Denial

by Jackie Kennedy

  “Jesus,” Sean said. “Ain’t she a ray of sunshine?” He looked at Amy. “What happened there?”

  “Hurricane Redhead happened.”

  Sean grinned. “I like it. Hurricane Redhead she certainly is.” He shook his head. “Women!” he said. “Can’t live with them and…” he laughed. “Yeah, I guess that’s it,” he said, going after Maggie.

  Amy smiled, suddenly feeling confident that Sean was more than capable of handling Maggie.

  Making breakfast, Amy heard her children whoop with laughter. A wave of panic hit her. Her chest tightened. A sense of helplessness filled her. She thought about how she should be able to enjoy her family being together, but she couldn’t. Tears filled her eyes.

  Amy lifted her head and inhaled deeply. For the next half hour Josh, Celeste, and the children played outside. Although she could hear them, she never once looked in their direction.

  Eventually, Maggie and Sean returned. Amy lifted her eyebrows when Maggie grinned at her. She looked at Maggie’s hair. It was clear by how disheveled it was that she was more than appeased.

  “Happy now?” Amy asked, handing Maggie plates to put on the kitchen table.

  Maggie purred.

  Sean winked at Amy.

  During breakfast, the chat around the table was amiable. They discussed the following Saturday, when they would be celebrating the boys’ birthday at Josh’s parents.

  The phone rang and Josh answered it. “Dad says he’s organized a round of golf next Sunday morning and wants to know if you would be interested?”

  Sean nodded eagerly, obviously enjoying being included.

  Josh winked at Amy. Putting his hand over the receiver, he said to Maggie, “Dad must think its love.”

  Maggie looked at Sean.

  Sean went bright red, but he didn’t break eye contact with Maggie.

  Maggie smiled at him. “Can you tell your dad that Sean’s arriving a little late, he’s picking up his new bike.” She looked at Amy. “Why don’t we have a round on Sunday as well?” She looked at Celeste. “You’re welcome to come too, if you’re free.”

  Celeste smiled. “Thanks,” she replied appreciatively. “I might just take you up on that.”

  Before finishing the conversation, Josh asked his dad to organize a round for all of them. When he sat down, he looked at his sister. “Talking about being free,” he said, reaching for another slice of toast. “What are you up to these days?”

  Celeste explained she would be starting a new job, a short-term contract at Sarasota’s local Memorial Hospital, in the acute emergency ward. She told them she had just signed for a rented apartment.

  On hearing Celeste’s plans to stay, Amy sucked in her breath. Unable to believe it, she briefly closed her eyes.

  Josh was full of smiles. “Well done, sis,” he said. “It’s great news that you’re planning to stick around.”

  Josh asked her what she was planning to do with her house on Lido Beach, then explained to the table that Celeste had bought the house with her ex-husband, Nick, when they first got married, and that she now had it as part of her divorce settlement.

  “But back then, Celeste was too restless to enjoy it,” Josh finished. “She needed to get out and explore the world.”

  Amy watched Celeste’s eyes narrow slightly as Josh discussed her freely.

  “What’s happening with the tenants in Lido Beach?” he asked, pouring coffee into his cup.

  “They have another year to go,” Celeste replied, holding out her coffee cup for a refill.

  “Do you intend to move in once they leave?” Josh asked before slurping his coffee.

  “Yes,” Celeste replied. “I intend to move back in as soon as they leave. But in the meantime, I’ve rented an apartment close to the hospital, but it needs some work done to it.”

  Josh grinned and threw in. “I’m sure Amy can help you out there. She’s helping Maggie decorate her apartment.”

  Amy sighed inwardly. Since sitting down she hadn’t said a word, and had successfully managing to avoid direct eye contact with Celeste.

  Annoyed that Josh had volunteered her services, Amy focused on her husband and said sharply, “Josh, I’m not an interior designer.” She looked at Celeste and finally made eye contact. “If it’s decorating tips you’re after then you should speak to a decorator.” She paused then added, “If it’s more than that, then Celeste I’m sorry, but you should really speak to your landlord.”

  Surprised at Amy’s response, everyone stared at her.

  After a moment, Josh retorted, “Amy, I think it would be good to give Celeste a little help. You’re the architect in the family and it would be nice if you could at least have a look around.”

  A moment of awkwardness fell around the table. Even the boys were quiet.

  Aware that everyone was staring at her, Amy gripped the sides of her chair. She knew she should back down and agree to help Celeste out or questions would be asked. Causing a scene or bringing attention to either of them was the last thing she needed, but Amy couldn’t help herself. She looked directly at Celeste and inhaled. “I’m sorry, but I think you should look elsewhere. There’s nothing I can do for you.”

  Still holding the piece of toast to his mouth, Josh sat back and gave his wife an incredulous look, clearly unable to believe she was refusing to help his sister.

  Amy pushed her chair back, then stood. “If you’ll all excuse me, I’ve got plans to look over for work.”

  Without a murmur, everyone watched Amy leave the kitchen

  Chapter 25

  Amy’s stomach grumbled. She had missed breakfast this morning. She wondered what Wendy, the office PA and her friend, was doing for lunch, and decided she would entice her out for something hot and spicy—Thai perhaps.

  Amy grinned when the office door opened, and Wendy poked her head around. “Just in time,” she said, gripping the armrests of her chair. “I’m starving. Do you fancy going out for lunch to that new Thai restaurant around the corner?”

  Still holding the door, Wendy smiled and said lyrically, “Nope, I don’t think so.”

  Wendy never refused food, especially hot, spicy food. “What?” Amy replied amazed. “Even if it’s my treat?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I might have to take a rain check.” Wendy moved into the room. “You have a visitor.”

  Often Maggie brought the twins to the office for a surprise visit.

  Amy looked expectantly toward the door, but, to her astonishment, Celeste appeared, smiling at her.

  Amy’s jaw dropped and she stared at Celeste. She blushed. She hadn’t seen Celeste since she left shortly after breakfast yesterday morning. Afterward, a very upset Josh confronted her about her behavior. Eventually, she won him over by saying that with the pressures of work, she didn’t need additional work. She further placated him by promising that she would speak to Celeste and sort things out.

  “C…C…Celeste!” Amy stuttered.

  Celeste nodded in response. “Amy.”

  “It’s…it’s good to see you,” Amy said then swallowed.

  Wendy asked Celeste if she would care for any refreshment.

  Celeste shook her head. “No. Thanks.” Looking at Amy, she said inquiringly, “Hopefully, I have a lunch date.”

  Amy’s color increased. She tried to speak but dried up.

  “I’m happy to take a rain check on lunch, Amy,” Wendy said, glancing at her then Celeste. “I’ve got too much to work on now anyway.”

  Amy looked at Wendy. Acutely aware that she was picking up on the tension, she forced a smile.

  Celeste smiled. “That’s settled then.” She looked at her watch, then at Amy. “I took a chance and booked a table.”

  Amy didn’t move.

  Amy visibly swallowed before clearing her throat. “Yes. Of course,” she croaked. “Lunch shouldn’t be a problem.” She looked down at her desk. “Can you give me a few minutes to get organized?”

  “Yes,” Celeste replied courteousl
y. Looking at Wendy, she asked, “Can I use the restroom?”

  Wendy nodded, then left the room with Celeste.

  Knees weak, Amy slumped in her chair unable to believe that Celeste had shown up here, at her office. Heart thudding at the thought of spending the next hour or two alone with her, she picked up her pen and chewed on it.

  Amy thought about pushing Wendy to come with them but that idea made her uncomfortable. Celeste was too unpredictable and Wendy was a natural inquisitor. A few cleverly placed questions and it wouldn’t take her long to figure out what was going on. Anyway, she resolved as she threw down the mangled pen, she and Celeste needed to talk. It was time to find some closure.

  Her body, though, had other ideas. Amy’s eyes widened when she recognized the now familiar signals her body sent her whenever Celeste was around. She shifted uncomfortably.

  Amy wondered with embarrassment if she was turning into some kind of sex maniac. Frustrated and not wanting to think too hard, she closed her eyes. But, within seconds, she was out of the chair.

  Her pulse throbbing painfully, the ache in her groin growing, Amy moved toward the window. Taking deep breaths, she tried to ignore the strong arousal. Looking out, arms folded, she anxiously observed the view, but the ache grew as images invaded her mind of that night in the summerhouse.

  Wanting to run for the hills, Amy leaned her forehead against the window and, in quiet desperation, groaned.

  “Wow,” Wendy said, entering the room. “Doctor Cameron, I presume?”

  Nodding, Amy’s head squeaked as it moved up and down the window.

  “I thought so.” Wendy replied, nodding satisfactorily. “You can see the resemblance to Josh.” Holding her hands in front of her, she panted like an eager pup. “Woof. Woof. Woof.”

  Lifting her head off the glass, Amy looked at her friend.

  “Bet all the guys get a jumbo-sized hard-on when they see her in her whites,” Wendy said enviously. “Out there saving lives in war-torn and dangerous situations.” She spun around. “Here comes Doctor Cameron to the rescue!”

  “Wendy,” Amy cut in. “Don’t be daft.”

  Wendy’s twenty-a-day habit made her wheeze as she motioned a few karate moves with arms then feet. “C’mon, Amy, she’s an all-action hero.”

  Amy pursed her lips. Looking at the door, she whispered. “Wendy! Get a grip.”

  Wendy did another karate chop and a high kick, which wasn’t high given her chubby thighs. Yelping, she clutched her backside. “I think I’ve pulled something.”

  Grimacing in pain, Wendy teetered dangerously on her heels.

  Impatiently, Amy reached out and grabbed her just as she was about to fall over.

  Flushed, Wendy straightened. Holding her left buttock, she put a hand on Amy’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “You know how much I love all that crap,” she shook her head, “saving lives, fighting against the odds.”

  Smiling briefly, Amy gave her friend a conciliatory nod.

  Letting go, Wendy put her hands on her hips and whispered as she eyed the door, “So, what the hell is going on between you two?”

  Amy groaned, wishing not for the first time, that Wendy was as attentive to her work as she was regarding other peoples’ business.

  “Nothing,” Amy muttered.

  “C’mon,” Wendy said impatiently, then turning her head to look at the door, whispered, “It’s evident that you’re seriously pissed at her.” She rubbed her buttock. “A brief teeny-weeny summary will do.”

  “Look. We just don’t get on, that’s all,” Amy said. “There’s no major drama. No need to call CNN.”

  A hurt expression crossed Wendy’s face.

  Amy lowered her eyes and offered, “I just happen not to get on with all of my in-laws.”

  Wendy sighed. “Tell me about it, babes,” she said, sounding appeased.

  Amy half-smiled. Wendy hugged her then let her go.

  “They—husband and in-laws—come as a package, unfortunately,” Wendy said. “They should also tell you that behind every great man there is a whiny-in-your-face-never-to-let-up friggin’ mother-in-law.” She looked at her friend sympathetically and patted her shoulder. “That’s why I’m divorced.” She held up two pudgy fingers. “Twice!”

  Not wanting a discussion, Amy nodded.

  “Is she single?”

  Amy blinked. Color crept into her cheeks. “Why do you ask?”

  “Well,” Wendy replied, “If she is single and you two kiss and make up,” Amy felt her color deepen, “she’ll no doubt come to our monthly girls-only nights out. Which, as you know,” Wendy said with some pride, “Maggie and I have a one hundred percent record of scoring.” Her mouth turned down. “Well, not so much Maggie anymore. But,” she looked at the door, “if sizzle sister comes along, there’ll be no guarantees.”

  Amy stuck out her tongue just as Celeste entered the room.

  Embarrassed, Amy went to her desk, picked up her bag, and said rather too cheerfully, “Ready?”

  †

  Seated in an Italian bistro a few blocks from her office, Amy felt the tension turn up a notch in her body. The thought of eating made her stomach turn.

  “Wendy’s quite a character.”

  “Yeah, we’re good friends,” Amy replied. “But, when Maggie and Wendy get together, it can be quite the double act.”

  Celeste nodded, then looked at Amy. “Thanks for taking the time.”

  “You’re welcome,” Amy replied. Her voice slightly high, she cleared her throat. The waiter appeared at their table. She ordered by rote, paying little attention to the menu that she normally enjoyed perusing, as this was one of her favorite places to eat.

  Celeste ordered her food and a bottle of red wine.

  Once they ordered, silence.

  Damn it. Isn’t Celeste going to speak!

  To break the silence and to keep the conversation light, Amy asked, “Are you coming to the boys’ birthday party at your folks this weekend?”

  Camille had insisted they throw a party for the boys’ birthday, and had spent the last few weeks organizing a fun-packed day.

  Celeste’s eyebrow rose. “Are you asking me, Amy?”

  Amy’s eyes narrowed. “No, Celeste. I’m simply inquiring.”

  “Yes, I’ll be there.”

  Silence.

  Eventually, Amy was forced to ask, “Why are you here?”

  Just as Celeste was about to answer the waiter appeared with their bottle of wine. Amy silently tapped her foot and waited impatiently as he carried out the usual ministrations of pouring wine. He waited for Celeste’s approval before filling their wineglasses.

  When the waiter left, Celeste spoke. “I’m here because there is a strong attraction between us, Amy. And we need to,” she paused, “address it.”

  Blindsided, Amy blinked several times.

  Celeste picked up her glass and sipped from it. “I’ve thought of nothing else but what to do since that night in the summerhouse.” She smoothed the white linen around her glass. “I can’t continue to stay away. My family is here and already I’ve stayed away too long.” Looking at Amy, she arched an elegant eyebrow. “We’ve tried to ignore it. But that,” she said, tilting her head, “doesn’t work.”

  Amy blushed. Unconsciously, she ran her hand up and down the stem of her glass of wine and listened nervously.

  “The only viable option,” Celeste said, watching Amy’s hand. “That I can see is that we burn this attraction out. With a little discretion we can dissipate it safely and no one need ever know.”

  Stunned, Amy looked at Celeste in disbelief. “Are you crazy?” she eventually asked in astonishment. “You’re talking as if this is some kind of science project.” Her color deepened. “Discretion…dissipate.” She shook her head. “You talk as if having an affair is the answer.” She swallowed hard. “And what do you mean, no one need know? I’ll know!” Amy leaned forward, jaw clenched, blue eyes darkening, she added, “Do you
really have any idea what you’re asking?”

  Suddenly aware of her surroundings, Amy picked up her glass and sipped from it slowly. Carefully she looked around. It was a popular place with busy lunchtime traffic. Thankfully, no one was paying them any attention. Trying to rein in her growing anger, she put her glass down and leaned in. “I don’t want this to go any further.” She looked at Celeste. “You must know I love Josh. That I’m happily married.”

  Celeste’s features didn’t move. “Let me clarify, Amy,” she said with an edge to her voice. “I don’t intend that we destroy your marriage.” Her voice softened. “Whether you like it or not, something has happened between us. I wanted to believe that it was no more than a fluke, that it was arbitrary.” Leaning in, she held Amy’s gaze. “It’s definitely not a fluke.” Her voice grew intimate. “I’m attracted to you. And I can’t stop it.” She reached over the table and stroked Amy’s hand. “Or ignore it.”

  Amy jerked her hand away. Her heart raced. Aware that her temper was building, she took a moment. “You don’t seem to get what I’m actually saying to you, Celeste.” Her shoulders stiffened. “I don’t care what you can’t hide. I love the life I have and a…fling with you is not part of it.” She couldn’t help but look around before fixing her eyes on Celeste. “There is no way that I’m going to risk everything I have to satisfy a basic biological itch.” She looked into Celeste’s eyes, and wondered why this woman affected her so. “Why Celeste?” she asked. “Why me, when you can have anyone?”

  “Don’t you think, I’ve asked myself that same question a thousand times already?” Celeste looked at Amy intently. “All I know for sure, Amy, is I’ve been left hanging since that first night in your apartment. I need to feel right again. I…we…need this to happen.”

  “I can’t believe you want to have an affair!” Amy said in disbelief. “Do you know what you’re asking?” Amy placed both hands on the table. “What about morals and integrity, and caring about family. What about all those things that are supposed to matter?”