Fated to be Mine

by Larson, Jodie

  MY DAD RECEIVES THE CALL from the cremation society about mid-afternoon the next day, letting us know that my mother is ready for us. To me, it seems so sudden, but I suppose after having arrangements made, and possibly my dad’s name thrown around, there wasn’t a whole lot to do. It’s not as if we were planning a burial or memorial. We just needed the cremation services.

  “Where would you like to spread her ashes?” my dad asks me.

  Holding the urn in my hands, my mind blanks for a moment as it tries to grasp the reality of the situation. I’m holding my mother in my arms for the last time and now have to decide where she’s going to rest. We had already agreed the lake was the best place but now that the moment has arrived, it seems surreal. Almost like it’s not really happening.

  “Tessa?” Andrew asks, rubbing my back gently.

  “Home. We need to go back home, back to Burlington Bay. That was her favorite place to go look at the lake in town.”

  They both nod and Andrew helps me into the front seat of my dad’s car. The drive will only take about a half hour, but it could be the longest half hour of my life. So many emotions swirl through my body, making it difficult to pinpoint one that wants to take dominance. But over everything else, there’s a peace about the whole thing because I know this is the final journey with my mom, where I can let go of everything that’s happened between us.

  We drive in silence for most of the way. Andrew asks a few questions, but I stay quiet, staring out the window as the scenery passes us by. It’s been eight years since I’ve stepped foot in this town and it appears nothing has changed. The same small shops greet you as you drive through town, along with some familiar faces. Even with the November winds blowing, the town is still busy, getting ready for the snow to hit and the tourists to come back for their winter activities.

  Burlington Bay is on the other side of town, tucked into a secluded little spot where rocks jut out and dip into the lake. It’s quiet and peaceful, a perfect place to lay my mom to rest.

  I exit the car first, walking slowly through the sand as my shoes sink with each step I take toward the water’s edge. Andrew joins me about halfway down the beach, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as I cling to the urn in my hands. My dad appears on the other side and we pause, taking a good look at our surroundings. Birds fly overhead and the waves lap against the sand, ebbing and flowing with ease. The wind blows my hair around my face as I amble to the water’s edge. Whitecaps tip the waves further out and I stop and watch them roll to greet us.

  “Do you need any help?” my dad asks.

  I shake my head and give a sad smile. “No, I’ve got this. I took care of her for so long …” I start, breaking off as tears threaten to fall.

  Andrew’s hand rests on my shoulder, comforting me. I lean my head against him quickly and smile. “If you need me, I’m right here,” he says, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

  “I know.”

  “I love you,” he whispers before joining my dad back up at the top of the beach.

  There’s something comforting about hearing those words pass from another person’s lips. They fill up every crack and crevice of your body until you’re whole again. Even though they’re just words, they’re powerful words. Words that can destroy but also rebuild and heal. And that’s what he does to me every time he says them. He’s healing me.

  But for now, there’s another piece of me that needs to rebuild and heal. I need to let my mother go, to forgive her for the wrongdoings of my childhood because she wasn’t herself. She wasn’t the mother of my earlier years. Just a broken shell of a woman who was lost in her own world where nothing mattered and no one could reach her, not even me.

  I clutch the urn tighter against my chest as I approach the water. The wind dies down to a dull breeze, almost as if it knows there’s something more powerful happening at this moment. I can barely feel the chill in the air as I stare into the vast expanse of water before me. Waves lap against my boots, dragging sand from the shore to the lake as it swirls into the darkness of the water.

  I grip the top of the smooth blue urn, lifting it gently to reveal what’s left of my mom.

  “I love you, Mommy,” I whisper. I press my lips lightly against the smooth surface on the side, giving her one final kiss.

  Lifting my face to the heavens in a silent prayer, I spread her ashes before me. The waves pull the ashes underneath, washing her away and setting her free. I place the lid back on the urn and blow a kiss to the air. “Goodbye, Mom.”

  I turn back to where Andrew and my dad are standing, each giving me a sad smile. But the weight of my emotions comes crashing down upon my shoulders and I’m unable to keep the pain inside me any longer. I drop to my knees, hitting the cold sand and sob uncontrollably.

  Andrew is instantly by my side and I instinctively turn to him, crying into his shoulders as his arms wrap around me, enveloping me with his love. I cling to his neck, grieving for the loss of my mother and also the release of my childhood. I let everything go to finally be free from the weight it’s always put on me. When my sobs subside, Andrew cradles my face, letting his thumbs brush away the remaining tears that trickle down my cheeks. Our lips meet as we hold each other, both of us kneeling in the cold sand. He helps me to my feet and we walk back to my dad, who also has tears streaming down his face, looking just as broken as I do.

  I hand Andrew the empty urn and walk to my dad, throwing my arms around him. We comfort each other and close the rift between us until it’s no more.

  “I’m so sorry I left you alone to care for your mother. I honestly didn’t know she was that bad. If I had I known I would have helped the both of you. But when she called me after receiving the first check when the divorce was final and told me to not bother with her or you anymore, I knew something was wrong. Then she closed the bank account, leaving me with no indication that she had another. I was at a loss. But my pride was too big to admit my wrongdoing and I ignored her. I ignored you. And I will forever regret that decision because you were an innocent child and deserved her parent’s love.”

  I hold him tighter, wanting to let him know that I’ve forgiven him. “It’s okay, Dad. You didn’t know, and I’m okay now. My childhood formed me into the adult I am today and I wouldn’t change anything about me.” I glance over at Andrew with a smile. “Everything happens for a reason. Some call it luck. I call it fate. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

  He lets me go and hands me back to Andrew with a smile as he looks at us. “Yes, honey, I believe that things happen for a reason. At the time, you don’t fully understand it but eventually you’re shown the way.”

  I brush off the remaining sand from my clothes and take the urn back from Andrew. We walk back to my dad’s car with my arm looped through Andrew’s. As we pull away from the lake, heading back towards Duluth, peace falls over me. One I have been searching for over the last few years of my life. In death comes new life and with new life comes hope. Hope of something better, doing things differently, and learning from your mistakes. Today I healed my soul by letting my mom go and finding comfort in my dad. But that soul is no longer mine. No, I have given that soul to someone else when I was in London, along with my heart.

  I reach my hand back over my seat, seeking out Andrew’s. He wraps his hand around mine and I squeeze, just needing the connection.

  We make small talk on the short drive back to the hotel. My dad tells us his divorce attorney has the papers ready for him to sign as soon as he gets back to Minneapolis. Apparently he drew up a rough draft on his computer a few weeks ago and was just waiting for the right time to send them to his friend. I talk about some of the newer contracts I’ve acquired and my strategy for helping them grow their business and get in contact with several builders. Dad gives me a few names of people who could also help, which is huge because I never had a contact on the inside with a few of them since they’re so exclusive.

  “Anything to help you out, honey,” he says, smiling at me. H
is eyes flicker to the backseat and connect with Andrew. “How is your project going, Andrew?”

  “It’s going well. Everything is progressing smoothly on this end and it sounds like it will be completed by May or June.”

  “So all of your contracts have been signed and things are ready to go?” he asks.

  Andrew nods. “They are.”

  “What are your plans now that this project is virtually complete for you?”

  My stomach drops because I didn’t realize that Andrew’s job over here is basically complete. He’s signed all his contracts and made sure everything is set up. There’s no reason why he can’t foresee the project from London. But his hand reaches up and squeezes my arm as if he knew what my riotous mind was thinking.

  “I have a couple of things lined up actually. I just started the process on a new venture that should keep me here for a long time,” he says.

  I turn in my seat, needing to look at his face. He just smiles, not giving anything away.

  “What new venture?” I ask, puzzled.

  Andrew leans forward and brushes his lips softly across mine. “It appears that Charles and Priscilla have agreed that an office will be needed here to manage all the centers we’re planning to open in the U.S.” He pauses and looks to my dad, who silently nods his approval. “And they agree that I am just the person to lead the way.”

  I stare at him, dumbstruck because I can’t believe what he’s saying. Is this real?

  “So you’re staying here?”

  He nods and runs a finger gently down my cheek. “Yes, love, I’m staying here. No more traveling around the world, only within the States, and not for extended periods of time since my role will be different now.”

  “What about your position in London?”

  “They’ve already promoted another promising intern, the same way they promoted me.”

  I blink a few more times, still trying to wrap my mind around this.

  “What about your home? Your family?”

  His thumb gently brushes across my bottom lip. “They are just a plane ride away. Besides, my home is with you. Is it all right if I stay here with you forever?”

  I laugh and grab his hand, kissing his knuckles the same way he does my own, not caring that my dad is witnessing this whole event.

  “It’s more than all right. It’s perfect.”

  ANDREW IS CLINGING ONTO ME for what appears to be dear life with his legs and arms banded tightly around me. I’m so hot that I feel almost faint. I attempt to disengage his body from mine, peeling an arm off my stomach only to have it return with force, pulling me closer into the hardness of his chest. A grumble erupts low in his throat as his lips kiss the back of my head.

  “No, stay here. I’m comfortable,” he says. I laugh and lightly elbow him in the side.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re comfortable. Could you at least turn down your internal furnace a little? I’m dying over here.”

  He laughs, rolling me onto my back as he presses his body against mine. Vibrant blue eyes meet mine as a slow, lazy smile brightens his face.

  “Good morning, love.” Andrew leans down, kissing the tip of my nose. But that’s not enough for me so I grab his neck and pull him down closer, peppering kisses along his jaw, following an invisible line to his ear before curling around and finding his mouth.

  “Good morning,” I say, watching his eyes dilate with desire at my sudden morning assault. “What time is checkout? I’m assuming we’re leaving around the same time as my dad?”

  He shakes his head and runs his fingers through the hair fanned out beneath me. “We are not. I’ve arranged for us to stay another night. I want to take your mind off things and to relax a bit. Create new memories up here, happier ones,” he says, brushing his nose against mine. “So we’re taking a mini holiday.”

  I blink at him a few times, twisting my lips in confusion.

  “A holiday?”

  “Yes, love. A holiday. After the intensity of the past few days, you need a break to relax and center yourself again. What better way to do that than by showing me the beauty in this area.”

  I wrap my arms around his shoulders and tilt my head back as his lips trail down my neck. “Mmm, that sounds like fun. But do we have to leave the room? Can’t we just find the beauty in here?”

  “Oh, I plan on exploring the beauty in here as well.”

  His mouth moves further south down my body. I throw my head back on a gasp as he connects with a rather sensitive spot, creating a familiar pull low in my stomach. Exploring outside of this room is forgotten as stars appear before my eyes and we explore each other instead.

  Once we clean ourselves up, we meet my dad downstairs in the lobby around noon. Throwing my arms around him, I hug him tight and place a kiss upon his cheek.

  “Thank you so much for being here. I don’t think I could have done it without your help.”

  He kisses the top of my head and releases his hold on me. “I’m glad I was here too. How about the three of us start instituting family dinner night on Sundays?”

  “Three?” I ask.

  He laughs at my puzzled look. “Yes, three. As in you, me, and Andrew.”

  “I would love that. What do you think, Andrew?” I turn to glance at his smiling face. He pulls me into his side with a laugh.

  “Sounds wonderful. It would be my honor to be invited to your family dinners.”

  The two men shake hands and smile at each other, passing a silent communication between them again. I told myself I wasn’t going to dwell on it and just let fate work her magic, so I roll my eyes and thank the heavens they get along so well instead.

  My dad picks up his suitcase and, with a final wave, walks out of the hotel toward his car. I turn to Andrew and pull the knit cap lower on his head, making sure his ears stay covered. He performs a similar check on me, making sure my fleece headband is securely over my ears.

  “Ready to explore?” I ask.

  He nods, kissing me quickly before grabbing my gloved hand and dragging me outside into the bitter cold wind. We walk around Canal Park, exploring the different shops and taking in the various smells coming from each restaurant we pass. A ship comes into the harbor and we run as fast as we can to watch it pass beneath the lift bridge. It’s a huge tanker, more than likely ready to carry a load of iron ore through the channels and out to sea. Salties are not uncommon ships around here though a lot of the business just goes from one great lake to another. Once the bridge is lowered, we walk the length of the harbor and stand at the lighthouse on the end while admiring the open water before us. Andrew holds me from behind, wrapping his arms around my stomach and kissing any open area of skin he can find around my neck.

  Once our bodies seem almost frozen solid, we head back to the hotel to grab the car, wanting to move this little exploration elsewhere. Plus, the car has heat. It’s much nicer to explore when you’re not a popsicle.

  We make several stops around town, some places to eat, some to stretch our legs and walk a bit. We go back up to the Skyline Parkway and climb Enger Tower, allowing us a bird’s eye view of the entire city below. Afterward, we stop at one of the observation sites along the road and just stare at the twinkling lights of the city, dotting along the water.

  “It’s beautiful here, Tessa. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it before. Just the vastness of the lake once it gets away from the city and the shoreline is amazing.”

  I nod and smile. “When you think of a lake, you think of this small body of water, something you could putter around in a boat and see every side of it. But here, there’s just nothing but water as far as you can see. Except Wisconsin over there,” I say, pointing to the bridges that connect the two states and the hills on the other side of the water. “Looking back on it now, I do feel lucky that I grew up in this area. Of course being the age that I was, I didn’t appreciate it properly but now that I’m an adult, I can sit back and look at what’s around me. Maybe this summer we can come back up here and hik
e in some of the state parks. There are a couple of them that even have waterfalls we can explore.”

  “I’d like that. But for now, I think I need to explore something else,” Andrew says, unhooking my seatbelt and dragging my body over to straddle his lap. In an instant, our jackets are off and our hands are on each other, slipping beneath our clothing as our mouths connect and explore. I love the way he feels as my hands roam underneath his sweater, feeling each and every muscle tense and relax from my feather light touch. Grinding my hips into his, I feel his arousal press into my core, causing me to gasp into his mouth. There’s no light or sound except for our breaths and beating hearts. We devour each other like a couple of lust hungry teenagers who snuck out of the house to make out without being caught.

  As if someone was reading my thoughts, bright red and blue lights flash behind us, flooding the car with color. We pull away from each other when a rapping noise is heard from the driver’s side window. Andrew sits up as I scramble off his lap, trying gracefully to get into my seat and failing miserably.

  “Good evening you two,” the officer says. He bends down low, showing us his uniform and graying hair, stocky build, and slightly amused smile.

  “Oh, good evening officer. Um, is there something we can help you with?” I ask, feeling the flush of embarrassment taking over my face.

  “I saw your car parked here and was wondering if you were having any car troubles.”

  Andrew shakes his head. “No, no troubles, officer. We were just … observing the scenery.” Andrew barely gets the sentence out with a smirk. I bite my lip to stifle my own laugh while Andrew does a very awkward cough to hide his.

  The officer shakes his head and lets out a small chuckle himself. “Might I suggest a different spot to observe the scenery? Perhaps one not quite so public?”

  I have to turn my head away so I don’t bust out laughing because this whole entire scenario is too funny. Here I am, a straight-laced girl who has never done anything wrong in her life, never broken a rule or done anything even remotely lewd in public, meets a handsome man and suddenly I’m doing public displays of affection and getting busted by the cops.