Behind His Walls

by B. L. Mooney

  I took a deep breath, walked out to the waiting room, and plastered the fake smile I’d perfected since seeing him. “Good morning, Austin. How are you today?”

  “Couldn’t be better.”

  It was the same routine, the same small talk on the way to my office. Not much changed with him, until later in that session.

  “The last time we left off talking about Molly. Is that who you want to continue with today?”

  The premise of his therapy was to find out why everyone left him. It wasn’t his real reason, of course. It was just the reason he gave to be able to talk about all the women he’d killed.

  “Yes. Her separation was brutal.”

  When he made statements like that, at first I’d thought he meant how they disengaged their relationship with him. What he actually meant was the separation of their limbs. He did that to them. He was the brutal one.

  “She was a lively one. She fought until the very end.”

  “How do you mean? I thought she broke up with you.”

  “That’s right. There was no it-isn’t-you-it’s-me bullshit. She fought throughout it all. She screamed at me so loud. I can still hear her.”

  I stopped asking what they said. I believed that was when he caught on that I knew what he’d really meant. I searched out his eyes on his next comment.

  “I bet you scream really loud, too.”

  Inside I was a mess, but I couldn’t let him see that. “What I do, don’t do, sound like, or anything else you may wonder about, isn’t up for discussion. Is that clear?”

  “Crystal.”

  “These sessions are about you, your past, and how to help you to your tomorrow. Is that clear?”

  “Crystal.” He leaned forward. “How long have you known?”

  “Known what, exactly?”

  “Don’t play coy.” He stood. “You know I’ve killed those women. You’ve probably looked up their names on the internet.”

  “First, I’ve done nothing of the sort. I only have first names and no dates, but believe me when I say that I want to learn nothing more about these murders than what you’ve already told me in your coded ways. I believe I know enough.”

  “And you haven’t gone to the police?”

  “You had to know I would’ve caught on. You knew what work I’d done before you called my office for an appointment. I believe that’s why you chose me.”

  “That’s all correct. Now, the police?” He looked around the room.

  “If you’re looking for a secret recording device, you can stop looking. Any crime you may have committed is covered by confidentiality laws. The only time I’m allowed to say anything is if I think you’re about to hurt someone else. But believe me, the second you divulge that information, I will be on the phone with the police before you’re out of my office.”

  He sat back down and looked at me. “I like you. You’re honest. Not many people have the guts to say what they mean. There’s nothing but pussyfooting going on out there, but in here,” he sat forward and smiled as he spoke, “I can be myself.” He sat back again. “I think I’m bumping up therapy to twice a week.”

  “I don’t have the time.”

  “Make the time.”

  She was shaking so hard and crying. It was killing me to listen to her. I had to calm her down. “Lindsey.” I tried to pry her off me, but she held strong. “Lindsey, you’re okay. Nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re safe with me.”

  She nodded, but still clung to me. Nothing I thought of to say would’ve helped the situation. Any subject other than the monster she counseled would’ve seemed to trivialize the feelings she was having. I wouldn’t do that to her. She could cry in my arms as long as she needed to.

  “I’m so sorry.” She was still crying, but not as hard. Her grip on me was still tight, though.

  “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re finding some release for this. You’ve held on to it for far too long.”

  Her grip finally started to ease up, but she was still trembling. “I’m really sorry for the whole weekend. I’ve done nothing but ruin it.”

  “You’ve ruined nothing. Friends are here for each other.”

  She sat up and moved to her side of the sofa, grabbing the tissue box on her way. “I’ve been very sick in your private bath, made a complete fool of myself on this very sofa, cock blocked you, and now I probably have ruined your shirt.”

  I looked down at the smear of mascara across my right peck. I sat forward and reached behind me to pull the shirt up and over my head. I threw it to the side. “I don’t care about the shirt. And you haven’t prevented me from doing anything. Nothing would’ve happened with Jasmine. She’s in love with someone else, and I wouldn’t let her destroy that.”

  I watched as Lindsey’s eyes trailed down my torso. Her look of appreciation of my body was ego stroking, but also made me feel uncomfortable. We couldn’t be more than friends, no matter how much she may have wanted to move into that direction.

  I got up and grabbed her water glass. “I’m going to get you some more water.”

  “I’d rather have the wine.”

  “I know, but water would be best.”

  “You’re going to make me pee all night.”

  Even though she was the type to say whatever was on her mind, I hadn’t expected that piece of honesty, and I laughed. “Then sleep on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom.”

  I rounded the corner to the kitchen and tilted my head when I saw the light was on. I set the glass onto the counter and checked the door, but it was still locked. I jumped when Lindsey spoke.

  “What are you looking for?” She laughed when I turned and placed my hand on my chest. “Did I scare you?” She laughed harder. “I’m sorry.”

  “I just didn’t understand why the light was on.” I grabbed the glass and got the water she needed to drink.

  “I left it on. I had planned on cleaning up, and I don’t like to walk into a dark room.” She set the wine glasses and pizza boxes onto the counter. “I thought you could save the pizza for lunch tomorrow.”

  “I don’t leave lights on in the house. It’s a waste. Carry a flashlight if you’re afraid to walk into a dark room.” I grabbed the pizza boxes and shoved them into the refrigerator.

  “The flashlight makes everything look scarier. What’s the big deal?”

  “Do you realize there are some cities that can’t handle the electricity that everyone burns through?” I pushed the water glass her way. “Drink up and then it’s time to go to bed.”

  “Are you really mad I left the light on?”

  I sighed and thought for a moment. “No, I suppose it’s more to do with the fact you scared the shit out of me when I’m supposed to be protecting you. It kind of dinged the suit of armor I’ve got on in my mind.” I walked past her, but kept talking. “And I really don’t like being friends with a fellow psychologist who can see through shit other people wouldn’t.”

  She laughed again and followed me without turning out the light. I stopped and looked at her. It took her a minute, but once I pointed toward the kitchen, she got the hint and went back to turn it off.

  I reached for her hand when she returned to walk her through the dark hallway. I understood why she would be afraid of the dark, but she wouldn’t be hurt in my home. I wouldn’t allow it.

  “Are you sure I haven’t ruined your weekend?”

  “Of course not.” I let go of her hand and took my side of the sofa again. “It’s actually been nice having someone here for a change.” Lexi jumped up onto the sofa. “Excuse me. Two someones.”

  “Lexi has warmed up to you nicely. It usually takes her a little bit, but I’m very happy she’s been so calm in new surroundings.”

  “I think it’s her seeing you so relaxed for once that’s helping her adjust.”

  “That could be. Either way, she seems to be very fond of you.”

  “I’m growing very fond of your pussy, too.” As the words left my mouth, I wished I could
’ve taken them back. Lindsey caught my comment and choked on her water. I covered my face. “I’m so sorry. That isn’t what I meant.”

  She was coughing, but managed to squeak out, “Trust me, I know you didn’t mean mine.”

  “Lindsey, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you in my life anymore.”

  She stopped coughing and slid over to my side, wrapping her arms around me. “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me. I don’t want to lose our friendship, either. I still get to think of you as being hot, though.”

  I laughed. “And I’ll never deny you’re a very beautiful woman.”

  She pulled away, but kept one hand on my chest and the other around the back of my neck. “You’re my best friend, Joseph. I would like for there to be more between us, but not unless that’s something you want, too.” She held her hand up. “I won’t bring it up again. I just need you to know that if you ever want to explore the possibility of more—and I don’t just mean sex—I’m willing to try.”

  I held her hand to my chest. “If I’m ever able to make that choice, you’ll be the first to know.”

  She nodded and slipped her hand out of my hold. I could tell in her eyes that I had, if not hurt, then disappointed her. She wanted more than just sex with me. That wasn’t a possibility for anyone. If that was what was truly going through her mind, sex was the last thing we should ever do.

  I watched as she drank the rest of her water and put the glass down. “I still need to call my mom, and it’s getting rather late. I think I’ll head to bed now if that’s okay with you.”

  “Of course, it is. You can take my room again.”

  “No, I should move to the guest room.”

  “Nonsense. You love my bed, and your stuff is already in there. Oh, and you love my showerhead, if you were being truthful about that.”

  Her smile was big and contagious. “I really was. The water pressure and different patterns . . . it was amazing.”

  I shook my head and stood, turning the lights out as we went upstairs. “I bought that to massage shoulders,” I turned and looked at her as I spoke, “not other body parts.”

  “Do your shoulders bother you?”

  “It isn’t to massage my shoulders.”

  “Oh, Jasmine? I can see that. She’s probably dealing with carry-on luggage a lot.”

  I ignored her comment and let her believe that was the trouble with Jasmine’s shoulders. If I had my way, she’d never learn the truth for the showerhead. “Okay, off you go.” I reached in and turned the light on for her.

  “Thanks.” She walked in and looked at the bare spot on the wall. “Say, why don’t you put a piece of furniture there? Those sconces are beautiful, but they look a little odd to be sitting there with nothing underneath them.”

  I walked over to the empty space and turned to look at her. “If I have something here,” I moved the bathroom door right next to it, “then when I come out of here, I kick it as I walk by.” I shook my head. “Nope. It stays empty.”

  She laughed. “Well, we can’t have a big, strong man like you banging his toe on furniture.” She walked over to her suitcase and looked through it. “Just how long do you think I’ll be staying here?”

  “I figured a few days. Criminals like Austin aren’t often caught easily.”

  “And if he’s never caught?”

  “We’ve been over this. I’ll start charging you rent and get a motorcycle with the money I’ll save.”

  “A motorcycle, huh?” She smiled. “Will I get to ride on it?”

  “I’ll have to charge you more for rides. Now, get to bed. I have big plans for you tomorrow.”

  “You do?”

  “Yep.” I shut the door and shook my head.

  I had no idea what to do with her. Maybe we could read a little more. I smiled to myself, remembering her face as she read through the romance novel she picked. She smiled when something sweet happened, scowled at the tablet when the hero did something stupid, turned a lovely shade of pink and rubbed her legs together when she was at the steamy part, and cried happy tears when it was over. She deserved her own happily ever after. She just wasn’t going to get it with me.

  I walked past my guest room and headed to the exercise room. I needed to let a little more frustration out before I could sleep.

  “Hi, Mom. I’m sorry it’s so late.” I folded the clothes I just changed out of and put them on top of the suitcase. I wondered if Joseph would let me do a load of laundry in the morning.

  “How are you feeling?”

  I looked to the ceiling. “I’m feeling fine. I had pizza for dinner, and no, my body didn’t reject it.”

  “That’s great. I would’ve picked something a little more subtle than greasy pizza, but it’s your life.”

  “Okay, well, I’m headed to bed. I just wanted to call and say good night.”

  “You’re going to bed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Alone?”

  “Mom!” I yelled, looked around as if someone heard me, and quieted my voice. “Yes, alone.”

  “Well, you are two attractive, young, able-bodied people, are you not?”

  “I don’t know about the able-bodied, but other than that, yes.”

  “What’s going on?”

  I plopped down onto the bed and sighed. “I made a fool out of myself. I made a pass and tried to kiss him, but the doorbell interrupted us. It was one of his ex-girlfriends. Then I basically told him, after he turned me down, that if he ever changed his mind for more to hit me up.” I sighed again and fell backward onto the pillow.

  “Oh. I think you should just give him time.”

  “Mom, I don’t think time is what he needs.” I heard a noise at the door and opened it to let Lexi in. “I think I need to move on.”

  “However you want to handle this, baby, I’m right here for you. Okay?”

  “Okay. Thanks, Mom.”

  “You’re welcome, love. Call me tomorrow?”

  “Sure. I’ll call tomorrow.”

  I hung up the phone and looked at the bathroom. All that water he made me drink was going to make for a long night.

  I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and grabbed my phone. Cursing at the time and myself, I rolled over and looked at the bathroom door. I knew I’d regret drinking so much with Joseph, but my bladder was just going to have to deal with it because I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

  I sat up realizing the bathroom light was on. It was a good thing I woke up before Joseph saw that. I needed to work on turning the lights out while I stayed with him. Once I got back home, I could leave them on as much as I wanted.

  I opened the door and took two steps inside before I realized someone else was in there. My eyes locked with Joseph’s, and I took a step back. They didn’t stay locked on his for long before sliding down his wet, naked body.

  His chest was even more defined than earlier, as if he’d just finished working out. I watched as a bead of water slid down to his abs. I kept going even though the water disappeared. I paused on the trail of hair I’d seen before above his waistband, only the waistband wasn’t in the way anymore. I should’ve looked away, but I couldn’t help it. I tried to calm my breathing as I took the sight before me in, but I wasn’t doing a good job of it.

  I went further down as the V in front of me suggested, and my eyes widened when they met the silver of his Prince Albert piercing. So that was the Prince Jasmine wanted to take for a ride. Not on my watch. I reached out to touch the piercing, licked my lips, and was startled when my wrist was grabbed. I’d forgotten Joseph was even there.

  “You don’t want to do that.”

  I looked into his eyes and back down to the silver I found fascinating. I smiled at the hardening cock before me. I looked back up to Joseph. “It looks as if he wants to be touched.” All thoughts of having to go to the bathroom were gone, but something else was threatening to drip down my leg.

  I reached out
with my other hand, and that wrist was grabbed just as fast. I locked my eyes back on Joseph’s, begging him to let me touch him. Something in his eyes switched, and for the first time with Joseph, I wasn’t sure if what I felt was excitement or fear.

  I had threatened to cut off my own cock if it didn’t calm down, but who could blame it when someone like Lindsey looked at it the way she did. The second she licked her lips, it was over. I imagined her wrapping those lips around me as I guided myself in and out of her eager mouth.

  I shook my head and gripped her wrists tighter, only letting up a little when she made a small whimper. I knew I would destroy her. It had to end before it began.

  She leaned forward as if to kiss me, and I took a step backward, but kept her wrists held tight. “Don’t.”

  “I want you, Joseph, and clearly, you want me.” She looked down and licked that damn mouth of hers again.

  When she took another step forward and I took another step back, something switched in me, and I couldn’t turn it off if I wanted to. It would be the biggest mistake of my life, but I had to prove to her that she wasn’t in charge. I was.

  I gripped her wrists tighter and walked her back to the bedroom. “What are you doing out of bed?”

  “I—” She stumbled on her words when my grip tightened, and my speed picked up. “I had to go to the bathroom.”

  I stopped moving. “Do you still have to go?” All she could do was shake her head. “Don’t piss on my wall.”

  “Your wall?”

  I ignored the questioning look and also the fact she had to use the bathroom. It was a good way to teach her a lesson on not barging in on an occupied room. It was also my fault for not locking the door, but I was usually alone and had no need for a locked door. I clenched my jaw as I realized, but wasn’t yet ready to admit, I wanted this to happen. I had hoped she would walk in on me. I backed her up to the wall she was studying earlier and lifted her arms to the sconces. “Grab hold.”

  She glanced up and then looked at me with a question in her eyes. “I don’t want to knock them down.”