Shadow of Doubt - Part 1

by W. J. May

  Erebus stood up and began to pace. The large room suddenly felt small, stifling. He walked over to one of the windows and tugged it open. The blast of cold didn’t help sooth his sudden

  temper flare. It was going to snow soon. Three weeks away, and Ithaca was definitely going to have a white Christmas.

  “I don’t know, alright.” Erebus ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m taking this as it comes. For the first time, I actually feel content. I’m happy being me. I don’t hate my life or what I am.”

  Coty stood up, walked over to Erebus, and gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “I know, man, I know. But if you stay with her, she’s going to ask. You’re not going to age, and you can’t tell her why. You may believe you’re in love, but think long and hard about it. They’ll put you away for years, even centuries, and they’ll kill her. You tell her, and they’ll kill her to keep her quiet. You won’t even get to say goodbye.”

  Erebus’ heart stopped. He forgot how to breathe. The dizzy, foggy feeling he had every

  night before coming out was nothing compared to what he felt at this moment. He’d never let her be hurt because of him. He buried his face in his hands, then looked at his friend without saying a word.

  “Shit, Erebus.” Coty looked into his eyes. “This is going to kill you. I can read everything in your face. You need to ask Janus if there’s some rehab place for us to get off humans.” He shook his head. “I’m willing to bet Janus knows you’re still with her. How can he not? I can tell – it’s written all over your face.”

  “Christmas,” Erebus whispered, his voice cracking. “What?”

  “She leaves for three weeks at Christmas. That’ll be my detox. When she gets back, I’ll end it.”

  “I think you should do it before.” Coty turned to close the window. “We can just move while

  she’s gone. I’ll go wherever you go. You’re my family.”

  Coty might be superficial, but he was Erebus’ best friend for a reason. Loyal beyond anything imaginable.

  “I don’t want to move.” Erebus grinned suddenly. “I just bought my K-Six phone on an online auction. It’s being delivered next week.”

  “Dude! That’s totally awesome!” Coty switched from concerned dad to college crazy boy in milliseconds. “That’s why all this new crap is here?” He pointed to the pillar and the wires hanging down from the ceiling.

  “Yup, got my own little shadow box now.” The change of subject was what they both needed. “Want me to find you an old English bus stop?”

  Coty laughed. He walked around the couch to grab his leather jacket. “No thanks. I prefer that challenge each and every morning. College towns will always need buses, so I’m safe from extinction.” He slipped his jacket on. “Come on. Let’s go look at some hot chicks and grab a few beers. I’ll play, you can window shop.”

  “Sounds good. I’m thirsty.” Erebus grabbed his jacket. “Rum Jungle?”

  Chapter 9

  It Changes

  Erebus spent the weekend hanging out with Coty, who was beside himself with excitement. He dragged Erebus to every nightclub and party in the city. By Sunday almost morning Erebus couldn’t wait to just chill for a few hours before sunrise.

  Aurora and Erebus texted back and forth constantly and Monday night he called her to ask how her exam went.

  “Better than I thought it would. I’m just glad it’s done.” “I’m sure you did great.”

  She laughed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’ll find out Friday and we can either celebrate with dessert or drown my sorrows in the ice cream.”

  “Sounds good.” He didn’t exactly know what to say. Most of him wanted to rush over to her place and a tiny part told him to remember what Coty had said. He really should be trying to see less of her and slowly let things fizzle out. Hopefully fizzle out was a better term to use.

  However that didn’t really seem like an option.

  “Aaron? Are you still there?” Aurora spoke loudly through the line.

  He blinked. Lost in thought, he had missed Aurora’s question. “Sorry, what did you say?” “Are you alright?” The concern in her voice made him cringe with guilt.

  “I’m fine.” He cleared his throat. “I’ve got some stuff going on this week. I won’t be able to see you till Friday. Is that okay?”

  “Stuff? Like work related or Coty related?” She giggled. “Forget I just asked that. I sound like a lawyer and worse, like a jealous mistrusting girlfriend. I’m definitely not the latter. ”

  He smiled, relieved he didn’t have to explain anything. “I have to see Janus first thing Friday night so why don’t I pop by your place as soon as we’re done with… our meeting?” He hoped that sounded somewhat normal or official or whatever it needed to sound like.

  “Awesome. I have a paper to finish that’s due Friday so I might actually get some work done. I’ll see you Friday then.”

  “Okay.” Should he hang up? He waited silent with the phone by his ear, unsure what to do. “Okay. I should probably let you go then,” Aurora said after the long pause, then she added

  almost in a whisper, “I miss you.”

  Something thundered against his ears as her three little words buried inside of him and took hold. He was never going to want to let her go. Holding his breath, he let his thumb click the end button on the cell phone, hating himself for pretending he hadn’t heard her.

  Thursday evening, Erebus bought Aurora a present. Positive she had done well on her midterm, Erebus felt the urge to treat her – at least that was the excuse he used for picking out the diamond sunflower gold necklace. He’d never bought a gift for anyone before but, after spending two hours at the mall, three days in a row, he felt pretty confident she’d like it. He’d watched men dash through shops, making simple purchases. They all seemed to shop at record- breaking speed. Most decent-dressed blokes hit the jewelry store.

  He stopped at a donation gift wrapping center, handing the elderly lady working the booth two fifty dollar bills. His eyes went wide when he feared she might have a heart attack. She surprised him by acting like a teenager, squealing in delight and running around the table to hug him.

  “Bless you, dear.” She hugged him again. “I’ll wrap this up real pretty for your sweetheart.

  In case things don’t work out between the two of you, I’ll give you my phone number.” She giggled and patted his shoulder.

  He couldn’t help but smile. She was very sweet.

  the old phone booth. Is it working now?”

  Erebus stepped back to let his handler in. Janus slipped his leather jacket off and handed it to Erebus who casually tossed it on the stereo speaker, conveniently covering Aurora’s gift.

  Straightening, he walked over to the old telephone booth; he ran his hand caringly over the red enamel. “It won’t be hooked up till after Thanksgiving. Apparently it needs to be rewired and they need a specialist to do it.”

  Janus nodded. “That’s no surprise.” He opened and closed the old door, checking its hinges and joints. “Looks to be well taken care of. It’s quite nice. The elements haven’t been too hard on the exterior.”

  “I think so too. It was sheltered between two buildings on Fifth Avenue in New York City. It hadn’t been moved since the day it arrived.”

  “Really? How did you find this out?”

  Erebus grinned. “Would you believe me if I told you I came over with it? It’s my original.” “You’re kidding?” Janus stepped back and admired the booth again. “You’re a lucky man.”

  You have no idea how lucky. A picture of Aurora popped into his head. “It’s true. This is the very K-Six, it survived and is now here, in my apartment. You’re right. It’s pretty amazing.”

  “At least I won’t have to worry about you disappearing because the phone booth becomes extinct. You’re a good Shadow. I’m glad to have you on my team.” Janus dropped his briefcase on the couch, popped it open, and pulled out two stacks of bills. “This one is your regular. The o
ther is for a little job I’d like you to do.”

  Erebus stiffened. He’d done jobs in England and in New York but never agreed with any of them. Most Shadows never batted an eye, but he would feel guilty for weeks after completing the task. Since moving to Ithaca, Janus had never asked him to do anything.

  “Don’t look so worried.” Janus pulled an envelope out of his briefcase. “I just want you to drop this off at the address shown on the front. That’s it. Make sure it’s given to someone in person, not in a letter box.”

  Erebus glanced at the address as he took the envelope. His hand already felt like it was burning. The address showed a doctor’s office on the other side of town. He looked up at Janus, his eyebrows raised. “You want me to drop this off at night? The office will be closed.”

  “They have a walk-in clinic two times a week, Tuesday and Friday evenings. You can do it tonight or Tuesday. Just get it done before I see you next week.” Janus shut the case and headed towards the door.

  “What’s inside?”

  “That’s not your concern.” Janus didn’t break his stride. “I understand you better than you realize. I keep your anxieties at bay. However, we cannot exist without the help of certain humans. Some choices are not ours to make.” Janus grabbed his jacket, not even noticing the gift box under it. He headed for the door and opened it. “Have a nice weekend, and I’ll see you next Friday.”

  Heart pounding, Erebus stood silent staring at the door for several minutes before finally grabbing his jacket. Sighing, he stuffed the letter into his inside pocket and slipped Aurora’s present in another. He might as well drop the letter off on his way to see her. It would weigh heavy if he kept it till Tuesday.

  He entered the walk-in clinic where the receptionist asked him for his details. “I’m not here to see a doctor. I was asked to deliver a letter to Dr. Apate.”

  As he talked with the secretary, a doctor who was dark haired, clean-shaven, and fortyish stepped out of a cubicle near them. He fiddled with the chart in his hands. “I’m Dr. Apate. What seems to be the problem?”

  “This is for you.” Erebus handed the doctor the letter, trying not to feel guilty. The doctor didn’t seem surprised and said nothing more. He just stuffed it into his pocket and turned to go back to work. The dejected look on his face made Erebus determined to never do anyone’s dirty work again. Even a simple job of dropping off a letter, he wanted no part of it.

  Dr. Apate paused before going into his office. “Excuse me – I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.”

  Should he give it to him? Erebus sometimes wondered if the council was trying to test Shadows to see if they were being careful. “It’s Aaron. Aaron Bus.” A slight white lie.

  The doctor’s hand rested on his office doorknob as he fidgeted. “Aaron, do you have a moment to chat?”

  Not really. He didn’t want to talk to this doctor he didn’t know, about a letter he had no idea what it referred to. “Sure.” Erebus followed the doctor into his office.

  The doctor walked around the large, antique wooden desk and sat down. He stood a moment later and, with hands clasped behind his back, began to pace.

  Erebus stood, set his legs slightly apart and crossed his arms. He watched the older man walk back and forth a number of times. “Sir.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what is in the letter. I’m just the messenger.”

  “Yes, yes. I understand.” The doctor nodded several times before finally stopping his pacing. “I know what you.”

  Erebus blinked. Was this some kind of test by the Council? He glanced for a hidden camera or wondered if the man wore a microphone. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he said slowly.

  The doctor waved a hand. “Piddles. It isn’t important. I’ve spent my entire doctor life helping you.”

  Erebus pressed his lips tight. He wanted to ask in what way but forced himself to say nothing. It seemed to clearly be a test. Why would Janus do this to him? Unless he knew about Aurora. Yes, this definitely had to be a test.

  “No comment or questions?” One of the doctor’s hairy eyebrows went up. “Fine. It appears you know where I am if you do need me.” He handed Erebus a business card.

  Erebus took the card and stuffed it in his back pocket. The doctor sat down and began sorting through files stacked on the table. He did not look up or say anything else. Erebus shook his head and walked out the office, down the short hallway and past the waiting room. Definitely the strangest conversation I have ever had.

  Grabbing a cab, he gave the driver Aurora’s address. Erebus reached inside his coat and held her gift in his hand. He tried to swallow to clear the dryness in his throat. What if she thought it corny and laughed? Or worse, what if she saw the box and thought it was an engagement ring?

  He’d promised Coty he’d break up with her after the holidays. This gift might make it happen sooner.

  He had no chance to change his mind. The taxi stopped in front of her apartment building, and she stood outside waiting for him. Dressed in a leather jacket, a woolly hat on her head with matching mittens, she looked stunning.

  “I thought you might do a runner.” She smiled but bit her lip. Her weight shifted from foot to foot.

  “A runner?”

  “Yeah, you know, take off so you don’t have to pay for a night out. You know, ditch the date.” She laughed, pushing the hair away from her face with her mitten.

  “I’m supposed to buy you something? Like dinner?” He tried to look shocked.

  She rolled her eyes. “Aaron Buss, sometimes you’re the strangest man I’ve ever met.” He held his hands up in mock surrender. “Maybe. But what if I did buy something?

  Something just for you? And for the record, it’s not dinner stuffed in my coat pocket.”

  Her eyes went big and she grinned. A smile which also seemed to hint that she had a secret as well. “You didn’t! So do…” She smirked again but didn’t finish her sentence. She giggled and then changed the direction of the conversation. “You know, it’s nearly Thanksgiving, but I’m willing to bet Santa’s planning on giving you lumps of coal at Christmas – for the rest of your life. I think he punishes those who tease.”

  “Ha-ha. You are so funny,” he teased as he held the door open for her to step inside her building. Rest of his life? “That’d be a heck of a lot of coal,” he mumbled to himself.

  “Pardon?”

  “Nothing.” He leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her soft lips.

  They walked into her apartment and there, in the middle of the room, rested a large, brown paper-wrapped present. A tiny red bow sat in the corner, with Aaron written neatly beside it.

  Brows raised, his eyes trailed the size. She’d gone and bought him a present? His hand dug inside his pocket and he squeezed the tiny package inside. Crap, size did matter.

  “Well, aren’t you going to open it?” Aurora nudged him towards the forty-two inch gift. “You seriously bought me a present? Why?” He swallowed.

  She shrugged. “I wanted to.” She stared into his eyes. “Does it bother you? I thought you said you got me something. I honestly didn’t know you had.” The corners of her mouth lifted. “I thought it was kind of ironic we both got each other something.”

  He didn’t know what to think… or say. “Why don’t you open your present at the same time?” He pulled the gift from his pocket, shrugging out of his coat in one fluid motion.

  “Ahhhh, I was hoping it might be a bean burrito.” She winked at him and flashed a big smile. Whipping her hat and mittens off, she flipped the box over and began picking at the tape. “Go on, open yours. This is so exciting! I can’t believe we both bought each other a present without even knowing. LOL. It’s like Christmas a month and a half early!”

  Erebus walked hesitantly over to the large paper bag wrapped just for him, part of him nervous and another part trying to enjoy the moment. This was new; these feelings that went along with giving and receiving a gift. He kind of liked it and wanted it to stay. Aurora�
�s chatter about Christmas had him longing to be part of something over the holidays. A month away wasn’t really that far away. Could he convince himself to stay with her till then? Good try, Erebus. You’ll use any excuse to stay near her.

  The rectangular present sat in front of him staring blankly at him. Impatience finally had him reach over and pull at the brown paper, ripping it. He tore the wrap off and stepped back in surprise.

  “Do you like it?”

  It was the stunning blown-up photo of Ithaca Falls. The one that had been hanging above Aurora’s bed. The one he’d noticed the first time he’d walked into her room.

  “It’s amazing.”

  “Thanks. I actually took the photo and had it enlarged. I had it hanging in my room, but I thought it suited you. It would look great in your apartment. You have hardly anything on the walls.” She paused and gave a nervous smile. “It reminds me of you.”

  He stared at her and then back at the picture. “I love it. I know exactly where I’m going to hang it.”

  “On the red brick wall in your bedroom?”

  “Yeah, right above my bed.” He blinked, surprised she knew him that well.

  “I thought it would look great there, too. Did you think it was a flat screen TV when you saw the package?”

  “Uh…Sure.” He hadn’t known what to think. “You haven’t opened your present yet.” “Sorry. I was too excited to see the look on your face. I’m glad you like it.”

  She bent her head down and opened the box. “This is beautiful. Wow. Thank you.” Her eyes lit up, and her smile spread ear to ear.

  “You remind me of sunflowers.” He took the necklace to place it on her. She lifted her hair out of the way.

  Kissing her neck, he tenderly slipped the chain on. He leaned forward to inhale her musky perfume scent and closed his eyes. He felt her turn and bring her lips to his. Mouths crushing with raw desire, he only wanted to think about this moment, not tomorrow or the next day or the next month. He wanted this feeling embedded into his memory forever.