His arms pulled her to himself, pulling her into his needs and fears, but mostly into his arms. For a quick moment, as his lips danced across hers, she belonged to him and he to her. While her mouth whispered magic into his heart, he was whole. There were no doubts, no long empty hours before dawn. No silences that stretched out for days on end as fear nibbled at his soul.
They pulled apart as if scorched by the sudden contact, but his arms didn’t want to let go. His body ached with a curious mixture of tenderness and savagery. Of possessiveness and protectiveness. Feelings that he’d thought would never be a part of him.
“They got big cats here?” she asked, as she slipped her arm through his. “I like cats.”
Never in his life had he stepped into a quagmire like this before. Not in college. Not in the army. Not on the police force. Not as a private detective. Never in his whole miserable life was he so torn. Stay and hurt her; leave and feel the pain himself. It was time for him to run. Run as if the devil were after him.
“Yeah,” he replied huskily. “They’re down this way.”
They turned from the lagoon and moved down the path, arm in arm. He couldn’t stay around Fiona. She’d already taken enough hits in her life.
He’d never known his real father, so he’d always thought he must take after his mother. And the years had proved him right. He couldn’t remember a relationship of his that had lasted longer than six months.
“I’m going to have to get back to work,” he said suddenly. He wasn’t sure where the words had come from but he knew they were right.
“I figured you would,” she replied. “You wouldn’t last long as a private detective with just one client.”
The irritation fluttered in his stomach again. Fiona was taking the news of their impending separation well, but she took everything well.
And why should he be surprised? Women were always pushing him out of their lives. He’d lay his cloak down over a puddle and once they’d walked over it, they’d pick it up and take it with them.
But Fiona hadn’t.
He just shook his head, not wanting to analyze and push deeper. It was time to move on. Time to bury himself in another case.
And he wasn’t abandoning Fiona. He’d found that beneath that tender exterior was a backbone of steel. She didn’t need him.
Fiona hadn’t expected Alex to baby-sit her the whole time she was in Chicago. She had known that she wasn’t the only thing in his life. She was only a job, for goodness’ sake; not someone that he cared about.
But still, it was awfully lonely sitting around the hotel that evening. He had offered to take her out to dinner, but she had pleaded exhaustion. His job was over, after all; she should let the poor man get on with things. He told her to order something from room service and had even made sure she had a menu in her room before leaving. But she was not ordering anything that way, not at those prices!
So she went to a coffee shop down the street and then came back to her room to work on an essay she was writing. It was going nowhere, though, and didn’t change direction with her efforts. She wished she had taken Alex up on his offer to spend the evening with her, but that was just selfish. And proof that she had been growing too dependent on him.
Finally, she put her notebook away and turned off the lights, sitting by the window to watch the city below her. So many people and all rushing off somewhere. She used to have a dream that she was on some city street, surrounded by people hurrying away, but she had no one and no place to go. Maybe that was why her writing was so important to her; it was proof that once she had had someone. She and Cassie and Sam had nothing of their parents save a few photographs. They didn’t even resemble them—not in identifiable ways.
Would Kate?
Fiona turned away from the window and climbed into bed. If she had wanted, Alex would have taken her to a movie. Or a play. Or just for a walk. He was good at keeping her thoughts at bay. Except that was her job. She should manage her own self better, rather than being weak and relying on someone else.
Fiona rolled over and closed her eyes. Tomorrow would be better. Sam and their father were bringing her some more clothes and would stay for a visit. She would be stronger tomorrow.
And she was. By the time Sam knocked at the hotel-room door just before lunch, Fiona had her heart under control. No missing Alex. No wishing he was here to distract her, to lend her his strength.
“Hi, sis,” Samantha said, giving Fiona a quick kiss on the cheek before squeezing by her into the suite.
“Hello, honey.” Daddy Scott gave her a big hug. “How you doing?”
“Fine, Dad.” His eyes still showed concern and Fiona boosted the perkiness in her voice up a few points. “Just fine.”
“Wow!” Samantha was gaping around at the sitting room. “Is this like pure luxury or what? This is the kind of hotel you should run, Dad.”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” he said slowly as he looked around. “It seems a bit too ritzy for me. I think I’m more of a little-country-inn type of person.” It had been their parents’ dream to open their own inn, although it had gotten sidetracked a bit by their mother’s death six years ago.
“It is nice here,” Fiona agreed. “But I wouldn’t want to live here.”
“Nice.” Her sister snickered. “This is from my sister who said the econorooms on our vacations were nice.”
Sam sometimes had too good a memory. “It’s a little fancier, but the basics are the same,” Fiona said. “Bed, bathroom, and a lock on the door.”
“Yeah, right,” Samantha jeered. “I bet you got gold fixtures in the bathroom.”
“I do not.”
Her sister scampered off to check out the bathroom.
“You look tired, honey,” her father said. “This been hard on you?”
“It was just a blood test.”
“When do you find out the results?”
“Tomorrow sometime.”
He put his arm around her shoulder. “I never got a chance to tell you how proud I am of you. This is a very special thing you’re doing.”
She felt such a fraud. She didn’t deserve accolades; she was doing what any mother would do. “It’s not that special,” she said. She could almost feel Alex there behind her, telling her she could tell her father the truth. And for a moment, she let herself lean again. “There’s something I never—”
“No gold in the bathroom,” Samantha said, stepping back into the sitting room. “But darn close.”
Fiona felt a mixture of relief and annoyance. Alex would probably say it didn’t matter if Sam was in the room, too, but it did to Fiona. She had to do things her own way.
She picked up her jacket. It was strange, though, how much Alex affected her. She’d only known him for a few days. If he had such a strong effect on her after such a short time, it was more than enough reason to let him get back to his work.
She turned to her family. “Are you guys hungry? There’s a nice coffee shop down the block.”
“We had breakfast before we hit the road,” Samantha said.
“Yeah, we’re fine,” their father agreed.
“How about a walk?” Fiona suggested. “It’s so beautiful outside that I can’t imagine staying in.”
“Hey, great,” Samantha said. “Let’s go to the Water Tower Place. I know it’s not outside, but we’d still be walking.”
“Do me good to stretch my legs,” their father said.
They went down to the street and joined the throngs of people milling about. Fiona didn’t feel alone or lost this time, but she did feel like something was missing. She refused to let Alex into her thoughts again and wrapped her arm around her father’s.
“It’s so good of you two to come up and visit. I was getting lonesome.”
“You could have come home while you waited for the results.”
“I know.” She couldn’t explain it, though. It was like she suddenly lived in two worlds and being here to help Kate was part of that other world.
Fiona just laughed. “Most of them do. Or they don’t need one.”
He just shook his head. “Where’s that young man that brought you here?”
“You mean Alex?” She acted as if he wasn’t in the front of her mind, haunting her thoughts.
“I thought he was supposed to be looking after you,” he said. “Chicago is a big place and cities like this can be dangerous.”
“I’m a big girl, Daddy. And any place can be dangerous. Our little town isn’t exactly crime-free, you know.”
He. looked like he was about to say something else, so Fiona stopped at a shop window. “Aren’t those purses beautiful?”
“I bet they’re expensive,” Samantha said.
“I went in the other day,” Fiona said. “You know, just to look around.”
“And?” Sam prompted.
“The cheapest ones start at five hundred dollars.”
“Wow.”
They moved on down the street, with Fiona breathing a sigh of relief. Her father wasn’t asking any more about Alex.
She didn’t want to talk about him. She didn’t want to think about him. He had come briefly into her life and was now out of it. All her mooning around was going to make her forget reality—he’d just been doing his job. If she needed to lean on anybody, it had better be herself.
Chapter Four
Alex leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. That’s what he got for being so damn efficient. He’d finished the preliminaries of some background checks for an insurance company and had nothing to do now until he received the credit reports. It was dull but profitable work.
When he opened his eyes, his gaze landed on his full in-basket. Of course, he did have other things he could do. He could tackle that pile and fill his day with filing, answering letters, and paying bills. Wowsers.
Instead he turned to look out the window. He lived on the ground floor of an old brownstone just a few blocks west of the Lincoln Park Zoo. Actually, it was more of a slightly below-ground floor, since the apartment was down a halfdozen steps or so. Looking out his front window gave him a view of a tiny patio, surrounded by chest-high walls; then, above them, feet walking by on the sidewalk. His back windows showed a slightly larger tiny patio, with some bushes above those walls. But he was used to it.
Things had been tough when he’d first started his P.I. gig, and this had been all that he could afford. He could do better now, but felt no compunction to move. He was comfortable here and easily earned enough to pay his expenses.
Focusing his eyes proved that the scene outside hadn’t changed from yesterday or last week—not that he could tell much by looking at his patio. The dirty snow was gone so winter had passed, but until fallen leaves were blown into the corners, time might very well be standing still.
Alex turned back to his desk and forced himself to look at the overloaded in-basket. No, time wasn’t standing still. He should really take care of this junk. Get on top of things for a change. And who knew? That pile might contain the offer of an interesting assignment—his gaze slid away from the pile of mail—like giving a gentle lady the chance to help out her kid.
Fiona seemed to hover in front of him, smiling that soft smile of hers, and suddenly he found it hard to breathe. His mouth was dry and his heart was racing. He wanted to hear her laughter, see that shadow of worry ease from her eyes.
Damn, he’d been right to bid her adieu. She was becoming an obsession and that wasn’t part of his job. His job had been to find her, that was all.
“Oh, hell.” Alex stood and stretched. Maybe he should get himself a cat. It would give him someone to talk to.
But what the hell would he talk about? Would he tell the cat about Fiona? How she was constantly in his mind?
And what would the cat tell him? Most likely, he’d sayforget about her. He’d point out that Alex was a loner and always would be. And had never brought any good to a relationship yet.
Shaking his head, Alex walked into the hall, took his windbreaker off the hook, and went outside. He’d stroll over to the zoo. Why bother getting a cat when the zoo had so many? They’d listen to him, yet he wouldn’t have to feed or care for them. He shut his door behind him, doublechecked that it was locked, and hurried up the steps to the sidewalk.
It was pleasant outside but a tad cool. Just right for a brisk walk. He quickly arrived at the zoo, but instead of heading toward the lion house, his feet took him toward the duck pond. The one that was bigger than South Bend’s.
It was even greener here today than it had been a couple of days back. When spring finally decided to arrive in Chicago, it came full force. He had a new bounce in his step, a lightness in his heart.
Alex rounded the curve in the walk and came to a dead stop. Fiona was sitting on a bench right where one would have expected her to be. Up near the swans.
Dread froze his feet while joy filled his heart. He wanted to run. Run forward. Run back home. Damn it, he should have known better than to come here.
Alex swallowed hard, then forced himself to move forward. There was no reason to run. He wasn’t afraid of Fiona. She wasn’t exactly the violent type.
“Hi,” he said.
She slowly turned to look up at him, her eyes open wide in innocence and a smile curving her lips. That had to be her small-town upbringing. A city gal would have jumped out of her shoes, then smacked him in the mouth when she came down, telling him that if he ever snuck up behind her again she’d rip his guts out.
“Hi,” she replied.
Fiona really had a beautiful smile. It somehow slipped behind all his defenses and weakened his resolve, not to mention his knees. He looked away.
“Beautiful day,” he said.
“Yes, it is.”
“Too damn nice to stay inside.”
“That’s why I came out here.”
“Did you take a cab?” he asked.
“No, I walked.”
Alex frowned for a moment. Overall the area was fine, but a couple of spots between the zoo and her hotel were a tad gritty. He guessed walking was all right, although a cab would have been safer.
“It’s supposed to get even warmer by this afternoon,” he said.
She just nodded; but then what did he expect her to do, given his sparkling and witty repartee. He took a deep breath and looked around the area. His eyes drifted out over the pond.
The swan couple was there, of course, but so were the ducks and geese. Most of them pairing off like the swans. In the spring a young man’s fancy turned to thoughts of—
“Do you like baseball?” he asked.
Still smiling, she shook her head. “Not really.”
“Oh.”
“Sometimes I take my nieces and nephews to see the Silver Hawks, though.” She glanced at him, then went on. “It’s the minor-league team back home.”
He nodded and checked out the lagoon again.
“Want to sit down?” she asked.
His gaze dropped to the empty spaces on either side of her. “Oh, sure.” He felt like some dippy high-school sophomore, but he sat down anyway. “Yeah, sure.”
The silence seized them again. He looked out over the lagoon and guessed she was doing the same thing. It wasn’t exactly comfortable but it wasn’t bad, either. Being around Fiona was pretty comfortable, no matter what.
“Writing something?” he asked, seeing the notebook in her lap.
She made a face. “I’ve been working on an essay about the lack of courtesy in our society for the last few weeks, but it’s not going very well.”
“I never pictured you writing essays,” he said.
“Why not? It’s what my great-great-grandfather wrote.”
“Yeah, but you’re not him. I somehow thought you’d be more into children’s stories or something.”
“Well, I’m not.” She shut her notebook, though, and stared out at the swans. “I’
m very like old Horace. I told you that. Finding him was like finding out who I was.”
He wanted to tell her she was nothing like the old guy. She was a hell of a lot easier on the eyes than the old curmudgeon had been and wasn’t as stiff and unyielding as stories had him. Neither did she follow his philosophy of honesty above all else. But it seemed so important to her to be his true descendant, Alex couldn’t point any of that out.
“Did you keep busy yesterday?” he asked instead.
“Oh, yes.” Her smile came back, peeking through the clouds like the sun after a storm. “Samantha and my father came to visit. We walked around Michigan Avenue, then checked out the stores near the hotel.”
“Where did you eat?”
“A sandwich shop in Water Tower Place. I forget the name.”
He nodded and they took another spin in the pool of silence.
“It was a nice visit,” Fiona said. “But I felt kind of uncomfortable. There are so many secrets between us right now.”
“There’s just one,” he softly reminded.
“I guess.” Fiona made a slight face and shrugged. “Maybe it just seems like a lot.”
He wanted to put his arm around her, pull her in to his heart, but he realized how idiotic that was and kept his hands to himself.
“Right now, you know more about me than anyone in my family.”
He shrugged.
“That makes it so easy to talk to you. I don’t have to worry about spilling the beans and hurting you.”
“Then just tell them the truth,” he said, and thought he saw a film of tears cover her eyes before she looked away. “They won’t hate you.”
“I know.” Her voice was choked up. “And I did try at one point, but…” Unable to finish, she just shrugged.
On Mother's Day (Great Expectations #1) Page 7