by Evelyn Guy
“Not exactly, Sugar. It has more to do with you. I want to talk to you about staying with me for a while. You see, your mom will probably be in the hospital for a longer time this time. Would you like to stay here?”
“I guess. I don’t know where else I would stay, other than at home by myself. I could stay here, I guess.”
“Good. You know I am licensed for fostering care, don’t you?”
“Yes-s-s.” Christine wasn’t sure she liked how this conversation was going. She didn’t want to be taken away from her mother. It would be okay while her mother was in the hospital, but her mother needed her when she was at home. “Why? What do you have in mind?”
“I don’t want to take you away from your mother.” Ms. Mabry seemed to sense Christine’s thoughts. “I just want to care for you while your mother is gone. She is not able to sign any paperwork right now because she is not herself. I have talked to my social worker at DHR and they will let me keep you as a foster child while your mother is gone. When she gets out, she will get you back. It is just so I can sign papers for school, if you are sick, or anything like that. I am NOT trying to take you away from your mother. You do understand that, don’t you?”
“I guess.” Christine wasn’t so sure. It sounded a little dangerous. Her mother had always said the less they let people know of their business the safer they would be. Christine felt really uncomfortable that Ms. Mabry had contacted DHR. Especially since she and her mother had just had that discussion. But, she also knew Ms. Mabry wouldn’t do anything to hurt them. At least, she wouldn’t do anything intentionally. But, maybe she didn’t know how bad things were at home. If DHR knew, they might not let her go home when her mom got back.
“If you don’t want to do it, honey, I will call and tell them you want to just stay her a while without being my foster child. It is up to you. But, if you get sick or something, they may step in and take you somewhere else. I just want to protect you and your mother.”
“Okay. Tell them I want to do it. But, I want to go home as soon as my mother get out of the hospital.”
“I can let you stay with her during the day, but we will have to let the social worker decide when you can go back full time. It won’t be as easy as just walking over like it is now. But, it will be more security for you. I need to tell you that if your mother is not much better this time, they may not let you go back until she gets better. I don’t want to deceive you about that.”
“Is there a chance they won’t ever let me go home?”
“There is some chance of that. But, only if your mother doesn’t get better. If she is as bad as she has been lately, they probably won’t let you go home. Your mom is not staying long enough in the hospital to get better. She needs to stay until she is well enough to function at home. Maybe her knowing she can’t get you back until she is much better will help her decide to stay longer in the hospital.”
It all sounded reasonable to Christine. She had often felt her mother didn’t get well enough before she came home, so that was why she kept getting sick. She would get to feeling a little better then force them to let her come home. Christine hated doing her mother like this, but she felt it would help her mother in the long run. So, she decided she would go ahead with the plan.
“Okay, I will do it. I just hope my mom understands why I am doing it.”
“She may not at first, while she is still so sick. But, I think later she will understand that you have done what you could to help her get better. You can’t do it at home. She needs to be in the hospital. If she knows she has to stay there until she is able to care for you, then maybe she will stay. You are doing the right thing, I believe.” Christine certainly hoped so. She wasn’t so sure. It almost felt like she was betraying her mother.
The next day they went just after lunch to visit with her mother. Her mother paced the room, mumbling and wringing her hands. She babbled mostly nonsense, but occasionally Christine caught the gist of her words. She was complaining about them trying to trick her and take her daughter. Christine’s heart squeezed hard when her mom said that. She didn’t think they had been to see her mom yet, but maybe her mom sensed what was happening. She knew her mom would never trust her again. Was it all worth it? Maybe her mom would never be okay again. But, she did know that any chance her mother had was to stay in the hospital and get help. She knew that her mother wouldn’t stay unless she had to in order to get her daughter back. So, she really was doing the right think. It just felt so painful. She was so confused.
“Have you finished visiting already?” Ms. Mabry asked when Christine walked up. She had only stayed a few minutes.
“Yes, Mom doesn’t really know I am there. She is lost in her own world right now. I just left.”
“I am so sorry, Honey. Maybe tomorrow she will be better.” Christine almost cried again at the caring voice. She had done lots of crying lately. It must be becoming a habit with her.
Shortly after they got home, a social worker from DHR came to talk with her. She didn’t really know what to tell her, but just decided to be open and honest. She was so tired of trying to hide her mom’s condition, and make it seem like they were a normal family. The social worker talked with her for a long time. She then went to her room and the social worker talked with Ms. Mabry. When she got ready to leave, she called to Christine.
“I am going to talk to your mother, Christine, and see if we can get her to agree to your staying with Ms. Mabry. I will talk to her tomorrow or the next day at the hospital. If the doctor agrees that she is capable of making the decision, she can just sign the paperwork to let Ms. Mabry be your temporary foster mother. We will look at the situation with your mother’s condition every 90 days, and when your mom is capable, we will let her take you back home. In the meantime, you will be free to visit her whenever you wish. Is that okay with you? Do you agree to all this?”
“Yes, I think so.” Christine was so tired of making decisions and trying to figure out what was best that she was ready to let someone else do it for her. She knew she could trust Ms. Mabry, and this lady seemed very trustworthy. It was time she began to trust others. She was too tired to worry about it any more. If it was wrong, then it would just have to be wrong. She just hoped her mother would understand.
CHAPTER FIVE
When Ms. Mabry dropped Christine off at her house that afternoon, the message light was flashing on the phone. Christine went to check the messages. Maybe her mother had called. Sometimes when she was in the hospital and got to feeling a little better, she would call Christine. But, she should know that what times she would be in school. It probably wasn’t her mother. It really hadn’t been long enough for her mother to feel well enough to call. She was a little apprehensive as she pushed the play button.
“Christine? This is David Jameson. I am your father. Your mother asked me to call you. Seems there is some problem in the family and she wants me to check on you, maybe help you out for a while. She called me from the hospital. She is having another episode, but she is worried about not being able to care for you. She wants me to bring you home with me for a while. I’ll call back later today. I forgot you would still be in school.”
Christine turned off the answer machine, lost in a fog of shock. Why had her mother called her father? And what made her mother think he would care for her now. She had always said what a nogood bum he was. What made her think he would help now? Why even bother him? They were doing fine. Christine could take care of things just like she always had. Was something new going on with her mom? Maybe she wasn’t going to get to come home again. Christine was scared now. She didn’t want to see her father, yet in a way she was curious about him. But, he couldn’t take her to live with him. That would be living with a stranger. She wouldn’t do it. No one could make her. Mom would help her. She just had to this time. Maybe for once her mother would be responsible about something. Christine had to go see her. Even though Ms. Mabry couldn’t take her until later, she had to go now. She had to talk to her moth
er. She would find a way to get there.
When Christine got to the hospital, having begged Heather’s mother to drive her, she found her mother more lucid than she had been in a while.
“Mom, what is this about calling my dad. I thought you said he was a bum. Why did you call him?”
“Honey, I can’t care for you. I am going to lose you if I don’t do something. A lady from the Department of Human Resources came to talk to me today. I have to let him take you until I get well.”
“Why, Mom. We are doing fine. I can handle what you can’t.”
“You have handled things very well. But, you are a young girl. You shouldn’t have to take care of me. And, I am not well enough to care for you or myself. I need to stay here for a while until I get well. Please understand that I love you and am doing this to protect you. I will lose you otherwise.”
“I don’t understand. How will you lose me? And, why can’t we stay like we were. We were doing fine.”
“Not really, sugar. We haven’t had a normal life since right after you were born. But, it has gotten much worse. Ms. Mabry called DHR and they want to put you in a foster home. I don’t want that for you. It is better if your father takes you. And, it is only for a short while.”
“I don’t want anyone to have me but you. Why can’t I just stay home until you get out of here? School is almost out. Ms. Mabry would be glad to take me to and from school, I am sure.”
“That won’t work. You are only sixteen. You can’t stay alone for long periods of time like that. You dad will be good to you. He doesn’t know you. We made an agreement when you were born. He wanted a divorce to marry another woman. I gave it to him if he would give up all rights to you. He was not to have visitation rights or anything. But, now you need him. He will be good to you, Christine. I just know it. He will fall in love with you when he gets to know you. He can’t help it. You are a sweet young girl. He will love you like I do.”
“How can he? He doesn’t know me and I don’t know him. I don’t want to live with him. You can’t do this to me, Mom. You just can’t.” Christine stormed out of the hospital room, slamming the door so hard that a nurse at the nurse’s station way down the hall gave her a very stern look. Christine ran down the stairs to Ms. Mabry’s car. Ms. Mabry was visiting a friend. Christine would just wait here for her. She began to sob uncontrollably. Her whole life was falling apart. She just wanted to run away and never come back. How could her life get so messed up? What had she done wrong?
“How do you spell schizophrenia?” Christine asked Mrs. Grey several days later. It was the last day of school and Mrs. Grey had told them to write on an index card anything they would like for a writer to write about. Christine didn’t even have to think about that one. She wanted someone to write about a girl and her schizophrenic mother. But, she wanted the story to have a happy ending. She wanted to know how a girl could be successful in dealing with a mother with such an illness. Certainly differently than she herself had.
“Do you know someone with schizophrenia?” Mrs. Grey seemed calm and sincere enough with this question. Still, Christine’s heart pounded when she answered. What if Mrs. Grey thought badly of her after she found out? After all, she had failed miserably in handling things.
“Yes. My mother has it.”
The look on Mrs. Grey’s face told Christine that she understood, and least a little.
“I understand what you are talking about. My son has schizophrenia. At least, it is suspected he does. He is only fourteen, so they are still deciding. But, they tell me that is probably what he has.”
Christine couldn’t imagine a young child living with the illness her mother had. Still, it made her feel safe in talking to Mrs. Grey. Mrs. Grey was sort of cool. She was the coolest teacher Christine had. She talked to her students, and seemed to understand, or at least make an effort to try.
“I know it gets bad for you at times. I know how it can affect the family. I will probably write your story first.” Mrs. Grey told the class one day that she was writing novels for young adults. She wanted to know what sort of books they wanted to read. Christine thought that was cool of Mrs. Grey to do that.
“It gets really bad. I have to go live with my dad for the summer.” There was no time frame on how long she had to live with her dad, but it made it easier to pretend she was going just for the summer. Lots of kids spent the summers with their dads. It made Christine feel more normal.
“That’s not so bad, is it? “
”Yeah, ‘cause I don’t know him. I have seen him two times in the past two weeks. I am staying with a neighbor until school is out, then I will go live with him. CHAPTER SIX
Christine went to live with her father and Janet, her stepmother, weekend after school was out. Her stepmother was sort of cool, but Christine didn’t want to get too close to her. It would be like betraying her mother. Her mother loved her a lot. Christine didn’t want to admit that she enjoyed being with her stepmother.
Her stepmother was like her mother was when her mother first got home from the hospital and was on her medicine. Except Janet was always like that. Her mom was only like that for a few months, then would go back to her old self.
Janet had taken her to the mall and gotten her lots of new clothes, had her hair done, and even taken her to a makeup studio for a facial. She had never worn makeup even though other girls her age wore it all the time. She really liked the way she looked. After the facial, Janet had taken her to a fancy sit-down restaurant to celebrate her new look. Christine and her mom always went to a fast food place. Mom couldn’t stand being in a restaurant with all the people around.
All that summer Christine, Janet, and her father did fun things together. Her father didn’t have much to do with her, as he was always working and was often gone on a business trip. He traveled for his job, and was gone a couple of weeks at a time. He came home for a weekend and then was gone again. Janet said she used to go with him, but would rather stay home with her. She said traveling wasn’t all it was professed to be. Christine didn’t know if that was true, or if Janet just said that to keep her from feeling bad.
One night Christine heard Janet and her father arguing over something that devastated her and made her realize she had to get back home somehow.
“I didn’t ask to become a father to a sixteenyear-old. I have my own life. I don’t need this.”
“You became a father to that sixteen-year-old child when she was born. You just chose to shirk that position.”
“You knew I gave her up to marry you.”
“Yes, but I had never met her then. She needs you, Roger. You can’t just turn your back on her.”
“Sure I can. I gave up my parental rights. That what Amy wanted. It is too late to be a daddy now. I can’t do it. I miss having you with me on trips. It is too lonely by myself.”
“I miss going, too. You don’t know what it is like to be stuck her caring for a child that is not even my own. But she needs us too much. This is not about you. It is about her and her need for a family. You know Amy can’t care for her. She will never be able to. She is deteriorating. She can’t care for herself, much less a child.”
“Then let her go to a foster home. There are good ones around. She might even get adopted by a good family who really wants kids. I don’t want kids. We both made that decision a long time ago. Why should I let her change that?”
“Because she is your flesh and blood and she needs you.”
“She is not my responsibility. I don’t want her.”
“Neither do I. But I don’t see that we have any choice.”
Christine buried her head under the covers, trying to shut out the hurtful words she heard. She would not stay her another day. She didn’t have to live where she wasn’t wanted. It was better to have to care for her sick mother than to stay her where they didn’t want her. She began to cry softly, so as not to be heard. She would sleep tonight, then make plans tomorrow to take charge of her own life.
She hadn’t
seen her mother in several weeks. The adults had all decided she would settle in better if she didn’t see her mother. Of course, no one had asked her opinion. They just decided without her input. Maybe it wasn’t so great to have someone take care of you after all. It meant you had no choices. At least, with her mother, she pretty much did what she wanted. Her mother didn’t really care.
Christine woke very early the next morning, before either her father or step mother got up. She had slept fitfully. Early in the night she kept being awakened by her father and step mother arguing. Then, after they went to bed she had lain awake for some time, planning how to make her escape this morning. She still didn’t have a plan. She just knew she needed to get up and get started on whatever she was going to do before they got up. Even though they didn’t want her, she would still have to come up with some plan they agreed with. If she just left, setting her own plan up, they would be more agreeable to it, she felt.
“Ms. Mabry, you said something once about taking care of me for a while. Do you still want to do that?” Christine asked. She knew it was okay to call this early. Ms. Mabry was always up before it got daylight. She got up and did her morning Bible study, then got some writing in before her family got up.
“Sure, honey. But, aren’t you happy at your dad’s?”
“Not really. They don’t want me here. I just want to come home.”
“You know you can’t stay there by yourself. You can’t really stay there with your mother any more. It is not right. She can’t care for you at all.”
“I know. That is what they say. But, I could stay with you and that is almost like being home.”
“Wait and let me talk to your father. I will call him later. I know they sleep late. Don’t say or do anything. I will take care of it. Would you like to stay with me for a long time?”
“You mean like the foster children? You mean, be a foster child?”
“Well, yes, if that is okay with you. I can talk to your dad about it.”