Right Before My Eyes

by Michelle Robinson

  We had just dropped Chelsea and Najah off at home. We had a good time at the festival. We always did, except for when we ran into old flames from around the way. For me, that was a bad thing ’cause I had a fair share of them, and would be trying to avoid confrontation. What killed me was how they would just come up to me, acting like we were still cool. My pop taught us an ex means exit. Move on to someone else.

  Mama would ask, “Do you walk backwards? Then you don’t go back with exes. If you do, you’ll realize early why you broke up the first time. These old flames always come up to you with that old game. They always wanna call you after they leave the festival and take you to the movies or go get something to eat.

  Ah, no, nicca. “I’ve moved on and I’m not feeling you no more” was my slogan.

  What I liked was bumping into old friends from school. They never could believe that we all still hung together. Everybody asked about Jordyn. I would tell them that she’s doing very well and I’d tell her you asked about her.

  Kalena gave us our name back in ‘84, The TFC (The Together Forever Crew). But now we are The Divas.

  Anyway, everybody posted up at the lake for this annual event. It was a meat market for women and men, just like going to the nightclubs. It was always a three-day marketplace of networking, music, entertainment, different cultures of food from around the world and plenty of shopping. At that time, Najah lived by my homeboy Eric’s house, so I decided to stop over at Eric’s and say what’s up. I didn’t see him or his crew of cousins at the lake. Eric and his brother lived together in a small apartment building off of Seminary Avenue.

  Kalena and I pulled up in my white ‘88 Acura Legend coupe. Eric had six dudes over his house and they were all outside of the apartment chilling. They were laughing, high-fiving, and watching every car that passed by. We got out the car all bubbly. Kalena and I spoke to Eric and his brother Billy. We met everyone else. All the guys were cousins of Eric and Billy’s.

  I noticed Jason before I turned the ignition off. Jodeci’s Freek’n You was playing in my CD player. I loved that song. I’m juiced talking to Eric and we talking crap to each other and everyone is laughing. We’re just having a good time. Eric comes from a big family full of dudes. So you know what that means. Any family where there’s a lot of men, there’s going to be a lot of kids.

  Actually, Jason had his little daughter with him. She was laying upstairs on Eric’s couch asleep. He and I hit it off right at the beginning. His timing was great. Everytime I capped on Eric or Billy, he was on me, like Eric couldn’t defend himself. I was like “hmmm, I really like this dude.” We all laughed and talked crap the whole night, like it was a Saturday. I believe back then, Billy had the hots for Kalena. They went out a few times and that was it.

  But I had plans for Jason. I wanted him. I believed this was a love-at-first sight thing, because I was in love the first time I laid eyes on him. I wanted to kidnap him and run away with him to Foreverland and never come back! He had a beautiful smile and nice teeth. He was tall, maybe 6-foot-3, and light skin. He wore a tapered afro and had two hoops in each of his ears. His body was thick, and he had on shorts so his nice legs were on display. His tennis shoes were white and crisp and I noticed he had big hands.

  We were play-fighting a little. I would say something to any of them just to get a reaction out of Jason. He fired back just like I suspected. I realized that I was falling deeper and deeper; I hadn’t felt like this since Drew.

  Jason couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. I liked that connection. Just light taps and touches. It turned me on. I was going crazy, and at the same time, trying to figure out how I could get his number that night. I didn’t want to bet that Eric would give it to me. He was a hater, because I know he liked me. His sisters, other cousins and uncles made comments before, about us being together and how I was his girlfriend.

  Naw, it wasn’t like that.

  Eric and I grew up around the corner from one another. He was my boy, but I think me always dropping by and always talking on the phone made it seem that way.

  I didn’t know how to tell Eric I wasn’t attracted to him. I didn’t do anything that would lead him to believe that I liked him more than as a friend. I even went so far with it and lied and said I was gay so he really wouldn’t like me on that level. It worked too. I had him thinking that Najah was my girlfriend. She thought it was funny, and she played her position too. She would act like a gay lover. Not the hugging and kissing, but she would just say things to me in front of him to let him know that I was hers. She acted so well, I told her she may not win an Oscar for her performances, but maybe a Tyrone Award! It worked and Eric got the point. He would be mad and fuming, but my message got across.

  Maybe a little too well, because, of course, he told Jason I was gay.

  I got it!

  Friends Helping Friends was the new craze then. I asked Eric to get on board with me. I wanted Jason to get on board, and he was not having it. I told him that I needed his number so, when I cashed out, I could call him and tease him about it.

  He gave me his numbers, home and cell. I could have died and went to heaven that beautiful October night. Jason and his brother were roommates at that time.

  I called him for like three days in a row.

  I left messages and he never called me back. I think he thought that I was really calling him about that Friends Helping Friends mess.

  The truth is, I kept Eric’s money because that pyramid game dried out that evening, and hit the front of the newspapers the next morning. It was definitely illegal, because it was a cash hustle and the IRS couldn’t get their cut.

  I meant to give Eric back his money. Honestly, I did. But I just considered it a gift. I probably went on a short shopping spree with the money, knowing me.

  I stopped calling Jason and didn’t think about it again. Ain’t no telling who I was wasting time with at that time. I was pretty occupied then. I was a full-time college student.

  Chapter 4

  ANGEL

  My song was over and I pulled up in my driveway. India.Arie was singing she’s not the average girl on the video. She’s not determined by the price of her clothes. I quickly turned off my car, grabbed my Diva Darling bag, and ran in the house to get my fruit salad.

  I looked at the house phone and realized the GTL number had called six times.

  “Oh, God. Keep it pushing, Journee,” I tell myself.

  Back in the car I turned on the radio.

  I wanted solitude on my short ride back to Maxwell Park. “This is a deal-breaker,” I kept thinking. This is really it this time. Talking to me with no respect is a deal-breaker. I’m done. I am really done this time.

  As I pulled up in front of Mama Len’s again, Brandon was out front waving at me to pull up.

  “Hey Boo! What’s up?”

  “Hey Godmommy, can I park your truck for ya?”

  I laughed ’cause I remember when I used to do that to my uncles and older cousins. I picked up my bowl and grabbed my clutch and let the youngsta have all access to my vehicle. I knew this “can I park your car?” trick very well.

  He was going to ride around the neighborhood first and then he’d park.

  I laughed to myself up the walkway and into the house. Inside, all of Kalena’s family had arrived. There was a lot of talking and laughing going on. I was excited for my girl and it was wonderful to be in the midst of other people who loved her too.

  The rest of the guests were Mama Len’s friends and some of the neighbors that couldn’t come to the graduation. As I entered the kitchen, I sat the fruit salad out with the rest of the food and headed through the kitchen and laundry room to the backyard. Derrick had finished barbecuing and now he was grilling some salmon. There were four long tables with white tablecloths and floating purple candles in water-filled vases as the centerpieces. The dec
orations really looked nice. Kalena’s favorite color was purple, so we decorated the fence in the backyard with purple and silver streamers and we put purple and silver balloons on every chair.

  I was instructed by Mama Len to be the MC of this event and was ready to get the boo-hooing part over so we could start karaoking.

  “May I have everybody’s attention please?”

  All the chitter-chatter stopped, and I was shocked.

  “Man you guys are a good crowd,” I said, with all eyes on me.

  “Ok, let’s congratulate Ms. Kalena Martin for a job well done.”

  All fifty guests clapped. Kalena was just smiling and I asked her to come to me.

  Najah started everyone chanting, “Speech speech speech… . ”

  “Ok y’all, before I give the graduate the floor, I would just like to say… ”

  I looked Kalena in the eyes. “You are an overachiever. I’ve always respected your will power to press your way to the top. And girl, you made it. I know it wasn’t easy, but you never complained. You just did what you had to. You are a great mama, and a beautiful lady inside and out and I am happy to be a part of your life and happy to share in this joyous occasion. You have proved that a teenaged single parent mama born and raised in East Oakland can raise a wonderful son—my godchild—go to work full time, attend morning worship every Sunday, kept the lights on, have a hot meal on the table and clothes on Brandon’s back, and go to school at night to complete her degree. You are an amazing woman and I just love you dearly.

  “Brandon, as your godmama standing here, you make your mama proud because she wants nothing but the best for you. Next month is your turn to walk across that stage. You will be handed the torch to carry, because failure is not an option.”

  There were a few “Amens”, “I know that’s rights”, and “Tell em, Journees!”

  I looked at Najah and she joined us.

  “I’ve known these knuckleheads for a long time,” Najah said. “I really can’t think of anything to add to Journee ’cause she said it so well. I do wanna say that I am happy for you Kalena, ’cause I was worried about you and where your life was headed when you got pregnant so young, but you made a teenage pregnancy work in your favor. You were determined to have Brandon and you were determined to provide for Brandon. You grew up fast and became the mama that Brandon needed and when you saw fit, you pursued your dreams. You handles yo business and I love you girl.”

  Everyone started clapping and there were sniffles through out the backyard. We group-hugged and we were all crying happily.

  I announced where everyone could put their graduation presents. We had a designated table for gifts and cash. That was Ashley’s post and also where the cake sat.

  “Does anyone else want to come up and say something to Kalena?” I asked.

  Kalena blurted out, “Save it, let’s eat.”

  I turned the music on. I had some of Jordyn’s mixed CDs in the CD changer and kept it on shuffle. Everyone was eating and the kids were running around.

  It was a great day. The food was the bomb and the drinks were pouring in the famous red plastic cups.

  Kalena was a huge fan of music just like me, so she loved the playlist: Stevie Wonder, Maxwell, Loose Ends, The O’Jays, Sade, Raheem DeVaughn, Keyshia Cole, Adriana Evans, Amp Fidler, Peven Everett, 4Hero and Aya. Jordyn always made these mixed CDs flow so good and everyone was grooving to it.

  Go Jordyn! Not to mention Derrick’s BBQ was the bomb!

  As everyone finished up their second plate, it was time to break out the karaoke machine. Kalena was a karaoke queen, she had the professional set up and a thousand CDs. She kept her catalog pretty updated too.

  Guess who had to get the party started?

  Yep!

  Mama Len, Najah, Kalena and I. We broke out singing The Jones Girls’ Nights Over Egypt, Mama Len’s favorite. Najah and I loved the “ooh ooh ooh ooh” part. Our audience laughed with us ’cause can’t nobody hold a note but Najah. I liked to sing and didn’t care what anyone said.

  Next, I was bold enough to attempt a solo.

  I figured after this, the crowd would loosen up and we could get this party started and have a good time.

  I sang Angel by Chaka Khan, and I got a nice round of applause when I was done. I was feelin’ that song. It put me in the mind frame of Jason. I loved him so much and I didn’t even think he would ever understand it.

  After hours of karaoking and laughing and partying, the atmosphere changed. Some of Todd’s family started showing up and his nephew had a video camera with him. I was wondering why. He didn’t come to the graduation and he was really late to the party.

  By the time Chelsea arrived, it was fortunate that Mama Len hid her plate in the oven because all the food was gone. The cake was cut, speeches had been given, eyes had cried, and Todd asked me to stop the music after R. Kelly’s Step in the Name of Love went off.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention please?”

  I was wondering what was he getting ready to do, end the party and ask us to leave?

  “I’ve been trying to figure out the perfect time to do this, and I’m so nervous right now but confident enough to do it in front of all of you. Kalena, our agreement was since you had the house and I had the degree, we said if I bought a house and you completed your degree we would be on each other’s level. Well, I bought a house and you have a degree now, so together we have two houses and two degrees. I love you so very much, you have made me the man that I am today and I love the smile that I’ve put on your face. Baby, I want to see that smile everyday for the rest of my life. I stand here before our families and friends today and as I bend down on my knee, I want to ask you for your hand in marriage.”

  “Yes!!!!!” I started screaming. Everyone was oohing and ahhing. The air was filled with excitement. People were crying and talking and smiling and very happy for Kalena.

  Well, I know I was. That was my girl and she deserved it. Actually, Todd had called me twice about going ring shopping. We never made that shopping trip, but I’m glad he made the decision to marry her.

  Mama Len handed him the black velvet ring box.

  Nervously, Todd opened the box, took the sparkler out and grabbed Kalena’s hand.

  “Baby, will you complete me by becoming my wife?”

  More oohs and ahhs. He had embarrassed Kalena at this point. She was in shock and I’m sure her nosey butt was trying to figure out how he pulled this over her head. At this point she was crying and smiling.

  “Yes, yes Todd, I will marry you!”

  We all clapped, and the dudes high-fived.

  Najah, Chelsea, Ashley, their girl cousins from Sacramento and I all scooted Kalena away from the party along the driveway. We were all so happy for our girl.

  We were admiring her engagement ring and making wedding plans for her, suggesting ideas to our new bride: where to marry, what month it should be, the colors we wanted to wear, even telling her who we wanted to walk down the aisle with.

  “I’m just gonna rent a bus and we all are going to Reno and me and him gone marry there.” Kalena said.

  “Hell naw, you ain’t!” I said. “That man got on his bended knee in front of everybody and proposed to you the old-fashioned way. You owe it to yourself to have a wedding.”

  All the ladies agreed.

  “Ok, but you’re helping me plan this wedding.” Kalena said.

  We hugged and said our goodbyes.

  As a pact, when the four of us leave one another, we wait for Najah to text us that she made it home, ’cause she lives the furthest and we all reply. That way, we know we all got home safely. After Brandon saw me to my truck, we hugged and I tucked a fifty dollar bill in his hands. Gotta keep good kids encouraged, I thought.

  On my way home, I was in a Jay-Z kind of mood. I
love that American Gangster CD. The music on that joint really complimented his swagger. The music was so smooth and his lyrics were certainly to the point.

  When I got home, I went straight to the kitchen to put my bowls from the salads in the cabinet. Mama Len’s friend washed them. I put Derrick’s and my leftover containers in the refrigerator and looked at the clock, it was 11:09pm.

  I was beat. I looked at the house phone. GTL called five more times today. I quickly put the phone back on the charger and called it a night. After I washed my face and got out of the shower, I checked my crackberry. Najah hadn’t texted yet, but Derrick did. It read, “going to the pet store”.

  That meant he had a booty call. I laughed and got my bed. I said my prayers.