Hard To Love

by Tina Rose

  “God. I don’t know what to do now. He should’ve already been in Nashville. Why is she even here?”

  “Not sure, but I can call Gabe and find out.” Liv said, pulling her phone from her back pocket.

  “No. Don’t do that,” Ella said as Liv’s phone rang.

  “Won’t have too,” she smiled, answering the cell. “Hey sexy, what’s up?”

  Ella listened intently to the conversation.

  “Yeah, she’s here. Sure, come on over.” Ella kicked her sister under the covers, mouthing “what the hell are you doing?”

  Liv hung up and leered at her sister. “What the hell did you kick me for?”

  “Why did you invite him over? Liv, look at me!”

  “He said he needs to talk to you. You look fine.” Liv confirmed.

  Almost immediately they heard Gabe’s loud truck nearing their house. Nerves got the best of Ella’s stomach, and suddenly she felt like she was on a rollercoaster ride. Her stomach flipped and flopped, waiting to hear what Gabe had to say. She knew it had to be about Carter.

  “Hey Gabe. How’s it going?” she asked, as Liv opened the door and let him in.

  Instead of answering, he grunted and he rolled his eyes, pulling out one of the dining chairs and flipping it backwards before straddling the chair and staring at her.

  “Gabe? Is something wrong?” Ella prodded.

  “You just couldn’t stop, could you?” he finally answered sharply.

  It was as if he had thrown cold water in her face, that’s how shocked she was at his audaciousness.

  “What in the hell are you talking about now?” Liv snapped.

  Gabe snatched his ball cap off his head and threw it on the floor. “You know damn well what I’m talking about!” he barked.

  “No, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me?” Ella asked once she found her voice.

  “You just couldn’t leave him alone. It wasn’t enough that you cost him the record deal. Hell no. You wouldn’t stop until you completely broke him,” Gabe accused.

  Ella scoffed. “Broke him, my ass. He sure as hell didn’t look broken last time I saw him with that cougar record exec wrapped around his arm. What do you mean? He lost the record deal?”

  “I don’t know what you think you saw, but seeing you with your ex sent him right over the fucking cliff. And the record deal is off the table now.”

  “I don’t know what else you want me to do, Gabe. I left. I can’t help what he did with the record deal.” Ella tried to sound surer of herself than she felt.

  “Well, he’s been laid up drunk at Gussy’s for the last three days. I’ve only seen him this bad once, and that’s when his momma died.”

  Unshed tears stung Ella’s eyes as his harsh words sunk in.

  “He didn’t go to Nashville? Why didn’t he go? You said I was holding him back, Gabe, so I left. Why didn’t he leave?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. If I knew, I wouldn’t be killing myself working this goddamn insane schedule he’s lined up. Freakin’ workaholic.” Gabe shook his head in disgust.

  The damn burst wide open, and the tears finally poured down her cheeks. “I guess it was all for nothing.”

  Feeling sorry for Ella, Gabe went to her on the couch, putting his arms around her shoulders, as he held her through her tears. “Hey, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have blamed you. He’s a stubborn-ass man who makes his own decisions. Besides, it’s never too late, right?”

  Ella sobbed. “I don’t know Gabe. I promised him I’d never run from him again without talking to him first, and now there’s this whole Derek thing. And, I’m still afraid he’ll eventually blame me for giving up on his dream. Hell, you did.”

  Gabe rubbed her arms. “I don’t have all the answers, hon. All I know is I’ve known the guy since grade school, and I’ve never seen him like he is with you. I know he thinks nobody can love his hard ass, and it’s gonna take a strong woman to love him. He knows he’ll make you want to run, so, you need to be able to fight back. But, maybe if you show him you’re strong enough to fight for him, maybe you two can still work things out?” Gabe was a genius.

  Not sure exactly what she was going to find, Ella drove downtown to Old Gussy’s Lounge. She was going to show Carter once and for all that he wasn’t hard to love, beg his forgiveness, and win back her man. Her man? Yeah, she liked the sound of that.

  ********

  Sharp pain stabbed through Carter’s head like a bullet. He groaned out loud as he rolled over to a mass of red messy hair that belonged to Kandi. “Fuck,” he moaned.

  Sitting up in the bed, he felt movement behind him. He turned to see a naked blonde lying in the bed next to him as well. Funny, he remembered being drunk and coming to bed, but he sure didn’t remember bringing anyone to bed with him last night. Or was it morning? Whatever time it was, he was sure he came to bed alone.

  “Kandi,” he blurted, making his head hurt worse, but she didn’t stir. “Kandi,” he repeated louder, pushing her shoulder, finally getting movement from the two sleeping groupies.

  “Mmm, good morning sexy,” she said, rolling over with a huge fuck-me smile on her face, purposely letting the sheet fall from her pert tits.

  “Put your damn clothes on. Why are you in my bed? And who the hell is your friend?” he grumbled.

  “We were cold and lonely,” Kandi pouted.

  “And drunk,” the blonde exclaimed.

  Kandi giggled. “And very drunk. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “Well, I do. Now get your asses out of here.” Carter climbed out of the bed and pulled his jeans on.

  Kandi stood, grabbing her clothes thrown on the floor. “What’s up your ass, Carter?”

  “Nothing.”

  “There sure as hell is. I know you, Carter Dawson. I’ve been knowing you for a long time. You never turned me down before.” She sulked. “Don’t you like me anymore?”

  She could sulk all she wanted. He wasn’t ready to bed another woman. That he had figured out the first night he came to Gussy’s and had brought a cute little brunette to his room. She was up for anything, but he wasn’t. Russell the love muscle stayed flaccid against his leg. Pissed at himself, Ella and the world, he had thrown the girl out of the room, not even giving her time to put her clothes on.

  “Look, Kandi. I’m going through some shit right now. It’s not you, okay? I swear. Now, come on, you and your friend need to get on outta here. I’ve got shit to do today.”

  “You promise?” she asked all innocent, when she was nothing but.

  “It’s not you, I promise,” he tossed over his shoulder.

  Grabbing his hat, he walked out the door, and started around the corner. Soft hands stopped him from tumbling over her, as he realized it was Ella he had just knocked the wind from. Reaching out to grab her before she fell backwards, Carter pulled her to his chest.

  “Shit, baby. Are you okay?” He pulled away to look her over, making sure he hadn’t done any physical damage.

  Ella’s breath caught in her throat, her heart beating so loudly in her ears she could barely hear what he was saying. It seemed like it had been so long since she’d felt his hands against her skin. But, they still had the same effect on her. Heat spread throughout her body, and that familiar throbbing began between her thighs.

  Continuing his inspection of her, Carter ran his hands over her head and arms, his fingers deftly gliding over her cheeks and jawline, landing on her bottom lip. How he wanted to suck that bottom lip into his mouth, throw her over his shoulder, take her to that little room and show her who she truly belonged too. But, he’d been doing a lot of thinking. He’d always been a philosophical drunk, however this time he had actually made some sense.

  Laying her hands over his, she looked into his eyes. “I’m fine, Carter. No harm done.”r />
  His breathing picked up and misery was written across his face. “I’m glad you’re not hurt. Wish I could say the same,” he admitted.

  “Carter, I’m sorry,” she began.

  “Sorry for what? Breaking your promise and running off again? Or sorry for going back to the douchebag ex of yours?” he asked bitterly.

  “I didn’t go back to Derek, Carter.”

  Stepping back, he released her arms. “Bullshit. Liv told me. I didn’t believe her until I saw you with him. Letting him put his lips on your skin. Skin that should be mine. I heard you, El. I heard you tell him you forgive him.”

  “I did forgive him, but I didn’t go back with him.” Ella waited for his reaction, as he stood there staring at her. He looked so forlorn, wearing the same clothes he had on three nights ago. Even in a rumpled shirt and jeans, he looked sexy as hell.

  “You left me. Again,” he stated before Ella cut him off.

  “I know. I thought if I left, you’d go to Nashville and get that record deal. I didn’t want to you to give up on your dream.”

  “Goddamn it,” he growled. “I wish everyone would stop trying to tell me what my dream is. You want to know what my dream is? It’s to find someone to love me, all of me!” he yelled, thumping his chest. “I’m an asshole. You think I don’t know that? I’m selfish, self-centered and insensitive.”

  “Stop it,” Ella begged.

  “I wanted you to love me. That was my dream. Fall in love with me, the way I fell in love with you.”

  “I did! I did fall in love with you!” she cried, stepping up closer to him.

  “No,” he snapped. “You can’t. I can’t take it when you leave again. And you will leave me again. You were right to leave me. I don’t deserve you.”

  Tears streamed down her face. “I won’t. I promise.”

  “You will, sweetness. I promise, I’ll do something to push you away again.”

  As if right on cue, Kandi and her blonde friend came giggling out of Carter’s room. “Bye Carter.” They both blew him a kiss as they passed him and Ella standing in the hall. Carter saw the anger and hurt flit across Ella’s face.

  “Wow. You have the nerve to question me, while you have not one, but TWO damn women hidden in your room?

  “They weren’t hidden,” he said unhappily. “And, as hard as it is to believe, it’s not what it looks like.”

  Standing there watching her, Carter saw so many thoughts and emotions swirl through Ella’s mind. He knew he couldn’t stand to see that look on her face, and know he was the cause. He wanted her so badly, but he knew it was inevitable that he’d hurt her again.

  “See, Ella. That look right there,” he pointed to her face. “I can’t do this to you. I can’t be the one that puts that disappointed look on your face.”

  “You wouldn’t be hurt if you saw two men walk out of my room?” she asked.

  “No,” he laughed cynically. “I’d be furious. I’d rip them in two without an explanation.”

  This was make or break time for Ella. Walk away now, and never know love again? Or, learn to trust the man who controlled her body’s reaction with a simple touch, and would always hold her heart?

  “I don’t care.” The words slipped out in a whisper before she could stop them.

  Shocked, Carter asked, “What?”

  “I don’t care what happened last night, or the night before, or the night before that, Carter. I love you. Good and bad. I love all of you. You’re not going to push me away that easily.”

  Carter shook his head. “Ella, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “I do know what I’m saying. I was broken, Carter, but you taught me to trust again. You were right. I’ve trusted you with my body, now I want to trust you with my heart.”

  A glimmer of hope flickered in his eyes. His fingers twitched at his sides, like he was itching to touch her. Taking a step closer, she heard his breath hitch as she reached to caress the side of his unshaven face. She felt all the anxiety leave his body as Carter closed his eyes, and leaned into her touch.

  “Carter, touch me. Please,” she begged.

  “Jesus,” he breathed, pulling her into a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you so much.” He kissed the top of her head, her eye lids, cheeks and nose. “Are you sure about this? I can’t promise that I’m not going to fuck up. But, I can promise I’ll do everything in my power to not ever see that look in your eyes again.”

  “I know. You’re not hard to love, Carter. The hard part is trying to not fall in love with you.”

  “I love you Eleanor Reid,” he grinned, knowing how much she hated her given name.

  “Okay, that’s it. I changed my mind.” Ella turned to walk away when Carter’s large constricting arms wrapped around her, pulling her back against his hard chest. She squealed with laughter.

  “Too late, kitten. You’re all mine.” Growling in her ear, he bit the sensitive part of her neck before pulling her back into his room. That night, he claimed her over and over again, knowing this was just the beginning of the rest of his life.

  Epilogue

  The day of the benefit finally arrived. Many more guests showed up than anticipated. Once again, Ella found herself watching Carter on the stage of the pavilion at the Paradise Beach Hotel. The autumn sun was setting, hues of orange, yellow and red reflected off the water as the tide ate up the shoreline.

  Although Carter didn’t get the record deal, he was still a star in Paradise City. Ella’s heart swelled with pride, listening to the man she loved sing his newest song on the stage in front of all their friends. He may be the devil in disguise, but he had the voice and heart of an angel.

  Carter sat in the middle of the stage on a barstool, just him and his guitar. One bright light hanging center of the stage shined down on him as he began to strum his guitar. Ella’s breathing picked up, as the rhythm took over her heart. The love she felt for him often overwhelmed her, especially moments like these as he sang a love ballad he had written just for her.

  Sometimes when you’re sleeping,

  Lost somewhere in deep dreams.

  I lie and look at your sweet face,

  In the glowing moonlight beams.

  I wonder if the night time,

  Should decide, it’s my time to go.

  Will you understand my love,

  How much I loved you so?

  Have I always shown you,

  Just what you mean to me?

  And have I always been right there,

  To show my love carefree?

  Have I been the person,

  That you’d want me to be?

  And will you always think of me,

  When you need some company?

  I’d like to think that you love,

  Will always love me too.

  Even if I’m gone tomorrow,

  I will always be with you.

  Even if I’m gone tomorrow,

  I will always be with you.

  “Our boy looked good up there, huh?”

  In the past, that statement would have irked Ella, but today as she looked at the sparkling ring on her finger, it didn’t bother her so much. She knew who Carter belonged to.

  “Yes he does. Of course, I’m a little biased,” Ella smiled fondly at her new husband walking off the stage after singing his newest song.

  “I bet you are, Mrs. Dawson.” Laura teased, bringing a smile to Ella’s face. Even if it had only been a few weeks, being called Mrs. Carter Dawson had a very nice ring to it. She never got tired of hearing it.

  Laura Harmon had shown up for the benefit, making a huge donation in the name of the record studio.

  Despite her reservations, Ella reached to shake her hand. “Ms. Harmon, thank you so much for coming, and for such a
generous donation.”

  “Oh darlin’, it’s my pleasure. It’s for a wonderful cause, and,” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “It’s a great tax write off.” Both women laughed as Carter approached them.

  “I still can’t thank you enough for all your help with the record company,” Ella acknowledged.

  “I’m just glad he didn’t waste all his talent. We would’ve loved to have had his voice recorded, but he’s a master at writing lyrics too. It all worked out. Carter’s happy, you’re happy and my partners are happy.”

  “I’ve never been happier,” Carter admitted, wrapping his arms around his wife’s shoulders, and pulling her close to him to kiss the top of her head, as he smiled down at his forever. “This is all I’ve ever needed or wanted, right here.”

  “I’m just so glad you were able to get your partners to amend the contract.” Ella thanked her one more time before seeing Liv approaching. “Have you met the lady of the hour, my younger sister, Liv?”

  “No, actually, I haven’t.” Laura replied.

  Liv and Drew stepped up to join the conversation. “Liv, Drew, this is Laura Harmon from Nashville Platinum Records.”

  Stunned by the way Laura Harmon was dressed, Liv could not stop staring at the woman’s attire. She was dressed in a cobalt blue leather corset jacket and short skirt, with platinum blonde hair, straight from a bottle. Liv thought the woman looked completely ridiculous.

  Drew watched Liv’s facial expressions while she looked the woman over from top to bottom. Knowing Liv had absolutely no filter, Drew swooped in to save the day, diverting everyone’s attention to the stage, where Platinum’s newest rising star was taking the stage for his second set of the night.

  “Wesley did a great job up there tonight. I think he’s going to go very far in the country music world.”

  “We hope so. He’s got that old school sound to him. We think it’s coming back in style.”

  While Drew continued his conversation with Ella and Ms. Harmon, he noticed Gabe Thomas strutting toward them, two drinks in his hands. That guy really grated on Drew’s nerves. Probably because he spent way too much time hanging out with Liv. Well, that and the fact that he was a manwhore didn’t help, not one little bit. So much for Liv’s “rules” for screwing around. She had broken every one of them with the manwhore.