Hidden Carmina

by Adri Sinclair

  “Uhhhh?”

  “Here. Wet denims stay wet forever and a big jacket is just too awkward to hike in.”

  She hands me a bright pink bag, in which is a set of pitch-black clothing; waterproof slacks with a top to match and a jacket; I can’t figure out what it’s made off but it is light, snug and warm! It is obviously perfectly sized and I wonder if I should braid my hair. Excitement gets the better of me and I decide against it. I have become used to this mess and Liam seems to like it a lot. I know he tries not to stare but I watch him sometimes and I feel his affection. There is no denying that I enjoy his admiration too. Emerging from my room, John grabs at his chest and does the falling over move again.

  “Mother, what are you doing to meeee? Look at that girl - every bit the witch in training!”

  I feel the approval travelling around me and I grin happily.

  “Thank you.” I hug Lady E.

  “Oh no, my sweet girl, thank you! You are quite the painting.”

  “Off we go,” Uncle Will commands. It is clear he does not like being cooped up indoors.

  Once outside, Liam takes my hand firmly in his and matches my pace. I forget that I have kept this development to myself for the harder days when I am struggling. Liam is very affectionate and very possessive. It is the first time the others see us together.

  “Oh… Li-am and Mi-na sitting in a tree…” John teases and Uncle will chimes in, “K-i-s-s-i-n-g!”

  Walking with the Morettis is proving to be a challenge. They are constantly scuffling and dashing back and forth or jostling. Even Lady E gets in on the playful shoving and it is all I can do not to fall over.

  “Who’s Mina?” I pretend not to notice myself blushing.

  John darts around me like a puppy with a new owner.

  “VOTE!” He shouts and I hear it echo all around us. There is an air of jovial familiarity amongst the Morettis and the call for a vote is met without hesitation.

  “Aye,” the other three pipe up and, apparently, that settles the score.

  “You are. You’re outvoted.”

  Lady E looks pleased as punch and her eyes are gleaming as bright as the sun. Dragging up behind them, I notice there’s nothing but my set of prints in the snow. Puzzled, I look behind me and to verify and the evidence is apparent. One set of dragging prints trailing as far back as the eyes can see.

  “So I’m the fat one?” I point behind us and they laugh. Out of nowhere, three sets of prints appear next to mine as we stroll.

  The view that greets me is a panorama of breathtaking awe. The river is frozen over and, with the little sunlight gliding against the surface, you can just about make out a random spread of sparkling crystals. On the other side of the river is a tree line that stretches forever, inviting you in like Red Riding hood. Drawing nearer to the bank, a quaint, heavy wooden gazebo grabs my attention. It is standing regal and tranquil with an air of self-importance. Inside is a cascade of bright pillows over a thick checked blanket and two picnic baskets to complete the picture. I feel myself well up with emotion.

  “It is so beautiful!”

  Lady E pushes her chin out with pride and, for a moment, she reminds me of a young Victorian rebel refusing to conform. I still can’t get to grips with how beautiful this woman is. It is clear that she received the desired response when she shakes her head and waves her hand in an ‘Ahw gosh’ routine. We sit down and make small talk for a while which allows me to catch my breath. The men, all of them, constantly look towards the river.

  Lady E sighs and waves them off.

  “Go! GO! The gear is under the deck.”

  I watch as the three of them blur off and return in skates and sticks.

  “Ah.” I grasp the reference.

  “Mother brought a set for you too…if you’re brave enough?” John teases.

  “Or is the fire in your hair reserved for snowball fights in particular?”

  “I-I can’t. Uhm… I’m not very good at it, but I love watching. Please…” I recall the last time I tried this and it ended badly. I fell so many times tripping over myself, taking the others and the nets with me; the rink marshal asked me to remove the gear and not ever set foot on his ice again.

  “Ok, ok, but put them on at least and come down with us….” Uncle Will makes a sad face at me and I narrow my eyes.

  “So, so unfair!” I mutter, snatching the items from him and putting them on, shaking my head at the extra padding required just for me. Do they have a death-wish of some sort?

  Slowly edging closer to the riverbank, I find an outpost good enough to firmly plant myself and marvel as the four of them speed the length of the river. It’s frantic game of tag that I can’t follow. They put sticks down for me to ‘guard’ and ‘use if necessary’. I gawk openly at how graceful all of them are when they move slowly enough for me to follow. In particular, when Lady E moves, her hair always seem to feather right back into place after every effort. Uncle Will’s silvery hair is always close to his wife, and as a team, they move in a coordinated dance that leaves the boys blocked from getting past. I feel like this is an ice show and I am a guest of honor; alone in the theater, reserved just for me.

  A headache flairs without warning and my hands instinctively fly to my temples. I know this feeling and my anxiety does not even pretend to be absent.

  “No, no, no, I don’t want to see those horrid pictures…” I find a hand full of ice and stick it on the back of my neck.

  “Liam…” I whisper to him “Someone is there…”

  “You can see her?” he asks, surprised.

  “Her? No… my head…”

  Without another word, the four blurs fly towards me and, for a second, I think I am going to throw up.

  “22 years hey? I got this,” I hear the voice speak at the same time as I see the Lynx breaking the tree-line. The headache is in full swing, ready to explode and I feel myself hyperventilating.

  “Steady, Carmina.” I watch the big cat’s paws leaving heavy prints, two, three more paces and the blindness set in. Before any images can fill the darkness, there is a reverberating sound inside my head, banishing the pain along with it.

  SNAP!!

  Like before, I feel the energy surge, but this time there is nothing more than silence in the darkness.

  “Open your eyes.”

  When I manage to look, it is straight into a set of warrior-green eyes on a lowered head, front paw thumping angrily at the ground and a cat-yowl that sends tingles down my spine.

  “Richard over and out!”

  I know the voice is fading away from me. I want to say goodbye but he is already gone when I hear a new voice.

  I feel her, and she is not happy. I withdraw quietly into a corner, making myself as little known as I can. I use my outside voice, the term best describing using my physical vocals.

  “Liam?”

  “Are you alright?” He speaks back to me and I hear the catty remark inside.

  “Aw, how cute! You even bow out to her vocal needs. What is she doing here?”

  Like I do… or did, with the voices, I focus outside of myself and don’t acknowledge her remark at all. I have done this so often that it takes no effort at all and she’s none the wiser.

  “I’m … a little scared,” I say and like a wall, both Liam and John push in front of me, leaving just enough space for me to see between them.

  “Jackie! So good to see you. We’re still on our line. What brings you to the river, my dear? I’m sure it is not to find out why Mina is with us.” Uncle Will speaks kindly.

  “You too Will? Too bloody precious. No. We saw you arrive. Of course it is no surprise to find her here, we could smell her for miles. Joseph thought it would be nice to have a joint game.”

  “Why don’t you go fetch your family, dear one? We can have a game or two it would be so much fun! And it would be marvelous for Carmina to meet Maria!” Lady E tilts her head in the slightest of gestures, almost dismissing the girl.

  Liam gets a
sadistic grin and John openly laughs at my reaction. Jackie glares at me but I don’t care. Surely they don’t expect me to play? With another House? Oh gods, help me. Help them!

  “Will she play? I prefer not to play with my food.”

  “Jackie! You will mind your words, please. Carmina is capable of far more than you give her credit. Don’t be rude to our guest.” Liam speaks to her for the first time.

  The Lynx’s head turns away from me and she purrs. “Aw my Liam… I was looking forward to alone time with you today…. It’s not like she even understands, how boring.” She rubs her head against his side, nudging his hand. Is that cat really purring?!

  Lady E, Uncle Will and John look at me in unison. They practically bounce me to the front of the conversation. It is Uncle Will that interrupts the Lynx-girl’s flirtation.

  “Jackie Azzara, meet Carmina Rose Nightshade.”

  I push through my Vampire fort and take Liam’s hand, feeling like a schoolgirl whose big brother just came to rescue her from the bullies.

  “Well met, Miss Jackie Azzara. Turns out I do hear you just fine.” I speak to her personally, “Some secrets are best kept in plain sight.”

  I see the cat freeze, I hear her furious growl, I feel her surprise and irritation. Her big head nudges against Liam’s hand before she glowers at me. I feel the pride and support from the Moretti family, giving me enough courage to hold my ground.

  “All along?!” she hisses at me.

  “No, from the part where you thought of shredding me.” I smile sweetly. The guess I made was accurate enough, judging by the shameful and bewildered reaction from the Lynx.

  “How is this possible?” Jackie is shouting now and the tenacious tension sets into my bones. I refuse to speak again but I also don’t draw back.

  “We will tell you when we ourselves know. Now, are we having a game or not?” Uncle Will asks, laying down the challenge.

  Jackie does not answer but when she turns to run off, I allow myself to relax and memorize her signature before closing myself off against her.

  “Mina… when…” Uncle Will asks in proud surprise.

  “Uhm…. Richard, just like Velvet…”

  Uncle Will sniggers and slaps one hand into the other, looking utterly pleased. “I don’t presume to understand it, but good job girl! We hardly noticed you at all!”

  John lifts his head and let out a long, joyful howl followed by the rest of the Moretti family.

  From the other side of the river four figures break the tree line, one male and two females. Their emerald eyes are aware and curious like prowling cats. They have a more sturdy build to them but every movement is the embodiment of grace and poise. Their skin is smooth and light, pale, but not as pronounced as the Morettis. I tilt my head while looking at their hair, anticipating the specks of sun that highlight the colors to their full glory. Each one has a style in a mix of gingers, browns and silvery streaks but in different proportions and almost reflecting markings. It is not that their hair is unruly, it is just… everywhere. It is lush and invites you to stroke your fingers through it; but when you see their sharp eyes and the set of their mouths you know you shouldn’t dare. I can’t help but feel a little envious, being back in my ugly duckling fairytale. I can see why Liam…. I shake my head and try to ban the idea.

  “You…see them already?” Uncle Will asks, observably aware of my analysis and I flush scarlet. There is no secret to be kept and there is just no way around it when you’re under mental house arrest.

  “Don’t you?” I ask, somewhat cheekily.

  Uncle Will looks at Liam and then his lips pull into a peculiar smirk. Another silent communication between them – I’m guessing.

  “Don’t be daft, of course I do…” he shoves me purposefully hard and I closely fly past Liam, who in turn catches me and places me upright in front of his Father.

  “Apologize, Madam, or you’re the disk today,” His hand is still around my waist.

  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I yell and can’t help laughing along with them when they do a terrible rendition of disappointed faces.

  “Don’t forget who is Alpha, Mina…” Liam teases me and twirls his mother around his finger in a ballet towards Will.

  “Mother is the sole person to get away with … just about anything,”

  Lady E dances past me and nuzzles up to her husband.

  “Is it true?” I hear the male voice from a distance.

  “Good morning, Joseph! Is what true?” Lady E glides over to the male and kisses each cheek.

  “Ah, the beautiful Esmeriska! Forgive me my impatience.” He receives and returns the kisses, taking her hand to kiss it as well. I smile to myself; this man is a charmer.

  “My friends! It has been… very long! So good to see you, so good.”

  They are all greeting one another and I am pertinently excluded from the friends list. Jackie looks over Liam’s shoulder at me when she pushes herself firmly against his body and I swear I can hear her purr again! I offer a smile, hoping it will come across warm and friendly and maybe even confident. Instead of letting go, she swings herself around him, leaning against his shoulder turning her back to me. I grit my teeth and am about to step forward.

  “Sweetheart,” I hear Lady E gingerly push into my mind “The hellcat has an itch to scratch and she’s chosen the wrong scratch pole. Don’t let her push you around but pick your battles.”

  I nod to Lady E who waves me towards the group.

  “Carmina Rose Nightshade... but I am sure we don’t have to tell you who she is.”

  “Oh Carmina! Bella! You are a sight for sore eyes! Oh you look more…” He waves his hands around in circles trying to find he words. “…hypnotic than before…. Jackie tells me stories about you… are they true?”

  I feel all eyes on me and swallow hard.

  “It is, Sir...” I stammer and the catty chitter pushes against me.

  “Ah, you can call me Joseph! I heard you once before but … it was unclear.” He taps his head and I blush scarlet red when the connection signs up firmly. I also recall having called them pets. How embarrassing.

  “Oh…” he laughs at my reaction.

  “Oh she is exquisite! A blush!” He pulls me closer and offers the family-friend kiss on each cheek. “You cannot ever lose that, it is the most beautiful color any woman can wear. Maria! Come, come see this child. Quickly!”

  I feel like I’ve just passed another test. I look at Liam worriedly and shake my head when he takes my hand, leading me to the iced river.

  “Liam... I am terrible at this. I can’t walk, you want me to…” I feel my feet slip out from under me and I connect to the ground. This is going to be the death of me today. Had Jackie not insisted on wrapping Liam up in cat-fur he may have been able to catch me. I see the anger on his face towards her.

  “Oh she is so clumsy! How can she play? How will we choose teams?” Jackie, still draped over Liam, makes full use of the situation to point out my shortcomings.

  “We do this the same way as always. Race the disk to the line and hit,” Joseph injects, “Shortest distance team with longest. Unless anyone objects?”

  “I can’t do this!” I feel a serious case of anxiety rinse and repeat through my body.

  “Just try Carmina… You will gain respect for it. I will not steer you wrong my girl.” Uncle Will answers. “Or would you rather that cat...?”

  “No, I’ll try.” I feel like pouting but settle on a quivering lip instead.

  I watch them as they each fly to the makeshift line drawn in the ice, then hit the disk so hard there is no telling where it ends up. John, Jackie and Maria race for the disk and that is a side-bet waiting to happen. Jackie, having found it, brings the disk back. I am up last in tow and try as I may, they don’t forget me.

  Instead of putting the disk in front of me, Jackie drops it to the ice and kicks it with force in my direction. I watch it come at me and for a moment wanted to put my arm up to defend myself. But that st
ubborn person that lives in my body pulls a determined face and focuses on the disk. It is as if the thing slows down enough for me to follow. I see the rest of the place around me as if looking through the bottom of a glass and sigh, waiting for the black fog to whisk me off until they’re all gone. It doesn’t happen. I push off towards the disk, which all but comes to a stop anyway; I grab hold of it and, painfully slowly, make my way to the line. Crossing it at the speed of… nothing, embarrassed at making them all wait on me like this. When I reach the line I hit the disk and put in all my embarrassment, anger and frustration behind the hit, hoping it will be enough to get it out of the immediate view. I turn and yell at the Moretti family through our link.

  “I told you, this is a disaster!” closing my eyes and putting my hands over them, feeling like I want to cry. At least it is over now.

  The silence stretches for too long and I open my fingers to look at the Moretti family through them. Why are they not saying anything? Everyone is staring at me. Maria is the only one who’s left for the disk and she’s not back yet. Probably trying to help me save face. I swallow hard and feel the tears burning. How embarrassing for them all – Jackie must be so pleased.

  “Holy grace girl? What did you do that for?!” John skates backwards at me and then circles me twice.

  “At least I didn’t fall, stop that or I will…”

  “Carmina! Do you not know what you just did?” I hear and feel warmth, utter shock and a flood of pride. The Moretti family shows me in their memory what I didn’t know I had just done.

  I see a black and red blur, hear a clap and then see myself with my hands over my face.

  “What was that? Why is it so distorted?”

  “Just human, huh?”

  I glare angrily at Liam who’s standing with Jackie like a pair of cheap plastic flamingos. Maria returns and drops the disk in front of Jackie before I could say anything else.

  “She ran out of river.” She says plainly. Maria gives me a big smile the likes of which has an attachment indicating absolute pleasure and then she sticks her thumb up.