Strong Enough to Love

by Dahl, Victoria

  “You’re terrible,” Eve scolded. But she also indulged in a watery laugh.

  Grace smiled. “I know. But you stopped crying. Now, tell me what happened with this married man you never had sex with.”

  So Eve did. Explaining how she’d left a lucrative, unsatisfying career in banking and moved to Jackson to take a year off. She’d skied and hiked and rediscovered her old love of photography. And then she’d met Brian. She’d worked for him in the gallery during the busy season. During the quiet months, he’d helped her relearn everything she’d forgotten about photography since college. Then he’d taught her more. And he’d become her best friend. Her companion. Her world.

  “I never said anything. I never did anything. He was married, and I didn’t want to be a mistake. I didn’t want to hurt him or anyone he loved. But I did wonder if he felt the same. I fantasized. I hoped. He and his wife were separated. She’d gone back to their old home in Raleigh two years before. So... I hoped. And then he told me he was leaving.”

  “Her?”

  “No. Me. He was going back to try with her again.”

  “God, Eve. I’m so sorry.” Grace squeezed her hand.

  “I tried to be supportive. I said the right things. But suddenly I was choked up and I couldn’t stop the tears. I ran out. I didn’t take his calls. I couldn’t. Because I loved him and I hated that he didn’t care. It hurt so much. And it was humiliating. So when I came back a few days later, I pretended nothing had happened. Nothing was wrong. And when he offered to sell me the gallery, I bought it, as if it were nothing but another business deal. A month later, he left. It was over.”

  “But that must have been years ago.”

  “Yes. Two years. He came back yesterday.”

  Grace leaned forward. “And?”

  “He’s divorced. He wants another chance. Or a first chance, I guess.”

  “And?” she repeated, her voice rising.

  “I can’t.”

  “Can’t what?” Grace demanded.

  Eve pulled her numb fingers from Grace’s fist. “I can’t do that. I can’t feel that way again. It was too...”

  “Too good?”

  “No. Too much. Too hard. He overwhelms me, Grace. He makes me want everything. Makes me want to give everything. And that sounds romantic and lovely, but when he walked away, he took all of that everything with him. I can’t forgive that. And I can’t risk that again. I was so damn lost.” She didn’t cry. It wasn’t much, but at least she kept it together in that moment. And it felt good to say it out loud.

  “I understand. You know I do. But this guy...he came back. And as cruel as it sounds, you can’t fault him for trying to make his marriage work.”

  “As cruel as it sounds... yes. That’s the worst part. I hate him for that. And I hate myself for that ugliness. It was bad enough that I wanted someone else’s husband. Jesus. Then I resented her, too?”

  “You’re human. And so is he. He probably didn’t realize what he felt for you until he was gone.”

  “But that’s the thing. He did. He left me a letter. He knew what there was between us. He knew what it could be. He was honest and upfront and honorable. It was beautiful to read. And so damn horrible, because I couldn’t pretend he was just an oblivious man who didn’t get it. He understood perfectly, Grace. And it still wasn’t a good enough reason to stay.” She swallowed and said the words out loud that she’d thought to herself so many times. “I wasn’t enough reason to stay.”

  Grace shook her head. “So you’re just giving up? That’s it?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Grace squeezed her fingers one last time. “Listen to me. He’s a man. And he had it in his head that he needed to try to make his marriage work, right?”

  “I guess.”

  “He had a plan, and he stuck to it, and he was doing what needed to be done. It had nothing to do with hurting you.”

  “I know. I was collateral damage.”

  Grace nodded. “Yes. Unfortunately. And now you’re pissed off, so... What? You just told him to go away?”

  “Um. Kind of. I told him I couldn’t give him another chance.”

  “And?”

  Eve squirmed. She picked at rough edge of her thumb nail.

  “Spill it.”

  “I told him we could have one night. That’s it.”

  Grace squealed and slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, my God,” she gushed past her fingers. “You dirty little slut. You granted him one night in your bed?”

  “Not quite like that. And not in my bed. I went to his hotel.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry, but just one second.” Grace jumped from her chair and danced around the room with a frantic little step that didn’t seem possible in her clunky black boots. “Oh, my God, I knew it. You look transformed.” She dropped back into the chair. “Was it that good?”

  “Oh, God. Grace. I don’t even...” She let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “It was so good.” She didn’t realize she’d started crying again until she reached to scratch her temple and her hand came away wet. “It was the best. Another reason to hate him.”

  “For making it so good?”

  “Yes. Exactly.”

  Grace’s smile turned sympathetic. “Shit. I’m sorry. He’s a bastard.”

  “He is,” she said, not meaning it. She could hate him, but he wasn’t mean or cruel or a liar. He’d hurt her with complete honesty.

  She didn’t want to talk about this anymore, so she cleared her throat and reached out to straighten a vivid blue strand of Grace’s hair. “Will you let me take some shots of you this weekend?”

  Grace groaned.

  “Come on. I want to get it done before the spring colors start blooming. Your hair will be perfect in a grove of winter aspen. All that black and white and gray. And then you in the center of it.”

  Grace tried to shake off her hand. “Fine. Okay. But stop trying to change the topic. Is he leaving?”

  “Brian?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Grace answered drily. “Unless there’s more than one guy.”

  “I don’t think he’s leaving. Not yet.”

  “Good. You need to think carefully about this. You can’t throw something like that away. Not even over a broken heart.”

  Eve crossed her arms. “I can.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  All the hard humor she normally showed fell away from Grace’s face. She met Eve’s gaze and she held it. “Because he makes you want everything, and you deserve that. You’ve earned it, Eve. Everything.”

  “I can’t,” she said, shaking her head, but something that had been sleeping inside her seemed to wake and raise its head. Something strong and proud. “I can’t,” she repeated, and that animal inside her growled.

  Because...what if she could?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  BRIAN WALKED ALONG the boardwalk, watching his shadow stretch in front of him. He walked toward Eve. Toward what he wanted.

  He didn’t care that she’d tried to send him away. He’d already gone once. He wasn’t going again. Especially not after last night.

  Holy shit. That had been both the most natural thing he’d ever done, and the most breathtaking.

  Everything. She was everything. What he wanted, what he needed, what was good for him. All of that in one woman.

  He wasn’t letting her go. Yesterday, he’d been uncertain, filled with guilt about hurting her. Uncertain if she’d take him back. But today? Today he knew he wasn’t going anywhere. That he’d never touch anyone else. That this was it.

  When he reached the gallery, he stopped at the front window. Though a large photo of Grand Teton was suspended in front of it, he could see past the edge of
the frame to the long counter beyond. A girl with bright blue hair sat there, and beyond her stood Eve.

  Yesterday, Eve’s hair had been down, a long brown curtain of silk that had slipped over his hands. But today it was pulled back in a careless ponytail, and his gut tightened at the familiar sight. How many hundreds of times had he seen her like that? Caught up in something, unaware he was watching, her head bent and brow drawn down with thought? How many times had he let his gaze drift to her neck and imagined kissing her there, at that tender spot just where her hair swept up?

  He sighed as that old, dull ache beat in his chest. As much as he’d wanted to make love to her, it had been those small touches that had been the hardest to resist. His love for her had come so naturally that not acting on it had felt like blasphemy. It had killed him a little every day.

  But last night had been a damned glorious resurrection.

  He opened the door.

  “Hi,” said the blue-haired woman, still clicking away on her laptop. “Can I help you?”

  Eve turned before he could answer. He didn’t bother saying anything. She knew why he was here, and she didn’t seem happy about it.

  “Oh,” the other woman said as she looked up. “Um.”

  He cleared his throat and reached out a hand. “Hi. I’m Brian.”

  She shook his hand. “I’m Grace. And I just realized it’s almost closing time, so...” She glanced at Eve, who nodded. Grace scooted off her stool. “Nice to meet you, Brian. I’ll see you later. Maybe. Or not. Um. Anyway, I’ll go now.”

  Eve had been talking about him to this woman. He wasn’t sure whether to be worried by that, but he couldn’t deny the primal thrill he felt at the thought of Eve telling someone about him.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked as soon as Grace had grabbed her bag and disappeared out the door.

  “I came to see you. I thought you could give me a tour. Show me what you’ve done.”

  “I told you this was over.”

  “And I told you it wasn’t.”

  She walked past him to lock the front door. “You don’t get to dictate this, Brian. This time it isn’t up to you.”

  He winced inside but kept his face blank. “I’ll just have to convince you, then.”

  She shot him a cool, inscrutable look. It was meant to keep him at a distance, he supposed, but he’d already been at a distance. He’d be damned if he’d go back.

  Eve retreated behind the counter and started straightening things. Brochures. Business cards. It had always struck him as funny, this nervous habit of hers, because her living space was so chaotic, the difference being that when she was comfortable and happy, she didn’t need things to be organized. He wanted her to be messy with him.

  “Can I talk you into dinner?” he asked.

  “Brian—”

  “I’m not going away. I know you’re hurt. I’m sorry. I’ll apologize a thousand times, but I won’t leave.”

  “So you’re going to stalk me,” she snapped.

  “No.” God, he didn’t know how to say this without sounding psychotic. That he’d thought about her every single day. That she’d been everything to him, even when she shouldn’t have been. “After last night, Eve, I’m not giving up.”

  Her jaw went tight. Her cheeks turned pink. She avoided his eyes and walked toward an office door to shut off the light.

  Her phone rang and she seemed relieved to answer it. He was content with the chance to watch her move.

  “Hello? Oh, hi, Mitch.” Her gaze flew to Brian, then slid quickly away. “Good. Yes, it was good to see you, too. Of course.”

  He listened openly, not bothering to hide his interest.

  “This Wednesday? I’m not sure I...” She looked up and flushed. “Maybe. I’ll need to check my schedule, but I have a customer here right now. Can I call you tomorrow? Good. Thanks.”

  Brian raised an eyebrow as she ended the call.

  Eve just glared.

  “A date?”

  “Yes,” she snapped. “Absolutely.”

  “I hope you’ll let him down easy.”

  “I won’t. I don’t have any reason to. We’ve gone out a few times and we’ll do it again.”

  “Yeah? Lots of chemistry?” He felt more than a small surge of satisfaction when she got flustered at that. No. She didn’t have chemistry with that guy. At least not the kind she had with Brian. That was an impossibility, because it was too damn rare. He knew that from personal experience.

  Everything about Eve made him want to sink into her. Everything had been right...except the timing.

  “You’re jealous?” she finally snapped. She stalked to the far wall to turn off the exhibit lighting.

  “No,” he answered honestly. “Should I be?”

  “You’re kidding, right? Do you think I’ve been celibate for the past two years?”

  She snapped off the last of the lights and plunged them into darkness, but the streetlamps leaked light through the window and his eyes adjusted. She grabbed her bag, and he followed her out the front door.

  “You think I just gave up when you left?” she pressed as she locked the door and stomped away from him. He followed. “You think I just pined for you?”

  “No.” No, he’d known she would see other men. He’d even known she might fall in love. He’d wanted that for her. Wanted her to be happy. Even if he also hoped she’d wait for him, if he were being honest. “I know you didn’t. That’s okay.”

  “That’s okay,” she repeated. She stopped halfway up the stairs to her apartment and shot him an inscrutable look over her shoulder. “Of course it’s okay. It means nothing to you.” She hurried up the rest of the stairs and unlocked the door.

  Brian shoved his hands into his pockets and followed her in. “What do you want me to say? That it’s not okay? That’d be a little hypocritical, wouldn’t it?”

  She slammed the door. “I want you to say it matters to you! That you’re jealous. That you’re hurt by it.”

  “Eve...” He dropped his head and studied his shoes, hoping that would make his mind work better. He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to take her pain away or even mitigate it. “It matters to me.”

  “I had sex with him,” she said coldly.

  He hadn’t wanted to know that. He didn’t like it. But if he was being honest... “After last night,” he started, then paused as a memory washed over him, of Eve coming for him, her body squeezing his cock as she screamed his name. God. “If I’d known about it before, while I was away, it would have driven me crazy. Is that what you want to hear?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine. It would’ve tortured me to know. But after last night, I don’t care what you did with that guy. Because it wasn’t anything like what we did, was it? Nothing has ever been like that.”

  The anger on her face melted into a vulnerability that stripped his nerves raw. She looked...scared. Of him. “Eve.” He reached for her slowly, easing his fingers along her jaw. He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. “I don’t care what you did with him, because after last night, you’re never going to do it again.”

  “You can’t—”

  But he slid his hand behind her neck and eased her closer. Close enough that he could press his mouth to hers and stop her words. Her lips parted. He tasted her. His bruised heart pounded.

  Her neck was warm against his fingers. That sweet, smooth skin he’d stolen so many glances of. He rubbed his thumb up to her neckline and felt her shiver. “I love you,” he whispered against her mouth.

  She gasped. “Stop it. You don’t get to say that.”

  “Yes, I do. I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. Nothing’s changed.”

  “I’ve changed.” She pressed her hands to his chest to push him away, but when he drag
ged his mouth to her neck, she arched into him.

  “Fine,” he said against her skin. “But I haven’t. I still love you. I still want you. My hands still shake when I think about you. Your smile. Your laugh. That look on your face when you’re working and you forget I’m there. And your skin. Jesus, Eve. Your skin. And the line of your back.” He slipped a hand down her spine, closing his eyes at the way the small of her back curved into her ass. He pulled her against his body and kissed her neck again. “The scent of you. And the taste. I want to taste you, Eve. I want to spend hours tasting you. Days.”

  She wasn’t pushing away anymore. Her hands slid around to his shoulders. Her nails dug into him. She pressed herself against his erection, and he groaned at the pleasure.

  “I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I can’t. You walked away. You tossed this aside like it was nothing, and it wasn’t.”

  “I know. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even though I had to do it, I regretted it. I hated it.”

  “But I was the one who felt guilty. Who felt wrong. For wanting you at all, and then for not wanting you to try again with your wife.”

  “Is that why you’re tossing it aside this time, Eve?”

  She stiffened in his arms. “What? I’m not tossing anything aside.”

  He let her go and met her narrowed gaze. “Yes, you are. You’re giving this up. Walking away. Because of pride. This time it’s you.”

  “It’s not pride,” she insisted, her voice breaking a little. “You hurt me.”

  “I know.”

  “You made a decision that changed my life and you never even asked how I felt. Do you have any idea how lonely I was? And how eaten up inside? I knew that thing you didn’t want to know. I knew you were with someone else, sharing a life, sharing a bed. I knew that every second of every day. So I had to give up everything I felt for you, because it was killing me.”

  Tears spilled over her eyes. She tried to wipe them away, but then her face crumpled. “It hurt so much that it scared me. I didn’t know how to make it go away.”