

  A wind picked up, scattering Erebus’ thoughts. He didn’t know if he was mad at Coty for his big mouth, or because he might be partly right.

  Coty took a step back and shook his head. “I don’t want you to get hurt, and I don’t want you to get in trouble.” Coty sighed. “’Bus, I think you need to move away. If you have to get out of here, I’ll come with you. She’s…just a girl.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re the only one who seems to think so.”

  Erebus stared past Coty, to the entrance of his apartment building. He pressed his lips tight together, his shoulders slumping. “What am I supposed to do?” he whispered.

  “Leave or leave her alone.”

  “I don’t want to. I tried to end it tonight, and, instead, we ended up in bed.”

  “Great! Sex with a Shadow. You’ll never get rid of her now. She’s in love with you, and now you slept with her?” Coty rolled his eyes. “You’ve bloody fallen.”

  “Fallen?”

  “Yeah, and I’m not talking about tripping over something. I’m talking about falling for the girl.”

  Fallen in love? Impossible – for a Shadow at least. Then again, something was happening to him which he couldn’t explain; deep down, he knew the truth. Maybe Coty was smarter than he let on. “I…I don’t know about that.” Even the lie didn’t sound convincing to him.

  “Jeepers, man. You’re in further than you even realize. You have to get out of here. I’ll go with you.”

  “I’m not leaving. I’ve got a year’s lease on the apartment.”

  Coty’s laughter broke through the night. “That’s your excuse?” His hands went up by his head and he shook them. “You think Janus’ll buy that?”

  “Don’t tell him,” Erebus begged.

  Coty tilted his head, peering up at the night sky. His jaw muscles tightened as he ground his teeth. “Finish this. You had your bit of fun and now finish it. Before the end of the weekend.

  You promise me that, and I won’t tell Janus” He patted Erebus on the back. “Maybe you’re like me and you just need to get her out of your system. If you get my drift.”

  Erebus ignored Coty’s last comment. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Give me a bit of time, and I will. I’ll break up with her. I’ve never felt like this – ever.” No Shadow or human had probably ever opened his soul this way.

  “Fine. Just…be careful. Don’t get caught, and don’t tell her anything.” Coty’s gaze darted to the street, and he lowered his voice. “You know what’ll happen if she discovers what you are.”

  A flutter of something ran through him. He wondered ironically if it might be hope, or fear. “I’ll try. I promise.”

  “Try?” Coty must have seen more in Erebus’ face than he let on. “I guess that’ll have to be good enough for now. Take advantage of the sex. She’s got one hot body, in my opinion.”

  Erebus immediately visualized what had just gone on upstairs earlier. He grinned, he couldn’t help it. It disappeared when he remembered how upset Aurora seemed when she left. Maybe it was already over. He wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

  Coty cracked a smile. “Now show me your place. It isn’t a hole, is it? I want a key to bring chicks by.”

  Chapter 8

  Nights of Pleasure… and Peace

  Erebus paced back and forth in his living room. He checked his watch, releasing a short huff when he realized the minute hand had only moved about ten notches. Tonight, he’d been nervous ever since coming out of his Shadow. Last evening, after Coty left, he’d searched the Internet for the right type of flowers to send Aurora. He had no clue. Guys sent flowers to girls after they screwed up, right? Even when they weren’t exactly sure what they’d done wrong.

  What kind of flowers would a female like, especially a female with Aurora’s desirability? Was he supposed to send lots to show how sorry he was, or should he send flowers based on their meaning? It took most of his remaining waking hours to choose and then make sure they could be delivered during the day. He didn’t think he had put this much thought into anything else he’d ever done.

  The good thing about searching on the Internet, he’d found some other interesting sites. Purely by mistake, he’d come across this auction site in New York City. They were having an online auction for antique souvenirs in the NYC area. A K6 red antique phone booth, originally from Britain, was up for auction.

  He’d been shocked to see his old home – he’d always considered the booth his when he lived in England and then in New York. It was, in a sense, part of him. His life began when that K6 phone was created. He’d become that Shadow and had lived fifteen years of his life in England, with that phone booth as his main dwelling He thought back to the night he’d

  awakened on a ship, completely confused and shocked more than usual. It had taken him an hour to find someone working on the transatlantic ship to find out why the booths were in the cargo hold.

  The phone booth had been sold to New York, along with ten others that were going to be placed throughout New York City. He’d just immigrated to the other side of the world without knowing it.

  He chuckled when he thought about the stash of sterling pounds he’d buried in Liverpool. He wondered if it was still there. One day, he’d have to go back and check. The hard part, of course, would be figuring out how to get there.

  Staring at the K6 photos, he touched the computer screen. He planned on winning it, no matter the cost. He would talk to Janus on Friday and ask him how he could get it.

  Taking a momentary look around his loft apartment, he knew it would be perfect. It would go in the middle of his living room, by the support pillar. He hadn’t put any furniture in that spot, as if it was waiting for the right memento to go there.

  He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand, amazed he’d never thought of it before. He may never have to leave the apartment to search for a
pay phone ever again. The worry of the pay phone becoming extinct wouldn’t be an issue anymore.

  A buzzing came from on top of the stereo. He swiped his phone off, flipping it open in one fluid motion. No text. Aurora was actually calling him.

  He cleared his throat. “Hu- hello.” “Hi…” It was followed by silence.

  He couldn’t tell anything from the single word she’d spoken. Her voice gave nothing away. “Ummm…did you get the flowers?” He closed his eyes, glad she couldn’t see him, only hear how stupid he sounded.

  “I did. Thank you. That’s an enormous, beautiful bouquet.”

  “I wasn’t sure what to buy. The sunflowers reminded me of you when I looked up flowers last night. Some site said purple hyacinths mean I’m sorry or please forgive me. Maybe it was terrible sorrow, or something like that.”

  “You actually picked flowers out based on their meaning?” She sounded surprised.

  Crap! Not the cool thing to do. Erebus covered his face with his hand, looking up at the ceiling. “Uh, sort of. I felt like an idiot after…you know. We had, I mean, I had a great time, and then I ruined it. I can’t take it back, but I wanted to try and make up for it.”

  “I had a great time, too. I thought that was kind of obvious.” She giggled. They’d barely said anything, and he could already feel the heat.

  Awesome. He’d apologized for the right thing. “You up for hanging out this evening?” He grinned in the mirror above the fireplace. He did a Rumba dance across the room, loving how his feet slid across the hardwood floor.

  “No plans with Coty?”

  Erebus could hear the teasing in her voice. “Nope. I’ve got all night…Just gotta be out before dawn.” He stopped dancing when he realized what he’d said. It was easy to forget himself around her. “How ‘bout you get your lovely tiny hinnie over here?”

  “Out before dawn?” Little Miss Lawyer didn’t miss a thing.

  “Uh, yeah. Early, early start tomorrow.” What would he say if she asked what he did or something like that?” He held his breath.

  There was a pause on the phone. “Alright. I can’t stay all night, anyways. I’ve got an early class and a debate I need to prep for. I’ll pop over for an hour. Sound fair?”

  Safe. She didn’t care, or whatever, it didn’t matter. “Stop talking and get over here. You’re wasting precious time.” Grinning, he shut his phone and tossed it perfectly back onto the stereo speaker.

  The hour turned into three, or was it four? After, he walked Aurora to her car, enjoying the coolness of the light rain that had begun to fall. When her car had disappeared from sight, he stood outside his apartment, feeling more alive than in all his years.

  It became a pattern, a month of many nights. Coty didn’t nag, Janus never asked and no Night Council came calling. Between Aurora’s visits, he made time to hang with his friend and even cracked the odd smile for his handler. Janus assumed Erebus had found what had been missing and teased him about how many women he was now bedding. Erebus never said much, but he also never corrected Janus. He began to feel a strange confidence that everything might work out okay.

  It wasn’t all easy. Erebus avoided Aurora’s questions about what he did during the day and why he never answered his phone. Whenever the questions became too personal or risky, he’d turn the music on and dance with her. He taught her to dance the rumba, the foxtrot, and ballroom dancing. Dancing on the floor or in the bed sheets seemed like the taste of sweetness he’d been missing his entire life. He hated the mornings, but with winter closing in, the days grew shorter, and he’d be able to spend more time with her.

  He entertained her one Friday night, his spirits high after seeing Janus. Janus had informed him they’d gotten the antique phone booth from the online auction. It would be delivered sometime in the next week.

  “You’re in a good mood,” Aurora said. They sat relaxing on his bed.

  “Do you ever feel like, things are finally coming together and life can’t get any better?” In the back of his mind, he made a mental note to call a phone company to get his new phone in working order. It would be useless to him without it actually in running order.

  “Sometimes, but not right now. I just got a D on one of my papers. Hanging out with you is detrimental to my grades. I’ve never gotten below a B.” She flopped back against the pillows and exhaled. “I’m going to need to buckle down and start studying again. Exams are two weeks away.” She groaned and sat up, blowing dishevelled strands of hair from her face. “I have a test Monday I’ve barely reviewed my notes for. I’m never gonna make it as a lawyer.”

  “You will.” He leaned forward, gently pushing the stray hair behind her ears.

  She smiled. “I think you’d better give Coty a call and get him to take you out till I’ve passed everything. He was teasing me the other night that I don’t let you out to play.” She winked. “We do hang out a lot.”

  “Hmmm…” He nuzzled her neck then rested his chin lightly on her shoulder. “How about I give him a shout in a little bit? You can study here, and I’ll have enough fun for the two of us.” He’d barely seen Coty the past few weeks. It’d be good to catch up. Realistically he needed to see Coty and figure out what was happening to him. Coty would know what to do. He had said Aurora would be out of his system but that didn’t seem to be happening anytime soon.

  “Wonderful!” He heard the sarcasm in her voice. “It’s Friday night. You’re going out, and I’m staying in.” She poked him in the ribcage. “But you’re right, I need to. Except, I’m going to study at my place. All my stuff is there and I won’t get anything done here.” She began collecting her clothes. “Maybe Tori and I will meet you guys later at the Rum Jungle?”

  He laughed. She was addicted to him as much as he was to her.

  “How are things going with the little human?” Coty sat on Erebus’ couch with a glass of red wine.

  “Aurora.” Erebus flipped through the radio stations trying to find something besides the news. “It’s fine.”

  “Janus still doesn’t know, does he?” “Nope.”

  Coty set his wineglass down and leaned forward. “’Bus, I’m happy you’re enjoying yourself but who are we kidding? You need to end this. You were supposed to get her out of your system and move on.” Coty shook his head. “How can you still be attached?”

  Erebus fiddled with his beer bottle. He thought Coty would have the answer to that question. “I don’t know. Aurora’s my choice of drug – she’s addicting. She’s beautiful, wonderful, sexy, smart…flawless.”

  “They’re all flawed, trust me. If she’s your choice of drug, you should know better – drugs are bad for you.”

  Erebus hit the power button on the remote and turned the stereo off. He looked at Coty and leaned against the pillar in the middle of the room. Taking a deep breath, he asked his friend the same question he’d been asking himself the past few months. “Why’s it wrong?”

  “Drugs? They’ll kill you. They’re bad for your body and you end up needing them more than you need oxygen or anything else. You’ll push everyone you care for away to get your fix.”

  He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “I’m not talking about drugs. I’m asking why is it so bad I’m with Aurora? I know the Shadow Laws are in place for our safety, but how can being with a human, except for sex, be dangerous?”

  “Same as drugs, ‘Bus.” Coty sighed a long, sad-sounding sigh. “You won’t know till you’ve gone too far, and you can’t pull yourself back. Those laws are set for our survival, and probably for the safety of human survival, as well.”

  “I’d never hurt her.” Erebus crossed his arms over his chest.

  “I know you wouldn’t mean to. What if another one of us did? Or if she was killed in some freak accident or left you? ‘Bus, my friend, you’re different than the rest of us. Those eyes of yours show every emotion and you’re…you’re sensitive. You don’t have the lust-drive like most Shadows.” Coty shrugged his shoulders.

  “I have th
at drive.” He hated Coty being right. He was different – his lust didn’t drive him to be who he was, it only came out when he was with Aurora.

  He closed his eyes, momentarily hating their colour and that people could read him through them. Nanny had once told him eyes were the windows to the soul. Then she’d laughed her sharp, wicked cackle. He blinked in surprise; he hadn’t thought about her in ages.

  “You need to end this.” Coty’s voice broke through his conscience. “I don’t want to.”

  “Come on, man! If Janus finds out, he’s not going to be Mister Nice Guy. He’ll be Mister Ruthless Businessman. He doesn’t like things going wrong on his turf. Think about it. You’re not the only one in danger here; he’ll punish me for not telling.”

  “I would never bring you into this.”

  “I know, but I’m already involved.” Coty’s fingers tapped against the back of the couch. “This is my own making. I’m the one who’ll deal with the consequences.” He shifted his

  weight and sat down on the arm of the leather chair.

  “Doesn’t she ask you questions? Or do you lie?” Coty raised an eyebrow.

  “I don’t lie…sort of. I just don’t answer. She doesn’t really ask about me or my past. She’s fine with how things are.”

  “That’ll change. It changes. She’s going to want to know more about you, your past, and what you’re doing now. Let’s face it, she’s already wondering stuff. Why don’t you see her during the day? Why don’t you have family? Why don’t you want to meet her family?” Coty scratched his head. “Where’s she from, by the way?”

  “Texas. San Antonio. She’s going home for Christmas. She’s busy, you know. She’s going to be a lawyer, so she doesn’t have time to see me during the day. We’re both comfortable with the situation.”

  “What happens when she graduates? Or wants to get married? Have children?”