Qualia

by Marie Browne

  Carly was cooking something that smelt rather good. Keril, Farr and Belial were cleaning weapons. Parity and Graham were talking quietly, their heads close together; everything about them said “Do not disturb”. I thought about what Melusine had said. Maybe she was right; maybe I had no place here. I poked the blackened floor with a stick. What the hell was I doing here? I gasped as a small form leaped into my lap.

  ‘Hello, Una.’ I gritted my teeth and waited for the pain in my groin to subside.

  ‘Hello, man.’ She stared up at me. ‘Chocolate?’

  I shook my head ‘Sorry, baby girl, no chocolate left – it’s all gone.’ I poked her gently in the tummy. ‘Somebody ate the last piece.’

  She giggled, frowned, then sighed as she snuggled up to me.

  ‘You smell,’ she muttered.

  ‘Sorry about that.’ I peered down at her and pretended to sniff a couple of times. ‘You smell nice though – you smell of apples.’

  ‘I don’t like apples.’ She gave a huge yawn. Then, picking up the sleeve of my jacket, she wrapped my arm around her shoulders and promptly fell asleep.

  ‘Hmm.’ Keril’s voice drifted over the crackling of the fire. ‘There may be hope for him after all.’

  Carly gave him a slight shove. ‘Don’t be nasty, bouncer.’ She nudged him with her hip. ‘I always knew he was completely gold beneath that frivolous, useless front he puts on.’

  ‘But it’s such a thick front,’ Keril chuckled.

  ‘Hey!’ I called over. ‘I can hear you, you know.’

  They subsided into giggles and went back to making the meal.

  The next morning, I awoke in pain. Sleeping all night on a pile of rocks does nothing for either your posture or your mood. I had a headache, a full bladder and one hip felt as though someone had spent the night chewing on it.

  I was just about to head out and find a convenient bush when Melusine padded into the cave. Dropping the deer-like creature she was carrying, she barked a roar to get everyone’s attention.

  ‘Michael’s coming,’ she shouted at the top of her voice. ‘He managed to get out of wherever the Forest Lord put him and he’s on his way. You have to go.’

  ‘Just Michael?’ Belial paused in the process of grabbing his bag.

  Melusine nodded. ‘He’s fairly battered.’ She shrank back to her normal size and form.

  There was a fair amount of hasty packing and within seconds we were all standing in the cave mouth. ‘Shouldn’t we be running?’ Graham kept casting nervous glances back up the path.

  ‘No point.’ Belial stared at the ground. ‘There’s not enough time.’

  ‘How does he do this?’ Carly glared up at her father. ‘How does he keep catching up to us. The silver gates were supposed to keep him out and he’s been trapped by a god … How the hell does he keep getting back on our trail?’

  ‘The gates didn’t let him through,’ Belial said. ‘He demolished them. Michael would have had to dismantle them to get through after Lucifer spoke to them.’ He paused for a moment. ‘The Forest Lord is powerful but he’s all instinct and he’s a bit forgetful. He’s got a new goddess to get to know and if Michael waited patiently he would have been able to just walk away.’ He blew his cheeks out in a long huff of exasperation. ‘Maybe we ought to staple one of his feet to the floor. That might work.’

  ‘So what do we do?’ Carly grabbed her bag and slung it up on her shoulders with a wince. ‘How far do we have to run?’

  ‘Too far.’ Belial stared around; there was nothing that could help us. Everywhere was gravel and stone, scrub and stunted trees. ‘We have to get to the ferry. Once we’re on the Acheron he can’t follow. He can’t get into Hell, and he knows it – that’s why he’s making such a huge effort to get us now. Once we’re over the river we’re home free.’

  Melusine gave a derisive snort.

  I felt a nudge on my leg and looked down thinking it was Una. The big blue eyes of a happy goat looked up at me. When it was sure it had my full attention, it turned and looked deliberately at the dead animal that Melusine had dropped onto the floor, its neck broken. Obviously it had been meant for our breakfast. The goat nudged me again and, looking beyond the trail, I could see at least another dozen lurking in the shadows, waiting like hyenas. I wondered how long they’d smile for if I didn’t give them what they wanted – these things were voracious. A mental image sidled into my mind and I couldn’t stop a snigger from leaking out. Oh, that was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea but it made me laugh. ‘Anyone got a balloon?’ I asked.

  I explained my plan to Belial and he looked horrified. ‘That’s a terrible thing to do.’ He shook his head and chuckled. ‘I like it.’ He stared at the hovering goats for a couple of seconds. ‘I just can’t see where you’re going to get a balloon from.’

  I swallowed hard and, reaching into my pocket, pulled out a condom still in its silver wrapper.

  Belial raised one eyebrow, looked over at Carly then shook his head. ‘At least it’s still in the packet,’ he muttered.

  I blushed.

  After some rapid organisation we were as ready as we could be. Melusine had offered to stay and help but had been sent on down the trail with the rest of the party. Even in her dragon form she was no match against Michael. That sword of his would dissect her like a frog laid out for a biology exam. Even with Michael wounded and exhausted, the only one who had a chance was Belial, so he stood, calm and poised, his tall grey sword drawn and at the ready. From the tip of the blade dark smoke trailed, twisting and writhing across the ground.

  Before she left, Melusine had shaken my hand and, ignoring the amusement of the others, she had leant forward to whisper in my ear, ‘Don’t tell him.’ She glared at me and gave my hand a hard squeeze. ‘I don’t like this idea. The whole success rests on you and that makes me very nervous.’ She squeezed harder. ‘Fuck up and you’re dead.’ Dropping my hand she walked away to gather the rest of the group.

  Shaking the blood back into my fingers as I watched them go, I studied the small, tear-shaped vial of qeres that she had pressed into my palm. Could I bring myself to use it? I watched Belial as he stood firm in the road. This was Carly’s father and for her, yes, I could use it. Deftly untying the knot in the condom I snapped the fragile neck from the vial and poured the contents inside.

  I crouched in the undergrowth, the stretched condom resting on my knees. My ears and the back of my neck were being nibbled by impatient goats. One was definitely more persistent than the others and the gentle love nips were becoming quite painful. Eventually, I turned around and gently squeezed one of its long, soft and floppy ears. ‘Just wait and be patient, will you?’ I stared into the wide blue eyes and tried to “tell” it what I had planned telepathically. The tall black and white animal glared at me for a moment. Turning, it faced the rest of the herd which, within seconds, had melted away to stand behind shrubs or to munch unconcernedly on the short grass, the very picture of an innocent group of grazing dumb animals.

  I watched them go. It was a little unnerving to talk to a goat, especially when they smelled as terrible as that one did. I just hoped they’d be back when I needed them.

  Michael, his face scratched, his arm hanging limply by his side and his feathers seriously awry, landed with a staggering thump in front of Belial. I crouched lower behind my bush and balanced the condom carefully. I couldn’t screw this up. For once I needed a plan to succeed and make sure that Melusine knew about it. I was a worthwhile member of this group. I did have a right to be there. I couldn’t face the possibility that she was right and that all I was good for was covering in cream, wearing a cherry for a hat and becoming a dessert for an overfed and slightly rude dragon.

  ‘What do you think you’re doing this time, you useless old bastard?’ Michael, obviously too tired to indulge in his usual elegant sarcasm, stared out of the one eye that wasn’t swollen. ‘We’ve already played this game so what’s this – a last stand or has it all become too much and you’ve
decided to commit suicide?’ He staggered slightly and used his sword to steady himself. ‘That’s a sin, you know – suicide – because you know you can’t outmatch me.’

  Belial said nothing, just raised his sword. The dark matter leapt from the tip and swirled around his legs as though he stood in his own personal dark fog.

  ‘I don’t want to destroy you, brother.’ Michael sounded tired. ‘When I saw what you’d created …’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t believe you fooled us into thinking Hell hadn’t changed. That must have taken some doing – it really was a beautiful city. So if you just give me Graham Latimer, we can all go home.’

  ‘Home?’ Belial took a step sideways then another, beginning a slow circling motion that would present me with Michael’s back. ‘You dare to talk to me of home?’ He laughed, a cold stilted sound. ‘Did you call me home when Lucifer fell, did you speak up for me when I was judged – did you try to help me? No, you saw me, you walked by with your head up Metatron’s arse, his little guard dog. God’s perfect commander, just do as you’re told and ask no questions.’

  Michael screamed with rage. ‘I ask no questions because all this is His will!’ Taking two quick steps he spun and planted his boot into Belial’s stomach, watching with a smile as the demon crumpled to the ground choking and retching.

  ‘Whose will?’ Belial planted his sword into the ground and, using it as a crutch, hauled himself back to his feet. ‘This all seems like Metatron’s will, not our father’s.’

  ‘You haven’t changed.’ Michael staggered slightly as he raised his own sword but taking a deep breath he pulled himself upright and glared at Belial. ‘No faith, always questioning, always arguing. You deserved what you got and I didn’t acknowledge you because I was ashamed to call you my brother.’ He snorted. ‘You couldn’t even do what you were told when you and Lucifer were consigned to Hell. No, you had to walk away from it and make something of your own – something you considered better.’ He stepped forward with a snarl. ‘You have no honour, no backbone; you are pathetic and irresponsible. I’m surprised that our father didn’t deal with you long ago. He should have just wiped you out of existence.’

  Belial’s face twisted and, presented both with Michael’s back and the very real possibility of Belial doing something infernally stupid, I quietly stood up. With three quick steps I was right behind him. I lifted the condom and, like a water balloon, exploded it on Michael’s back. Blood from the slain deer thing cascaded over the furious archangel then, feeling the initial bite of the qeres, Michael began to scream. Grabbing Belial’s arm I dragged him away from the shocked, blood-soaked angel.

  Goats poured out of the hills. Melusine had been right: just like piranhas they attacked, standing on each other’s backs as they attempted to get to the blood. It didn’t take very long before Michael collapsed under their sheer numbers. He disappeared beneath a writhing mass of shaggy hair, fleas and a thousand biting teeth.

  Belial watched with a horrified expression, then he turned and ran; I was a single pace behind him. ‘You’re sick, you know that, don’t you?’ He shouted over his shoulder. ‘Only a bloody human could come up with something so utterly degrading. When he heals, and believe me he will, he’s going to make you his top priority.’

  I didn’t answer. I needed to save all my breath for running, but I had a horrible feeling that Belial was right. I was fairly high on Michael’s list before – now he would make it his mission in life to make sure he ended mine. For the first time in an eon that possibility no longer seemed like a good thing. I shook my head and kept running.

  Finally sure that Michael wasn’t going to get up from his goat and perfume-induced trauma anytime soon, we stopped running. Breathing hard, Belial slumped onto a rock.

  ‘Can we jump to catch up with the others?’ I sat down next to him.

  He winced and shook his head. ‘I honestly don’t think I have the energy.’ He pulled his hand away from where Michael had kicked him; it came away bloody. ‘Damn it all!’

  Reaching over I pulled Belial’s shirt aside. A deep gash in his side looked painful.

  Belial grunted as he tried to move.

  ‘Michael did this just by kicking you?’ Grabbing my pack I hauled out an old T-shirt and began ripping it into strips.

  The demon struggled out of his shirt and shook his head. ‘No, I fell onto some glass at the cathedral.’

  Wrapping the strips of T-shirt around the wound I tried very hard to bring the edges of the gash together. ‘Why didn’t you get Zephaniah to fix it?’ I tied the makeshift bandage with a bad knot and sat back to study my handiwork. ‘She fixed your leg.’

  Belial winced and grunted as he struggled to his feet. Looking down at the bandage, he said, ‘Thanks.’ Putting his bloodstained shirt back on he began walking stiffly down the path. ‘I didn’t ask her because I have no right to ask anything of her – not after all the pain I caused.’

  I studied Belial’s bowed back and decided to change the subject. ‘Why did he call you “brother”?’ I called. ‘Is this some angel thing: are you all siblings?’

  Belial stopped walking and stared, over my shoulder, back to where Michael was presumably still having problems with the local wildlife. ‘No, we really are brothers,’ he said. ‘There were three of us. Gabriel was the oldest. I joined Lucifer because of Gabriel’s apparent madness – I tried to find out what was going on but he wouldn’t talk to me; he just kept saying I’d find out one day. Lucifer said he could help. Michael’s older than me but younger than Gabriel; it’s always the middle child that causes the problems.’ He snorted.

  ‘So do you have a mother?’

  Belial shook his head. ‘Not that I know of.’ He rolled his shoulders and a look of pain crossed his handsome face. ‘It’s difficult to explain.’ He carried on walking.

  ‘So why are you brothers?’ I couldn’t get my head around what connected them.

  ‘Our father told us we were.’ Belial shrugged. ‘We were always together.’

  We trudged on in silence for a while. Finally, I decided that one last question would either cause him to kick my backside into the bushes, or I might get a straight answer. ‘Were you always called Belial?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So, you’re Uriel?’

  ‘Not any more.’ The demon stopped walking for a moment and stared at his feet. ‘Belial is who I am. Who I was doesn’t matter.’

  That was the end of all conversation. We didn’t speak for the rest of the day and, as twilight fell, the rest of the group came in sight. Unable to go any farther, they were standing beside the dead, desolate banks of the greatest river in Hell, the Acheron.

  Parity shook herself and waved to us. ‘Torment by Goat,’ she laughed, ‘I bet no Host has ever been taken out like that before.’ She skipped over to a tumble-down wall on which Graham was sitting, and sat down beside him on one of the fallen rocks. He looked up with a smile as she approached, then blushed.

  ‘How long have we got?’ Farr was busy sorting out warm clothes for Una. A chill wind had started to whisk around, causing goosebumps to rise on exposed skin.

  ‘We should be OK for a while.’ Belial rummaged in a pack and dragged out a hip flask from which he took a generous swig. He lowered it coughing, his eyes tearing. Carly took it away from him with a frown and a roll of her eyes, then, looking at it for a moment, helped herself to a mouthful, despite her father’s feeble protestations.

  ‘The ferry should be here soon.’ She choked out the words around a fit of coughing brought on by whatever was in the flask. Her face twisted into a look of disgust and she deftly capped the flask and thrust it back into the pack. ‘Farr?’ She nodded meaningfully at Parity who was laughing at something Graham had said.

  Farr sighed. ‘I suppose there’s no other way?’

  Carly, Belial and Melusine all shook their heads.

  With a facial expression that spoke volumes, Farr wandered over to his sister and, taking her hand, sat down and began telling her som
ething obviously important. The more he spoke, the more panicked the pink-haired woman became. Even from where I stood I could hear her repeating over and over, ‘No … No … I can’t, I really can’t.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ I asked the big Drekavak who was standing beside me.

  ‘I have absolutely no idea.’ He looked as confused as I felt. Melusine, sitting on a nearby rock, yawned. ‘Parity doesn’t do water.’ She looked over at the corpse-grey river. ‘Not that that stuff can be classed as water.’

  The argument over by the wall was growing. Graham and Farr were nose to nose and Parity, white faced and wide eyed, had started a continual gentle rocking movement.

  ‘Shit!’ Belial went to break them up. It was a fairly simple job; he just caught Graham by the shoulder and dragged him over toward me. ‘Hold this.’ Belial snapped at me then went back to deal with an almost catatonic seer and her enraged brother.

  Graham swung round and ripped his arm out of my hand. ‘She’s scared of water,’ he said. ‘You lot can’t make her do anything if she’s this terrified.’

  I was too tired to be gentle. ‘So what would you prefer we do – leave her here for Michael to vent his anger on or stay here with her?’ I looked over the river. In the distance a black indeterminate shape appeared to be heading our way. ‘We have to get across. Once we’re off this bank, we’re safe.’ The little voice in my head told me that I was lying – in truth, there was no knowing what we were heading toward.

  ‘She shouldn’t have come.’ Graham looked over at Parity, who was now screaming and hitting her brother. ‘Not if you all knew she’d have to face water.’

  ‘If we’d left her behind Metatron would have her by now and he’d know exactly what we were doing and he’d probably already have his hands on you,’ I said. ‘I can’t imagine that you enjoyed his company so much last time that you’d wish it on someone like Parity.’

  Graham stared at the ground and his face burned a bright red. ‘As long as he let her go he could have me.’ He spoke so softly I had to strain to hear him. Well, this was an unexpected development … I was just about to say something supportive and empathetic when Graham looked up at me, his eyes dark. ‘She’s useless to us like this.’ His voice had changed, deepened and smoothed. He sneered in Parity’s direction. ‘This is what you get when you put your trust in witches.’