Qualia

by Marie Browne

  ‘What’s the other?’

  Carly looked at me and began to clap her hands. ‘I do believe in fairies,’ she sang, ‘I do … I do.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘And that’s another thing. I don’t understand this whole fairy business.’ I paused, trying to remember what Belial had said in that meeting. ‘Who’s Mag Mell?’

  ‘Phew,’ Carly stopped for a moment, breathing hard. This was quite a steep climb – she wiped sweat from her top lip. ‘Mag Mell … huff …’ Carly swallowed trying to get her breath. ‘… isn’t a who, it’s a place … puff feowff ... There are three areas, or continents, in Faery and Mag Mell’s one of them. The most accessible to other races it’s very, very dangerous.’ She stood up then ran a hand across her brow, before dragging her long red hair up into a scruffy ponytail and securing it with a band she always kept around her wrist. ‘I’m so out of shape.’ She bent over and put her hands on her knees while she waited to start breathing normally again.

  ‘So what are the other two –’ I stopped as she held up a hand.

  ‘When this is all over – if it’s ever over and we haven’t died from being used as daisies by the angels or Lucifer’s “thanked” us for saving him.’ She shuddered. ‘Or we get caught out in the city, we’ll sit down over a vat of coffee, a good bottle of wine and I’ll talk until your brain runs out of your ears.’ She pulled herself upright and glowered at the rest of the hill we had yet to conquer. ‘But right now can we concentrate on walking? I really can’t climb, breathe and talk at the same time.’

  I had to laugh; her face was almost the same colour as her hair. I held out a hand to her and we resumed climbing. I was having real trouble thinking of myself in Hell, even if it was just the suburbs. A strong smell of citrus and rosemary filled the warm air. Off in the distance I could hear someone singing. As we panted to the top of the steep hill I had to stop and take a breath – the view was stunning. Farmland quilted the landscape as far as the eye could see. Neatly hedged or fenced fields surrounded small farmsteads, pools and copses. I was reminded of the window in Metatron’s office but here there seemed to be a huge amount of work to do. The owner of the deep singing voice was currently walking behind two beasts that looked like fat little oxen with flat faces. They plodded contentedly along through deep furrows of dark yellow earth, shaking their huge pale horns and pulling an odd contraption in their wake. With whirling arms and nets it seemed to be harvesting the tops from some sort of green vegetable.

  It was no good, I had to ask. ‘Daisies?’ I frowned. ‘How would the angels use us as daisies?’

  Carly coughed as she drank from a bottle of water then laughed as she placed it carefully on the ground by her feet. Searching around in the grass she finally pulled up a flower. With a thin stem and long green tendrils for leaves it certainly wasn’t a daisy. She held the flower in one hand then began pulling the dropping yellow petals off with the other. ‘He loves me, he loves me not,’ she intoned.

  ‘Oh.’ I realised what she’d meant. ‘Oh … euwww!’ I gave her a gentle push. ‘You’re sick – how do you think of things like that?’

  The smile fell from her face. ‘I didn’t make it up, Joe.’ Picking up her bottle she put it in her backpack. ‘I’ve seen them do it.’

  So, Michael hadn’t been just blustering when he’d threatened to pull my arms and legs off and beat me to death with them. A cold breeze chose that moment to waft between us; it was time to change the subject. I looked out over the fields.

  Through all this peace and tranquillity a wide river ran its course, a thread of silver embroidery across the patchwork quilt. I noticed that the banks were beautifully tended; someone kept them almost bare of vegetation.

  ‘Well, at least they’re not short of water here.’ I wondered where the source of the river was and where it ran to; I’d never heard of a sea in Hell.

  ‘Eh?’ Carly peered in the direction I was looking then clouted me on the arm. ‘That’s the Acheron, you idiot.’ She laughed and shook her head. ‘No one in their right mind would use it for watering their crops. There wouldn’t be any crops left if that got onto them.’

  ‘It seems a long way away.’ I shaded my eyes with my hand and stared down into the valley.

  Carly sighed. ‘About two days.’

  ‘Can’t we all just “go” there?’ I made a swooshing movement with my hand intending to imply my normal mode of travel.

  ‘Some of us could.’ Carly laughed at a baby goat that was playing king of the castle with the other kids.

  ‘You, me, Dad.’ She frowned. ‘I think Melusine as well although she prefers to fly if she can.’ She winced as she rolled her shoulders. ‘But the others can’t, which is a shame.’ She bent to pick up her pack and, with a theatrical groan, threw it over her shoulder. ‘It would be great to just pick them up and carry them.’

  ‘Can’t we?’ I laughed as the tiny goat got pushed off its perch by some of the others. Within seconds a scrap had broken out and I could feel my smile fading as I watched the rolling ball of bleating legs and teeth bounce off down the hill leaving a trail of blood and fur in its wake.

  ‘Nope.’ Carly frowned at the long downward slope toward the river then shook her foot. ‘I think I’ve got blisters,’ she muttered.

  ‘Why not?’ I persisted

  Carly held my hand and began to follow the others down the fairly steep and gravelly slope ‘Your mind knows you.’ She bit her lip as her foot slid on some shale. ‘You can disappear and reappear the same. Do you know how to remake Parity? Can you even imagine how something like Keril goes together?’

  I shook my head and, reaching over, took her backpack from her shoulder and put it on my own.

  She smiled at me and, unencumbered, made better progress down the slope. ‘At best you’d end up with a life-sized doll with nothing inside; at worst you could end up with a pile of quivering, bleeding body parts and you’d be exhausted. It takes just as much effort to move something like that as it does to physically pick them up and carry them. Remember energy can’t be lost or destroyed, it has to go somewhere and that applies to all energy – all things, all weight, all mass: everything. There’s this whole E=mc2 thing; you can turn mass into energy so you can move it, but then you’ve used the energy so even theoretically you can’t get the mass back.’

  ‘But I’ve already done it.’ I still didn’t really understand.

  Carly gave me a sharp look then tripped. I managed to catch her forearm and steady her. ‘You moved Graham out of your house, didn’t you?’

  I nodded.

  ‘But that’s just not possible.’ She turned to face me. ‘How did you do that?’

  ‘Well, I certainly don’t know how I did it.’ I wished she would stop telling me that the things I did were impossible – I was beginning to panic. There would certainly come a time when I tried to do something and it failed and all I would be left with was a pile of what looked like pulsing paella and a very guilty conscience. I swallowed hard; there was no way I’d attempt moving someone again.

  She frowned and cut me off with a wave of her hand. ‘Oh! It’s all too complicated. I just take the easy route and if I’m unsure or not actually being attacked with sharp, slashing things I tend to do it the old-fashioned way. Don’t even ask me to explain how healing works.’ She was silent for a moment as she navigated a particularly steep bit of the path. ‘I asked Father once, “How do we get from one place to another?” He went all quantum on me: it was all about joining strings together and making a tear – whoops!’ She tripped, righted herself and then stood, breathing heavily. ‘Honestly it made my head spin.’ She paused then reached up for a kiss. ‘Now for God’s sake shut up or I’m going to fall over and I’ll be down at the river in about 20 minutes – in pieces.’

  That was a bit disappointing. I’d resolved that as soon as I’d got a spare moment I was going to see what I could achieve. Now it seemed I was going to have to have a degree in advanced theoretical physics first. Nothing’s simple
. With a deep sigh I began to trudge down the slope after Carly. I was beginning to ache and it wasn’t just from the walk.

  It took us about half an hour to reach the rest of the group and, as we arrived, I noticed that Graham and Parity were sharing a bottle of water. Graham was bright red in the face, and fumbling almost everything he touched. Farr, sitting a little distance away, was glowering at both of them.

  ‘Oh dear,’ Carly whispered. ‘It looks as though brother and sister aren’t on the same wavelength for once.’

  I laughed. ‘One must learn to swim with the tides.’

  Carly gave me a strange look then shook her head and flopped into the shade between Melusine and Belial. ‘I am exhausted,’ she said. ‘Where’s Una?’

  Melusine rolled her eyes. ‘Limitless energy, that one,’ she grumbled. ‘Half a plate of food and she’s off exploring up there.’ The dragon pointed to a cave set in the rock a little way down the trail.

  I followed Carly’s example and, grabbing half a loaf and some cheese, I found myself a shady rock to sit on. ‘Will she be OK on her own?’ I studied the cheese, which had orange veins through it. It was good, pungent, sweet and sour all at the same time. The aftertaste left my tongue tingling. I wondered what milk was used to make it, then catching the eye of one of the smiling goats I decided I didn’t want to know. The goat batted its long lashes at me and gave a high-pitched, bleating laugh.

  ‘No,’ Parity spoke up. ‘She won’t.’ Her voice was dreamy and quiet. Farr and Belial looked at each other then jumped up and shot down the hill with Keril in hot pursuit. ‘She’s walking to the back of the cave. It’s very high; the ceiling is so far up she can’t see it. It’s dark and she’s woken something up. It’s watching her, trying to work out if she’s dinner …’

  Carly gave a little scream and leapt up spraying food in all directions. ‘Una!’ She shrieked down the trail. ‘Una!’

  Well, so much for food. Swallowing my mouthful I rushed after them. ‘What’s in the cave?’ I shouted back at Melusine who was a mere pace behind me.

  Melusine ran past me, with no effort at all. ‘I don’t know,’ she called back.

  ‘Great.’ I drew my knife and fumbled around in my pocket for my knuckle-dusters.

  Screams and shouts were erupting from the cave mouth and, trying desperately to see in the almost pitch blackness, I fumbled toward them as I waited for my eyes to adjust from the brightness outside. I ducked just in time as Keril flew past me and slammed into the rock wall, the scales on his arm and side smoking and stinking. He crashed to the floor and then rolled over in the sand, beating at his arm with his other hand which also began to smoke.

  ‘You OK?’ I yelled.

  ‘Yeah!’ He headed toward the mouth of the cave. ‘Got to find something to wipe this off with. Be careful in there.’

  ‘What is that stuff?’ I shouted, but he’d already run outside.

  Una shot past me, running at full tilt, her eyes wide. Carly grabbed her, placed her on her hip and hurried away. I thought about following her out but the sounds of battle were still coming from deeper inside the cave. I sighed and pressed on.

  ‘What the hell is that thing?’ I screamed at Belial as I caught sight of the animal they were trying to corner.

  ‘Cave dragon.’ He ducked as a wet white orb whistled over his head. ‘Don’t let its spit get on you.’

  Again, the huge, greenish-black creature took a deep breath, raised itself to about ten feet and coughed. A large ball of grey-white phlegm splattered, then rolled across the cave floor, smoke trailing in its wake. The creature stayed pressed against the back wall, obviously not a great fan of sunshine, using its wings, teeth and snot to keep its attackers at bay.

  ‘Belial.’ I stopped him as he was about to dive into the fight. ‘That’s a bat!’

  ‘It’s called a popobawa.’ He pulled his arm from my grip then turned back, furious, as I grabbed it again. ‘What now?’

  ‘Una’s safe – why kill it?’ The creature was now making a sad huffing, whining noise as it turned this way and that, looking for an escape route. The tiny black eyes were wide and its long ears flicked backwards and forwards as it tried to divide its attention between Melusine and Farr. Slashing at them with its long claws, it attempted to climb backwards up the cave wall. It looked terrified. I lowered my sword. ‘I can’t kill a frightened animal.’

  Belial sighed and roughly turned me toward the wall. There, stacked neatly in the corner was a pile of bones and guano; the bones looked very small.

  ‘It flies silently, comes at dusk. These are children that Zephaniah has lost. It waits on the rocks until there’s only one or two, drops down and they’re gone.’

  ‘Oh.’ I looked at the pile of stinking effluent. In among the shit, bones and old cloth, there was a tiny shoe with a pink butterfly stitched into the toe.

  Belial walked away toward the “bat” drawing his sword as he went.

  It really didn’t take that long. A couple of strokes, one sharp thrust and the ugly creature crashed to the floor. Melusine wiped her sword on its leathery wing.

  ‘Disgusting damned thing.’ She looked around the cave. ‘Good place to camp for the night though, don’t you think?’

  Farr sniffed. ‘It stinks.’

  ‘Go and get everyone together.’ Melusine cast a speculative eye around the cave. ‘I’ll clean up here.’

  ‘I’ll give you a hand.’ I put my knuckle-dusters back into my pocket and sheathed my knife watching as she reared into her other form.

  ‘I’m going to burn it clean.’ Melusine changed. Her voice sounded strange coming out of a dragon’s mouth – especially a dragon’s mouth that was full of bat. ‘I don’t think you want to help with that, or be anywhere near me. You could easily end up as deep-fried lackey.’

  I looked away, slightly disgusted at the crunching and slurping noises that were issuing from the busy goings on between her forelegs.

  ‘I die a lot.’ I shrugged and stared out of the cave mouth. ‘What do they want?’ Goats of all sizes and colours had gathered around the cave entrance, where they bleated and jostled.

  ‘Bloody vultures.’ Melusine casually ripped off both forelegs from the bat’s body. Straining to keep her head held high, she waddled outside and placed them on the rocks in front of the cave. The goats, standing in a respectful semicircle around the entrance, watched her with their knowing eyes. They were now entirely silent.

  ‘I always thought they eat grass and knickers off washing lines and that sort of thing,’ I said.

  ‘Not these.’ Melusine gave an odd bow of the head then backed into the darkness.

  Once they were sure she had gone back to her grisly meal, the goats pounced. Tiny, delicate mouths full of pointed teeth ripped at the two legs finishing them off in a very short time. I felt slightly sick. Soon there was nothing but bones. With their faces covered in fresh blood, the small herd moved off to carry on browsing among the scrubby bushes that grew up the hillside.

  I was still staring after the goats when Melusine re-emerged and belched thunderously. She shook out her wings and, none too gently, pushed me aside. ‘Stand clear.’

  Sitting up on her haunches, she drew in a deep breath and, spreading her wings for balance, leant forward and shot a long stream of orange and yellow flame into the cave.

  I was amazed; she just kept breathing out and out. Eventually, when I felt I might faint in sympathy and the rocks around the entrance were glowing a dull dark red, she stopped. Panting, she folded her wings shut on her back.

  ‘I need to go and digest,’ she muttered.

  ‘Can’t you change back?’ I stared at the cave. Although the red had gone you could feel the intense heat emanating from the rocks.

  ‘Joe.’ Melusine burped again. ‘I’ve just eaten the best part of 200 pounds of raw meat. If I change back now we are going to be dragging my distended stomach around on an ox cart.’ She sniffed and gave me a long look. ‘You really do need to start thinking, and
you need to start being useful.’ She poked her long nose at me and smiled which revealed a great many long shining teeth. ‘Everyone in this party has a use, except you and Una.’ She ran a long purplish tongue around her teeth probing for any stuck meat. ‘If you can’t fight and you can’t do anything else, what use are you? Una, at least, has the potential to become something interesting.’ Closing her jaws with a snap she turned and, heaving herself to her feet, moved a couple of steps down the trail. Stopping for a moment she looked back over her shoulder. ‘However, if you want to be useful, I’ve always room for dessert, my sweet.’ With a final smile she was gone, but like the Cheshire cat in Alice’s adventures in Wonderland the toothy smile remained fixed in my mind.

  By the time we’d moved the party down to the cave, the wind had blown all the ashes from the floor. With the addition of a cooking fire and the walls still radiating a little heat it was extremely cosy.

  ‘Shouldn’t we keep going?’ I stared out of the cave mouth but it was too dark to see any farther than a couple of metres.

  ‘Una’s tired. Hell, I’m tired,’ Belial said. ‘We should be safe enough here for the night. Anything that’s out to get us is being seriously inconvenienced at the moment.’ He clapped me on the shoulder and wandered off.

  Unconvinced I gazed up at the stars. Then wished I’d looked at the stars more at home – I couldn’t tell if these were different or not. Little points of white sparkle are obviously similar wherever you go. One night, many years ago, I’d been sitting on a hilltop with Raphael staring at the stars while we waited for a demon to appear. I had been drinking beer and he had been sucking a barley sugar twist. ‘For my part,’ he’d quoted, ‘I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of the stars makes me dream.’ More than a little drunk, I’d laughed at him and pointed out that Van Gogh probably wasn’t the best person to give sane commentary on life. Raphael hadn’t turned his face from the sky. ‘Perhaps he was more sane than any of us,’ he’d said. Feeling suddenly cold I turned back to the warmth of the cave. I wished I’d asked Raphael what he dreamt of.