Ready To Love Again

by Annalyse Knight

  “Then why don’t you talk about her? You spent all day at work, and then you came home and pretended she never existed.” Liz fell back against the chair and folded her arms across her chest. “If you loved her, then you’d have stayed home and thought about her all day like I did.”

  “Except when we went out and flew kites with Aunt Gina,” Tony said as he shoveled more noodles in his mouth.

  She shot him a scowl that would have made a grown man cringe.

  Tony looked back at her with innocent eyes, unfazed by her hostility. “What?”

  “Shut up!” she spat.

  Chase brought his hand down on the table. “Elizabeth Marie, that kind of disrespect is not allowed in this home. You need to apologize to Gina and Tony, right now.”

  Liz glared at her father with tears in her eyes. Standing, she threw her napkin on the table. Her long blond hair whipped in her face when she turned and bolted for her room.

  “I hate you!” she screamed behind her as her feet pounded up the stairs. “I wish it was you that died!” Her bedroom door slammed with a loud bang that shook the windows all the way downstairs.

  Chase let out a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair, scrubbing at his scalp in frustration. Gina stood and went after Liz. “I’ll talk to her. She’s just upset about the move.”

  Nodding, Chase glanced at his son. Tony’s lips were turned down in a frown, and he was picking at the food on his plate.

  “You okay, slugger?” Chase asked.

  Tony released a long breath before he looked up at his father. “I don’t remember Mom. I know her hair was blond, and she had blue eyes like Liz and me, but I can’t remember what her voice sounded like.” Tears welled in his eyes, and he wiped them away on the back of his sleeve.

  Chase pulled his son into his lap and stroked his back. Daniel, ever considerate, gathered up the plates and disappeared into the kitchen.

  “I know, Tony,” Chase said. “Sometimes I forget, too, but we have pictures and even videos you can watch anytime you’d like.”

  Tony sniffed and nodded before looking up at his father. “Do you think Mom’s watching us? My friend Jonathan told me his grandma watches over him from heaven. Do you think Mom can see how much we miss her?”

  The longing in his little boy’s words pierced Chase’s heart. He squeezed him tighter and then rested his chin on the top of his head.

  “Nona Mia says that we never lose the ones we love,” Chase whispered. “They’re up in heaven preparing a place for us until we can be together again. It wouldn’t really be heaven if they couldn’t see the ones they love.”

  Tony’s little body relaxed with his father’s words. “I love you, Dad,” he whispered.

  “I love you, too, Tony.”

  Gina returned to the room and leaned against the doorframe. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure. Tony, why don’t you go watch some TV?”

  “Or read a book,” Gina suggested, giving Chase a challenging look.

  He shrugged as Tony climbed down and ran for the family room.

  “Liz will be in her room for the rest of the evening. She knows she shouldn’t have said what she did, but she’s too prideful to admit she was wrong.”

  Chase nodded while he digested Gina’s words.

  “How long does this have to go on before you consider counseling?”

  Before he could wave off her attack, a sweet voice filtered through the house from the television in the family room. He closed his eyes and listened while his wife’s declarations of love washed over him.

  “I’ll go make him turn it off.” Gina turned, but Chase grabbed her arm to stop her.

  “No, leave it. He needs to hear her voice.”

  Standing, Chase walked to the doorway. An image of Terri was moving across the flat screen in the family room. She looked stunning in her long white gown, her beautiful smile turned toward his younger self while she spoke her vows. Warmth rushed through his body as he listened to her soft words. Her promise to love and cherish him was seared upon his heart. Chase’s chest tightened, and he decided it wouldn’t be good idea to let Tony see him upset. He needed time to himself. Grabbing his windbreaker off the back of the couch, he headed for the door.

  “Chase?” Gina pulled him around to face her. “Are you okay?”

  He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I need to take a walk. I’ll be back in a while.”

  She pulled him down for a hug, and her embrace soothed his aching heart, easing his pain.

  “It’ll be okay. Things will get better, but—”

  Chase felt his composure begin to falter, so he held up a hand to stop her mid-sentence. This rejection hurt her, he knew, but he couldn’t stand there and listen. He slipped out the back door before she could try again.

  Guilt threatened to overwhelm him, but he continued on his way, pushing open the back patio gate that led to the beach. Gina had forfeited her career for two years to devote herself to his family after Terri died. With Chase’s insistence, she’d eventually taken a part-time job working at the Monterey Bay Aquarium as their events coordinator. One day, Daniel had accidentally let it slip that the aquarium had offered her a full-time position as their wedding coordinator, but she’d declined. Even though she wouldn’t admit it, Chase knew Gina had turned down the offer so she could continue to pick up the kids from school and take them to their various activities. Beyond providing for his family’s basic needs, she was also the emotional support he’d needed over the past three years. Despite all she’d sacrificed for him, he couldn’t listen to her at the moment.

  Chase kicked off his shoes and walked down the stone steps to the beach. It was a beautiful evening with a cool breeze. The sun lingered on the horizon, casting a streak of light off the water. His toes sank into the cool sand. Slipping his windbreaker onto his shoulders, he breathed in the salty air and let the sound of the waves crashing against the sand calm him.

  Terri? Can you hear me? He felt foolish, but Tony’s words had shaken him. Chase needed to reach out to her any way he could. Happy anniversary, baby.

  Looking out over the ocean, he tried to regain some semblance of control. The wedding band he wore as a constant reminder of his love seemed to sear his skin when he turned it around his finger.

  I’ve worn this ring for thirteen years. Gina tells me it’s time to let go and that I need to move on with my life. I don’t know if I can.

  Chase sat in the sand and buried his face in his hands until the sinking sun reminded him he needed to get back to his children. With a heavy heart, he stood and turned back toward his home.

  Clearing his throat, he swallowed his sorrow. A large golden retriever ran up and pranced in front of him, its tail wagging back and forth like a weapon in its excitement. The dog circled him a couple times before pushing his nose into Chase’s hand.

  “Hey there, boy."

  Chase scratched him behind the ears and smiled, grateful for the distraction the dog brought. There was something soothing in the animal’s presence that made him feel better than he had moments before.

  Maybe I need to get a dog.

  Chapter 2

  If there was one thing Katie Rodriguez hated more than her son’s collection of critters, it was stepping on his Legos.

  “Ouch.” She picked the offending object off the heel of her bare foot. “Shawn! Get in here and finish packing your toys.”

  “Don’t be mad, Mom, please. I kinda did somethin’ . . . wrong.” Shawn poked his head around the door, and the look on his face told her he wasn’t talking about the Legos.

  Katie sighed. From previous experience, whenever a sentence started with Don’t be mad, it wasn’t going to end well. Folding her arms in front of her chest, she waited for him to get the courage to tell her what trouble he had caused this time.

  “I kinda broke your glass dolphins,” he whispered, looking at his shoes.

  The dolphins had been a graduation present from Katie’s parents when she recei
ved her MS from Cal State University Monterey Bay. She stifled the urge to snap at her son and closed her eyes while she debated whether she wanted the answer to her next question.

  “How did you break them?”

  She opened her eyes, and her repentant nine-year-old shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

  “Well . . . Trevor got away, and I saw him jumping toward the back door.” Shawn took a big breath before he continued to weave his tale. “I wanted to catch him before he got away, but then Buddy saw him and started chasing me and Trevor. If I didn’t dive for Trevor, Buddy would have eaten him.”

  Katie rolled her eyes. Buddy was a smart golden retriever, except when it came to frogs. He’d gobble them in one bite, and within ten minutes, they’d come right back up. It wouldn’t matter that Trevor was named after Neville’s frog from Harry Potter. No amount of magic would have saved him from Buddy-mort. She waved her hand, impatient for Shawn to continue.

  “I hit the table when I got Trevor, and it fell off. I’m sorry, Mom. I know you liked the dolphins.”

  Any anger his mother felt melted when she noticed a tear on Shawn’s tanned cheek. The poor child had dealt with the separation of parents who couldn’t agree on anything with surprising resilience. But it was moments like this when she wondered if his tears weren’t about something deeper than a broken memento.

  “It’s okay. Finish packing your Legos and take the box out to Uncle Kevin to put in the moving truck.”

  Shawn walked over to his mother and slipped his arms around her waist. “I’m really sorry, Mom.”

  Katie ran her fingers through his spiky black hair and held him close. “It’s okay, honey.”

  She pulled away from him and gave him a forgiving smile. “Now, hurry up. We have to leave in a few minutes.”

  Shawn nodded, then went to finish packing up his toys. Katie sighed and headed for the bedroom to get the rest of the boxes before she dealt with the mess that waited for her in the dining room.

  “Mi corazón, do you want the dining room table?” Katie’s ex-husband, Victor, came into the bedroom, and she gritted her teeth at his use of his old nickname for her.

  If I really was your heart then we wouldn’t be divorced now, would we?

  “No, you can keep it. I have the smaller table from my mother.” She pushed down the hostility she’d felt in his presence since the separation, grabbed the blankets she had folded, and shoved them in a box.

  Victor hovered over her, looking like he wanted to have that discussion again, so she stepped around him and placed the box by the door. He was a handsome man—dark skin, hair, and eyes held a small hint of his father’s Hispanic heritage. Taller than Katie’s five-foot eight by almost six inches, his work in the construction business kept his large frame trim and strong. She used to be attracted to his easy smile and dark good looks, but that was before arguments, affairs, and lawyers had come between them.

  “Mi—”

  Frustrated, Katie held up her hands, stopping him before he started.

  “Don’t go there right now. Shawn’s in the other room. We can talk about it on the drive to Carmel.” It was obvious Victor wanted to argue, but instead, he gave her a curt nod. He grabbed a box off the bed that she guessed weighed as much as she did, and he hefted it onto his massive shoulder as if it were empty. With a final glance in her direction, he turned toward the door and strode out, grumbling under his breath.

  She was past the point of caring if she irritated him. It would only get worse when they were locked in the confines of the truck together. She glanced around the small bedroom they’d once shared and let out another long sigh. The one thing that remained was the king-sized bed they bought when they were first married. She didn’t want the reminder of what they had done on that mattress or, worse yet, what he recently did with her on it.

  His affair had been the final straw in a long line of problems. Their separation, after six years of marriage, was a result of his controlling and manipulative personality. Three years prior, she’d thought taking Shawn to live with one of her brothers would make Victor see she was serious that she couldn’t live with his overbearing rules. Instead, it had set in motion the events that would end their marriage.

  Shawn suffered the most during the divorce. He had always been a curious child, which frequently landed him in trouble. After the separation, his antics grew more into attention-getting schemes than good old-fashioned pranks. Several months of therapy for them both had helped him revert back to his old self. However, she always worried any negativity between her and Victor would bring it all back.

  Katie made her way back to the dining room and stared at the shattered dolphins. She couldn’t help but compare them to her failed marriage. What once had stood as a symbol of her accomplishments and hard work now lay in ruins at her feet. It had happened in an instant, and there was no way to go back and repair the damage. Since she’d found her husband in bed with another woman, her life had become about picking up the pieces and moving on.

  While she cleaned up the mess, she thought about how out of control everything had become. Moving was her way of taking back control. Katie was going to create a new path for her and her son and not let the actions of her ex-husband hold her back.

  “Legos are in the truck, Mom,” Shawn called from the doorway. “I caught a lizard in the garden, too. Can I keep him?”

  Katie groaned as she reached for the dustpan. “No, Shawn. Please let him go.”

  After a minute of silence, she heard his reluctant grumble, followed by Kevin’s comforting tone while her brother assured him there would be plenty of lizards in California.

  Sweeping up the bits of glass from the floor, she remembered how desolate her life had looked less than a month ago. The divorce was almost final, and she’d needed to find a job. She volunteered at the Albuquerque Aquarium, but they weren’t hiring, so she went outside of her field to look for anything that would support her and Shawn. Her brother, Kevin, assured her she could stay with him and his wife for as long as she wanted, but Katie needed to find her independence. She couldn’t do that while being supported by her family.

  When every job lead had been exhausted, she picked up the phone and called an old professor she’d adored while going to school in California. She was surprised to hear that the Monterey Bay Aquarium was looking for an aquarist who would also have the opportunity to be a part of the research team when a position opened up. The next day, Katie almost fell out of her chair when she received a call from the aquarium to arrange a meeting with her. Apparently, her old professor, who was instrumental in founding the white shark project, had recommended her for the job.

  Within a week she had flown to Monterey, had an interview, and was offered a job. Not only would she work in a field she loved, but she also would have the income she desperately needed. The divorce was finalized on the same day she received word of her new position, and she was able to end that period of her life on a positive note.

  “Ready, Katie?” Kevin asked when he came through the front door, and Katie smiled. She would miss her serious-minded sibling and his level-headed advice. He brushed wavy brown hair from his eyes and scratched the back of his neck the way he always did when he was anxious about something.

  She looked around at the home she hadn’t lived in for a long time and nodded. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “I’ll take Shawn and Buddy in your car while you ride with Victor in the truck. He said he had some things he wanted to discuss with you.” Kevin’s expression revealed that he wasn’t sure he wanted to leave them alone together.

  She shrugged. The conversation was inevitable. “It’ll be fine. I’ll switch with Shawn after Victor says whatever he needs to say.” Wrapping her arms around her brother’s waist, Katie gave him a hug. He’d been her savior throughout a tumultuous time in her life, and it would be hard to let go of the security he provided.

  “Samantha’s going to miss you at the house,” Kevin said.


  Clutching him tighter, Katie chuckled. “No, she just doesn’t want to get stuck making dinner every night.”

  “That’s definitely true,” he said with a small bark of laughter, pulling back and wiggling his eyebrows. “Her cooking isn’t why I married her anyway.”

  Katie punched him in the arm, but the affection he had for his wife was obvious. She wanted what they had. Picking up a box, she turned away to hide the longing she knew was written all over her face.

  “You’re just lucky she puts up with you,” she said in a teasing tone before she shoved the box into Kevin’s arms.

  With a grunt, he took it and grinned. “I’ll sure miss your pleasant disposition, sis,” he said, ducking out of the house before she could retaliate.

  She’d miss his teasing the most. Running through the house one last time, Katie double-checked that she had packed everything before she climbed into the cab of the truck.

  Victor was silent until they hit the outskirts of Albuquerque. “It’s not too late to change your mind.”

  “No, I won’t change my mind.”

  He gritted his teeth and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. “So you’re not even going to consider the job Steven offered you to work at the office? You’d rather feed fish for a fraction of what we’d pay you if you stayed?”

  “Stop pretending the job offer was Steven’s idea. We both know it was your plan to keep Shawn and me in Arizona.”

  “I want my son to stay here, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

  “Which is exactly why I’m leaving.” Katie folded her arms over her chest and stared out the windshield. “I’d rather be overqualified and underpaid than let you manipulate me or my family.”

  “You couldn’t do this if I didn’t agree to the alimony and child support. There’s no way you could support yourself on your own.”

  She turned and glared at him. “Are you saying that you’re going to flake on your responsibility so you can manipulate me into staying in New Mexico?”

  Returning his focus to the road, Victor narrowed his eyes and didn’t answer. Katie clenched her jaw to keep from screaming while she waited for his response.