Almost Lovers

by Cassidy Raindance

  I couldn’t see though my tears. But I could see Robert’s face. And I knew that if Sebastian could save me he could have saved Robert. I knew it hadn’t been Sebastian that had killed him but he might as well have. He saved me and let Robert die. If he could have saved us both…maybe we could have run and I never would have been tortured.

  I thought back to Robert in those last minutes before his death. I wanted to believe he would have saved me from that freezer. I wished he had, but it had been Sebastian. I pushed away the memory of how Robert had reacted in the park, running and leaving me. He had been just as terrified as I had been, as anyone would have been. I couldn’t blame him for running. He would have come back for me.

  “Victoria said she would like to speak with you today,” said Sebastian, softly, “Is that okay with you?”

  I tried to shake thoughts of Robert out of my head but his eyes still, always, remained just in the back of my mind. The fact remained – Sebastian had saved me and let Robert die. And even if unfair – the world hadn’t been fair – I hated Sebastian for choosing me, saving me, for loving me.

  “Of course,” I said, “I don't want to anger the Queen,”

  I rolled my eyes at the thought of calling Victoria, sweet old woman, a Queen and looked back out the window. The sun shone bright and still I watched as they walked outside. They were everywhere. They were nothing like my nightmares as a child. They were much worse.

  “She should be in shortly,” said Sebastian, “I'll let her know that you need time to eat,”

  I nodded my head to let him know that I had heard him but I kept my eyes looking out the window. Food didn't really interest me. I didn't have a huge appetite after being a main course. The thought of food made me think of that meat locker with all of those people hung up on hooks. And when I wasn't thinking of them I thought of Robert. Someone had made an entire meal out of him right in front of my eyes and then dumped him in my living room. My own little horror story waiting for me back in my apartment.

  “Not hungry?” asked Victoria from behind me.

  I hadn't heard her come into the room. She could out stalk a cat. I didn’t want to turn around to face her but I also didn't want to piss off the Queen of my nightmares. She had never been unkind to me. That didn't mean I still trusted her. I knew what she was. There could be no denying it now.

  “I understand you have some questions,” said the Queen, “and I’d like to help answer as many as I can,”

  “But not all of them,” I said.

  “As many as I can,” repeated the Queen, “But I’d like to hear what happened first, from you, from the beginning,”

  “It’s mostly a blur,” I said, sadness setting into my heart at the thought of recounting the events that had altered my life forever.

  “Tell me what you can,” the Queen said softly, “And I’ll try to fill in what I know,”

  We sat next to each other on the bed in my room and I recounted all of the events, the horrors, and even the mess with Lydia in my kitchen made it in there. Somehow, the Queen kept the same straight face the entire time, attentive and listening.

  We talked for hours and Victoria filled me in on many things, including Lydia’s past, the things I had missed while being tortured and the danger I had been placed in. It made me angrier the more I heard and it made sense at the same time. It explained why Lydia hated me, why she felt threatened by me but it didn’t excuse her at all for what she had done – tampering with my life.

  “Why me?” I asked, brows furrowed, “Why did you push and push for me to date Sebastian? Did you just want to toy with my life, too?”

  I didn’t hide my frustration and anger with her. The more she told me the more lies I realized had been told. And as horrible as Lydia had been it had only been perpetuated by Victoria herself, the Queen.

  “That story is a long one,” sighed Victoria, “But I promise you I never meant to toy with your life. I had been sent by a very dear friend to see after you, to keep you safe,”

  “You’ve done a bang up job,” I said with sarcasm, “I guess Sebastian coming in here and professing his bleeding heart love for me is your way of trying to keep me here as a happy prisoner,”

  “Profession of love?” asked the Queen.

  I didn’t completely trust the surprised look on her face but it made me wonder if she had been involved to perhaps a lesser degree.

  “His ‘eternal quest for my heart’ pitch,” I said, dripping with disbelief and mockery, “you’re going to sit there and tell me you didn’t put him up to it?”

  “Sebastian had instruction to follow you from a distance and form a friendship to get close and ensure your safety,” said the Queen, “Any professions of love are completely his doing. Though I did say I would approve of your engagement if you chose to embrace it as more than a safety net, Prussia,”

  She placed her hand on top of mine and I almost pulled it back but thought better of it. I could go from plush bedroom prison to a new freezer if I wasn’t careful – I had no idea what she would do if offended. I pondered the idea of being married to Sebastian after having wished for a wedding to Robert for so long. It made my face twist up in disgust at the requirements. I wouldn’t just be marrying the man that let Robert die, I would be marrying a monster and I would become a monster, too, in many ways.

  “I would have to be a monster,” I said, realizing too late that I had just called the Queen a monster to her face.

  I didn’t apologize. I tried not to look ashamed of what I had said, even though I knew it might hurt or offend the Queen, but it had been in my heart and I couldn’t back down from the truth of what I thought of him, of her, of all of them.

  “You’re already a monster,” said the Queen quietly with a small smile as though I had walked right into a joke.

  My eyes went wide with disbelief and I tried to rip my hand from hers but she clung to it, the smile still on her face.

  “It’s why you’re here,” said the Queen, her smile soft but with a laugh just under the surface, “I know this is all a lot to take in right now. But you are a magnificent gift, Prussia. You were born a Vampyr, the most perfect vampire in the universe and it has taken evolution 80,000 years to get there.”

  “You’re insane!” I said, pulling frantically to get my hand back from her in a twisted tug of war that I clearly had no control over.

  The Queen let my hand go as Sebastian burst through the bedroom door. She regained her composure almost instantly but I jumped up from the bed beside her and without thinking much of it, met Sebastian as he ran in. He placed a protective arm around me and I huddled next to him, letting him protect me. Somehow I wanted him to protect me from the Queen as she sat and looked innocently at me, no motion to harm or hurt me at all. I wanted her to take everything back.

  “You’re lying!” I screamed at her.

  “What did she say?” asked Sebastian, looking down at me with his hands on my shoulders.

  “She said I’m like you,” I shouted, “That I’m a monster!”

  The words left my mouth and I knew that I could never stuff them back in. Sebastian’s face became awash in disbelief.

  “You think I’m a monster?” he asked.

  “I…I…” I stammered, I had been caught between disbelief at what the Queen said and insulting my protector.

  This is what a rock and a hard place felt like. Only both had teeth, both viewed me as a meal and both had sworn they were trying to help, to save me.

  “What she says is the truth,” said Sebastian, motioning with his hand to indicate he meant what the Queen had said, “You are a monster, just like me.”

  His face became stone-like as he finished those words and he took a step back.

  “Now I understand,” he said, “I will understand if you refuse our engagement. I will still protect you as much as I can if that is the case.”

  He left quickly. And the room felt cold, confusing and as if it would close in on me any moment. Every room in this house
had whirlwinds of insanity just waiting to sweep me off my feet and into strange new territory. Attacked, Kidnapped, Tortured, Engaged and now I find out I’m just like them.

  “I can refuse?” I asked the Queen, “I can do that?”

  “Of course,” said the Queen, “You’re under protection, you’re not a prisoner,”

  She snorted as though I had said something absurd, the Queen of Vampires sitting there on the bed.

  “Why did he say he would try to protect me?” I asked.

  “I told you,” said the Queen, “The court thinks you are a human. If it gets out that you’re a vampire there is no telling how our kind will react. They will either want to raise you up or shred you apart.”

  “How long do I have to decide?” I asked.

  “Until tonight,” said the Queen.

  “That’s ridiculous!” I said, “How can I make a decision like this under such pressure!”

  The Queen rose and walked over to me where I stood, still at what I felt would be a safe distance from the bed in the middle of the room. When she walked over to me I didn’t dare move. I didn’t want to offend her and I didn’t want to risk becoming quickly deceased.

  “There is a loophole,” said the Queen, as though reluctant to mention it, “You may request anything of your fiancé, anything at all, and if he can’t deliver what you request before the wedding you are not required to exchange vows,”

  “I would be safe?” I asked.

  “You would be safe during the engagement and that had been our goal,” said the Queen, “Likewise, if Sebastian chooses not to deliver on your request, your dowry if you will, then the wedding would be canceled as well. And if you’re not engaged and not married…it would be very difficult for him to protect you.”

  “How long does the engagement last?” I asked, not liking the sound of this at all.

  “One year,” said the Queen.

  The Queen headed toward the door and opened it to leave. Looking back, she looked at me thoughtfully.

  “He only ever loved Lydia,” said the Queen, “I hope you wouldn’t push him back to her out of your anger at Robert’s death.”

  The Queen looked at me then, a small sadness in her eyes, “Robert ran from you, Prussia,” said the Queen, “Sebastian, ran to you,” and the Queen closed the door softly behind her before the pillow I threw across the room had a chance to hit her. I hadn’t meant to tell her the part about Robert running from me, leaving me. It had come out because I had been emotional. To bring that up, it wasn’t right.

  As much as I hated her for toying with my emotions – I had to make a choice and the obvious choice didn’t make me happy. I wasn’t a monster and never would be, I didn’t care what the Queen of Monsters said. I felt a piece of my heart harden as I picked up the pillow I had thrown at the closed door the Queen had left through. If I wanted to strike out at someone I needed to make sure it counted, that it would be worth living in this nightmare to ensure I stayed alive.

  I smoothed the pillow out on the bed and walked back to the window. The guards did their usual exchange out on the beautiful grass. They were on time as usual, very predictable. I watched their dance every ten or so minutes and I let my thoughts consume me. This time, instead of letting Robert’s eyes haunt me I let them guide me. And I plotted and plotted and plotted.

  CHAPTER THIRTY TWO - Sebastian

  I had been anxious for this ceremony all the days leading up. I knew now that Prussia thought of me as a monster. It hurt but I also felt for her. Because when she came to realize that she and I were the same – I knew she would need my support and help in coming to terms with it. Even I didn’t entirely understand but I still counted it as a blessing. If she were simply human – I don’t know if I could ever convince her I wasn’t a monster, not after all she had been through and seen. I didn’t blame her. I just hoped she would let me in. I wanted another chance.

  I hadn’t seen Prussia since she had called me a monster. I didn’t want to push her any more than I had. She had a decision to make that could mean her life. I didn’t want to push her away any more than I already had. I made my way to the grand staircase platform and ceremonial podium, searching for her but not finding her. They wouldn’t start for a few minutes still. She would probably come in almost last to make sure no one did anything rash.

  I scanned the court and saw Lydia, looking her usual somber self as of late. She stood near the front of the crowd and off to my left. I’m sure she hoped that Prussia would refuse my proposal, as many in the crowd probably did. I felt anxious and nervous all at once and it made me smile. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time, since the first dozen years Lydia and I had been together. That had been a long time ago and I welcomed the feeling again with open arms. I smiled to myself and music began marking the entrance of the Queen.

  Ahead of the Queen came Prussia in a dress with a long train, long enough to be a wedding gown. The Queen had made sure Prussia’s entrance would be talked about and remembered. Prussia looked calm, relaxed and poised. Her procession through the room and up to the platform took a little while considering the length of the dress train but before long we were standing side-by-side listening to the boring formalities of the ceremony.

  Prussia didn’t say anything to me or even make eye contact. I could feel her anger still. Her anger made her skin run hot and I could feel it every time my hand ‘accidentally’ brushed hers. After a good amount of time standing in silence as we listened to formal addresses and ceremonial statements from the different council members, it came time for Prussia to do her part. She had to address the court and my proposal.

  “I do solemnly accept the proposal of his Royal Highness, Prince Sebastian,” said Prussia with a steady voice, “and do look forward to the dowry he will bestow upon me to honor me and our vows,”

  I let out a deep breath I hadn’t known I had been holding and straightened up tall as Prussia returned to stand next to me. I couldn’t help but smile and looked to see if the Queen saw how smoothly it had gone. The Queen nodded to me her approval with a faint smile and seemed to keep her interest focused on the monotonous ceremonious declarations of the court.

  Lydia, shooting daggers at me from the audience, didn’t seem pleased at all. I knew she would have been looking for Prussia to make a different response. I’m sure Lydia wouldn’t have waited for Prussia to make it to the driveway before trying to drain her dry too. I somewhat understood her hate of Prussia, simply because I knew Lydia had a terrible jealous streak, but it didn’t mean I approved. I felt relief that Lydia saw the boundaries clearly in place. I didn’t think she would make another attempt but if she did – she knew where I stood on it. I wouldn’t let it stand. I would be by Prussia’s side all the time, no matter what.

  I tried to hold Prussia’s hand but she slipped her hand out of mine and clasped her hands behind her back instead. No matter, I would win her over sooner or later. At least I had a chance to win her over.

  The Queen stepped forward then, as the counsel members finally stepped back with all of their pompous announcements and dictations on the laws and expectations of royal engagement. The Queen motioned a hand for Prussia and Prussia stepped forward to join the Queen at the podium. Now it would be time for the Queen to hand out any titles she saw fit as a future royal of the court. The Queen had already told the court the title she would hold, formalities being observed of course.

  “Will you to your power cause Law and Justice in Mercy, according to our respective laws and customs, to be executed in all your judgments?” asked the Queen.

  “I will,” said Prussia.

  “I anoint you High Royal Chancellor,” said the Queen, “This is the royal Law;”

  The loudest collective gasp I had ever heard come out of the court went through the room as though the air had just been sucked from the room in a great vacuum. Even I found it hard to keep my mouth closed and my eyes not widened with shock. What the Queen had just given Prussia couldn’t be taken away. It couldn�
��t be undone.