The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  “Camille? Don’t let them get to you. They aren’t worth it.”

  No, they weren’t. And Mason didn’t deserve to have his heart played with. What had I been thinking?

  All I’d wanted were a few kisses, but suddenly, it didn’t seem as charming as it once had.

  Chapter 22

  The next morning, my muscles weren’t as sore as I thought they’d be. Whatever Mason had done had helped a ton.

  Before I got breakfast, I wanted to seek out Alejandro and make contact. He was sitting in the middle of a long bench in the mess hall, chatting with his friends. I worried that Mason might see, but his back was to us, so I could easily do some light flirting with Alejandro. It was a risky move, but I needed to move things along.

  First, though, I had something more important to do. If I wanted my kiss list to go smoothly, I needed to make nice with my former softball friends. They kept doing things that hurt my chances of ever getting kissed again.

  I found Val with the others at a table in the corner. Her face darkened when she saw me. I held up my hands in a peace offering. “I just came to apologize. I’m sorry for what I did.”

  “Well, I’m not sorry for what I did,” she snarled. Her homemade earrings trembled with her fuming body. “You deserved it.”

  I wasn’t sure anyone deserved to be forced to pee their pants and have the evidence uploaded to social media, but I bit my tongue. They obviously thought it was a fair trade. “I’m sure I did. Can we just call a truce?” I held out my hand.

  She swatted it away. “I’m not sure what you’re up to, but I’m not falling for your games this time.”

  I lowered my hand, my head flinching back in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  Ava, who was sitting next to her with her double Dutch braids under her hat, scoffed. “You seriously don’t remember what you did sophomore year, do you?”

  I slowly shook my head as I racked my brain, trying to think back. Had I humiliated her somehow? Why couldn’t I remember?

  Val scrambled to her feet and stepped back from me. “If you don’t know what you did wrong, then you haven’t changed.”

  “Please,” I said, “just tell me what I did so I can apologize . . .”

  Izzy stood and put her arm around Val. She had her strawberry-blonde hair in a long braid down her back instead of her usual bun. Her sweet, soft face clashed with the harshness in her tone. “So, it’s not worth apologizing until you know what it is?”

  I stepped forward, causing them to step back. “That’s not what I meant. I feel bad that I can’t remember. I’m trying here. Can’t you help me out?”

  Val wiped at a tear that had escaped down her cheek. “Forget it. Just stay away from me.” She stormed off with Izzy and Ava at her heels.

  “Man, you just make everyone cry.” Liam was suddenly at my side with his stupid grin.

  I shoved him away and ran out of the mess hall. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I remember what I’d done? I wished I could call Kaitlyn and Hayley. Maybe they would know. I told them everything.

  At least, I thought I did. Now I wasn’t sure about anything.

  “Camille, wait!” Liam’s voice bounced as he ran after me.

  I stopped near an oak tree and folded my arms, trying to hold back the tears. I wouldn’t cry. Why was I even letting them get to me?

  “What’s going on, Cam-I-Am?” Liam asked when he caught up with me.

  I stared at my neon-blue sneakers. They just happened to match the blue in my hair, which normally would have made me smile. “I have no idea why I came to this stupid camp.”

  He folded his arms to match me. “Um, I don’t know, maybe because you’re extremely talented and belong on the team?”

  I kicked at a root protruding from the grass. “Unfortunately, talent doesn’t get you far on a team. It helps if your teammates, you know, like you.” I rubbed my forehead. “I should’ve known better than to come.”

  “What did you do to piss off your teammates, anyway?”

  “I have no idea. It was something from sophomore year, I guess. I’ve been trying to remember, but it’s like my brain has blocked out all the memories before Dylan.” My hands tightened into fists. I hated that I couldn’t remember who I was before him. How had I lost myself completely?

  Liam tapped my arm. “There’s nothing in this life that isn’t fixable.” He shrugged. “Except for killing someone.” When I rolled my eyes, he chuckled. “Want me to ask around and see if I can figure out what you did?”

  I played with my fingers. “You wouldn’t mind?”

  “Are you kidding? This is like some sort of top secret mission, just like the old days.”

  A smile pulled at my lips. There was something I actually remembered. Liam and I would assign each other missions when we were in elementary school. I once had him get a piece of toilet paper from the girls’ bathroom. He had me take an eraser from Brady’s backpack. Just silly things like that.

  I twisted my lips to the side. “Yeah, not sure if you could handle this one.”

  He bumped my arm. “Please. If I could put a tiny piece of paper in Mrs. Jenkins’ curly hair without her noticing, I can handle getting some information from the softball team.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “All I gotta do is turn on my charm, and they’ll be spilling their deepest, darkest secrets to me.”

  “Seeing how Sadie was fawning over you at Brady’s party, I think you may be right.”

  Liam placed his hand over his heart. “Oh, do I detect a hint of jealousy? Don’t worry, Cam-I-Am. I’ll always be your partner-in-crime.”

  He did it once again. He took my sour mood and turned it into something sweet. We stood there in this contemplative silence, both looking at each other. I’d missed having him as a friend. I’d always thought he was annoying, but really, it was my attitude, not his. He was just a fun-loving guy.

  Liam broke the silence. “You need to do something to make them like you again.”

  “Like what?”

  Baseball and softball players were trickling out of the mess hall, heading to practice. It meant I’d missed breakfast, which sucked, but I’d survive.

  He glanced over his shoulder at everyone, and then back at me. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but from what I can tell, it almost seems like they felt abandoned by you. They’re probably expecting you to do it again.”

  “I won’t.” I never wanted to lose myself over a stupid boy again.

  He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “They don’t know that. You need to prove to them that you’re a part of the team. Let them know you care.”

  I picked a piece of lint off the top of his shirt, and then smoothed out the material. “When did you become all wise?”

  He’d frozen in place, his sure smile nowhere to be found. I waited for his witty remark, but it never came.

  “You feeling okay?” I asked.

  Liam licked his lips and ran his fingers through his hair. “Uh. We should get going.” He took off toward the field at a brisk pace.

  Thanks to Mason’s magic hands and my loose muscles, I was able to easily catch up with Liam. It was weird to see him without his usual confidence, but I didn’t want to push the issue.

  “Have any brilliant ideas?” I asked, trying to keep up with his speed walking. “I have no food on me, so that’s out of the question.”

  His smile came back, relieving me. “You’re really bad at coming up with ways to make people like you. I mean, ways that would actually work.”

  The sun was shining brightly that day, making me glad I’d put on a baseball hat. It was my vintage Dr Pepper one that my mom had bought me when I was twelve. It was falling apart, but it was one of my treasures. She’d just randomly come home with it—it was also the last time she’d randomly bought me something.

  We walked onto the grass, heading toward all the players warming up before practice. I scanned the baseball players, searching for Alejandro and hoping to at least make eye contact since
I didn’t get a chance to talk to him, but he wasn’t looking in my direction.

  “Obviously, my words can’t convince them,” I said, scratching at an itch on the side of my arm. “I need a grand gesture.”

  Liam stopped me by putting his hands on my shoulder. “It doesn’t have to be grand. It just has to confirm your commitment to the team.”

  I nodded. “Right. Got it.” I rubbed my hands together. “Let the fun begin.”

  With a grin, Liam took off toward Coach Barnes to assist him.

  A gesture of commitment. If I could do that for Dylan for over a year, I could handle that for the softball team, right? Maybe then, my kiss list would be back on track.

  Chapter 23

  Coach Wilkes wasn’t the least bit gentle with us during exercises. She pushed us as far as we could go, and then a little bit farther. We’d be playing the boys the next day, which was the last day of camp, and a perfect time for some fun flirting with the guys.

  Unfortunately, when your team doesn’t like you, there isn’t a lot of trust to be found. Every dropped or overthrown ball made the swears fly from Coach Wilkes like it was the only language she knew. It also didn’t help that I was off my game. I couldn’t shake the glares being thrown at me. I tried to think about Alejandro’s sultry smile or Mason’s gorgeous eyes instead, but that only caused more of a distraction.

  “Camille!” Coach shouted. “Are you aware of how tall Ava is?”

  “Yes, Coach.” I adjusted my hat, wiping some sweat from my forehead in the process.

  Coach had a fist on her hip, her legs spread shoulder-width apart, whistle hanging from a string around her neck, and resting a softball bat on her shoulder. “Really? Because it seems to me like you think she’s eight feet tall.”

  Izzy snickered from the pitcher’s mound, but I tried to push the sound away. I didn’t need all of them getting in my head. I was good at softball. I was good at my position. I needed to remind all of them, and myself, of that.

  I punched my fist into my glove and nodded at the coach, telling her I understood.

  Coach was at bat, sending balls in different directions. The next ball she hit headed straight between me and the third baseman, Tamara. From where I stood, it looked like I had the better angle, so I shouted, “Got it!” and sprinted toward it. We only had seconds to react, and in that amount of time, both Tamara and I ran for the ball, Tamara ignoring my declaration. We reached the ball at the same time, my right side colliding with her left, sending us both to the ground, dirt raining down around us.

  A slight pain tore through my shoulder, but it was nothing major. I sat up, rubbing my shoulder and staring down at Tamara, who was doing NBA-worthy squirming on the dirt. Val rushed to her, the medic bag slung over her shoulder, bouncing against her tiny frame. She fell on her knees next to Tamara and put her hand on Tamara’s leg where she was holding it.

  “What was that?” Coach snarled as she stomped toward us.

  “I called for it.” I rotated my shoulder around, trying to work out the pain.

  “I did!” Tamara screeched. If she had, I didn’t hear her. I had no idea if she was lying or not. She hadn’t been on the team during sophomore year, so I hadn’t had any interaction with her until the camp. There was a good chance she believed all the things the others had said about me.

  I licked my lips, wishing I’d remembered to put some lip balm in my pocket. “Sorry, Tamara. I didn’t hear you.”

  “I did,” Izzy said, glaring down at me, her braid resting over her shoulder.

  “So did I,” Ava put in. She adjusted her hat, stuffing some loose hairs back under it. “And I didn’t hear anything from Camille.”

  I turned to her. She’d been at first base. No way could she have heard it so crystal clear from there, unless she had Daredevil-level hearing.

  Tamara writhed on the ground like a hurt puppy. She held onto her leg, whimpering in pain. Val fussed over her.

  “Where exactly does it hurt?” Val asked, her tone soft and motherly. I held in a gag.

  Tamara pointed to her right calf. “Right here.”

  We’d collided on her left side, but I kept my mouth shut. I needed to be careful of what I said.

  Coach pulled me up by the arm until I was on my feet, and dragged me away from the others. “You don’t have to get every ball, Camille. Let the other girls play, too.”

  I watched as all our teammates huddled around Tamara, cooing over her and basically coddling her like a baby. “I’m sorry, Coach. I honestly didn’t hear her say anything.” I wasn’t sure she even had. “I thought I had the better angle, but obviously, I read the situation wrong.”

  Coach’s jaw tightened as if she was trying to figure out something to say. She must not have expected me to apologize like that. She glanced at the others. “If she’s seriously injured, we’ll have to switch some players around. No one can play third base like Tamara can.”

  “I know, Coach,” I said. “But we didn’t hit too hard. I’m sure she’ll be okay. Val’s good at what she does. She’ll get Tamara all fixed up.”

  “Well.” Coach huffed. “You better hope so.”

  As if they’d heard my declaration, Izzy and Val helped Tamara to her feet, and she hobbled off the field. She had to be overreacting, but I had no way to prove it. Every single girl snarled at me like I’d done it on purpose. So much for getting them to like me.

  I walked to where the rest of the team was huddled, obviously talking about me. The chatter shut off when I approached.

  “I’m sorry, everyone,” I said. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

  Ava wiped a tear from her eye. Wow, they were really laying on the theatrics. “What if she can’t play this season because of you?”

  I pulled back in surprise. “It was a small collision. There’s no possible way for her to be that injured.”

  Jordyn had her catcher’s mask resting on top of her head. “Not everyone is as muscular as you, Camille. She can’t take as big a hit.” She wiped the side her nose on the sleeve of her baseball shirt, her glove still on her hand.

  I hadn’t expected Jordyn to side with me, but I hadn’t really expected her to side with the team, either. We hadn’t talked much as roommates, but there hadn’t been any arguments. I threw up my hands. “What do you expect me to do here? It was an accident, I promise. The last thing I’d want to do right now is ruin things for the team.”

  Izzy held her glove against her chest. “That would be a first.”

  The rest of the team nodded in agreement.

  I sighed. “I know you all hate me, but I’m going to prove to you that I’ve changed and deserve to be a part of the team.” I walked as calmly as I could away from the group before I said anything stupid.

  All the drama was sucking the fun out of softball. Maybe I needed to look into a city team instead of playing for the school. Softball was supposed to be my release.

  I slowly pulled it together for the rest of practice. I had to take up the slack with Tamara missing. Coach had been right—no one could play third base like Tamara. Any time I tried to give the sub-third baseman a chance to make a play, she messed it up, and I got chewed out by Coach for being lazy.

  Then Val announced that Tamara was out for the rest of camp.

  “She can barely move her leg.” Val stood with her arms wrapped closely around herself. “It’s not broken, but she’ll need to stay off it for a while.” Her dramatically sad eyes flicked over to me, anger incinerating the distress.

  Coach rubbed her hand down her face. “This is going to make tomorrow’s game almost impossible to win.”

  I hated how negative they were all being. It was seriously like someone had poured a pessimistic serum into their food all week.

  I licked my dry lips. “It will be hard, yes, but I think we can manage a win. If we work together as a team . . .”

  “Save your stupid speech,” Ava cut in. “We aren’t falling for it. You’ve screwed
us over.”

  “Again.” Izzy snarled at me, and it wasn’t pretty.

  Everyone jogged off the field like we’d just lost the championship.

  All the hate they were throwing at me tasted worse than the time Dylan kissed me after he’d eaten squid. Hopefully, Liam had dug up some information. Even though I might not make the team, I still wanted to apologize to my teammates for whatever I’d done sophomore year. I desperately needed to get back to being the old Camille.

  Chapter 24

  At dinner, I sat by myself. I’d headed toward Mason, but there was no room around him, and a couple friends cracked some jokes about me peeing myself before he could see me. Alejandro wasn’t there yet. So, I found a spot in the corner where I could see everyone. I didn’t want to risk anyone pulling a prank on me.

  Coming to camp had definitely drilled a hole into my kiss list. I thought it would be the perfect time to snatch some kisses, but the softball team was making it way too difficult.

  Speaking of the softball players, Liam sat at their table, using his charm to woo them. He’d probably end up finding out a lot more than just what I did sophomore year.

  Mason finally caught my eye, looking at me like he was debating whether to sit with me or not. I’d shut him down, which couldn’t have been easy for him.

  I wanted my phone. Hayley and Kaitlyn would be able to cheer me up. I missed hearing their voices.

  Someone plopped down across the table, taking me from my reverie. Alejandro was in a muscle tank that left nothing to the imagination, muscles everywhere. His hair was still wet from a shower.

  He smiled brightly at me. “I hear you’re having a good week.”

  I had to resist the urge to fling my mashed potatoes at his face. “Something like that.”

  “Rough break about Tamara.” He folded his arms on the table.

  “She’ll be fine,” I snapped. I sighed at my rude tone and its complete lack of sexiness.