Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel

by L. L. Collins

  “Paradise is anywhere you are, no matter what the view is,” Kai said. I swear the man didn’t say anything that wasn’t swoon-worthy. “Now, let’s go walk the beach because I have plans for you later, and they’re not suitable for public.”

  I raised my eyebrow at him while my body instantly reacted. I had gone so many years without it, but now I couldn’t go a few hours without Kai. “By all means, Mr. Pierson. Let’s go. I wouldn’t want to disrupt your plans.”

  Kai grabbed me and carried me through the house to the back door. “Mr. Pierson, huh? I kinda like that coming from you. I think I want to hear that later in the bedroom.” He slid me down his body and pressed me against the glass doors. His hands cupped my backside, and he pressed his length into me, showing me how ready he was.

  “Every room,” he whispered against my lips. “I want you everywhere. For the next two days. Can that be arranged?”

  I nodded, my eyes rolling back in my head as he skated his hands up my hips and settled them on my breasts. I thought about the rooms in the house and how we could do what he wanted in each of them.

  I knew I’d never look at this house the same way again.

  Kai would fill every space.

  “Let’s go now before we miss the sunset completely.” He stopped in the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle for us to share. I liked how comfortable he seemed here already. He then took my hand and pulled me out to the back deck. We walked silently down the stairs and into the sand. He stopped to let me take off my sandals, and he carried them in the hand that wasn’t holding onto mine.

  As we approached the water, the waves lapped gently on the shore, the gold from the setting sun making it look like fire. Without a word, we walked down the beach toward the pier. It was about two miles away, but the walking was clear and the crowds were light. In not too long, that wouldn’t be the case. Tourists and families from all over the world would take up the sandy oasis I called home.

  Kai took a deep breath, and I looked over at him, wanting to ask what he was thinking but not sure I wanted him to turn the tables on me. It was surreal, having him here with me in my home. I never had a man here, I never walked on the beach with someone’s hand in mine, and I never felt the way he made me feel.

  My head began to swim with the what ifs, and I stopped, feeling the world still moving even as I stopped. I closed my eyes against the dizzying sensation.

  “Natalie? You okay?”

  I heard his words, but I couldn’t respond to him. My stomach lurched, and my head spun. I gripped his hand for dear life, feeling like a washing machine on the spin cycle. I dropped to my knees on the sand, feeling the jarring pain travel up my body the second I touched the ground.

  I tried to force myself to breathe, but I seemed to be losing the battle. Spots appeared in front of my eyes, and I knew what that meant. I was about to pass out. I just didn’t know why.

  I felt Kai kneel down next to me and pick my hair up off my neck. “Natalie. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Should I call 9-1-1?”

  No. My mouth tried to form the word, but nothing would come out. I couldn’t see or move to stand up.

  “Here.” Kai brought something to my mouth. “Drink this.” Water coated my lips, and I sucked it, hoping it would stop whatever was happening to me. I felt out of control, and I didn’t like it.

  Within moments I opened my eyes again and saw him clearly in front of me. The dizziness went away; my heart stopped pounding, and my stomach settled.

  “Th–thank you,” I said. I moved to stand up, but Kai stopped me.

  “Wait. Just a minute. Drink some more water. You scared the hell out of me. What happened?”

  He lifted the bottle to my lips, and I drank more. Kai’s eyes never left my face. He looked pale and visibly shaken.

  “I–I don’t know.”

  “Has that ever happened to you before?”

  “No. I just all of a sudden felt like I was going to pass out, throw up, and have a heart attack, all at the same time.”

  Kai’s brow furrowed. “I don’t like that. Maybe you’re dehydrated.” He helped me to my feet. I felt wobbly and unsteady, so I held onto Kai’s arm as we walked back to the house.

  “Sorry, we’ll miss the sunset.”

  Kai stopped. “Natalie. I don’t give a damn about the sunset. You need to drink something, eat, and rest. I’ve worn you out the last few days, and it’s taking a toll on your body.” He smirked, and despite not feeling that well, he still turned me on.

  “You have worn me out. So this is a sex-induced illness?”

  Kai looked horrified, his eyes wide and his mouth open. “God, I hope not.”

  Despite the seriousness of the last few minutes, we laughed. I loved that we could do that together. Laughter saved me a lot of mental anguish over the years.

  He helped me back into the house and settled me on the couch. “Should I call Beau? A doctor?”

  “No. I’m okay. I’ll rest tonight, and if I don’t feel a hundred percent tomorrow, I’ll call the doctor.”

  I wouldn’t. I never did.

  “Okay. If you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure. I want it to be just us tonight, Kai. How about we start with the couch.”

  His eyebrow lifted. “Natalie…you don’t feel well.”

  I held the hem of my shirt. “I feel well enough to do this.” I tossed it at him. He watched it land at his feet and then snapped his eyes back to my hands as I unclasped my bra.

  “Natalie…”

  “Kai…” I threw the bra at him and stood, only feeling slightly wobbly. I shoved my shorts off my legs and kicked them, followed by my lacy thong. “You going to come over here or just stand there and stare?”

  “This is not a good idea,” he said, but his eyes deceived him. A second later, his legs deceived him, too, as he strode to me in three long strides and put me down on the couch.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kai

  Natalie standing naked in front of me was a beacon of light I couldn’t ignore. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I knew even as I lay her back on the couch, I shouldn’t do this. She was deflecting, using my overwhelming desire for her to mask what was going on.

  She scared the hell out of me on the beach. One second we were walking hand in hand, on our way to the pier and I thought I’d never been happier in my life. The next, she stopped, her face went as white as the sand beneath us, and she dropped to her knees.

  I think I died a thousand deaths watching her struggle to maintain consciousness. I’d never felt so helpless or terrified in my entire life. When she blinked her eyes back open and looked at me, a million pounds was lifted off my chest.

  I still wanted to call Beau or the doctor. Or both.

  But I would listen to her tonight and let her rest.

  I shed my clothes quickly. She bit her lip, the pink in her cheeks and lips back in full force. Her nipples budded and reached out to me, needing my mouth and touch.

  “Natalie.” I breathed her name like I needed it to live—at this moment, that’s exactly how I felt.

  “Show me, Kai. Make me feel it.”

  I wasn’t sure exactly what she needed to feel that I hadn’t already tried to give to her, but I wasn’t about to deny her. I entered her slowly, watching as her eyes closed and her back arched. Caging her in, I tried to maintain my knees on the couch. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around my waist, pulling me deeper into her.

  “Just like that,” she cooed, her eyes still closed. The sensation of being inside her, coupled with her body underneath me and the way she tightened around me so easily and I knew I wasn’t lasting long.

  Even though I wanted nothing more than to make love to her all over this house tonight, that wasn’t going to happen. She would rest, because despite how much I loved being intimate with her, I was worried. Seeing her so frail and helpless did something to me, and I needed to make sure she was safe more than I needed to keep her up all night making love.

&nbs
p; I slowed the pace, my lips kissing every part of her skin I could reach. Her eyes fluttered open with a lazy smile.

  The words hovered on my lips, but I forced them back. I fought the sex-induced euphoria to spill those intoxicating words. There was no way. It was too soon.

  “You feel so good,” she whispered, lifting her hands to cup my face. We peered into each other's eyes, staring directly at each other’s souls—the words unspoken between us were clearly etched in what I saw, as I rocked gently in and out of her. She felt like pure nirvana. There was nothing to compare it to.

  “You’re my personal heaven,” I whispered back.

  “Let go with me,” she murmured in a sultry drawl.

  I could never tell her no.

  I watched Natalie all night. After the session on the couch, I finally got her to eat a little something before we passed out for the night. Well, she passed out. I lay in bed and stared at her, worrying and wondering what was going on with her.

  I thought back to the week in New York, looking for any signs she might’ve had an episode similar to last night’s, but I couldn’t think of anything. Images of her running at full speed on the treadmill flashed across my mind’s eye, her legs flying behind her in a blur. Thank goodness it didn’t happen while she ran. Visions of her pushing food around her plate, picking at small pieces to eat nagged at me.

  Maybe I had to believe her and trust she was okay, that whatever it was, it was a fluke. I’d make sure she drank a lot of water today and not let her out of my sight.

  Being in her house, in her bed, it was beyond my wildest dreams. The unease of what would happen with us pricked back into my consciousness, but I knew this when I started this with her. I knew she lived over a thousand miles away, and if things worked out, we would have a choice to make—one of us would have to sacrifice.

  I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to think about saying goodbye to her for any amount of time.

  I had it bad.

  And I was okay with that.

  I slid out of bed and grabbed my phone. Natalie didn’t move, thankfully. She needed her rest. We were supposed to go over to Beau’s house for a barbecue late this afternoon, but until then, I wanted her to sleep as much as she could.

  I stepped into the kitchen and found the coffee, knowing she would want some once she woke up. I swore the woman existed only on coffee and water.

  If I were around her every day, I’d make sure she took better care of herself. Natalie thought of everyone else and put herself last. That was evident in everything she did. But it was about time someone took care of Natalie.

  The coffee gurgled as the pot heated up, and I unlocked my phone. I clicked on my mom’s name, knowing she’d be up. She wasn’t a nurse or anything, but she was a mom—moms know everything.

  “Good morning, Kai. It’s early.”

  “Hi, Mom. Yes, it is. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  She laughed. “No. You know me. I’m drinking coffee. What’s on your mind, son? You don’t normally call me on Saturday morning this early. Does this have to do with Natalie?”

  She always got me. “It does, actually.” I proceeded to explain I was with her in Florida, how things were going, and then talked about the episode she had last night on the beach.

  “Oh no.” The concern was etched in her voice. “But she’s okay now?”

  “Yes.”

  “How long did it last?”

  “I don’t know. A minute or two? It felt like forever, but I know it wasn’t.”

  “Did she drink enough yesterday? Eat? I know you traveled, so it could’ve affected her.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought,” I said. “I don’t know. She hardly eats, Mom. I’m concerned it’s affecting her health. I’m really worried about it but not sure what to do.”

  “I noticed she didn’t eat much at lunch the other day, but I figured she was nervous. Does she do that a lot?”

  I looked down the hall, seeing Natalie’s door still shut. “Yes. I don’t think I’ve seen her eat a full meal in the week we’ve been together. And she exercises like crazy. She drinks water and coffee.”

  “Yikes. I noticed she’s very thin. Beautiful, but definitely could use a little meat on her bones.”

  I thought about her slight body under mine, envisioning her hip bones and ribs that protruded from her skin.

  “I agree. I don’t know what to do, Mom, I don’t know if it’s my place to say anything.”

  “Why wouldn’t it be, Kai? It’s obvious you guys are getting serious, fast.”

  “That’s true, but how do I have that conversation with her without upsetting her? I tried to bring it up to her when we were in New York, but she said she just had a hard time eating when she travels. I don’t know if I believe that, and I hate to think that about her.”

  “You’ll just have to weigh out if you think it’s worth bringing up to her. It could be anything. It could be dehydration or lack of food, or stress. It could be something more serious, though.”

  “Like what?” My stomach churned with the thought something could be wrong with her.

  “An eating disorder. I wouldn’t go and accuse her of anything, but look it up. The signs, the symptoms. She’s close to her brother, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe you should talk to him, see if he has any concerns. But be careful, son. You don’t want her to feel like you’re violating her trust.”

  The thought of going behind Natalie’s back and talking to Beau made my stomach hurt worse. She was just learning to trust me. I wasn’t sure I could betray her like that.

  “Let’s hope it’s nothing,” I said. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll keep my eye on her.”

  “Keep me updated, and let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

  I clicked the phone off just as Natalie stepped into the kitchen. Her hair was messed up, her eyes sleepy, and she wore my New York T-shirt I left on the bed.

  I love her.

  I cleared my throat, forcing the words back down where they came from. “Hey, good morning. How are you feeling?”

  She walked directly to the coffee pot and poured a large cup, black, just like she liked it. “I feel great. There’s nothing like your own bed.”

  I eyed her, searching for any sign she was shaky or unsteady. She closed her eyes and leaned against the counter, putting the coffee cup to her lips and sipping it.

  “Ahhhh,” she sighed. “The nectar of the gods.”

  I stepped closer to her and backed her into the counter. “I could get used to this right here.”

  “What?” Natalie smiled. Though she wore not a stitch of makeup, she was more breathtaking than ever.

  “You, wearing my shirt, waking up together in the morning. Making coffee together.” I nodded toward the family room, where the couch was. “Making love on the couch.”

  Natalie set her coffee cup down on the counter. “I do seem to remember you saying you wanted me in every room in this house, and we’re several hours behind.” She ran her finger down the middle of my chest and to the waistband of my gym shorts.

  The kitchen counter got checked off the list.

  “I’ll get the fruit salad.” Natalie nodded and shut the car door. I took in the monstrosity that was Beau Anderson’s house. I guessed it was what I would expect from a rocker who finally made it in life, but it was still beyond my imagination. A gate surrounded the plush estate, and it was in a quiet, private neighborhood about fifteen minutes from Natalie.

  If I were completely honest, I was worried sick about being here. It wasn’t that I was nervous to be around Jaded Regret. Even though I hadn’t “met” them in person, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was I would walk in holding Natalie’s hand because I wasn’t going to be that person, the one who was too scared to show how I felt about my girl—and I wasn’t sure how well-received it would be.

  I was too old for that foolishness, and I would never give Natalie a reason to doubt my feelings for her
. She met my friends and my mom, and I hoped the next time she went to New York I’d have the opportunity to introduce her to the rest of my family since we ran out of time for that get together before we left to come to Florida.

  Now it was time for me to meet hers. Never mind the fact I was their rep, and no matter what happened, I would be.

  I would try to forget that little fact.

  “Kai?” I realized I stopped in the driveway.

  “Sorry.”

  She smiled and reached out her hand for mine. “Don’t worry, Kai. They won’t kill you.” Natalie chuckled, but I couldn’t force myself to laugh.

  My gut clenched. I knew I was walking in to three men who were fiercely protective of her, plus three women who didn’t want to see her hurt.

  “Hey.” Natalie put her hand on my chest. “It really is okay. You look sick. Are you that worried it won’t go well?”

  I swallowed. “I just don’t want to mess it up.”

  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed my lips. “You aren’t going to mess anything up. My family will love you. Come on.”

  She opened the door without knocking, and we walked in. My eyes roamed the space, trying to take in the modern beauty of this house but also looking to see where everyone was.

  “Probably out by the pool already. We’re a little late,” Natalie said, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

  Oh yes. The kitchen counter. And the shower afterward. It was worth it.

  She slid the door open, and we stepped out into the most beautiful backyard I’d ever seen. Between the large patio, the outdoor kitchen, and the gigantic pool and spa, I felt like I was at one of those all-inclusive resorts in the Caribbean.

  All eyes swung to us as we exited the house. Rock music pumped through the hidden speakers, but I couldn’t make out what the song was. My head was too busy buzzing with all the things I needed to say.

  “Natalie!” I recognized April, Beau’s wife. She held a baby on her hip, but that didn’t stop her from embracing Natalie. “So glad you’re back! We missed you!” She looked over at me and smiled. “Did you have a nice time? Get a lot of work done?”