Right Before My Eyes

by Michelle Robinson

  After I said my prayers, I thought to myself and said out loud, “it was a good day despite the Drew drama. I’ll give that to God”.

  As I started dozing off, my crackberry beeped. It was finally Najah. Her text was always one word, “home”.

  I replied to Najah, Chelsea and Kalena, “smooches,” and fell into my slumber.

  Chapter 5

  NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT

  I was sound asleep when my alarm woke me up. Najah and I should go to church with Chelsea just to make sure she could handle herself with the Greg and Sherry drama.

  I’ll text Najah, I thought. But I couldn’t find my phone.

  It wasn’t on my nightstand like usual. I looked on the floor between the bed and the nightstand, no phone.

  There was the charger, just hanging on the nightstand with no crackberry attached. I moved my pillows and raised my sheet and covers.

  There was my red lover face down in between the flat sheet and me.

  I fell asleep with my crackberry in the bed? I laughed at myself.

  I had three missed calls, a voicemail and a text from Kalena last night: “Thanks for everything and I’m still in shock.” I sent a smiley face back.

  The missed calls were from Sean. I forgot that we were supposed to be kickin’ it last night. I had such a full day yesterday, I totally forgot.

  Oh well, I thought, I’ll worry about that later.

  I texted Najah to ask if she would fellowship at Chelsea’s church. She replied quickly and said she would.

  I began to smile and headed to the closet. She’s gonna be surprised when she sees us.

  When Najah arrived, I had my Bible in hand and I was ready to go. She was wearing a brown and yellow dress sundress with brown cork-heeled wedges, and I was wearing a purple and red dress wrap dress with red BCBG pumps. I texted Derrick to let him know dinner was at my parent’s at 1 pm today.

  I hopped in Najah’s silver Mercedes Benz CLK and we were headed to Acts Full Gospel. On the way, Najah and I were talking about yesterday’s events. Najah and I were laughing at the folks at the graduation party singing karaoke, and about how happy we were that Todd proposed to Kalena. We both approved of him and their union.

  “So what are you gonna do about Drew?” Najah asked. I laughed because my emotions changed from happy to confused.

  “I don’t know, maybe this is supposed to happen. Maybe it’s over. I don’t know. Maybe it’s ran its course, ya know. I’ll definitely be praying about it in worship today.”

  “And so will I, girl.”

  “Thank you. Can you turn the volume up, please?”

  Marvin Sapp was testifying with Never Would Have Made It. Good friends are something special. I closed my eyes and his words were all I heard.

  Chapter 6

  TOTAL PRAISE

  There was Chelsea in her black skirt and white blouse. Her bright smile and makeup lit up the room. Her short haircut was shining too. She doesn’t usually look like she probably feels, and that’s for sure. She smiled as we approached her, and she seated us on the left-hand side of the church in the 15th row. Close to the side door.

  Acts is a huge church. The teleprompter is useful so you can see the pulpit a lot better. The choir is bigger than the choir at my family’s church, BeeBee Memorial. They got down when they sang Total Praise. We stood up and worshipped the Lord with the rest of the saints. A guest pastor filled in for Pastor Bob. I didn’t write his name down ’cause I wasn’t sure if I was going to take notes.

  “Turn with me in your bibles to Proverbs 13:12; hold your finger there, and turn to Psalms 39:7. When you’ve tagged both texts, say Amen.”

  Was he going to excite me? I was upset that Pastor Bob wasn’t there. I sat back and decided to praise God with Najah.

  Lord knows I needed my blessings because I was starting to feel emotional, trying to focus on my worship experience with thoughts of Drew stirring in my mind. My tear ducts were ready to pour out an untimely cry. “Where did my joy just go?” I thought.

  I closed my eyes so I could pray for myself. I felt like I was coming unglued. My heart felt heavier and took a few deep breaths. As I opened my wet eyes, Najah handed me a note that read:

  Let the word of Christ dwell.

  I looked at her with my best half-smile and nodded in agreement as I patted my cheeks dry with my fists.

  The guest pastor started his sermon with a famous question asked by Langston Hughes, “What happens to a dream deferred?”

  I pulled out my pen and pad.

  His sermon was titled “Hold on to Your Hope”.

  “Hope fuels a dream saints,” he continued. “We have these disappointments from our past, so we stop loving, trusting and stop believing because the last hope you had let you down. No matter how dark the situation seems, hope says keep on. A longing hope fulfilled is a tree of life. Seasons change, and the leaves have to fall, but guess what. It will blossom again. How do I hold on when my hope is failing? Well I’m glad you asked saints, Hold on from the Lord. When it runs low, run back to the Lord. Our hope is from Him, because God is still able.”

  “Amen,” the congregation sang.

  As Pastor Claybon Lea wrapped his wonderful sermon up, he gave us two more scriptures to read later on in the week, Psalms 146:5 and 147:11.

  “Go to bed in hope and wake up in hope.”

  Everybody jumped to their feet and applauded the pastor. I felt so much better, and my joy came back to rest inside of my soul again.

  As the offering was being collected, I wrote on the back of Najah’s note:

  I will release my stress through praise.

  She nodded and stretched her arms out and we hugged. It was just what I needed.

  After service, we met Chelsea in the parking lot.

  “Were you surprised, girl?”

  “Yes, and I’m so glad y’all here. They didn’t come to church today or I just didn’t see them.”

  “Who cares about them? We want to make sure you alright.”

  “I am ok, or I’ll be ok.”

  “Hey, why don’t you come to the house. We having fish with the family.”

  “Ok, times like this is when you need to be around the family. We all we got!”

  We started laughing.

  We parted ways from the parking lot and headed to my parents’ house. Najah and I got back in her car. As we headed to the freeway, I was filling her in on the event that took place outside of Hilton Garden Inn yesterday.

  Najah was laughing and hitting the steering wheel trying to picture us outside acting out like we did. She couldn’t believe Chelsea slapped Greg and threw water on him. We laughed till we both were crying, but knew that there was no way Chelsea was going to be able to still attend Acts if the happy new couple was going to keep going there too.

  We pulled up to my parents’ around 1:40 pm and Derrick’s silver Acura was already parked in the driveway. I told Najah she could park right next to Derrick because both of my parents’ cars were probably in the garage.

  Jordyn’s orange Beetle was parked at the curbside, with the sunroof cracked. I dug in my purse to get the door key for my parent’s house. After I found them, I got out and followed Najah to the front door. We spoke to everyone when we found them in the den, all sitting on the couch watching the playoffs on TV. We all exchanged kisses. The aroma of fish filled the air.

  I kicked off my shoes and pulled my flip flops out of my purse. Najah and I sat on the bar stools and watched the game with everyone.

  Mama got up to set the table. That’s when I told her that Chelsea was joining us for dinner. We followed her into the dining room so we could fill Jordyn and Mama in about yesterday’s events.

  Mama and Jordyn were happy for Kalena and Todd. Jordyn was wondering how many people wou
ld be in the wedding, because she knew she would be the one to do all the hair and makeup.

  “Well, you could hire some help if it gets to be too much, or you can include your other stylists to help you,” Mama said.

  “Yeah, it’s definitely too early to worry about that now,” I said.

  “I know, I’m just saying, ya know a wedding can be a bit much sometimes depending on the bride.”

  I told them the story about Drew’s phone call.

  “The next time he calls, you’ll forgive him and say you’ll be going to visit him and that will be that.” Jordyn announced.

  Mama couldn’t believe it.

  “Journee, believe God. Maybe God is calling you out of this situation. I know he is your first love and y’all been through a lot over the years, but don’t hurt yourself by letting other people hurt you.”

  I recorded that statement to my memory. Mamas always have a way of saying things that really make you think. Najah was excited about what Mama would have to say about Chelsea’s story from yesterday.

  After we gave her and Jordyn the play-by-play, they cracked up. I reenacted all of Chelsea’s movements. Derrick was listening to us and he and my dad were cracking up too.

  “If that was me, I would have spit a big loogie on Chelsea. And why his new chick didn’t want to fight her after she slapped him?” Derrick asked, still laughing.

  “I was there, duh?” I cracked.

  “He should have called the police and had her butt arrested,” he said.

  Time went on. Dad kept asking where Chelsea was because he didn’t want to start eating dinner without her.

  Najah said she would call her. She grabbed her phone from her purse and dialed Chelsea’s cell phone number. No answer.

  Najah left a message telling her that we were waiting for Her, and Papa Bell was ready to eat. She put her cell phone back in her purse.

  “We like our fish hot from the frying pan,” Derrick joked.

  We laughed and started picking our seating arrangements.

  “It’s time to eat,” Pops said.

  Mama led the prayer. She gave thanks to God for this fellowship and thanked him for his tender mercies. Then she asked God to keep his hand and love around Chelsea.

  Chapter 7

  SEPARATE

  When I got settled in the house, I decided to call Chelsea. There was no answer. I hung up and called again. No answer. Again. I left Chelsea a message asking where was she and to call to let somebody know she was ok.

  I went to grab the house phone in the kitchen to see if there were any calls from Drew. No calls from GTL. I was relieved, but also curious. “Why didn’t he try to call again?”

  I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and asked Derrick if he wanted a bottle. He refused. He was on the couch playing the Madden video game. I joined him.

  “Who was the lucky pet last night?” I asked him.”Mikki,” he said. “Yeah, she miss ‘Big Daddy’ and I went to hit that ’cause she got this way of stroking her… ” “Ah… hate to cut you off, but I’m a girl and don’t want to know that part,” I interrupted. Derrick smiled not taking his eyes off the TV. “You right, my bad. But you know I had to beat that up nicely. She was begging me to come over there. It’s something about barbecuing that makes me horny. So, ya know!” “Yeah, I know D, must be the black coals,” I said. “What’s this about you and Drew?”

  “Glad you brought that up because I wanted to see what you had to say. Oh, and Sean was on his way too. So you heard me, huh?”

  “Yeah, I did, and ya know you’re too old to play games and too young to waste time.”

  I agreed.

  “I’m really thinking it’s over with Drew. Like, for real. A lot of time has passed me by and this is the thanks I get. It was so unnecessary to argue like two dogs in the street. If he was in my face, we probably would have been fighting.”

  “He’s really messing up big time.” Derrick said.

  “Yeah, seems like it huh?” I agreed.

  My crackberry rang, I jumped up thinking it would be Chelsea, but it was Sean telling me he was on his way.

  “The way to get over someone is to mess with someone else. I ain’t mad at cha.” Derrick said.

  We laughed.

  I went to brush my teeth on that note. As I entered in my bedroom, I hit the power button on my CD player and Separate by Rahsaan Patterson filled the air.

  That song made me do exactly what he said. Derrick brought me my crackberry, and I heard Chelsea’s voice.

  “Hey, what happened to you?”

  She sounded a little distracted. Her voice was lowered.

  “Nee, I was gonna come over to the house but I just couldn’t. I was driving down International and was just crying. I had to pull over across from Food King and Apt C and really let it out. I went home and cried and cried some more. After I did that, I tried pulling myself together and my eyes were so red and puffy. I put some Visine in my eyes, but the puffiness wouldn’t go down, so I laid down and fell asleep. I’m just waking up and I am hungry. Guess I’ll run down to Subway. I’m sorry about that, ’cause I know I missed some good ole food. Did yo mama make her potato salad?”

  “Yep.” I answered. “We had a good time. Everyone was there but you and Kalena. Call over there and see if you could go get a plate.”

  “Yeah, I think I will. Have you heard from Kalena? I know she is on Cloud Nine right about now.”

  “Yeah, I bet. That’s our girl and I’m proud of her.”

  “Yeah, I just wonder where my Todd is,” Chelsea said. “I thought it was Greg, but that funky black dog wasn’t the one!” Chelsea said.

  Now, she was beginning to sound like herself. I was glad. Get it off your chest is what I say. Ain’t no use in holding it in.

  “Chelsea, did you just call him a funky black dog?”

  “Yeah girl, shoot, that’s what he is.”

  I cracked up, and she joined in. That brought me satisfaction. I let her vent about Greg a little more before I changed the subject.

  “Who was the pastor that preached today? I liked his way of breaking it down.”

  “Yeah, he was on point. That’s Pastor Claybon Lea. He pastors Mt. Calvary Baptist Church. He has two churches, one in Fairfield and the other one is in Suisun.”

  “Well, we should pay Mt. Calvary a visit one Sunday. I’m sure Pastor Bob and Pastor Hames won’t miss us just one Sunday.”

  I looked up. Sean had walked in and closed the door behind him. He turned and was standing in my bedroom with seduction in his eyes. I knew what time it was when he unbuttoned his Rocawear jeans and they hit the floor.

  No underwear in sight. I smiled, showing no teeth looking at his pole point at me.

  “Chelsea, I’ll holla, I gotta go.”

  I heard Chelsea say, “Girl, tell Sean I said… ” before the call ended.

  Chapter 8

  THAT’S THE WAY LOVE GOES

  The next morning was Monday and I was feeling great! Sean just left and I was headed to the gym, even though I just had a sweaty work out. I decided to call Kalena to see what’s up with the bride to be. She answered the phone all cheery and I loved it. She asked me to stop by afterwards, and I told her I would be there in a few hours.

  I needed to work out with all the food I had eaten over the weekend: cake, banana pudding, potato salad, BBQ and fried fish. I slipped on my workout clothes which consisted of some navy blue yoga pants, a red tee shirt from the Gap that said “Inspired” and some black and red Adidas tennis shoes. I grabbed my iPod as I went out the door.

  Once I got outside, I decided to walk the lake instead of going to the gym. It was a beautiful morning and I wanted to soak in some nature. I like looking at the ducks, walking on the dirt trails, and seeing the redwood trees and green g
rass. The water is a different story. It’s not exactly clear blue; more like seaweed green. You definitely can’t see to the bottom like the water in the Caribbean, but it’s definitely Oakland’s best landmark and it offers tranquility through its nature.

  I parked on the Lakeshore Avenue side of the lake and as I got out of my SUV, my crackberry let me know I had a text message.

  It was Jason saying “Good Morning” with a smiley face. That made me smile.

  I sent a “Good Mornting” back to him (I got that from Tyler Perry’s character Madea). I put my phone on silent and stuck it under my seat. I got out and secured the doors with the remote. As I headed west towards Lake Merritt Bakery, I turned my on iPod and was greeted with the words from Janet Jackson’s That’s The Way Love Goes . . .