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Hello World

Page 18

by Joanna Sellick


  I instruct him to get better soon and make my way down to school. I slide into my usual seat in Biology and get out my phone to find I have a text from Blake.

  Congrats again, how about a celebratory picnic after school?

  I raise an eyebrow and text back. A picnic in winter, are you crazy?

  Hey, I’m trying to be romantic, here. Meet you after school?

  I laugh out loud and tell him I’ll be waiting before putting my phone away as others start filtering in and the lesson starts.

  It’s then that Mr Finnely announces that we will be working in partners for the lesson and panic floods through me. My partner isn’t here.

  I swear Jay has a gift for bad timing.

  Hopefully, if I’m very lucky, every other person will have a partner so I’ll get to work on my own and I try desperately to sink into the shadows. When Mr Finnely asks who doesn’t have one I try and duck down even further without actually falling off my stool.

  ‘Cassie left me,’ Noah Presley groans, raising her hand. ‘Can I join a group with Stacia and Mike?’

  Mr Finnely takes a quick scope of the classroom, his eyes finally landing on me and I groan inwardly.

  ‘Noah, you can join up with Neve,’ he announces, and a few people snicker at the sound of my name. Noah herself looks a bit disappointed at not being partnered with her friends but not particularly bothered about being stuck with the school weirdo and moves her stuff over to my table without fuss.

  Mr Finnely gives us our assignments and a ball of play-dough each, instructing us to create models of DNA to start us off. The teachers think this sort of thing will make lessons more fun.

  Now, I shall clarify this once, Noah Presley is definitely a girl, despite her name, for which she despises her parents endlessly. Her parents are very religious yet slightly crazy arty types and you can imagine what their favourite story from the bible is. Noah used to complain about the fact that her bedroom when she was younger had pairs of animals walking two-by-two across her room, and has never appreciated the reference.

  Noah is insanely pretty, with olive skin, cascades of dark hair falling down her back and soft, round, hazel eyes. She’s one of the smartest people in our year too and she’s in my art class. Noah also has to be one of the most popular girls in school because everyone just seems to fall in love with her.

  Except Kai and her group, the actual Populars of the year.

  Noah isn’t popular just for her looks, but because she is actually nice to everyone. Everyone except the Populars of course.

  ‘How much of this do you think we will actually need to make this thing?’ she muses, holding up the blue lump of play-dough. I shrug.

  ‘Depends how big the structure is, I guess,’ I say in a quite voice. Her eyes light up mischievously and she pulls off a bit, rolling it into a ball and then positioning it on the table. In one perfect flick, she sends the ball flying into the back of her friend Mike’s head.

  I have to say, a shot like that from this distance is rather impressive.

  Mike turns to scowl at her, giving her the finger when Mr Finnely isn’t looking and she just laughs and blows him a kiss before turning back to me.

  ‘That was fun,’ she says, taking off a bigger lump this time and actually morphing it into what we are supposed to. I follow her lead and take a piece off for myself, the odd surface of the dough feeling odd between my fingers.

  ‘So,’ she asks after a bit of silence. ‘What’s the scoop with you and Jay? He’s cute, huh?’

  I shift uncomfortably in my seat, reminders of the anonymous text sending defensive walls flying up.

  ‘Look, about the text before Christmas, its not-’

  Noah makes a face of disgust and waves off my sentence. ‘I’m not talking about whatever was in that text, it was a sick joke played by some low life. I want to know the real scoop,’ she winks. I blink at her.

  Not only did she ignore the text, but the person who had sent it also disgusts her. She isn’t disgusted by me.

  For some reason, this makes me laugh, and my shoulders relax slightly.

  ‘There’s nothing there, I’ll tell you that,’ I smirk. Disappointment fills her features.

  ‘Well that’s a shame,’ she sighs. ‘You two make a cute couple. Still, this does mean he’s on the market,’ Noah muses.

  ‘I’ll put in a good reference for you,’ I grin.

  Noah laughs, picking apart another colour and using it to create some of the detail. ‘Thanks,’ then she frowns. ‘He’s getting to be a bit on the skinny side though, don’t you think? Is he losing weight?’

  Now it’s my turn to frown.

  ‘Is he?’ I ask, racking my brain backwards to the last time I saw him. From the image I conjure up, I can’t see any difference at all. Noah nods, a look of concern on her face, but then she waves away the idea and shrugs.

  ‘Maybe it’s just me seeing things. Besides, it’s none of my business. But you two would make an adorable couple,’ she prompts.

  I smirk. I wonder how she will take the news that I’m sort of seeing his older brother?

  I decide not to tell her that just yet and move on to a new topic, racking my brains again for the first thing I can think of.

  ‘Are you going to Declan’s party on Saturday?’ I ask at last, for lack of anything better.

  ‘Of course,’ Noah beams excitedly and she helps me put all the little bits of our DNA structure together. ‘How about you?’

  Damn.

  I mentally cringe at putting myself in such a tight spot and decide just to tell her the truth, it’s not like people don’t know that I have no friends anyway.

  ‘I won’t really know anyone,’ I say lamely, concentrating determinedly on what is in front of me instead of meeting her gaze.

  ‘It’s only people from school who are going?’ she argues with confusion. I laugh bitterly.

  ‘If you hadn’t noticed, I’m not exactly Miss Popular around here. Most people here either hate me or just gossip about me behind my back,’ I reply dryly. Noah laughs.

  ‘Only because you’ve let them,’ she says. I glance up at her then, to see her looking at me through kind but serious eyes. ‘If you let them own you, they will. On the other hand, you can get out there and show them they don’t own you. Besides, not everyone in this hell hole is bad.’ She smiles softly, playing with the silver cross hanging around her neck. ‘Why don’t you come with me to lunch and meet some people?’ she offers.

  I squirm uncomfortably. ‘I dunno…’

  ‘That’s decided then, you’re coming with me to lunch. Today’s Monday so we pop out to Domino’s, I hope you have change-’ she decides before being cut off, a large lump of play-dough hitting her in the cheek. At the other end of the classroom, Mike does a little victory dance.

  I shake my head in disbelief but she ignores me and I can’t help but let a small smile play on my lips. Her words keep replaying in my mind though, they are similar to what Jay had said the other day, and I stare at the students around me.

  Many of them are in conversations of their own, but how many of the whispers are about me?

  None, my mind points out. Absolutely none.

  CHAPTER 23

  Saturday rolls by and I find myself with Blake again, lounging at home while Charlie is out with Nadine, a cheesy horror movie that we have both seen a thousand times and not been scared by once, playing in the background.

  Currently, I’m leaning with my back against his muscular chest and as the movie plays we laugh about the ghouls and make remarks about the actor’s terrible acting.

  I feel comfortable with Blake; safe. I want so badly to just let my selfish side out and keep him all to myself forever but whenever things get too heated or deep, I feel myself pulling away suddenly and changing the topic, waves of guilt flooding over me.

  But I guess everyone gets nervous during their first proper relationship.

  ‘See, the woman hears a scream, goes towards it, and now she’s ab
out to get zombified,’ Blake points out. I laugh as the woman stupidly opens the door and is attacked poorly by a half eaten man missing a chunk of his head.

  ‘Okay, that’s enough horror movies for you,’ I chastise, reaching to grab the remote, but Blake gets there before me. Damn his longer arms.

  Blake just winks and raises the remote higher in the air. I try to steal it off of him but he keeps it out of reach, teasing me.

  ‘No fair, you’re taller,’ I scowl, folding my arms. He winks.

  ‘Okay, how about a trade?’ he smirks, his eyes glistening wickedly. ‘The remote for a kiss?’

  ‘Cheesy, but I think I can work with that,’ I grin, pulling him closer to me. Blake drops the remote and uses his hands to run them through my hair before they move to my waist, pressing his soft lips against mine and causing waves of pleasure to run through me.

  I slide my tongue alongside his and grip the front of his shirt tightly, never wanting to let go. Everything in me is urging to get closer, wishing for him to hold me tighter but as the kiss deepens in intensity and I feel his hands move to my lower back, my defences come flying back up, the familiar pang of guilt hitting me like a brick wall. It’s like I want to carry on, but for some reason can’t.

  Groaning against his lips, I pull away and roll off the sofa, getting up to pace.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I mutter, annoyed with myself. ‘I can’t… it’s really stupid but I just can’t…’ I babble quickly.

  ‘Woah,’ Blake laughs, taking my hand and guiding me carefully back to the sofa. Still smiling, he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. ‘What’s wrong?’

  I frown and squeeze my eyes shut, as if explaining will be easier if I can’t see him.

  ‘I love this, and I want this to happen, but every time we get too close I start feeling uncomfortable and I don’t know why!’ I say miserably. ‘I’ve never really been with a guy before… and I know this must sound stupid to you, what with your summer hook ups with Charity doing, that-’

  ‘Sex?’ Blake clarifies, raising an eyebrow.

  ‘Yes, that. See, I can’t even say it.’

  To my surprise, Blake chuckles, running his hand along my cheek. Slowly, I open my eyes.

  ‘Neve, you are not a summer hook up,’ he says pointedly. ‘I don’t care about that stuff, I just want to be with you. If you want to take it slow, we’ll take it slow, and if you feel too smothered just say and I’ll give you some space. I want this to work,’ he assures me, his eyes reflecting his honesty.

  I give him a small smile and nod, feeling slightly embarrassed but ultimately relieved. In order to distract him from my burning cheeks, I smirk.

  ‘Don’t lie, you’re a guy. You totally care about that stuff,’ I accuse, grinning and poking his chest with my forefinger.

  ‘I have no idea what you mean,’ he winks, catching my hand and kissing it.

  ‘Uh huh, like you totally aren’t undressing me with your eyes just now.’

  ‘Maybe slightly,’ he admits, a mischievous grin lighting up his features. He reels me in and starts planting deliberately loud and sloppy kisses up my arm and neck. I giggle loudly, trying to squirm out of his grip but he keeps me fixed in place, tickling my stomach.

  ‘Alex, stop. I want to watch the movie!’ I cry. Then I freeze and clamp a hand over my mouth after realising what I’ve just said. For a moment I pray that it hasn’t registered with Blake, but his grip loosens and as he pulls away, any hopes of him being oblivious are diminished.

  I dare to turn around to see Blake sitting back in the chair, his hands clasped together and looking at the floor. Slowly, he looks up.

  ‘Are you sure there isn’t more than one reason you can’t be with me?’ he says carefully, his voice thick with emotion. It takes a moment for his words to sink in and even then I can do nothing more than blink.

  ‘Because of Alex?’ I frown. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean,’ Blake starts, shifting uncomfortably. ‘Are you sure you weren’t in-’

  ‘In love with him?’ I say sharply, standing up and folding my arms, willing my cheeks not to start burning. For some reason the accusation makes me tense all over, walls of armour beginning to build themselves up around me.

  ‘Yes,’ Blake replies calmly. ‘I mean… the way you speak about him, the way you look whenever you say his name. And your room, his presence is everywhere. It’s like you’re afraid to let him go-’

  ‘Afraid to let him go?’ I repeat, my voice breaking out of anger. ‘Well, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not afraid to let him go, I’m terrified,’ I snap. ‘He was my best friend, Blake. Before you guys came along I had no one else. I know its alright for you, you have friends left, right and centre, but you have no idea how much it hurts to lose someone so close to you!’ I yell.

  ‘I have quite a good idea,’ Blake says softly, although his eyes glaze over darkly. Then he seems to snap out of his trance. ‘Look, I didn’t mean-’ He goes to hold out a hand towards me but I flinch away and he drops it again, a look of hurt spreading across his features.

  ‘I think its best you leave,’ I say quietly, wrapping my arms around me. A voice inside my head is screaming at me to stop, to stop all this before it piles into a mess I can’t get myself out of but the rest of me ignores it.

  Blake’s mouth falls open as if going to say something, but then he closes it again. His throat works before he picks up his jacket from the sofa and leaves. Just like that.

  I wait until the front door is softly shut before I curl up a fist and slam it angrily into the sofa, my hand sinking into the soft pillows. Then I simply fall face first onto it and scream into the nearest pillow.

  What have I done?

  I’m a serious idiot sometimes, why did I have to blow it up into such a big thing? Oh God, Blake.

  I shoot up and run to my front door, praying that he’s still here for me to apologise but he and his car are gone. Annoyed with myself, I lean against the doorframe before finally closing the door and trudging back into the living room.

  Falling back onto the sofa, I curl myself into a ball, digging my nails into my palms in frustration. I can’t stop replaying the scene over and over again, one question keeps appearing at the forefront of my mind.

  Am I in love with Alex?

  No, I decide. I can’t be; this is Alex we’re talking about. It already hurts so much, if I’m in love with him, then surely it would hurt that much more?

  I take my head away from the pillow and move to lie on my back, hugging the pillow close to me. I chuckle without much humour.

  Maybe I’m just a nutcase? That’s probably it.

  Sighing, I stay there for a while before exhaustion starts to tug at me and I fall into unconsciousness. When I wake up again the clock is blinking at me, the little digits telling me its seven o’clock.

  Groaning, I let out a yawn and stretch before pulling myself up and running a hand through my hair. Jay is picking me up at eight for this stupid party, which I feel like going to now even less than usual.

  He and Noah had finally convinced me to go sometime during the week, and I’m sure both of them will crucify me now if I bail so I eventually drag myself into the kitchen in search of something to eat and then head upstairs.

  My heart really isn’t in getting ready, so instead of fussing over clothes and make-up like last time I just pull on my best jeans and a dark sort-of-party top with a black blazer over that. I run a brush through my hair and reapply some make-up before I hear the doorbell go. Frowning, I look at my phone, I still have a good ten minutes before eight, but Jay is normally early.

  I make my way down the stairs, surprised to find that a large brown envelope has been posted through the door. I pick it up, freezing when I read the word scrawled across it.

  Whore.

  With a gasp, I grasp the envelope tightly and swing my front door open, running out into the chilly evening and spinning on my heel, trying to get a good look of the area around me. But it’s no go
od, everything is caked in darkness and I can’t see any movement.

  There is no sign of my tormentor.

  Slowly, I move back inside and close the door, leaning against it in confusion and slight horror. My gaze drops down to the envelope in my hand.

  A couple of weeks ago, I would have ripped the envelope open and taken whatever it gave me willingly and without a second thought. Now I just stare at it.

  Finally, and with shaky hands, I start to peal the seal off and tip it so that the contents slide into my hands. Inside is a black and white photograph of mine and Alex’s old English teacher.

  The sight makes my stomach churn and I drop the photo in horror, feeling physically sick. To make matters worse, the photo falls facedown and I see two words scribbled on the back: your choice.

  Trembling, I feel myself sliding down the door until my butt hits the floor and I just stare in front of me.

  The message is frighteningly clear: go to this party, try to make something of your life, and it all comes out. Everything I’ve tried so hard to keep hidden and locked away will come spilling out.

  This isn’t just a threat, or an insult or taunting like usual. This is blackmail.

  Suddenly, the doorbell goes and I scream, completely taken by surprise.

  ‘Red?’ I hear Jay chuckle from the other side of the door.

  It takes me a moment to register his voice and then I quickly scramble off of the floor, shouting back ‘I’ll be there in a minute!’

  I grab the envelope and photo and stuff it down the side of the table by the front door before taking an urgent breath and rearranging myself. Finally, I open the door.

  ‘Hey,’ I say brightly. ‘Look, I’m really not sure about this. I think I’m just gunna stay home, in fact, I think I’ve come down with that cold you had last week, so I’ll see you later,’ I say in a rush, going to shut the door again. I almost manage to close it but Jay puts his foot in the door, laughing.

  ‘You’re already changed,’ he points out, raising his eyebrow. ‘Don’t make me drag you out.’

 

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