Fated to be Mine

by Larson, Jodie

  “Are you trying to tell me you like how I smell?”

  I nod my head against his shoulder and my whole body melts into him, wanting nothing more than to wake up to this smell every day for the rest of my life.

  “Mmhmm,” I say in a muffled voice.

  Andrew picks me up and places me on his lap. Wrapping my arms and legs around him, I lean forward and press my lips to his in a quick morning greeting.

  “How are you feeling this morning?” He runs his fingers through the hair loosely hanging near my face and I lean into his touch when his palm meets my cheek.

  “Better,” I say, taking a mental inventory of my emotional and physical state. My head has stopped pounding and my stomach no longer aches for no apparent reason. My eyes aren’t nearly as dry and painful as before but not having cried within the last twelve hours has helped. “I know the next few days are going to be tough, but I’ll be okay, as long as you don’t go anywhere without me.”

  He smiles and presses his lips against mine again. “Never. I’ll be stuck to you like glue.”

  “Good.” I stand from his lap to stretch. “What time are we meeting my dad?”

  Andrew looks at his watch and twists his lips to the side. “Half hour? Can you be ready by then?”

  I nod. “Half hour it is,” I say, disappearing into the bathroom so I can attempt to feel human again.

  It’s your standard hotel bathroom, complete with giant vanity countertop and bathtub/shower combination. It makes me miss the hotel bathroom in London with its extraordinary opulence and high-end fixtures. Obviously not everything in life is going to be like that.

  Standing under the hot spray of the water, I can feel each and every muscle relax as the knots slowly wash away. Rolling my shoulders, I hunch forward, allowing the water stream to hit my most tender spots where I carry all of my stress. With each passing moment, I relax further and let my mind prepare itself for what’s to come.

  Yes, it will be hard. It may be downright excruciating, but as long as my dad and Andrew are with me I know it’ll be okay. It still amazes me the transition in my dad, going from seemingly indifferent and judgmental to loving and concerned. But I could have also been projecting some of my own insecurities onto him, only seeing what I wanted to see. Ever since I came to Minneapolis, he has been attentive, offering to pay for my schooling, my apartment, clothes, anything I could ever want. And because my past dictated so much of my life I was too stubborn to accept help due to the idea that obligation was making him do it. Knowing what I know now, I can see that wasn’t the case. Yes, guilt may have played a little bit, considering my situation after I was placed into foster care, but I believe he just wanted to get to know me.

  Once I’m dressed and feeling better about my appearance, I walk back into the main room and find my dad sitting with Andrew at the table near the windows. Both men look up and smile brightly at me when I join them. Andrew pulls out a chair for me, making sure it's the one next to him, of course.

  “I ordered some breakfast for you,” he says. I clasp his hand as he uncovers a dish in front of me, displaying a plate loaded with scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and hash browns. The smell alone has my stomach rumbling in eager anticipation of food.

  “Thank you. I didn’t even realize I was hungry until just now.”

  My dad folds up his paper, placing it off to the side as he watches me eat my breakfast.

  “Good morning, Tess,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee.

  “Morning, Daddy,” I mutter through a bite of my toast.

  He laughs, making his eyes crinkle in the corners. I take a bite of everything on my plate, humming my pleasure and only pause to take a sip of the orange juice that Andrew just put in my glass.

  “What?” I ask, letting my fork hover over my plate as I look between the two of them.

  “Nothing. It’s just, I’ve never seen you eat so much before,” my dad says, still laughing at me.

  I roll my eyes and wipe my mouth with the napkin. “I told you. I do eat. I just don’t eat when I come over to your house, mainly because of Sharon. She makes me lose my appetite with her condescending comments and opinions about me.”

  He reaches over and pats my hand. “Well, you won’t have to worry about that again. How did you sleep last night?”

  A blush creeps across my cheeks. What dad wants to hear about his daughter sharing a bed with another man? Not that we did anything last night. It’s the mere fact that we are sharing a bed together which causes my brief embarrassment. Most fathers tend to threaten or clean their guns in front of their daughter’s boyfriends. But this is different. He really has taken a liking to Andrew, even though they’ve only met once or twice before this.

  “She was a little fitful but otherwise got some decent sleep,” Andrew answers after I fail to speak up. I turn my head and smile in appreciation while continuing to eat my breakfast, letting my dad and Andrew talk sports and business.

  Once my food is mostly gone, I shove it away and place my hands on my full stomach. “I think I’m good for a while.” Both men laugh and shake their heads. Andrew looks out the window and I follow his gaze, noticing that we’re staying right on the water. We must be in Canal Park, the ever popular tourist section of Duluth. That’s where most of the higher end hotels and shops are, along with some of the best views of Lake Superior.

  “The lake is so beautiful, very calm and surprisingly large. It’s almost like looking out at the ocean,” Andrew observes.

  “This part of the state is really magnificent. The lake, the trees, the hills, all of it placed together in absolute perfection. If you both decide to spend a few extra days up here, you should go on a tour of the area. I’m sure Tessa remembers a few places to go so you can grab the full experience,” my dad says.

  I look over at him and nod. “I think I remember and if not I’m sure we can figure it out. Sightseeing isn’t exactly high on the list of things to do right now and I don’t know how much extra time we’ll have.”

  “I’m sure we’ll have a better timeframe after we speak with the people at the institution and the cremation society” Dad gently clears his throat and leans forward, folding his hands on the table. “Are you sure this is what you want Tess?”

  I nod. “Yes, I’m sure. There’s no point in having a burial. She didn’t have any family, except for me, or us, rather. Cremation just seems like the logical thing to do. Plus we can spread her ashes over the lake.” I look out the window and my heart constricts slightly at the memory. “She always loved the lake.” A lone tear rolls down my cheek, but Andrew brushes it away quickly.

  “Then that’s what we’ll do. Whatever you want, honey.”

  “Thank you, Dad, for being here.” I reach out and grab hold of his hand, squeezing it lightly. With the other, I take Andrew’s hand and squeeze it as well, drawing strength from both the men in my life.

  “No need to thank me, Tessa. You’re my daughter. I’m always here to help when you need me. I’m just sorry it took this long for it to happen.” The sadness in his eyes almost makes me start to cry again.

  “It’s okay. You didn’t know. It’s in the past now and I don’t want to dwell on the past anymore. I think we both need a clean slate, starting now.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Once everything is cleaned up, we head out to the vehicles, ready to make our way downtown.

  “Why don’t we take mine? No sense in bringing two cars down there,” my dad says.

  “Sounds like an excellent idea,” Andrew agrees.

  Andrew lets me sit up front while he folds his body into the backseat of my dad’s car. It’s a short drive so he says he doesn’t mind. We make our way downtown and my chest begins to tighten slightly as we pass the familiar sights from a time I don’t want to remember. Andrew squeezes my shoulder, somehow knowing that this place has mixed memories for me.

  We park in the lot for the institution and walk into the building, greeted by a blast of warm air. It feels
good in contrast to the icy cold wind outside. Somehow I’ve forgotten how much the wind hurts when it blows directly off the lake. The lady behind the registration desk greets us warmly and points us in the direction of the administrator’s office.

  “You can just have a seat in the chairs over there. Mr. Peterson will be with you shortly,” she says, smiling brightly at Andrew. I laugh because no one can resist his charms, not even sixty-year-old receptionists.

  We find three available seats in the waiting area. Andrew sits to my left while my dad sits to my right. Andrew places his hand on mine and I tug them both into my lap, feeling surprisingly calm. The pain doesn’t hurt quite as much today now that I’m here and ready to face everything though I don’t think I could handle another breakdown.

  “How are you holding up?” Andrew asks me.

  I try to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay for now, although if I lose it again at least I’m in the right place.” Both Andrew and my dad stare blankly at me, apparently not amused. “Sorry, bad joke.”

  Well, I thought it was funny. Andrew rolls his eyes in the same way I do to him and it makes me laugh. Wow, tough crowd. Mental note, don’t crack jokes about going crazy while sitting in a mental hospital. Got it.

  A door opens to the right and an older, portly gentleman steps out.

  “Ms. Martin?” he says, extending a hand to me.

  I stand and greet him, shaking his hand in return. “Please, call me Tessa.”

  “Hello, Tessa. I’m George Peterson, the administrator here at the hospital. I first want to give you my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother.”

  Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, I swallow hard and nod. “Thank you.”

  Mr. Peterson then turns to my dad and shakes his hand. “Are you her father?”

  “Yes. Robert Martin.”

  “Very nice to formally meet you.” Mr. Peterson turns to Andrew next.

  “Andrew Parker. I’m Tessa’s boyfriend.”

  “Very pleased to meet you as well,” he says, shaking Andrew’s hand. “Let’s go into my office and we can discuss things further.”

  The three of us follow Mr. Peterson into his office, taking seats in front of the desk that occupies the middle of the room. His office is exactly what I had imagined it would look like. Plaques and certificates adorn the walls, proudly proclaiming his many accomplishments and accolades. A large shelf filled with books takes up the whole wall directly behind his solid wood desk. A small leather couch and round end table sit on one side of the room and more shelves on the opposite side, along with several windows that overlook the lake.

  Mr. Peterson opens a folder on top of a pile and folds his hands over the papers inside. “Tessa, again, I’m very sorry for your loss. I know this is a difficult time for you and that you haven’t had much time to process everything. We will understand if you have any questions regarding how you’d like your mother’s body to be prepared.”

  I nod, reaching for Andrew’s hand in support. “Thank you but I have made a decision in regards to my mother. After discussing it with my dad, we’ve decided that cremation would be the best option.”

  Mr. Peterson nods his head, writing notes on the paper in front of him. “I assumed as much but wanted to make sure. Have you been in contact with the cremation society yet?”

  I look to my dad and he nods. “Yes, I contacted them this morning so they are anticipating her arrival this afternoon.”

  Mr. Peterson scribbles some more notes and then looks at us over the rims of his glasses. “Of course. I will contact them as well and make all the necessary arrangements for you.” He turns his attention back to me and slides several sheets of paper before me. “Tessa, as her next of kin, I just need your signature on a few documents and then I can let you folks be on your way.”

  I nod and start signing my name on the designated lines, reading each paragraph carefully to make sure I understand what I’m signing. Once they are all complete, I hand them back and he places them in the folder.

  “Since Mrs. Martin was a ward of the state, all of her expenses here have been covered.”

  I nod again and blow out a quick breath. “Thank you, Mr. Peterson, for all of your help. Is there anything else we need to do here?”

  He smiles and stands, shaking each of our hands again. “All forms have been signed so there is nothing left to do. Thank you for coming in and I hope you’re able to enjoy the rest of your day.”

  “Same to you,” I say, flashing him a half smile before exiting his office.

  Once we get back to the car, Andrew pauses and wraps me in his arms. “Still okay, love?”

  With a smile, I press my lips to his and nod. “Yes, I’m okay.”

  We decide to take Andrew on a quick tour of the city so my dad drives us around, pointing out different attractions and giving a brief history behind them. We drive up to the Skyline Parkway and follow the winding road as it twists along the rocky hillside, showing the most breathtaking views of the city and lake below.

  After stopping at a little café to eat a late lunch, we drive back to the hotel. My dad retires to his room, saying he needs to contact his friend who is one of the best divorce lawyers in the state. I definitely do not want to be around for that conversation.

  Andrew and I settle onto the bed and decide to watch some TV to pass the time. I curl into his side, resting my head on his shoulder as we channel surf and laugh at some of the dumb commercials we find. After an hour, we get bored and decide to play cards instead. Andrew shuffles the deck and then proceeds to beat me four times at cribbage, a game I had taught him just weeks ago. It makes me laugh and also appreciate these moments because they’re so easy and laid back. I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone before, being able to do absolutely nothing and have it mean so much at the same time.

  Later, we meet my dad for dinner at one of the restaurants down the street. It’s still strange, this newfound relationship with my dad, but the more we spend time together, the more I’m surprised at how quickly we’re falling into our roles of father and daughter. If you saw us together, you’d never know that we didn’t see each other for ten years at some point in my life.

  We leave my dad at his room once again after dinner and Andrew and I decide to walk on the boardwalk along the lakeshore. It’s a rare clear November night, with only a slight chill in the air from the wind blowing off the lake. The moon is high in the evening sky, dancing across the water as it ebbs to the shore, casting a silver glow onto the world below. Stars twinkle and dance above us as we walk hand in hand along the lake. Andrew pulls me close as a gust of wind kicks up and blows my hair every which way, making me laugh as I attempt to tame it down again.

  “Did you really grow up around here?”

  I stick my hand into the back pocket of his jeans and lean closer into his body. “Yeah. We passed by my old apartment on the way to the institution this morning, but the house I grew up in is thirty minutes north of here.”

  “Were you still near the lake?”

  “Sort of. The town was right next to the lake, but I couldn’t see it from our house since we lived on the outskirts of town.” I pause, looking at the water as a memory flashes into my head.

  “When I was little, my mom and I would drive to one of the beaches in town to collect rocks on the warmer summer days. We would spend hours combing every inch of sand and rock, finding those little agates nestled among everything else. I’d wade into the lake but not too far because the water was so cold. I could only stand to be in there for a few minutes before my lips would turn blue and my feet went numb. Then we’d come back to the house and wait for my dad to get home and have dinner together. It wasn’t very often, but it was nice when it happened.”

  Andrew stops and pulls me in front of him, my back to his chest. We watch the waves lap against the sand, listening to the wind and water. There’s a calming effect it’s having on me, especially with Andrew holding me in his arms. “It really is beautiful. I ca
n only imagine what it looks like in the summertime, full of lush green trees and boats on the water.”

  I nod and smile. “It’s beautiful in the summer, but it’s also pretty in the winter when ice forms on some of the bigger rocks by the shore and the trees are covered in a thick blanket of snow. Everything always looks better after the snowfall, when it’s freshly white again. Almost like getting a brand new start.”

  We turn and start walking back to the hotel. Andrew doesn’t say much but just listens to me go on and on about living in this area. I tell him some more happy memories I have of my childhood and skim over the less than pleasant ones. We pause beneath a streetlamp and face each other. Andrew’s hands reach up to brush some hair from my face and I get mesmerized once again by the light reflecting in his eyes, making my heart beat in double time.

  “I can’t wait to build memories like those with you,” he says, pulling me close to his body. The way he looks at me has my blood igniting, sending sparks shooting through the veins just below my skin.

  Unable to resist any longer, we close the distance between us and kiss beneath the light. It starts out soft and slow, as one would expect a kiss in public. But then it shifts and changes, turning heated and passionate as our hands wrap around each other’s bodies, tangling in hair and wandering beneath our coats. The cold wind is gone, along with the outside world, as Andrew becomes the sole focus of mine. The minute our tongues touch and dance together, intense desire settles low in my body. Andrew feels it too because his breathing changes and his fingers dig deep into my hips, pulling me tight against his body.

  “Let’s go back and make a new memory right now,” he says, trailing his lips along my jaw line.

  Somehow I’m able to respond as my eyes flutter between that happy place of open and closed when his lips press against my skin. “Hurry,” I whisper and feel his smile against the pulsing vein in my neck.

  With a tug of my hand, we practically run back to the hotel, pausing only to put the Do Not Disturb tag on our door before falling into bed and creating our memory.