by Anna Hub
Chapter Six
Before the sun rose, we walked to the peak of the valley and sat down to wait for a strong shadow. There was no sign of hunters, this time, it was quiet all around us, but I still felt nervous without the cover of the rocks or the shelter.
I looked at Brayden. “I never said thank you for what you did. If you hadn’t saved me from that hunter, I probably would have died.”
He met my gaze before nodding to the sun rising behind the trees.
“Are you going back?” I asked.
“I don’t think it will work, but I’ll try.”
Brayden hid his sadness well, but the truth was in his eyes. There was nothing I could say, so I placed a comforting hand over his as we watched the sunlight touch our feet.
“You spend so long fearing it,” his gaze lingered on his shadow, “but everything here is opposite. The very thing that brought you nightmares is the thing you hope for.”
It was unlikely he was going to return on the first attempt, and I felt guilty thinking of all the reasons I wanted to go back: food, water, a shower.
“It’s time to go.” He startled me out of my thoughts.
I cleared the ground, struggling to keep my naked body concealed. Brayden kept his gaze high and in the distance. Maybe he was looking for danger or perhaps he wasn’t interested.
“So how do you do this intentionally?” I’d only gone through the shadow in a rush.
“Let your body fall and keep your knees straight, it will give you more momentum.”
I nodded.
“Remember our meeting place? I’ll go there twice a day to check for you. Don’t travel in darkness, dusk or dawn.”
“Okay.”
“You ready?”
Although I wasn’t so sure, I let myself fall as he did the same. When I landed, I expected a jolt. Instead, the sensation of falling remained as the darkness of the shadow ran through me. I wanted to see if Brayden was there too but my vision had blackened, and everything turned painful in an instant. Each muscle burned as I transferred between the two worlds and my skin stung. By the time it was over, my organs seemed to twist into knots, leaving me gasping for air.
“Selena?”
The voice was completely unfamiliar. I opened my eyes, disgusted by the brightness of the lights.
“Selena, can you hear me?”
I groaned. My head felt groggy, and my body was squashed by the weight of clothes. When my vision cleared, I saw a woman leaning over me. She wore a white shirt with a name badge. Suddenly, I realised there was a cuff around my arm. I took in my other surroundings; a bed with rails in a perfect, white room.
“No. No, I don’t belong in here!”
“Calm down, you're in a hospital.”
I thrashed at the sheets before an arm held me down and the woman called out for help. Staff surrounded my bed, and I was pinned in various locations. I struggled to fight the terror of being trapped in an institution, but the more irate I became, the more suspicious the doctors would be.
“That’s it; it’s okay. Do you understand what I'm saying, Selena?”
I nodded at her condescending tone and two of the restraining arms lifted.
“You are in a hospital. You lost consciousness at work, and your colleagues called an ambulance.”
Again, I nodded. I should have expected this. It had been hours since I'd fallen into the shadow.
“I want you to squeeze both my hands.”
I did as she asked, following various instructions as she examined me.
“You’ve been unconscious for quite some time, can you tell me what you remember?”
I tried to think what she would want to hear. The best thing would be for me to get out of here as soon as possible. This was a medical hospital, and I would be free to go whenever I wanted, they couldn't hold me against my will.
I explained that I’d been feeling dizzy and hadn't slept well recently, trying to make it sound as mundane as possible. She insisted I eat something, then monitored me for a couple of hours after.
“I would like to do some more tests. While you were unconscious, your scans showed some abnormal results—unusual brain activity.”
The rest of her words faded. She was telling me the same thing I’d heard Brayden’s nurse say and all my thoughts turned to him.
“Selena, I think you should stay in here for a couple of days so we can find out what’s wrong.”
Those words terrified me more than the shadows on the white walls. I couldn’t stay and risk them finding out how often this happened.
“No.”
“I have a duty of care—”
“No. I have to go tonight.”
“That's not a good idea. You need care. If you leave, this may happen again and help will not be at hand.”
I’d never rejected medical advice before but it was important to come across determined. I sat up, removing the cuff from my arm. “You can’t make me stay.”
The woman gave me a stern look. “No, I can’t, but I am a doctor, and I recommend for your own safety that you let me run more tests.”
“I appreciate your concern, but I can’t stay.” I pushed the sheets away and swung my legs out of bed, crossing them quickly to hide fresh scratches while getting dressed.
The hospital staff eventually discharged me but recommended calling someone to look after me. There was no point telling them anything but what they wanted to hear. If the shadows came to claim me again, there was nothing anyone could do anyway. I sat on a bench outside the hospital and called a taxi, staring at the imposing white building while I waited. It made me think of my mother and how often I'd sat outside hospitals trying to escape the intensity of what was happening up in those rooms. I wrapped my jacket around my shoulders and closed my eyes. My family had been through too much for me to give in to this.
Brayden’s girlfriend was still visiting him in the hospital, yet he was so sure everyone had lost hope for him. He said he'd searched for a way to stop the shadows taking him, and he hadn’t found anything useful, but that didn’t mean it was impossible. I hadn’t even taken the opportunity to question him about it. I had no measure of what his best effort was, and he was at the point where he had lost all control over his life. He wasn’t even conscious long enough to research anything, and he was confined to a room without access to a phone. It was too late for him to find a way out himself but that didn’t mean I had to give up too. I would fight for my own life and do everything in my power to save Brayden as well.
Time passed in a haze as I travelled in the back of the taxi to my apartment. Exhaustion set in but after everything I'd been through my mind was still in overdrive. Even though the lights were off at home, I knew my way around in the dark. I climbed the stairs and had a shower, although it was impossible to enjoy when I imagined Brayden shivering in the forest. I stepped out of the shower in the darkness, but I couldn’t hide from the shadows forever. I’d already tried that and failed. I flicked the light on and rubbed steam away from the mirror, marvelling at the stranger staring back. It would be so easy to give in and let this ruin me but I had wallowed in it for long enough. The shadows would steal me at their own choosing, and when I was forced to return to that world, I would be ready to fight.
The first thing I needed to learn about was surviving in the forest. The basic human needs were food, water and shelter. That’s where I would start. The Internet made research so easy, but every survival website assumed you would have at least clothing to aid you. Half the information didn’t apply to the shadow world, but I took note of everything that could help. It suggested following animals to find water and techniques to determine whether it was safe for drinking. Food wasn’t as much of a concern for me because I was spending more time in my own world but I clicked the links to research food sources in the wild anyway; it was information that might help Brayden.
I worked all through the night until exhaustion forced me to sleep. The computer slid from my lap, and I woke up in a cl
umsy position with a crick in my neck while the phone rang—the work number flashing on the screen.
"Hello?" The line went dead as soon as I answered. I groaned. How could I have forgotten to let them know I wouldn't be coming in?
When I dialled back, my boss was only concerned about my health. I told her I might need a few days off, but she sounded relieved that I was finally taking care of myself. The reality of it churned my stomach—I didn’t know if I’d ever return to work. Rather than dwelling on that idea, I took nausea as a reminder to eat. Even though my appetite had disappeared, it was one thing that would affect my ability to survive.
Sunlight broke through the curtains. Seeing my shadow cast across the floor still made me nervous, but I tried to ignore the impending doom and concentrate on survival research. Grazes trailed all the way down my arm, looking worse with each new day. Hiding the emotional damage caused by the shadow world was hard enough, but trying to disguise the physical wounds was virtually impossible. I looked as though I’d been in a car accident. When I had to face my family again, they would demand to know what had happened. That thought filled me with a sense of overwhelming tension. I hadn’t met Brayden’s mother but the heartache in her voice was obvious when I'd spoken to her on the phone. Her son was fighting for his life, and she was powerless to help him. I didn’t want my family to go through that. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
There had to be more to it than I was seeing. Although it seemed the shadows took me randomly, perhaps there was a pattern. There must be some interaction between the two worlds; I just needed to figure out how they affected each other. If injuries from the shadow world remained in the real world, did that mean it could happen the other way around? Perhaps it didn’t have to be an injury but rather a simple way to test the theory. I couldn’t take clothing or any other tools through the pass, so the experiment had to be a part of my body. There was no way I would inflict an injury on myself, but when I looked down to my fingers resting on the couch, I realised I didn’t need to. I grabbed the clippers and trimmed every second nail down to the fingertip—when I went back to the shadow world, I would know if I could influence my body from either side.
--*--
Each morning, I filled myself with an egg breakfast then forced myself through an exercise program. It was the only thing that kept me from wrenching the curtains aside and revelling in the sunlight before the darkness drove me crazy. But I had to remind myself what I was fighting for and resist the voice in the back of my head tempting me to give up.
Whenever the exhaustion was too much for exercise, I sat at my computer and researched survival tactics. I focused mainly on food and shelter but eventually found the courage to look for shadow specific information. I found a disturbing article about the psychology of shadows which mentioned a lot of parallels to my experiences and it bothered me to think it was so similar to a psychological study. It made me doubt everything that I’d come to believe as truth. After witnessing the patients in the Mercy Institute, I started to wonder if perhaps I was one of them. They wouldn’t be delusions if I didn’t believe they were true.
The buzz of the phone made me jump. "Hello?"
“I was waiting for you to call. You always call on a Wednesday,” my father said.
“Sorry, Dad, I’ve been really busy at work, and I’ve had a headache hanging around for days.”
“It’s okay, I was just a little worried, that’s all.”
“How have you been?”
He was independent. I knew he could look after himself but he was also very close to my mother, and I couldn’t help worrying about him too. Even when he said the right things, I sensed the truth in his voice. His words faded out of my awareness, and all I could think about was how important it was for me to stay in this world with him.
“Selena?”
I shook my head. “Sorry, what?”
“When are you free this week? Nathan suggested a dinner at his place.”
“Ah, maybe. No. Why don’t you come here, I’ll cook.”
Leaving the house would have been too risky. If the shadows were going to take me, I didn’t want my family to witness it.
Chapter Seven
Dark rain clouds hung thick and low; winter was on its way. But for once, the bad weather didn’t bother me. Here, in my home, it was warm and safe, and for the first time in my life, I could really appreciate what that was worth. Brayden would be stuck outside in his small forest shelter. Rain would be running down his cheeks, gluing dark hair to his face. I could only pray he was safe. It had been days since I had passed; surely it wouldn’t be long before I saw him again.
I took a deep breath and forced away thoughts of the shadows. My family would be here soon and for just one night, I wanted to forget my troubles.
When the doorbell rang, I quickly checked my face in the mirror. Tired lines were always with me these days, but the scratches were almost healed and the scabs I’d covered with make-up. My hair was brushed and tied back in a ponytail.
“Hi, Dad.” I wrapped my arms around him; afraid to let go.
“Smells good.” He looked put off by my extended hug.
My brother stepped in behind him, and I hugged him tight too. “Good to see you, Nathan.”
“You too, Sis. It’s been what, seven days or something?”
I grinned and slapped his arm.
It was refreshing to be around people again. I’d spent so much time locked away lately; it was nice just to hear voices. In my mind, I thanked Brayden for that opportunity, because if it weren’t for him, I would have believed I was crazy, and this time with them would have been tainted.
We finished our meal, and I carried the plates to the kitchen, my shadow flickering across the ground. Numbness travelled up my legs. I cursed under my breath and kicked at it, trying to break free. The sensation moved through my skin, and the plates fell to the floor. I threw myself toward the wall and switched the light off. A pulse pounded in my ears as I tried to get my bearings. I wasn't sure which world I was in until Nathan's voice reached me.
“Sel, you okay? Why’s the light off?”
I placed my hand on the switch in a panic. “The light went out, and I dropped the plates.” I couldn't linger in the darkness for too long, but what if the shadows took me when I turned it back on? Nathan's footsteps came closer. I didn't have a choice. I switched the light on and looked up at it in feigned confusion.
“That’s weird.” Nathan flicked the switch a few times. “Seems okay now.”
I nodded and hovered in the darkness of the next room. Nathan frowned, and I did my best to look natural. Eventually, he turned away and cleaned the mess left in the middle of the floor while I excused myself to the bathroom.
In my bedroom, full panic took hold. I needed to hold on just a little longer, but every twinge in my body sent my thoughts into overdrive, waiting for the shadows to steal me away.
“Selena?” Nathan called from downstairs.
I couldn’t stay upstairs and insist on them leaving. They would be too suspicious. I had a better chance of going down and praying to hold on for another couple of hours. The TV was already on, so it wouldn’t be too weird to turn the lights off.
“Are you okay?” Nathan asked as I returned.
“Yeah, Nathan, I’m fine, just a bit of a headache. That’s all.”
The two men were settled next to each other on the couch, so I stretched myself out on the other. Then sadness hit. Was it always going to be like this? This secret looming behind me; taking away the freedom to enjoy the company of others? A forced loneliness.
"I'm pretty tired, not sure how long I'll be able to stay awake," I said, hoping that when I passed they would brush it off as accidental sleep.
“Sel, what’s with this? Are you planning a bush adventure or something?”
I lifted my head and found Nathan reading my survival notes. I snatched them out of his hand and cursed myself for leaving them out. “Just research for a work thing.”
"A work thing?"
It was a completely illogical. I worked for a finance office. "Yeah, a team building thing we're doing."
"Oh, when's that?"
Numbness ran over my toes once again. I shut my eyes tight, praying to hold on. I shifted my legs, muscles already trembling at the thought of going back to the shadow world.
"Did you hear me, Sel?"
"Next week," I managed to whisper.
"Are you falling asleep already?" Nathan's voice faded away.
My body slipped and blackness washed over me.
The pitch black seemed bottomless, and the air thick and musty. My ears rang as the heaviness of the shadow world settled. I blinked a few times and stretched out to feel icy cold rocks. Why was it so dark? It should have been daytime here. I breathed slowly and deeply, then pushed myself into a crouch, head still spinning from the pass. There was no wind, just thick, suffocating air. A steady drip nearby assured me I had definitely landed. Perhaps I was in some kind of cave. Suddenly it made sense. Usually, I passed in bed, which left me in the forest, but I was downstairs now. I had to be underground. I fought to contain the nerves buzzing through every part of my body. If I started freaking out, I'd never get out of here.
Feeling slightly surer, I stood and walked until I hit a wall. Icy water trickled over my fingers, and I pulled them back to sniff before I dared to taste. It had an earthy flavour but seemed okay. Although I wasn’t game to take a drink, it would be useful to remember that water might be found here in the future.