by Anna Hub
Slimy pools of water were threatening to trip me until I walked slower. Gradually, the trickle of water became faster and louder, and I hoped an exit might be near.
A gust of air slid past; my nerves were jumping to life. A rumble echoed through the cave, and the heavy breath of a creature grew louder. Brayden had warned me the hunters weren't the only thing to fear in the shadow world. I clenched my jaw tight; afraid to move. Dank, sticky air closed in, and all sense of direction disappeared. Claws dragged across stone and panic took over.
I bolted through the cave with no mind for the jagged rocks or slippery puddles. Sharp nails slammed against the stone, and I could almost feel the creature's breath blasting across my back. Jaws snapped, the sound reverberating across the cave walls. I fired my way forward, arms outstretched as I bumped off the walls.
Finally, a speck of light appeared and as I ran it grew wider. An exit. The scent of fresh air drove me forward, and the green of trees outside became brighter. I threw myself at the hole in the wall, jagged rocks cutting as I pushed myself through the small gap. A hysterical scream escaped as the creature released a furious growl at the cave hole. I grabbed at the earth, using nearby plants for support as I launched into a run.
The sunlight allowed me to dodge obstacles, and I pushed, breath wheezing so badly I thought I might throw up. A branch snapped at my heel, and I turned back to find the cave creature right behind me. The skin of a giant reptile stretched back over huge jaws that snapped at me once again. Instinct took over, and I bolted through the forest, desperate to survive.
I ran until my head throbbed and my feet were completely torn. With a pounding heartbeat, I had no sense of where the creature might be. I turned and found the reptile, at least twenty metres behind with its nose in the air. Perhaps it didn't see so well in the light.
I had a healthy lead, but I couldn't keep running. I grabbed a low hanging branch of the closest tree and climbed to the top as quietly as possible, trembling as I gripped the rough bark.
The creature must have caught my scent in the wind and before long, it paced the ground below. My breath halted as it sniffed and clawed at the trunk. I clenched my eyes shut, fighting the urge to whimper as the tree trembled. I tightened my lips and looked down as it stood up on back legs and wrapped a well-formed claw around the bark. The tree swayed as it lifted its weight from the ground.
I couldn't help hyperventilating. There was nowhere else to go. The branches rustled as the entire tree shook and groaned. Sweat built in my hands and I almost cried out with the terror of slipping. I looked around frantically for another escape. The sunlight reached between the forest canopy, and I shook my arm, begging the small shadow to take me. It was no use. The sun hit the fallen leaves below, but I couldn't bring myself to take a chance on my shadow catching me. I climbed higher as the reptile reached the branch beneath me. The tree swung dangerously from side to side. A sharp crack filled the air, and the trunk shifted rapidly to one side. At any moment, it would break. I squeezed at the bark, desperate to hold on but as the reptile rocked from left to right, I lost my grip.
I cried out and hit a branch before plummeting to the ground. In that short drop, I felt everything—the wind rushing over my skin and hair, heart thudding erratically and my halted breath, all before I hit the floor.
The pressure of the fall almost knocked me out, but I managed to hold on. The pain of the pass erupted as the shadow swallowed me, but I would happily take the agony over the reptile.
I sat upright as soon as I landed. Gasping for air and running my hand over my body to check for injuries. I was safe on the couch just as the front door closed. The lamp gloated nearby as I dove across, knocking it to the floor and breaking the bulb in one motion. Once it was dark, I paused to gather myself. I was alive, but I had a renewed fear of the shadow world.
--*--
My concept of the shadow world had been naive. What I originally thought was terrifying was actually far worse. Brayden had warned of other creatures but it never really sunk in. Suddenly the idea of going back there left me quivering. My own apartment corresponded to that creature’s cave, so even when I passed from the upper level, I was still going to be close to its den.
I couldn’t bear sitting there alone any longer.
I pushed the doorbell to Brayden’s ward and waited eagerly for them to let me inside. My shadow stood beside me, taunting me from the wall. I tried to keep moving and not look overly nervous in the institution.
Once in his room, and alone with his empty body, the pressure eased. Passing from here would only take me to his shelter in the shadow world.
Again, his face looked gaunt; weak despite the constant 'sleep' he was trapped in. But he was alive and breathing. For me, that was good enough. His hands curled by his side and I wrapped mine around them. Warm sweat beaded in his palms—he could have been running at this very moment. At the end of the bed, his feet hung free with scratches scattered over his skin. As I moved closer, a fresh split leaked blood right before my eyes. I wrapped a hand tight over his sole and squeezed. Perhaps it would help somehow.
“You’re here again?” Sophie’s voice was unmistakable. Her gaze travelled to my hand wrapped around his foot. “What are you doing?”
“Ah, nothing.” I tucked his foot under the blanket and tried to lower my hand without her noticing the blood. “I just feel so helpless, I wish there was more I could do.”
“Well, I’m not sure why you're here.”
Her blunt manner hit hard. At first, I could only stare dumbly back. “I just want to offer support; that’s all.”
“Well, Brayden and I have been together close on a year now, and he's never mentioned you before. And since his body is failing and he's unaware of your presence, I see no way your presence can help him. To be frank, I would prefer it if you weren’t here.”
Anything she said after ‘body is failing’ didn’t make much sense. “What?”
“I think you should go.”
“What do you mean by ‘body is failing’?”
Her pretty face scrunched up. “I asked you to leave.”
I stood defiantly until her face flushed and her mouth formed a pout. The last thing I needed was to have a fight with her. If it could have helped Brayden, I would have found a way to stay, but it wouldn’t change anything.
The nurses were huddled together in an office shielded with glass windows. It had taken some time before someone acknowledged me. A young woman opened the door.
“I just wanted to ask a few questions about Brayden Shaw.”
“Are you family?” she asked.
“Yes. A cousin.” My answer was quick and definite; the nurse didn’t question it as she led me to a smaller office inside. With the door closed and the blinds open, I was painfully aware of my shadow.
“What would you like to know?”
“I don’t really understand what’s happening to him.”
“Brayden’s condition started out very typical for a psychotic episode. He suffered intense delusions and paranoia based on the images shadows create.”
My face reddened. I felt like she knew our secret, but that thought in itself was paranoid.
“We gave him an antipsychotic medication, which helped to ease his aggression but it wasn’t as effective on his delusions. And he continued to experience prolonged episodes of unconsciousness. We switched him to a new drug and now he no longer vocalises his fears. That in itself shows progress in his psychiatric condition.”
Her choice of words was disturbing. “The fact that he doesn’t tell you what he’s experiencing doesn’t mean it has gone away.”
“No, of course not. It’s just a good sign the compulsion to speak out is reduced.”
“But he’s still unconscious most of the time?”
“Yes. We’ve run a lot of tests, and various specialists have examined him, but we’re not sure what’s causing the physical deterioration.”
“Physical deterioration? What exactly does
that mean?”
"There are times when his blood pressure and heartbeat are erratic. We’re looking at cardiac treatment for that, but at this point, his hydration and nutritional intake have become a concern.”
“Wait ... cardiac treatment? What’s that? More medication?”
“That’s the least invasive line of defence. We’ll see how his body responds.”
My chest tightened. They could medicate him as much as they liked but it wouldn’t stop the hunters chasing him. “What about side effects?” Surely that would be more harmful to him at this point.
“With any medication, there are side effects. The heart medication may cause drowsiness and lethargy, but he isn’t awake anyway.”
Maybe not in this world. “And the antipsychotics? What are they doing to him?”
“They are powerful drugs but the benefits far outweigh the costs.”
“What are the side effects?” I asked again.
“The most common are muscle tremors, weight gain and something we call ‘loss of affect’, which can be described as a blank facial expression. At this point, the side effects have not been an issue for Brayden.”
She didn’t know that; she couldn’t even talk to him. “What’s going to happen to him?”
“We’ll continue to monitor him. He’ll have regular brain scans to check for changes. In the meantime, we’re going to begin an infusion of intravenous fluid, and unfortunately, we’re at the point where we’re going to have to insert a nasogastric tube to feed him.”
“What if he doesn’t improve?”
It horrified me that he was trapped in here but if he was really so bad that he needed a nutritional supplement maybe this was the best place for him. They certainly couldn’t help his state of mind, but they were obviously looking after his physical body. But how long would that last, and what would happen to his body if his mind did not return?
“Although we cannot say anything for sure, the doctors really do believe he is capable of recovery.”
Somehow I knew that wasn't true. What had happened to Brayden was only the beginning.
Rain fell heavily outside. I waited undercover until a taxi arrived but once inside I didn’t know where to go. Nowhere was safe. Seeking refuge in a friend’s house would eventually reveal my secret. Passing in front of them would expose me to the danger of discovery, but my home was built around a cave.
“Where to?” the driver asked.
For a moment, I could do no more than close my eyes and fight to keep breathing. There was no solution, but I couldn’t bear the company of anyone else without confessing my terror. I gave him my home address.
The short run from the taxi to my front door left me soaked through to my underwear. I peeled away the wet clothes and waited until the shower ran hot. At least the second level of my apartment wouldn’t land me right inside the cave. I stayed in the shower long enough to warm my body through, then lay on my bed and watched the rain clouds float past the window. Visions of the reptile played over and over until I couldn't take anymore.
I ran downstairs and switched on the TV. The sound would be nice even if I couldn't see it from my room. I grabbed a bottle of wine on my way past the kitchen, forgetting a glass in my urge to climb the second level. It wasn’t worth going back. I pulled the cork and took a swig from the neck.
After half an hour, I was beginning to feel warm and light, the tension in my muscles slowly fading away. In the haze, I neglected to recognise the feeling of the pass again.
Chapter Eight
This time, I didn't fight for air that wouldn't come but waited for it to end, gritting my teeth through the pain—fighting to keep silent. My hands automatically stretched out to help with balance, and once the muscle spasms stopped, I was ready; my body bent low in preparation as I took in the surroundings. No immediate threat stood out. No cave or water. Just forest in every direction. It didn’t make sense that I had passed so soon. It had been less than twenty-four hours since my last episode. But then again, I’d made no effort to hide from the shadows in the bedroom.
The sky was dark following the usual pattern, while it was night here, it would be daylight in the other world. Brayden warned me not to travel at night but I needed to talk to him and given the state of his body, I couldn’t afford to wait.
I walked in the direction of his shelter, pushing heavy plant life out of the way and moving slowly and silently whenever possible. Each step was on the balls of my feet, ready to ignite in a race for my life. Crickets clicked and then silenced themselves as I stepped close to their home. The sound of them starting up as I passed assured me I wasn’t being followed.
It was a long trek, but I concentrated on following the path of the river. It was easier to step quietly across the rocks—the survival notes fresh in my mind as I navigated through the darkness.
The crickets fell silent, and I placed my hand on a tree for support as I listened.
“Selena?” Brayden whispered.
I jumped at the sound of his voice.
“I told you not to travel at night.”
“I had to.” Maybe he didn’t know what was happening to him back at the hospital. “I'm glad to see you're okay. I went to the hospital to see you today.”
He pulled me into the shelter before he answered, “To see my body, you mean?”
“There was a fresh wound on your foot, were you being chased?”
“It happens all the time.” He stared back at me vacantly, the fight completely gone from his eyes.
I wasn't sure what to say as I caught the twitching of his muscles and recognised the side effects of the antipsychotics. “I asked the nurses about your treatment. They said you’re not getting enough hydration or nutrition.” I didn’t know exactly how to explain the truth of it, in the end, the words just came out. “They are going to put a feeding tube into your stomach.”
He stared at the ground.
“Brayden?”
“I know. I heard them talking. My body is wasting while I sit here and do nothing.”
It scared me that he was so resigned. I didn’t know him before the shadows, but he seemed different even from the last time I saw him.
“Maybe it’s a good thing. I mean, you don’t spend enough time there to eat properly, but ...” I checked my fingernails—every second one trimmed to prove that whatever happened to our bodies in that world, happened here as well. “You need energy.”
“For what?”
I hesitated. “To live. To run.”
“It won’t get me anywhere.”
“It will keep you alive.”
He laughed vacantly, and it left me shaking. He was my only support; I needed him to be stronger than this or it would break me.
“You’re the one who told me to research survival,” I said. “You warned me about this; you kept me alive when the hunters were chasing me, and now you’re just giving up?”
“You don’t know the first thing about me. You don’t know the things I’ve done to survive this long,” he snapped. “I’ve been coming here for months. You’re still fresh enough to believe you can get your life back, but I don’t pass between anymore. Don’t tell me not to give up when my life is already over.”
I surrendered my gaze to the ground. Despite what he said, I had to believe there was a way back. The idea of being stuck here permanently was too much, and if we couldn’t form some kind of friendship, I would have to face all of this alone. I sat back until I calmed down. Maybe this was the wrong subject to bring up right now. Perhaps casual conversation would help to break the ice.
“Your girlfriend hates me.”
“What?”
“Sophie. Today, she told me she didn’t want me there. She saw me holding your foot ... I mean, I know it would have looked pretty weird, I—”
“Why were you doing that?”
“It was bleeding, I thought it might help.”
He nodded absentmindedly. His melancholy mood was unbearable.
“Do you
miss her?”
He didn’t answer straight away, but when he did, he sounded defeated, “Yes.”
“She visits you every day.”
“She was the first person to turn against me. It’s her fault I ended up in a mental hospital.”
“Anyone else would have done the same thing.” His frustration was directed the wrong way, and yet there was nothing I could say that might help him to see another perspective. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. It’s not fair.”
He glared at me as though it was an insult to say such a thing, then pushed the branches aside carelessly and walked out. I wanted to follow him, but I had a feeling that might only push him further away. Although I'd never be safe in this world, at least, I had the shelter to keep me hidden.
Eventually, Brayden returned, the moonlight splashing over his body before he blocked it with the branch and sat down.
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I said.
Brayden sighed. “I'm not sure how to take all of this anymore.” He rubbed at his face, and I took it for an apology. “The last time I passed back to the hospital, my family wasted all my time telling me to resist the sickness. I would prefer just to spend time with them and enjoy their company. Instead, I had to listen to lectures. It’s so frustrating.”
“I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do—”
“Before you got here, I thought I was crazy.” He shrugged before I could say anything. “There’s no point wallowing in it.”
"I'll help you in any way I can. I’ve been researching survival techniques. It’s probably hard for you to access information, but if there’s anything you need to know, I can look for you.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Like how to find food.”
“We’re in the middle of nowhere. There’s nothing to eat.”
“It’s not the food we’re used to, but there’s plenty here. You just need to know where to find it.”