RECKLESS (Nash's Story) (RECKLESS series Book 2)

by Ella Col

  For hours, I punch a bag. I strike it over and over again trying to find answers. By the time I’m done, I still have questions and sweat is dripping from my body.

  “I think it’s dead.” Caydon’s voice startles me.

  I look at the bag in front of me. It’s fried. For hours, I’ve imagined it was Hannah’s face. I know I’m a gentleman and would never hit a girl. But damn if I don’t want to punch Hannah for all of the wrong she’s ever done.

  “Not dead enough.” I don’t tell Caydon that I wish it were Hannah’s face. “What are you doing here?”

  “Reece is with your girl. I figured you’d want some company.”

  “I have all the company I need right in front of me,” I snip.

  “What about Jamie?”

  “What about her?”

  “Don’t you think she might need you?” he asks.

  “She should have thought about that before she decided to lie to me.” I assume Caydon knows what happened since Reece is with Jamie. “Jamie is more like her cousin than she thinks she is,” I spew.

  Caydon leans up against the wall. “Jamie is nothing like Hannah.”

  “Oh no?” I raise my eyebrow.

  “Hannah is a fucking sociopath,” Caydon snickers.

  Hannah always finds joy in breaking down others, playing mind games to deteriorate a person’s sense of worth or get people to join her mission. Hannah is a treacherous and remorseless leech. But I also think I may have created this monster. After all, if you put a woman on a pedestal, she might just stay there and play with the other statues. The only thing Hannah knows is power, control, and sex.

  Caydon is right. Jamie is none of those things. However, she never told me about her kid. And she could have. That’s what trust is all about.

  “Jamie should have told me,” I gripe.

  “Yeah, maybe she should have. But she didn’t. Big fucking deal. Get the fuck over it,” Caydon yells at me.

  “So, I should just let it go?” I ask.

  “I didn’t say that. I said get over it. If you give up on Jamie, then you’re giving Hannah everything she’s ever wanted. She’s always wanted to keep you on a string. And she wanted to ruin Jamie. Is that what you want?”

  “No,” I sigh.

  “What do you want, Nash?” Caydon asks me. But he already knows.

  “I want Jamie. I love her,” I admit. I love her.

  “Then…fucking show her. I had to jump through fire burning hoops to get back together with Reece. And I’d do it again,” Caydon advises me.

  What if I disappoint her again? After all, I ran like the bitch I am. What if there is no possibility of her forgiving me for abandoning her when she needed me the most? Maybe there is hope.

  “Look, I know both of you are feeling very confused and emotional right now. Stay here and calm down the emotions. Nothing is going to change if you try to rush back to fight with Jamie. Rather than pestering her and making her more vexed, allow her to rest and cool down while she’s with Reece. Wait until tomorrow.” Caydon pats me on my shoulder. I still don’t say anything.

  Relationships with women can be a bit of a mystery. Real life is never quite so neat and tidy.

  “Tomorrow will be too late,” I realize.

  Jamie is already very insecure because of what Hannah and her own parents put her through. And I did the same exact thing to her. If I don’t go back tonight, I could lose her. I need to rebuild the trust lost.

  I hug Caydon. “Let’s get to the real reason you came here.”

  “What’s that?” He looks confused.

  “You just don’t want me hanging around you and Reece as the third wheel,” I joke.

  Caydon laughs. “You’re an ass. Now, get the fuck out of here. Get your girl back.”

  In a kind of manic, dread-filled daze, I leave Caydon and run back to Jamie with hope she can forgive me.

  ***

  JAMIE

  I forgot how the bad part of love makes you feel. You feel so hurt, so scared, and so angry when something goes wrong in a relationship. There’s nothing worse than when someone betrays you and you feel you can’t trust him or her. You can’t imagine it’s possible that you would ever trust that person again, and at this moment you may not even want to try. I can only imagine that is how Nash must feel about me.

  My brain is racing, spinning dark scenarios, and churning up clouds of pain that makes clear thoughts impossible. There is tightness in my chest, and a lump in my throat. I’m caught in a tug-of-war between rage and grief.

  I’m angry with myself for not telling Nash everything. If I had, maybe he wouldn’t have run off. Maybe he wouldn’t think the worst of me. Maybe he wouldn’t leave me.

  Hope is a stubborn thing. Somewhere deep inside me, I sense a spark of possibility. Maybe, just maybe, the terrible mistrust Nash feels isn’t the end of the relationship. Maybe trust can be restored.

  I recognize Nash’s footsteps. I have the sickening sensation of dread. Regret on one side, bitterness on the other.

  “Do you want me to stay?” Reece asks with pity. It’s like she can surmise that it’s already over.

  “No,” I sob. “I need to do this on my own.”

  “If you need a place to stay, you can always come to my house.”

  “Thank you.” It may come to that. However, I don’t want to admit it.

  Nash rushes in our apartment like a bull. He’s sweaty and appears to be tired. Reece walks past him. She lightly punches him in the arm.

  “Ouch.” Nash rubs his arm.

  “Pussy.” Reece walks out the door.

  Nash closes the door behind her. His eyes dart back and forth from me to whatever else he can focus on.

  I sense his warmth of familiarity, and it calms me. Silly, I know. Especially since I’m about to lose him.

  Finally, he speaks to me. “When I met you, I had this feeling like everything was about to shift. It was a beautiful, raw moment.” Nash inhales a large amount of air. “I experienced a ‘deep-in-my-bones’ intuition that it was a time in my life where I needed pay fucking attention.”

  “Because…” he pauses, “you are fucking special. But I knew you had scars.”

  “Everybody has scars,” I murmur. It’s the open wounds that really matter.

  “I know,” he whispers. “Jamie, I fucked up tonight. Instead of telling you that I don’t care about your past, I ran from it. I’m a coward.”

  What? He is apologizing to me?

  “No, Nash…” I begin. “I was so afraid to lose you that I went into panic mode. I should have told you everything from the beginning.”

  “Hannah was blackmailing you. You were scared.” He’s excusing my actions.

  Relationships are based on trust. Besides that, I’d say open communication, honesty, loyalty, and respect are all on that list, too. “It’s no excuse.”

  “Jamie.” Nash sits next to me and takes my hand. “I don’t know how anything ends with us. I don’t have those answers for you. And I’m learning how to be a good boyfriend.” Nash appears to be ashamed. “Tonight, I didn’t do my part.”

  “Nash…” He cuts me off.

  “Forgive me,” he whispers.

  There’s nothing to forgive. Nash came back. And that’s all that matters. He didn’t leave me. He didn’t lock me away. He didn’t judge me. He could have ended it. He didn’t.

  “I already have,” I whisper.

  He touches his forehead to mine. “So sorry. So fucking sorry. Sorry for how I acted. Sorry for what Hannah did. Sorry for what your parents did.”

  “I know.” It’s all I can say.

  “We’re going to find your son,” Nash says.

  His declaration is overwhelming and beautiful. “Why? Why would you want to help me do that?” I cry.

  “Because he’s a part of you.” Nash kisses my lips. “And I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I cry.

  He pulls me up off the couch and leads me to our balcony. He makes me l
ie on my back in a lounge chair. Nash kneels down between my legs.

  “What are you doing?” I gasp.

  “I want you to know how you make me feel inside.” There is no other explanation given.

  Nash’s hands are all over me as he kisses me and nips at my skin. Before I can catch my breath, he’s removed all of my clothing, and I’m naked in the moonlight. Slowly, in a fantastic, painful way, he licks my skin until he’s inside the crook of my legs.

  Unapologetically, he attacks my very core with his mouth. And. I’m. Gone.

  His tongue catches the tip of my clit, and he holds it as he hums softly. My back arches as he does this, and my hand reaches for his head to pull at his hair. My thrusting hips ride his tongue.

  My legs quiver beneath his hands as Nash slips two fingers inside of me. He centers his thumb on my clit and curls his fingers inside of me rubbing the spongy surface just inside my inner wall.

  I’m in a euphoric state of bliss as his tongue darts around his thumb against my clit, nudging me up and beyond the level I’m already plateauing on. Within seconds, I’m exploding and seeing stars.

  I feel beautiful, exposed, and free. I feel like me. I feel like how I’m supposed to be. No more secrets. No more lies. I’m free.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It’s not at all uncommon for people to want to exact revenge on someone in their life who has “wronged” them. I’m no different.

  I’ve had revenge fantasies. The pain I feel over what Hannah and my parents have done is often so intense that I don’t know what to do. Because I often have an intense feeling of injustice and humiliation, I want Hannah to feel the pain I feel. Sometimes this desire can consume my every waking thought.

  In the moment, I’m certain that revenge will help relieve the pain. Unfortunately, exacting revenge is often bittersweet. Getting revenge may feel good for a moment, but that feeling seldom lasts.

  I don’t want to waste my time and attention on Hannah. Lowering my sense of integrity just to get even will end up chipping away a little part of me.

  Why give Hannah that power?

  Instead, I’m going to take the high road. I’m going to keep myself together and stay calm and grounded for my son. I’m determined to find him.

  I thought long and hard about what would be in my son’s best interest. The original deed has already been done, and no amount of revenge will undo that. For now, I will take care of Nash and myself.

  Love makes people strong, and what really matters is how they preserve it and develop it. That is what fuels me now. Love. Love is my strength.

  While Nash is training for his competition, I’m training to become the strong, confident girl I once was before I was robbed in the cruelest way possible. Once I’m done training, I’m going to enter the fight of my life to find my boy.

  Today, Nash and I are celebrating our six-month anniversary…an anniversary Hannah thought we’d never get to. We are spending the day the way we like to…in bed with takeout food.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking, Nash,” I ask. I ask him this every day. I want to know his good thoughts…his bad thoughts. No secrets. No lies. Just truth.

  He turns on his side to look at me. Nash is shirtless and sexy. He makes my heart swoon and my body melt.

  “I have this need to have you around, hearing your voice, smelling your sweet smell, feeling your touch, looking at you, but most of all…seeing you smile. That makes me happy, especially when I am the reason. I feel like someone. Someone with a purpose.” He nips at my lips.

  “I know you’re not perfect, but somehow, everything about you makes me smile, makes me proud, makes me love you even more every goddamn time I look at you.”

  Wow.

  My turn. How in the hell do I compete with that?

  Say what you feel.

  “I’m damaged, Nash. So fucking damaged.” How can you love me?

  “Stop.” He puts his finger to my lips.

  I dip his fingers into my mouth and suck. Nash makes an ‘uh’ sound. “Let me finish,” I whisper.

  With eyes hooded, he lets me speak.

  “You saw something in me. Kind of like the clearance rack at a store. You see something you like, but it may have a crack or a chip on it. You see the potential of what the item could be, so you buy it anyway…damaged goods,” I snicker.

  Nash lets out a husky laugh. “Are you saying I bought you off of a clearance rack?”

  “Sort of.” I grin. “You represent what I wish to become. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. Your strength fuels me, Nash.”

  Nash toys with a strand of my hair. I tilt my face to the side and observe this beautiful man. I could get lost in his deep, blue eyes. I could get lost in him…totally.

  “Stick with me.” I love when he says this to me.

  “I’m stuck on you,” I whisper.

  THE END

  ~WILD AND FREE (A Reckless Novel #3)~

  The Conclusion of Jamie & Nash’s Story

  The Search for Jamie’s Son

  Coming

  September 2015

  PLAYLIST

  The Fray – You Found Me

  Taking Back Sunday – There’s No ‘I’ In Team

  Veruca Salt – Seether

  Veruca Salt – Volcano Girls

  Garbage – #1 Crush

  Hole – Violet

  Kris Allen – Heartless

  Toadies – Possum Kingdom

  Teddy Geiger – For You I Will (Confidence)

  The Gaslight Anthem – Get Hurt

  Brand New – Seventy times 7

  Taking Back Sunday–Bike Scene

  Taking Back Sunday–Great Romances of the 20th Century

  BOOKS

  All Books Available At Amazon

  SAVE ME SERIES-

  SAVE

  BROKEN

  SAVE ME

  CRACKED (Coming September 2015)

  RECKLESS SERIES-

  LOCKED

  RECKLESS

  WILD & FREE (Coming September 2015)

  PINELANDS SERIES

  Piney (Coming June 2015)

  KEEP IN TOUCH

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  Email: col.ella@yahoo.com

  Join the mailing list. In subject line, please title it ‘Mailing List’

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  LETTER TO MY READERS

  Dear Readers:

  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  I am still in awe that there are people reading my work. It’s such a wonderful, humbling feeling. Thanks to you, I’m am able to live one of my dreams. I don’t write to make money. I write because it is a creative outlet. It calms me. This is just a way for you to see my daydreams on paper. So, again, thank you.

  Now…Nash. Why the hell did I write this story? To be honest, I want to show how human beings can use each other…manipulate each other and ultimately wreck lives.

  Hannah is a selfish person who can use the power of persuasion to get exactly what she wants. Nash is a gullible person who is transformed into a cocky son of a bitch. He loses so much. Then, he fights to get it all back.

  Nash fights for what he believes in and loves. He fights for those that can’t or won’t fight for themselves. He fights for what needs to be fought for.

  The most wonderful things in life require work. They require you to fight. They require you to get out of your comfort zone and do something.

  Financially, Nash never had to worry. He has all of the ‘things’ he wants. However, that’s not really what he desires. He desires pure friendship…pure love. Sadly, he’s been denied those things because of Hannah. To make matters worse, his parents provide for him but really don’t bother with him. He needs more than that.


  I love the simplicity of this story. Sure, some would say that it is not as tragic as my other novels. Sometimes, simple problems can be just as devastating as what people view as catastrophes.

  I had a professor that said, “What is the biggest problem in the world?”. Every student looked at each other…somewhat baffled. Is it cancer? Is it AIDs? Is it hunger? Is it growing old? Is it being poor? The list went on and on. Truthfully, all of the suggestions are horrible problems…problems nobody wants. Then, my professor said something that just clicked.

  “What are you thinking about right now?”

  To be honest, I was thinking about a horrible relationship I was going through at the time. I felt guilty for being so sad when other people were struggling with so much more.

  Then, my professor said this… “The biggest problem in the world is the one that you have.”

  Wow.

  Nash has the world by the ass. He’s good-looking. He has money. Even though Hannah rejected him, Nash can have anyone else. It just goes to show that money doesn’t buy happiness. I think that is what Nash wants.

  What about Jamie? Ugh…poor Jamie. This Jamie’s first appearance. Expect to dig deep in the continuation of Jamie and Nash’s story. It will be hard to read….but so worth it.

  Thank you again for your support, dedication, and love of my books.

  Love, Ella

  Table of Contents

  Acknowledgements

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen