I Do--Or Do I?

by Karen King

‘Sure.’ Daniel stood up. ‘Course, it could just be pre-wedding nerves. You never know, the wedding might be back on by the end of the week. I’ll give it a few days before I send them a cancellation bill.’

  Jared couldn’t stop thinking about Cassie all day. What had happened? Where was she living? He wanted to contact her but wasn’t sure whether to, and besides, he only had her work email address. No, this had to be her call. He’d laid his cards on the table, it was up to her to make the next move.

  Sam had offered to phone in sick the next day, so she could keep her company, but Cassie had talked her out of it. She needed time alone to get her head straight. She couldn’t face going into work yet, so had phoned Owen and briefly told him what had happened. He insisted she took a few days off, told her he’d cancel her column this week, and asked her to write up a bit about the wedding venues in France instead. She thanked him, gratefully.

  On autopilot she cancelled the photographs, the flowers, the cake, and the dresses. Sylvia would have to cancel the entertainment, venue, and other things she’d organised. She didn’t feel strong enough to cope with the numerous questions her mother would ask, so she inboxed her on Facebook instead. She explained that she’d cancelled the wedding and promised to call and explain when she felt a bit stronger, ending by asking her mum to let the rest of the family know. She sent a similar message to her father, then to Emma, asking her to cancel the horse and carriage. That done, she set about finding a home. She couldn’t stay on Sam’s sofa forever, Paul would be back tomorrow. She scoured the paper for a flat she could call a home for a while, circled a few possibilities, and phoned the letting agents to book appointments to see them.

  Jared must know she’d cancelled the wedding. Did he think it was because of him? Would he contact her thinking she had decided he wanted him after all? She doubted it. He’d asked her to meet him at reception, to go with him, and she hadn’t turned up. Then he’d sent her a letter asking him to give him another chance. It was her call now. If she didn’t contact him, he’d probably walk away from her like he did before and get on with his life.

  The fact that she hadn’t had a phone call from Sylvia suggested that Timothy hadn’t told her yet. He obviously believed that Cassie would ‘come to her senses’ and realise what a good catch he was. Well, he’d have a long wait. Hell would freeze over before she married him.

  It was two days before Timothy contacted her. At first he switched on the charm and told her how common wedding nerves were and that they could work through it. When she told him calmly that she had no intention of marrying him and conducting an ‘open marriage’, that she didn’t love him, he turned cold and nasty, telling her she would regret humiliating him like this.

  Cassie shivered as she ended the call. His tone had been threatening, sinister almost. How could she have thought he was considerate, reliable, a safe bet to marry? It just goes to show what a terrible judge of character she was.

  An hour later, Amanda phoned and tried to talk her around to no avail. Then it was Sylvia’s turn. Angry and scornful, she told Cassie exactly what she thought of her for humiliating Timothy like this and how grateful she should be that a man like Timothy was prepared to make her his wife, especially after writing that awful column.

  ‘Your precious son is having an affair with his business partner,’ Cassie informed her. ‘That’s why I called off the wedding. And seeing as you think I’m not worthy to be his wife you should be pleased that I’m not marrying him.’ Then she cut off the call.

  Amanda and Sylvia both tried to ring again several times throughout the day but she ignored their calls and the texts that followed, telling her that they would be sending her a bill for all the money they’d paid out so far and if she didn’t pay up they’d be taking her to court. She was pretty sure it was a bluff. Sylvia wouldn’t want everyone to know that her son had been dumped or that he was having an affair with Felicity.

  Cancelling the wedding was the least of her problems. She had to find somewhere to live, sort out her life. Her mother had sent her a message straight back inviting her to come and stay in Cyprus. ‘Give yourself time to heal and sort your head out, dear,’ she had said, but she didn’t want to do that. She wasn’t going to run away.

  By the end of the week she’d found a small studio flat, and managed to wangle it so that she could move in on the weekend. Sam and Paul helped her. Timothy had sent the rest of her things in a taxi, with a curt note telling her to give her flat keys to the taxi driver and informing her that he never wanted to see her again. That was fine by her. She settled in the flat over the weekend and returned to work on Monday.

  She’d tried not to think of Jared, tried not to cry or to keep checking the calendar to see how many days were left before he went away again. Nothing, however, escaped Sam’s eager eyes.

  ‘You’re pining over Jared, aren’t you?’ Sam said when she popped round on Monday evening to see how Sam’s first day back at work had gone. ‘For goodness’ sake, why don’t you go and tell him you love him?’

  ‘You know why. Because it wouldn’t work. He’ll be wanting to go off again – he is going off again – and will resent me for tying him down, then I’ll have to go through the heartbreak all over again.’

  ‘Look, no one has a guarantee for happy-ever-after, but it’s madness not be with someone you’re crazy over and who is obviously crazy over you just in case it doesn’t work out. You compromise; make it work if you love each other.’

  Sam had a point. Paul was often away on business with his job and they were both happy together – but then, Paul was away a couple of days at a time, not months. And he’d never chosen his job over her, not like Jared had.

  Jared must know by now that she had cancelled the wedding, but he hadn’t attempted to contact her. He had her work email address. No, he obviously didn’t care enough. Still, at least it had made her see Timothy’s true colours and she was grateful for that.

  ‘It’s over, Sam. It was over seven years ago. Seeing each other again just stirred up old feelings, that’s all.’

  As the days passed with no word from Cassie, Jared had to face the fact that she didn’t want him. He heard from Imogen that the reason she’d called off the wedding was because she’d discovered Timothy was having an affair with his business partner. He remembered the woman who’d accompanied Timothy to the party, and Margot’s words, ‘There’ll be three in that marriage’. It seemed his affair was pretty common knowledge.

  So it had nothing to do with her feelings for him. He’d made a fool of himself by telling her he loved her and begging her to give him another chance. She might have finished with Timothy the twat, but she didn’t want him either. It was time to let go and move on.

  Habit and curiosity made him buy the newspaper on Saturday and check out her column. He wasn’t really surprised to see that the ‘Almost a Bride’ column had been replaced by a two-page supplement about getting married in France. There were pictures and information about the château he and Cassie had stayed in, as well as other venues that she had probably visited on her press trip. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of Cassie in his arms as they danced, the sweet smell of her perfume, her head resting on his shoulder, the softness of her lips when they kissed.

  Get over it, she doesn’t want you. He threw the paper back down on the desk and stood up. Well, he didn’t want her either. They’d had their chance for love and blown it. There was no going back. It was time he got away from here.

  When he got home that night, he found a letter telling him the grant he’d applied for from the Animals in the Wild fund had been approved. There was no need to postpone his trip now. In fact, he could go earlier and stay for three months instead of six weeks. Just what he needed to get Cassie out of his head.

  Thirty-three

  ‘Cassie, I know this is going to be hard for you, but we need to do a final “Almost a Bride” column to wrap it all up.’ Owen told her. ‘And I’m going to need it by tomorrow.’ He looked at he
r concerned. ‘Would you like me to write it?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, I’ll do it. Is there anything in particular you want me to write?’

  ‘It’s up to you, but the readers seem to want Paige to go off with Blake. They haven’t warmed to Ian at all.’ He shrugged. ‘This column has been really popular. I hope sales don’t drop when we stop running it.’

  Maybe that column had been more true to life than she’d realised, Cassie thought. The readers had seen through Ian before she did. ‘I don’t think I can handle writing that, but I think Paige should call off the wedding. Maybe warn the readers to think carefully before they get married, and to remind them that they don’t have to go ahead with it, even if everything’s booked. Is that OK?’

  Owen looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘Fine by me, but end it with hope.’

  End it with hope. Cassie thought over Owen’s words as she drafted out the article. Suddenly she knew what to write. This was her chance to tell her story, knowing that Timothy, his mother, his sister, and probably Jared would be reading it.

  Almost a Bride

  Little did I know when I started writing this column how prophetic the title would be. I’ve called off the wedding, so ‘almost a bride’ describes me exactly. All these weeks I’ve been trying to conform to what Ian and monster-in-law want me to be, feeling guilty for still having feelings for Blake, and now I find out that Ian’s having an affair. With his business partner, would you believe? And he expects me to still marry him. He actually said that it would be an ‘adult’ relationship and I could have an affair too, providing I was discreet. Can you believe it? No thank you, and I told him so in no uncertain terms.

  I can’t say I’m heartbroken. I knew deep down that he wasn’t the one for me but the wedding preparations were all under way, and I didn’t feel I could pull out and let everyone down. It’s hard to say you’ve changed your mind when the invitations have been sent out. So I guess finding out about Ian’s affair was a get-out for me, because there’s no way I’m putting up with that.

  I’m OK. Well, I will be once I’ve got my life back on track. Meeting Blake again has shown me that I didn’t love Ian, and reminded me what real love is like. I won’t settle for second best again. I’m worth more than that. And going to France to research wedding venues for this column has shown me what I enjoy writing most. Travel writing. So that’s what I’m going to do. I guess I should thank Blake and Ian for opening my eyes to what I really want to do with my life.

  There, that’s told them all. She hoped Owen liked it – and that he got the hint at the end.

  He did. ‘That’s perfect,’ he said. ‘I think the readers would have liked you to go off in the sunset with Blake, but it’s better this way. It’s a strong, hopeful ending.’ He peered closely at her. ‘Is that bit about wanting to do travel writing true?’

  ‘Yes, it is,’ she admitted. ‘I really enjoyed visiting the different places in France. I met another writer there, he travels around quite a lot – Europe mainly, not the Middle East or anywhere far-flung. I fancy doing that.’ She hesitated, then took the plunge. ‘He said if I ever wanted work on a travel magazine he could point me in the right direction. Obviously I don’t want to leave you in the lurch but …’

  ‘It’s what you want to do,’ Owen finished for her. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. ‘Look, I don’t want to lose you. You and your column are responsible for turning this paper around. And that spread on the wedding venues in France was good. So why don’t we have a go at running a travel spread once a month? See how it pans out? It might interest our readers and it’ll give you a bit of experience at travel writing if you do decide to up and leave us.’

  ‘Really?’ She could have hugged him.

  ‘Sure. I’m always willing to try new things and I don’t want to get in the way of anyone’s dream. Just give me a bit of notice to replace you. OK?’

  ‘Of course.’ She could feel her grin spread from ear to ear. ‘Thanks, Owen.’

  Jared smiled as he read Cassie’s column. So she was telling any of Timothy’s friends that read it exactly what went on, and letting them know that she hadn’t run off with the photographer. She was moving on with her life, and he had to as well. What they had was over.

  How he wished it wasn’t. He knew he would never love anyone like he loved Cassie, but he had to respect that she didn’t feel the same way. He had more pride than to beg her to be with him.

  He shoved the newspaper in his case and resumed his packing. He was leaving in the morning. It would be a long journey, but he was looking forward to it. Maybe it was a good thing Cassie hadn’t returned his love because he would have been torn whether to go or not. Now he had nothing to stay for. His heart ached for her but he’d get over it.

  Thirty-four

  True to his word, Owen started to run a monthly holiday feature. For the first article he sent Cassie on a press trip to Venice. He’d arranged it through a travel agency, and once again she went with a group of other journalists. She found it fascinating. The organisers not only showed them around Venice itself, where they went on a water taxi along the Grand Canal under the Rialto Bridge, visited St Mark’s Square and other famous landmarks, but also took them to some of the neighbouring islands in the lagoon. Cassie found the fishermen’s and lace maker’s island of Burano the most fascinating, with its bright, multi-coloured houses and little canals.

  Jared still lurked in the back of her mind. She ached for him, longed to share the sights she saw with him. Maybe I was a bit hasty sending him packing, she thought. Maybe I should have given our love another chance.

  It was too late now. She’d had no communication from Jared since she’d left him waiting at the reception desk in France. He’d accepted her decision and gone to the Arctic. She guessed he was busy filming polar bears and not giving her a second thought.

  You turned him down, she reminded herself.

  Even so, he could have tried harder to win her back.

  And then what? Cancelled his trip? Missed out on his dream? And what about her? Would she have missed out on the opportunity to come to Venice, to write travel articles, to realise what she wanted to do with her life?

  She gazed around at the women sitting outside the doors of their cottages making lace. This was their life, probably the only life they had ever known or would know. Was it the life they wanted? Had their dreams been stifled because they’d fallen in love? If she had admitted to Jared how much she loved him, she would be stifling his life and hers. She’d made the right decision.

  If only her heart would accept that and not keep aching for him.

  You can’t come to Venice without going on a gondola, the guide insisted when they returned to the mainland. So they all piled into a few and sailed up the Grand Canal. As they passed several couples cuddled up together, Cassie imagined herself sitting in the back of a gondola snuggled up to Jared, resting his head on her shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body leaning against hers.

  She had to stop thinking about him and accept that they were over.

  Thirty-five

  All Jared could think about on the flight home was seeing Cassie again. The time in the Arctic had proved to him how much he loved her. Damn, he’d do anything to get her back. He had to show her that, make her believe it. Daniel and Imogen had offered him a permanent position in the company; if he accepted it he’d be based in the UK and be earning a good salary, so could provide a home for them both. Maybe they could settle down and have kids.

  He glanced at his watch. 2.30 a.m. He’d been travelling all night and was tired and jet-lagged. He’d grab a few hours’ sleep, have a shower and change, then go and see her before he lost his nerve. He had no idea where she lived but he knew where she worked. If she wasn’t at work that day perhaps he could persuade someone to give him her address or leave her a note. He had to try.

  ‘There’s someone waiting to see you,’ Maisy the receptionist said as soon as Cassie walked in. ‘He’s been here for
over an hour. He’s just gone the loo.’

  ‘Really?’ she asked, surprised. ‘Do you know what he wants?’

  ‘To ask you to join him for dinner,’ said a familiar voice behind her.

  Jared! She spun around in disbelief. What was he doing here? She wanted to run into his arms, hug him, kiss him, but she couldn’t move. All she could do was stare at him.

  ‘Well, will you?’ he asked softly.

  ‘I …’ she stammered.

  Maisy coughed as the doors opened and a man stepped in, reminding Cassie they were in the public reception area.

  Why had he turned up like this just when she was getting over him? ‘Look, I can’t do this here,’ she hissed. ‘I need to get up to the office, I’ll lose my job if I’m late.’ Not strictly true, but she didn’t trust herself with Jared. It would be so easy to fall into his arms.

  ‘Then meet me for a drink later so we can talk,’ he pleaded. ‘You owe me that. You owe it to both of us.’

  Cassie hesitated. She wanted to, more than he would ever know, but she didn’t trust herself.

  ‘Would you like to me to phone up and say you’ve arrived but got delayed by a member of the public?’ Maisy suggested. ‘The Courtesy Room is free. I can make sure you aren’t disturbed.’

  It wouldn’t hurt to hear him out, would it? Cassie nodded. ‘Thank you.’ She turned to Jared. ‘You have exactly five minutes.’ She led the way into the Courtesy Room on the left.

  ‘I love you, Cassie,’ Jared blurted out as soon as she shut the door behind them. ‘Please give me a chance to make it up to you. To show you I’m not the same person I was. I won’t let you down again.’ He stepped closer, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek. ‘You love me too, I know you do. I can see it in your eyes.’

  She tried to deny it but his face was getting closer and closer and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his, couldn’t resist the love and passion she could see in the dark pools. Or deny the love she felt for him.