by Evelyn Guy
“I would love it.” Christine had always been secretly jealous of the foster-children that Ms. Mabry had from time to time. They came and went, staying varying times with Ms. Mabry until their home situation improved, or until they went to live with relatives.
“Just let me take care of it. I will call your dad later. Don’t leave. Just go about your day as usual.” Christine decided to got back to bed. She needed to catch up on the sleep she had missed last night. If Ms. Mabry was taking care of it, she didn’t have anything to worry about.
Ms. Mabry called in the middle of the morning. Christine knew that’s who it was because Janet asked if she wanted to speak to Christine. Evidently she wanted to speak to Janet instead, as they started discussing something. Christine, of course, only heard one side of the conversation and had to piece together the rest.
“...”
“I would have to talk to my husband, but I am sure he would be in agreement. Both of us are finding it hard having a child all of a sudden. Especially a teenaged one.”
“...”
“I’ll call him as soon as we hang up. Then I’ll call you right back. Can you give me your number?” Christine watched Janet scramble to find pencil and paper in the drawer of the phone table. “Sure. I will call you immediately. We are both eager to find something agreeable to all of us. We love Christine, but want what is best for her as well as us. It sounds like you have a good idea. I’ll get back to you within a half hour at least.”
Janet hung up the phone with a look of joy on her face. “Yes!” she exclaimed. “Our problems are over.”
Christine went into her bedroom while Janet called her dad. She knew what was up, and was glad that Ms. Mabry was going to take her, as she knew that was what Ms. Mabry had proposed. Still, it hurt to know how eager her step mom and her dad were to get rid of her. She knew she was a burden to them, but she didn’t want to hear how overjoyed they seemed to be to get rid of her. It hurt too much. Ms. Mabry would never have reacted that way, Christine was sure of that.
“Christine, we need to talk.” Janet and her dad entered her room. Christine had hid out in there, waiting for their talk, which she knew was coming. Janet twisted her ring on her finger, then pulled her shirt down in the back. Both were traits of nervousness in Janet. Christine could have made it easier on Janet by letting her know she wasn’t opposed to the plan, but some unknown sense prevented her from reassuring her. Her dad stood stoically by Janet’s side. He always let Janet bear the brunt of any unpleasant task. Christine had picked up on that soon after coming here to live. It was almost as if Janet were her mother and her Dad her step dad.
She wanted them, Janet and her dad, to suffer some of what she was feeling. She didn’t say a word, just watched them with wide, innocent eyes as Janet struggled to say what she was trying to say.
“Christine, we love having you here, your dad and I. We really do.” Not! Christine thought. But, she let Janet continue with her lie. “We don’t feel like we can give you what you need, though. We have never had kids. We never intended to have any. It is really hard to have a teenager when you are not used to kids at all. Surely you understand that.”
Christine did, but didn’t plan on letting Janet and her dad know that. She knew how hard it had been for her here. True, she and Janet had many good memories of the summer. But, it wasn’t like a parent/child thing. It was more like a friendship.
“Ms. Mabry has expressed a desire to take you in her home as her foster child. It won’t be through the state, so we can dissolve it at any time we want. Your mom and dad will have full legal custody of you. Ms. Mabry will just have custodial care of you”
“You will stay on my insurance,” her dad continued. “Your mom and I will share financial responsibility for you. Although, with your mom’s problems, it will probably only be me supporting you. But, I don’t mind. I do love you. It is just that a teenager doesn’t fit in our lives at this time. That is not to say we won’t ever have you here. Just not right now.”
Christine hoped they never had her back here. She wanted to stay with Ms. Mabry, and with her mom when her mom came home from the hospital.
“You understand, don’t you,” Janet asked.
“Sure. When do I go to Ms. Mabry’s?”
“Whenever you want,” Janet said. “We can get your stuff together whenever you are ready.”
“Can I go this morning?”
“Sure, but your clothes are not all washed.”
“I can take them dirty. I can do my own laundry.” She had been doing her own and her mother’s for years.
Ms. Mabry came over and got Christine just before lunch. They went to LaTaco for lunch. Both she and Ms. Mabry loved Mexican. Christine didn’t often get to go out to eat, so this was a special treat for her. It made the move even more of a celebration, though it wasn’t necessary. Christine was thrilled to be going to live with Ms. Mabry.
At lunch, Ms. Mabry explained to Christine that her mother wasn’t giving up any rights to her, but was just giving Ms. Mabry permission to be her caretaker. If they went through DHR, she might lose custody of Christine, and none of them wanted that. Christine appreciated Ms. Mabry for trying to keep her mother in the decision. She loved her mother, and didn’t want to give her mother up. She just wanted someone to care for her for a while. She would get stronger, then when her mother came home she would be able to better care for her. She wouldn’t let her go back into the hospital. She would give her the medicine and keep up with what her mother needed to stay well and out of the hospital.
Ms. Mabry showed Christine to her room when they got home. She had slept her from time to time, but it wasn’t her room at the time. It was special that now it was her own room. Ms. Mabry told her she could change the colors, etc. if she wanted. But, she wouldn’t dare. It was beautiful. The comforter was a beautiful patchwork quilt design, with pink, purple and green colors. It was a combination of floral and geometric print. One-third of the squares were floral, one-third checked, and one-third plaid, all in the three colors. The wall was painted a soft rosy pink with a green chair rail separating it from the plaid wallpaper in a plaid that matched the comforter. Ruffled white curtains set off the recessed window, with a window seat below. What a wonderful place to sit and read, Christine thought. It was very different from her drab beige walls and blue blanket she used for a bedspread. Her bed at home was just a single mattresson the floor with the blanket as a spread. Her bed was a full size bed, high off the floor, with a huge four poster frame. Christine felt like a queen as she flounced on the fluffy pile of pillows in everycolor and design seen in the room. It was all she could have asked for in a room. Christine walked over to the entertainment system and turned on the radio. She noticed several CD’s and made a note to check them out later. Right now, she just wanted to lie on the bed and listen to music and think about all that was happening to her right now.
“Christine? Wake up, darling.” Christine didn’t realize she had fallen asleep. She guessed the stress of the past few weeks had caught up to her. “It is almost dinner time. Get ready and then come down to dinner.”
Christine washed up, changed her clothes, then went down to dinner. They had steak tips in gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, carrot souffle. They had brownies and milk for dessert. Christine ate like she hadn’t eaten in some time. She guessed getting settled in a comfortable situation had given her a better appetite. She hadn’t eaten much lately. She had been too sad and stressed about her life.
“We will go see your mother after we clean up from dinner,” Ms. Mabry told her over dessert. “That is, if you want to go.”
“I do. Dad and Janet didn’t always take me to see her. I miss her. I will be glad when she gets home.”
“I know, honey, but that may be quite a while from now. We’ll talk about that when we get home tonight. I want to tell you about some of our plans.”
Christine was excited to get to visit with her mother. Ms. Mabry went in with her this time, which was
very unusual. Usually Ms. Mabry sat in the waiting room and let them visit alone. Soon, though, Christine understood why. Ms. Mabry brought up the subject first, but her mother picked up on it immediately. They were talking about the arrangement with Ms. Mabry for keeping Christine.
“I don’t want to give up my parental rights at this time. I need time to think about it.”
“I understand. Just think about what is best for Christine, though. I didn’t mean to discuss this here, as Christine is not aware of what we have discussed. But, since you brought it up, we will have to. Christine,” Ms. Mabry said, turning to her. “Your mom and I are discussing my adopting you. It is hard for your mom to make that decision. So, nothing is definite yet. How do you feel about that?”
“I...I don’t know,” Christine stammered. It was great at Ms. Mabry’s, but she was not her mom. “What will happen to mom if you adopt me? Who will take care of her? She needs me.”
“Your mom is considering some options to help herself. One is a managed care apartment complex, where she will be supervised by adults, nurses and others, who will see she takes her medicines, and try and help her find a job she can do. They will help her become a productive individual. They will teach her to care for her physical needs as well. But, they don’t take mothers with children.”
“So, if I let you adopt me, I will be helping my mother?” That seemed strange to Christine. She would best help her by getting out of her life. That was not the way it had been in the past.
“Yes, but that is only if you and your mother agree. Your mother hasn’t made up her mind yet. She wanted to get your input as well.” Christine’s mother was staring at her with a look of fear in her eyes. Christine didn’t know what her mother wanted her to say. “Can I think about it for a while? I love my mom, and I want what is best for her. I am getting all grown up. I am already sixteen. It is time for my mother to do what is best for her. What do you think, Mom?”
“I don’t know. I want to get better. I want to be what you need in a mother. But, as sick as I am, I can’t. It is not fair that you have to do everything or me. DHR is going to take you away from me if we go back to what we had before. I can handle things for a while, but then it gets bad again. I have never cared for myself or anyone else for long. I need to learn how. This program seems the ideal thing. But, I don’t want to hurt you, either. And, I don’t want DHR to get you. They would never give you back. I had hoped your father would be a solution, but it is obvious that it won’t work there. They are too set in their ways without a child. So, this seems like the best idea. You do like Ms. Mabry, don’t you?”
“Yes, but . . . ” Christine let her voice trail off. This was the longest speech she had ever heard her mother give. Usually, her conversation consisted of just a few brief words.
“You don’t have to decide right now,” her mother and Ms. Mabry both said at the same time.
“When do you have to let them know?” Christine asked. She wanted to think about it, but she didn’t want to cause her mother to miss this opportunity.
“I have to let them know something before I get out of here. I will probably be here another month or so. But, we need to work out the details before then. It might take a week or so to sign papers and stuff.”
“Okay, I will think about it and let you know what I think in a couple of days. I love you, Mom. I will miss you, but I want you to have an opportunity to get well. I haven’t done a good job of taking care of you.”
“You have done great. It is just that I need more than you or anyone around me can give me. I need the help of this program. It is a hard decision to make, for me and for you. Think about it before you decide. It will be up to you, because I am not going to hurt you.”
“Well,” Ms. Mabry spoke up, “it will be partly your decision. You mom has to make the final decision, but she will consider what you want. It is not your decision. You have had to decide enough in your life. Just give your ideas this time, and your mom and I will decide.” Ms. Mabry was right in that. Christine had to always decide things for her mother and herself. She hated it. She always felt like whatever she decided was not a good decision. She would gladly let her mother and Ms. Mabry make this decision. It seemed there was no clear right or wrong decision this time.
That night, after Ms. Mabry tucked her into bed, Christine lay thinking about what she had learned that day. It was not that she would miss the care of her mother, because she had never had that. It wasn’t that she would never see her mother again. Even though Ms. Mabry was wanting to adopt her, she had explained it was not to keep her away from her own mother. It was just for insurance, medical care, school and other legal things. Ms. Mabry needed to be her legal mother to sign for all those things and to include her on insurance. Also, if her mom got worse or something, she couldn’t uproot Christine’s stability by just coming in and taking her away. However, she could visit whenever they both wanted. It sounded good. Still, Christine worried about her mother. What if the program didn’t work out? What if her mother moved in by herself again?
Who would care for her? Ms. Mabry had stressed that this was a forever arrangement. Once the adoption was finalized, there would be no turning back. She could not go back to being her mother’s child. She would belong to Ms. Mabry then. It was scary. She loved Ms. Mabry, and lavished under her care. But, she didn’t know about being always without her mother. Christine fell asleep worrying over what she should decide.
The next morning Christine awoke before the rest of the household. She had slept soundly, in spite of her worrying over the decision. She had come to think of it as THE DECISION. It was the most important thing that had ever happened to her. She finally decided to tell Ms. Mabry she wanted to be adopted. It wasn’t like that was the final decision. It was up to her mother and Ms. Mabry. But, she would tell them that it was okay with her.
Over breakfast, Ms. Mabry and Christine discussed the decision. It was just the two of them in the kitchen. John had not come down yet. Ms. Mabry let him sleep so they would have the privacy to discuss this. Christine went into a long explanation about why she decided the way she did. The main reason was so her mother could be helped. She didn’t want to do anything to interfere with her mother’s chances.
“You don’t have to convince me, honey. I know you love your mother and that you have always done everything to make things better for your mother. You have always put her first. You are not being a bad daughter, either way you decide. This is about you and what you are comfortable with.”
“I know. Even though I love my mother, it is hard living with her. I can’t be like other girls my age. I have to be an adult. I think I would like to live with you, be your daughter, and still get to see my mother. I can help out so that I won’t be a burden to you.”
“Don’t worry about being a burden. If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have offered.” At this, Christine looked up at her. She had thought it was her mother’s idea. “Yes, it was my idea, Christine. I found the program for your mother and suggested it to her. I want you both to have a good life. I think this is the way to do it. I love you like my own daughter, the one I never had. And, I have watched and admired your character for a long time. I would love to call you my daughter.”
Christine didn’t mean to, but the words made her cry. She was not used to anyone admiring her, or even talking to her.
“Oh, honey. I didn’t mean to make you cry. You decide what is best for you.”
“No, it’s not that. It is just that no one has ever told me they love me or admire me. I know my mom loves me, but she never says it. And, no one has ever admired me. They always fuss at me for messing up when I forget things because I am stressed. It is just so special what you said.” Ms. Mabry reached out and hugged her close. Christine lay on her shoulder, enjoying the cuddling. They both sobbed, for different yet similar reasons.
That day, Christine and Ms. Mabry both went to visit her mother and tell her what the decision was. Her mother cried a little, but
seemed relieved. She told Ms. Mabry to go ahead and start the paperwork for the adoption, and to contact the program director for her. She was ready for the intake interview, finally, now that the decision had been made about what to do about Christine.
Christine and Ms. Mabry left the lawyers office, both in a rather pensive mood. The lawyer explained that they would have to set a court date, and that Christine’s mother would have to appear. Then she would officially be Ms. Mabry’s. They had to check with Christine’s doctor to see when and if her mother could get out long enough to go to court. Ms. Mabry took Christine to the ice cream store to get a special flavor of ice cream to celebrate the event. It wasn’t official yet, but would soon be. Christine was thrilled, scared, and sad, all at the same time. She would just be glad when it was all over. The decision-making and the waiting were the hardest.
Two weeks later Christine, Ms. Mabry, and her mother met in the judges chambers and the adoption was to be finalized. The feelings of all three seemed mixed. All three seemed sad about the break up of a family unit, though that had happened years before for all practical purposes. They all seemed to eagerly look forward to a new life as well. Christine’s mom was going to the new program next week. She was excited about that, yet a little apprehensive, she said. She had admitted that she was afraid of failing once again. Ms. Mabry had shared with Christine how proud she was to finally be getting a daughter, and one she felt so special toward. Of course, Christine was saddened at the loss of one mother, and thrilled at getting one she felt would actually act as a mother.
Christine should have known her luck wouldn’t hold out. At the last minute, just before signing, Christine’s mother suddenly turned to the judge.
“I can’t do it, Your Honor. They have been tricking me all the time, saying I can get my daughter back when I get out. But, I know better. That woman will win her love and I won’t have anything to do with her again. I can’t do it. I just don’t want to give up my child. I will sign papers for her to care for her, but not for adoption.”