Alien

by David Michael Slater

  Maddie hugged her brother, but quickly let him go. She was incredibly relieved to see him in one piece. Her stomach had stopped hurting at the sight of him, but it was starting up again as the cops approached Wally. A large crowd of people was gathering around.

  “What?” Max asked.

  “That really is J-Rod,” Maddie told him. “We figured it out.”

  “I figured it out,” Theo corrected.

  “He’s wearing a J-Rod mask over his J-Rod face,” Maddie explained. “Dad’s about to see that aliens are real.”

  “Wow.”

  “This is not good — really, really not good,”

  Maddie insisted. “He’s not ready for this! He still wants to believe that his father never had a good rea- son for leaving him! And — ” She didn’t even want to bring up their mother.

  “You’re probably right,” Max agreed. “What can we do?”

  The kids had no idea what to do, but their father seemed to. Marcus Mattigan did what he did best: un- mask liars. He walked over to Wally and pulled the J-Rod mask right off his head, revealing — a very hu- man face.

  “Human mask!” Theo shouted. “Human mask under the J-Rod mask over the J-Rod face!”

  Marcus heard his son, even over all the commo- tion, which was mostly a confused collection of shouts along the lines of “who the heck is that guy?” But he did not try to pull the man’s skin off his skull.

  Instead, he looked into Kirk and Nyota’s cameras, which were now right up on him, and said, “I am Marcus Mattigan, professional skeptic and host of ‘Monstrous Lies with Marcus Mattigan,’ and this man, the host of ET-Con, is responsible for all the J-Rod non- sense. He is a fraud. There are no aliens being held by the US government. In fact, there are no aliens on Earth — and there never have been.”

  “Alright, alright!” Wally complained. “No need for cops! I’ll explain! Yes, alright, I’ll say it right into the cameras if it’ll make you feel better. Let’s get a close-up here. Good. Yes, yes, it’s true. It’s all been a PR stunt, and a darn good one, too, if I do say so my- self. We’re releasing a movie in a few months, called — Wait for it: “J-Rod!” Great title, am I right? The conference, the escape rumors and phony sightings — all part of the hype. Brand building, and all that. It’s business, fellas! No need to get bent out of shape!”

  The cops, bent out of shape or not, put Wally in

  cuffs.

  “Course I’ll deny all this later and claim you made me say it!” Wally shouted as they led him away. “No! I’ll say the aliens made me say it! I’m a genius! They’re making me say that they’re making me say it!”

  The crowd, mostly made up of aliens in shredded costumes, seemed terribly let down. With shoulders sagging, they shuffled away.

  Soon enough, the only people standing in front of Circus Circus were Kirk, Nyota, three Mattigan kids, their dad, and Colonel Mike Blanchard.

  “Outstanding,” the Colonel said. He put out his hand. Marcus took it, and they shook. “I’d like to thank you on behalf of the United States of America. I’m sure that unmasking will be all over the news within a few hours. Then, at least for a while, we’ll have some peace and quiet around here.”

  “You’re very welcome,” Marcus said. “Do you

  need a ride — back?”

  “Not necessary. I have some urgent business to

  attend to in town. May I ask what your plans are?”

  “Oh, well — ” Marcus looked at his kids and

  asked, “You guys done with rides and games?”

  “We haven’t ridded any rides or played any

  games!” Theo wailed.

  “Theo!” Max and Maddie cried. “You mean you haven’t ridden enough rides and games.”

  “You know what I meant!”

  “Well, it looks like we’ll be heading back home tomorrow morning,” Marcus laughed. Then he thanked Kirk and Nyota, who promised to send him their footage first thing in the morning.

  When Kirk and Nyota walked away, Marcus turned to shake hands with Mike Blanchard one more time, but the Colonel was already gone.

  “Huh,” Marcus said. “Duty calls, I guess. Well, gang. Let me go park the Yuck. Time to get our circus on, now that this Circus Circus circus is behind us. See what I did — Hey, come back here, you rascals. I’m not clowning around!”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Forcing It a Bit

  The Mattigans spent the rest of the day riding rides, wasting their money on unwinnable games (at least the ones that were actually games), and stuffing their faces with deliciously disgusting food.

  They had a blast, especially Marcus, who had, within the hour, gotten word that his show was no longer on hold. But the truth was that the kids were forcing it a bit. They admitted it to one another on the Canyon Blaster coaster.

  “I’m really happy for Dad,” Maddie told her

  brothers. “I haven’t seen him in this good a mood in

  — I don’t know how long. But still — ”

  “I know,” Max said. “We came for an alien. And I wanted to help, not just hide in a camper all day. I didn’t use a single thing in my spy kit.”

  “But spy work can be horribly boring, right?” Maddie pointed out. “That’s what people don’t realize. You’ve told me that.”

  “Yeah,” Max admitted, “but it’s supposed to wind up with the spy catching somebody.”

  “I guess we can hardly expect to find a Mysterious Monster every time we go looking for one,” Mad- die had to admit. “What’s bothering you, Theo?”

  “I just want to go home.”

  “Really?” Maddie said. “I thought you wanted to

  stay here forever.”

  “Fine!” Theo snapped. “I wanted my Bigfoot to

  have a friend! Okay?”

  Maddie and Max smiled at each other just as the coaster car was about to plummet down the steepest slope.

  All three Mattigans put their arms up and screamed.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Up to Something

  At nine o’clock the next morning, the Yuck pulled out of the Circus Circus parking lot with four Mattigans buckled in.

  “That went rather well, don’t you think?” Marcus asked his kids, all of whom had already taken out their phones. “I mean, it really couldn’t have been easier. In fact, I’ve never had an investigation go so smoothly in all — ”

  “Dad,” Max suddenly interrupted, putting his phone down. “Did you know, even though you said we weren’t when we got it, that we are actually al- lowed to ride in the Fifth Wheel in Oregon, as long as communication is possible with the driver?”

  “Really?” Marcus said. “Well, I suppose we could

  use the walkie-talkies. How about in Nevada?”

  “Um — ”

  Maddie turned around and looked at Max. She didn’t Eyeball him, though. She was curious. He was up to something.

  “I think maybe it’s the same,” Max said. Omelet, he mouthed to his sister.

  “And you’d like to ride back there?”

  “Yeah. I think it’d be fun. Just for a little while.”

  “I do, too,” Maddie said. “I didn’t sleep very well on that couch. I’d love to take a short nap. You know what I’m like when I don’t get enough sleep.”

  “That’s a winning argument if I ever heard one,” Marcus admitted. “Theo?” he said, “I suppose you want to abandon me, too?”

  “Yes, way!”

  “Theo!” Maddie cried, for what felt like the millionth time.

  “Don’t worry, buddy,” Marcus told him. “I know what you meant.”

  “Told ya!”

  Marcus pulled the Yuck over since they hadn’t gotten on the highway yet and let the kids go back into the camper.

  “All aboard,” Max said into the walkie-talkie after

  they’d chosen seats. “Ready to launch. Over.”

  “Roger that,” Marcus
replied. “Houston, we don’t

  have a problem.”

  “Except with your sense of humor. We see what

  you did there. Over.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Fifth Wheel, Part II

  “It was too easy,” Max said.

  “What do you mean?” Maddie asked.

  “The job! It was too easy! Something isn’t right. It’s like Dad always says: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” Maddie allowed. “In fact, something tells me you are right. What exactly happened yesterday? Tell us everything you remember. Tell it back like a spy.”

  “Alright. Good idea,” Max agreed. “Okay. So, Dad came in with that Kirk guy and ate — omelets! — and made a call. To an Air Base, I think. He said who he was and what he was doing. But he had to leave a message. Then they went up to the Yuck. But then he got a call up there, on his cell.”

  “They called him back.”

  “I guess so. Well, he said, ‘Thanks for calling me back so fast,’ or something like that. But now that I think about it, he said they were probably not going to call him back. That’s why they were driving to the base.”

  “Did you actually hear them say, ‘We’re returning your call’?”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Think.”

  “No, I don’t think they did. Actually, they didn’t.

  I’m sure of it.”

  “Okay, then what?”

  “It was Colonel Blanchard, and he said he thought Dad could help, and that he would send him some GPS coordinates, but that they wouldn’t take him to where most people thought Area 51 was.”

  “I guess that kind of makes sense.”

  “And then we drove to the middle of nowhere. To a mountain. And Colonel Blanchard came out of it and got into the Yuck.”

  “Wait a minute. Did you actually see him come

  out of the mountain?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Maybe he’s the J-Rod!” Theo said.

  “Sure, why not!” Max allowed, halfway serious and halfway joking. “Maybe he’d been waiting for an opportunity to escape for a long time, and then there’s all these crazy rumors, which maybe he started, and there’s all these phony J-Rods running around in the desert, so he figured he’d be sort of safe out there.” Max was getting warmed up, talking faster as he went. “But he knew he’d need a way out of the desert, so he lured Dad out there to get him. And he knew Dad was coming to Nevada, because of his press release! But of course he wouldn’t lure him out to the real Area 51, but instead to some random nowhere spot where he was hiding. Then — after Dad does the job of calming down all the rumors about escaped aliens, he would

  — Well, he would still need to get out of the larger area, so — so he would — ”

  Max got up and walked to the closet he’d hidden in just yesterday, and he finished his speech by saying, “He would sneak into our Fifth Wheel and have us drive him out of Nevada. Ah-ha!” he shouted, just for the fun of it, throwing open the door with the flourish of a magician.

  And there, in the closet, stood a cowering Colonel

  Mike Blanchard.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Roadblock

  After a moment of stunned silence, Marcus’s voice came over the walkie-talkie. “Kids,” he said, sounding concerned. “There’s a roadblock of some kind. Lots of police. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.” The Yuck slowed down and stopped.

  “Please,” begged Colonel Mike Blanchard.

  “Please, hide me.”

  Maddie and Max were still too shocked that Max’s story had turned out to be correct to do any- thing at all, so Theo got up and closed the closet door.

  Moments later, the door to the Fifth Wheel opened to reveal their father and a hulking police officer. The officer looked rather unhappy to see the kids. “Sir,” he said to Marcus, “are you aware that it’s against the law in the state of Nevada to have passengers riding back here?”

  “Uh, well,” Marcus said, “I understand that, in Oregon, it’s legal as long as communication is avail- able with the driver. We’re using walkie-talkies.”

  Max held up their walkie-talkie as proof.

  “I did notice the Oregon plates,” the officer said, stepping up into the camper. The kids Eyeballed each other, trying not to look at one particular closet — and to avoid having three giant meltdowns, right then and there.

  “What’s the holdup?” Theo demanded, and way

  too loudly.

  “Theo!” his brother and sister hissed. “You know what I meant!”

  Luckily, the officer thought this was funny. “It’s fine,” he said. “Escaped prisoner from a local deten- tion center. I need to do a quick search for your own safety. You never know.”

  Now the kids started to sweat. Their knees began to shake, too, so they all sat down. When the officer stepped into the bathroom, they traded desperate glances, willing each other to do something.

  The officer came out of the bathroom. He got on his hands and knees and looked under the bunks. Then he got up and started opening closets. When he reached the last one, all three kids were just about to scream, “Nooo!”

  But he didn’t open it.

  “Wait a minute,” the officer said, looking at the poster on the door. He turned and asked, “Are you — Marcus Mattigan, the professional skeptic?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “I saw you on the news last night! You were great!” The officer moved away from the closet to shake Marcus’s hand. “You’ve done law enforcement around here a real solid. The Alien Nation is clearing out of town.”

  “I’m so glad I was able to help.”

  “I don’t think we have anything to worry about here,” the officer decided. “I’ll move along. Don’t worry about the kids riding in the camper. You’ll be back in Oregon soon enough.”

  “Well, great, then. Thanks!”

  The officer climbed out of the Fifth Wheel. Be- fore Marcus followed, he turned to the kids, and said, “You guys okay?” His children were all still white as ghosts, but also looking strangely elated.

  “All good!” they promised.

  “Outlaws, the bunch of you,” Marcus said. But he winked to show them he was kidding.

  And then, to their incredible relief, he climbed

  out of the camper, too.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  J-Rod

  The kids rushed to the closet and opened it again.

  There, still cringing, was Colonel Mike Blanchard.

  “It’s okay,” Max said. “You can come out. They were looking for you, but it’s safe now. Your plan worked perfectly.”

  The Colonel stepped gingerly out of the closet. Without saying a word, he sat down on one of the pad- ded chairs and let out a sigh that must have been fill- ing his entire body. The kids took seats, as well.

  “How do you know they were looking for him?” Maddie asked Max. “The officer said they were looking for an escaped prisoner.”

  “Of course, they were looking for him,” Max

  said. “Don’t you think they know he escaped?”

  “Well, yeah. I guess so.”

  “And now we know why he picked Dad to smuggle him out of Nevada. Who is the last person on Earth the authorities would think is stashing an alien in his Fifth Wheel?”

  “Marcus Mattigan, professional skeptic!” Maddie said, amazed. “He stopped searching the second he realized who Dad was. Max, you’re a genius!”

  “Spynius.”

  “Um — no.”

  “Can we see your Martian face?”

  “Theo!” Maddie was horrified “That’s incredibly rude!”

  “And Martians are from Mars,” Max said. “You have no idea where he — ”

  “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!”

  “Hold on a moment,” Colonel Blanchard said. Then he leaned ove
r and put his hands under his shirt collar. Then, in one swift motion, he appeared to rip

  off his face.

  It was a mask. A remarkable human mask.

  And then, there he was, sitting right in front of Maddie, Max and Theo Mattigan: J-Rod. His real face looked pretty much exactly like the J-Rod masks: large almond eyes, slitty mouth, no nose to speak of.

  The Mattigans, polite as they were (two-thirds of them, anyway), couldn’t help themselves: they jumped right out of their chairs and backed away from the alien.

  Then J-Rod pulled off his hands. He had fake hands over his alien hands, which turned out to look a lot like human hands, except he only had four fingers on each.

  No one spoke a word for a solid minute.

  “Are you from Mars?” Theo finally asked.

  “I don’t know,” J-Rod said, and he sounded sad. “I don’t know whether I come from another planet, or whether I am a human from the far future. Or maybe there’s another story altogether that explains me.”

  “How can that be?” Maddie asked. This was completely unexpected. He seemed harmless, and she was feeling terrible about having leapt up like that. Her stomach was suddenly hurting exactly the way it did when she lied. She went and sat down, and after she Eyeballed them, her brothers did, too.

  “I was a baby on board the ship that crashed here on Earth,” J-Rod explained. “There were no others. I was raised by your government, in secret. I have tried my best to help them learn the technology that brought me here, but for the most part, I have failed. For me, as for them, it is too complicated.”

  “Have there been other — ships?” Maddie asked.

  “No,” J-Rod said. “All fakes and frauds. Every one of them. Which is why your government will not wish to lose track of me. But I’ve decided that I want to live my own life. Actually, I’d like to put my time and energy into finding where I came from, into finding others like me — my parents, if that’s possible.”