Hard To Love

by Tina Rose

  To Ella Where are you? We need to talk.

  Carter waited and waited, but no response came. Dialing her number, he waited hopefully for her to answer. Hurt and pissed, he slung his phone across the seat so hard, it hit the door and broke into several pieces. “Fuck!” he screamed. He needed answers, and he knew damned well where to find them. With his foot on the gas, he rushed to the Second Chance Rescue to see Liv.

  Storming into her office, he found Liv and Gabe in a very compromising position. Shirtless, in nothing but a black bra, Liv straddled Gabe’s lap, his pants unbuttoned and ready for some action. They jumped when Carter threw the door open.

  Grabbing her shirt to cover her chest, she cursed out loud. “Dammit! Didn’t y’all’s momma teach you to knock?”

  Gabe grinned and grabbed Liv’s thighs, preventing her from moving.

  “Zip your pants up asshole,” Carter ground out.

  “Why? You’ve seen it before,” he challaged.

  “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit today.” Carter cut his eyes to Liv. “Where is she?”

  Liv answered curtly. “Not here.”

  Carter scowled angrily, a growl coming deep from his throat. “Where. The fuck. Is she?”

  Liv turned to Gabe, giving him one of those, what-do-I-do, looks.

  “I don’t know where she went,” she said, not making eye contact. “We had an argument.”

  “Bullshit! About what?”

  Shrugging her shoulders, Liv couldn’t think of a good answer.

  “Liv, for the love of God, don’t play games with me right now.” Carter looked like a man on the brink of a breakdown, ready to snap at any minute. His chest heaved as if he couldn’t get enough air, and his eyes were bloodshot. Standing there, his fist balled up at his sides.

  Liv knew she was going to have to do or say something drastic, so she did the first thing she could think of. She lied.

  “She went back with that asshole, Derek.”

  Physical pain struck Carter in the chest and right between his eyes, almost buckling his knees. Everything in the room became blurry, as he tried to get to a seat before he fell down.

  “That’s not possible. Why would she do that? I, I just don’t understand.” Carter sat there, scrubbing his hands over his face. “This doesn’t make a damn lick of sense.”

  “Women never make sense, buddy.” Gabe said, standing to zip his jeans. “Look at the bright side. Now, you can get your damn head back in the game, get your ass back to Nashville, and get that record deal.” Gabe slapped Carter on the back. “She did you a favor, man.”

  Carter’s blue eyes blazed at Gabe. Rage overtook him, and before they all knew what was happening, he had Gabe pinned against the wall by his shirt collar.

  “What don’t you get?” he yelled in Gabe’s face. “I don’t fucking want a record deal! I never have. That has nothing to do with her.”

  “Dude, chill the hell out.” Gabe pushed Carter off him, pulling his shirt from Carter’s grasp. “You think it has nothing to do with her, but I know you, brother. You were living the dream before she came into the picture.”

  “No, Gabe, I wasn’t.” Carter backed away, using every ounce of strength he had left to just keep standing. “I was living in a kid’s fantasy world. She is my dream. I love her, man.”

  “Shit. Carter, I’m sorry. I thought…” Gabe trailed off, shaking his head.

  “Sorry for what, Gabriel?” Carter questioned.

  “I didn’t know. I didn’t know you felt like that. I just thought you were messing around, and you’d be back to your old self as soon as she was out of the picture.”

  “Gabe, I swear to God. I love you like a brother, but if you had something to do with her leaving, I’ll never forgive you.” Carter warned before walking out the door.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Misery. Sheer misery. Nothing else could describe the mental and physical pain that Ella was going through. Not only was her heart broken worse than she could have ever imagined, she was doing her best to recover from the flight. It had been horrible. Fear seized her, she hadn’t been able to breathe, her stomach rolled and twisted. And she had spent most of the flight in the tiny bathroom throwing up. Worst of all, her heart ached so badly, she thought she was going to die.

  It really hadn’t been that hard to leave. Her parents had been begging her to come visit them in the Keys for months now. All her loose ends were momentarily tied up with her clients, and she had left her phone with Liv in case one of them needed to reach her for an emergency. Liv knew how to reach her at her parent’s house. Ella knew Carter would be blowing her phone up, and she would be tempted to answer.

  That’s why she had to leave and get away. His magnetic pull was too much. She liked his sexy confidence, and would have caved at his first touch. She squeezed her knees together when a familiar ache throbbed between her thighs.

  Walking away from Carter, regardless of the reason, was the hardest thing she had ever done. She just had to keep telling herself it was for the best. Best for Carter, not best for her or her shattered heart. When she closed her eyes, she could see his full lips smiling at her while his blue eyes shimmered, watching her come undone from his touch. She could still hear the way his deep voice wrapped around her name every time he whispered it in her ear.

  Part of her wanted to jump right back on that frightful plane, and run back into his strong, overbearing, tender arms. The other part knew she had to let him go. Carter was young, and handsome, and had a talent that couldn’t be wasted. No, this was what needed to be done. She’d leave for a few days, Gabe would convince him to go to Nashville, and it would all be over. Everything except her broken heart.

  Deep in thought, Ella stood by the revolving carousel waiting on her luggage. Warm hands grabbed hers, pulling her into a loving embrace.

  “Eleanor, I’ve missed you so much!” her mom exclaimed. Rozlynn Breland stood before her, such a beautiful woman. She looked so young, with long brown hair that had lighter highlights throughout it and the same colored eyes as Ella. People had often asked them if they were twins. Ella smiled, taking in her mom standing there in a cream colored tunic top and jeans, with a thick brown leather belt hanging low, her hands adorned with silver rings and bracelets.

  “Hi Momma,” she returned her mother’s hug. Ella inhaled her mother’s scent, and it smelled like home. They may have their ups and downs, but this was still her mom, and moms always made things feel better.

  “Oh, honey, are you okay? You look just horrid. Was your flight that bad?” Rozlynn inquired, stroking Ella’s hair.

  “No, you know I just hate to fly. It causes panic attacks.”

  “Well, come on. Mommy’s gonna take care of you. I fixed your favorite dinner, and pineapple upside down cake for dessert.”

  “Mom, I love you. You didn’t have to do that.”

  Rozlynn scoffed. “Of course I did. You’re my baby, honey. Mommy loves you.”

  Fighting the tears that threatened to fall, Ella pulled her mom in for another hug, before she grabbed her luggage and walked toward the exit. “Thank you Momma. I’m glad to be here too.”

  The scenery was beautiful as they drove across the Seven Mile Bridge to Rozlynn’s condo. Turquoise water surrounded them, while the sun shined high in the clear azure blue sky. Their conversation was light and cheerful, as Rozlynn described all the silly things Paul had been doing since he’d hurt his back and was forced into early retirement.

  “I swear that man’s gonna be the death of me,” she snorted.

  “Yeah, but would you have him any other way?” Ella smiled sincerely at her mother, thinking back to those dark days after her dad died. Paul had brought so much love and happiness into their lives. They had lived a long miserable existence until he came and saved them. Ella owed the man she had come to call
Dad a lot. If only she could find happiness again someday. The same happiness that Carter had brought to her life. Don’t think about him!

  “There’s my Ella Bella,” Paul teased, squeezing her in a bear hug that raised her off the ground, swinging her around in circles.

  Rozlynn shrieked. “Paul! That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Stop that before you hurt your back again.”

  “Oh come on, Roz, how often do we get to hug our Ella Bella?” Paul set her down, squeezing her shoulders. “Your mom worries too much. So, how are ya kid? You don’t look so good.”

  Rolling her eyes in exasperation, she headed to the guest room. “I’m fine Daddy. I’m gonna lie down for a few minutes, then freshen up before dinner.”

  “Oh, hey, El. Before I forget again, Liv called and said call her A.S.A.P.” Paul called after her.

  Shit! If Liv was already calling, it probably wasn’t good.

  “Okay, thanks Daddy,” she called back, trying to disguise the worry in her voice.

  Liv’s phone rang and rang. “Dammit Liv, pick up,” she mumbled to herself. Liv finally answered in a breathy rush. “Hello.”

  “Liv, it’s me.”

  “Why, hello Eleanor,” she mocked in her bad English accent.

  “Cut it out. What happened?”

  “Okay, okay. Well, Carter stormed in here, just like you said he would. Pissed. The hell. Off.”

  “So what did you tell him?” Ella asked nervously.

  “I told him I didn’t know where you were. That we’d gotten into an argument about stupid stuff, and you hadn’t called me.”

  “Then what happened?” Ella continued.

  “You mean beside him trying to kick Gabe’s ass?”

  Ella gasped.

  “Look, El. I won’t lie to you. He was pretty broken up about it.” Liv admitted.

  “I know, Liv. But this is for the best.”

  “Are you sure? If y’all love each other…”

  Ella cut her sister off again. “It’s not love, it was lust, or something. Whatever it was, it’s over now. He needs to move on with his life. And so do I.”

  “Well, maybe someone needs to tell Carter.”

  “He’ll be fine once he gets to Tennessee in a new environment and a whole new buffet of fangirls,” Ella said, depressed.

  “If you say so. I’ll call you if anything else happens. Love ya sis.”

  When they hung up, Ella’s heart ached at the thought of Carter with another woman. He would go back to his life with different women in his bed every night, and having threesomes with Gabe.

  Burying her face in a pillow to muffle the sounds of her sobs, Ella fell into a very fitful sleep. Panic seizing her in her sleep, she awoke with a scream. Pitch black darkness surrounded her, disorienting her more. Light suddenly streamed in the room blinding her when her mom threw the door open and ran to her bedside.

  “Ella, honey, are you alright?”

  Breathing heavily to catch her breath and keep from hyperventilating, Ella tried to take deep cleansing breaths. “Yes. Yes momma. I’m okay.” Ella reassured her mom.

  “What on earth is wrong, honey?” her mother soothed.

  “I guess it’s just anxiety from the flight Mom. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “Are you having the panic attacks often again? I thought they stopped after the divorce?”

  Ella sighed. “They did.”

  “So, what’s got you so upset that you’re having night terrors again?”

  “I don’t know, Momma.” Ella tried changing the subject. “What time is it, anyway? I’m starving.”

  “I put your plate in the microwave, but I know you’re trying to change the subject.”

  Ella laughed quietly. “Busted.”

  “It’s a man, isn’t it?” Roz pressed.

  “Kind of. But it’s complicated, Mom.”

  “I had a feeling you were running from something, or someone. Especially when Liv called here instead of your phone.”

  “I’m not running, Mom. I just needed a break to clear my head. He overwhelms me, among other things. We’re just not good for each other.”

  “Honey, Derek really did a number on you, I know. But, sooner or later, you have to learn to trust and love again.”

  Trust wasn’t the issue with Carter. Ella trusted him now. He wasn’t the problem here, she was. How did she explain to her mother that she left the man she loved so he could pursue his mother’s dreams? Ella was having a hard time explaining it to herself, since he’d told her so many times, this wasn’t his dream, but his mom’s. What was she doing?

  Rozlynn continued. “I know it’s hard, sweetheart, to open your heart again. But trust me, it’s worth it.”

  “Like I said Mom, it’s complicated.”

  “Do you love this man?”

  Ella was quick to answer. “Yes.”

  “Is he married?”

  “Oh no!” Ella laughed.

  “Well, I don’t see the problem then. Love is always complicated. You have to find a way to un-complicate it.”

  Ella decided to come clean with the whole story. The way she saw it, Rozlynn wasn’t going to back down. “I know Momma. You’re right.”

  She explained the age difference, his promise to his mom on her death bed, and how she felt she was preventing him from pursuing those dreams.

  “Did he say something to make you think you were holding him back” Rozlynn asked.

  “No, but he didn’t decide that wasn’t what he wanted until I came into the picture.”

  Rozlynn rolled her eyes. “So what? Maybe he wasn’t sure what he wanted until he met you. You need to go home and talk to him. You’re not being fair to yourself or him if you just run away.”

  Laying back on the bed, Ella threw her arm over her face, and shook her head. “It’s just not that easy Mom.”

  “Well baby, if he’s worth it, isn’t it at least worth the time to try and work it out?”

  Ella knew her mom meant well, but this just wasn’t a fixable situation. Maybe, someday down the line, after Carter had made a name for himself, they would find their way back to each other. Right now? She had to stick with the plan.

  ********

  Sleep had evaded Carter for a damn week. He was tired, pissed and just downright mean. No one could tolerate him, least of all Gabe. After they had argued in Liv’s office, Gabe had called him, and apologized. That conversation was short lived, however, once Gabe brought the record deal back up. Since then, Carter had refused all Gabe’s calls. Laura Harmon had been relentless, calling at least ten times a day. He had finally conceded, and answered the damn phone.

  “Carter here,” he’d snapped, knowing it was her.

  “Hey darlin’. I’ve called and called you,” sugary voice replied.

  “I noticed,” he muttered.

  “I’m glad you picked up. I was hoping you had changed your mind.”

  He was quick to answer. “Well, I haven’t.”

  Ms. Harmon reminded him of their contract. “You do realize you signed a contract with our company?”

  “What does that mean?” He knew he shouldn’t have answered her call.

  “It means that you have an obligation to our company.”

  “What goddamned obligations?”

  “Honey, calm down,” she hooted. “I’m in town, how about we meet for dinner and discuss all your options?”

  That sounded cryptic to Carter, and a bit scary, and he was none too happy about feeling trapped into dinner. But, eventually, he agreed and let her make all the plans, just agreeing to meet her at the restaurant.

  Shortly after, his phone rang again, while he was bent over shoeing a mare. Without looking, he answered the phone. “This is Carter.
r />   “Well, it’s safe to say you’re still being an ass.”

  “Fuck off, Gabe,” he yelled. Carter was not in the mood for this conversation, at all.

  “So what? You just gonna stay pissed off at me forever?” Gabe blared back.

  “I was thinking about it.”

  “Bro, come on,” Gabe begged. “I only want what’s best for you. I’ve always got your back, no matter what decisions you make.”

  “Whatever man,” Carter mumbled.

  “Have you heard from her?” Gabe asked cautiously.

  “Nope.”

  “Liv said she hasn’t heard from her either.”

  Carter stopped and wiped the sweat off his brow. “I really don’t want to talk about it.” The cut was just still too fresh and it still hurt to think about, much less discuss it out loud. If he said it out loud, it made it too real.

  “Okay, I get it. Can we get together and talk about business tomorrow? We need to go over the schedule.”

  “Yeah, just stop by the house in the morning.”

  “Will do, bud.”

  They hung up. There was no way Carter could stay mad at the man he’d been friends with for as long as he remembered. Hell, he was closer to Gabe than he was any of his three brothers. And he knew Gabe was telling the truth, he only wanted what was best for Carter. They had been looking out for one another since grade school.

  Carter finished up and headed home to get ready for his dinner with man eater Barbie. It was going to be a long evening, one he was not looking forward too at all.

  Chapter Twenty

  The week had come and gone way too fast for Ella. She was more miserable than ever, and was dreading the flight home. Her mother had convinced her to take a pill for her anxiety. The doctor had prescribed them to Ella during the divorce, and she had kept them in case of emergencies. Considering the situation, Ella thought this constituted an emergency as much as any. There was no way she could endure another flight, like the one she had taken to her mom and dads. Panic had seized her since the flight, she hadn’t been eating, sleeping or able to think since she left Paradise City.