Letters to Me

by Eliza Rose

  Chapter 1

  I sit cross-legged on my day bed wondering if my friend, and biggest crush ever, is going to call. Cole is by far the most beautiful guy I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and I am hopeful that he will call me, Kimber Huntley. I start to toy with my earbuds trying to untangle the mess they have become in my pocket. These are forever a nuisance. I hyper-focus on fixing the earbuds and start thinking about the phone call I’m waiting on. As the thought crosses my mind my phone vibrates beside me, and my heart jumps out of my chest. Panicking I try to grab it and it flies to the other side of my bed.

  “What the.. how.. just answer!” I think internally as I finally get a hold of my phone. Oh, it’s just Rachel. “Hello,” I say, a little disappointed, and very winded. I am waiting on my crush to call me, but after all, I have to make time for my best friend.

  “Has he called?” Rachel asks with enthusiasm. “Why do you sound like you were running?”

  “No, Rach, I told you that you would be the first to know if he did. My phone scared me.” I say rolling my eyes.

  “Oh, ok well I was just wonderin’!” She exclaims in her southern drawl. She almost always lays on her accent thick. I think it’s because she hopes that one day her true southern gentleman will hear her and be magnetized to her southern belle sounds. I try to make my accent go away as much as possible, but it always comes out somehow.

  “No, I’ll call you as soon as he does…if he does.” I start to twirl my caramel-colored hair. He may be my friend but he makes me so nervous I feel like I could implode and disappear never to be heard from again.

  “No worries, Kimber. Just don’t think about it. I’ll let you go, Love ya!” She speaks at a rapid pace.

  “You too, bye,” I whisper.

  I click end and stare down at my phone. Who knew that expecting a call would be so intimidating? Why did I think that Cole Snyder would want to go to the Homecoming dance with me? We have been friends forever, but we have only been just that. We are both seniors. He is eighteen and a year older than I am. He plays on our high school football team and is a very important asset. I don’t do anything that requires much of any coordination. I love to watch sports though, and baseball is my favorite. My train of thought wanders off and soon I forget that I am waiting for him to call.

  I make my way to the kitchen and heat the food my momma left for me as my music blares in my ears. My mother works at the local hospital at night as a NICU nurse. My older sister, Jozlyn, is going to school to become a nurse also, but that’s not for me though. I will be stuck in this little town forever. I live in Salem, Alabama population, like five hundred something and thirty-some-odd coon dogs at the last count by Ol’ Mr. Jenkins at the only little general store and gas station. No traffic lights, or an actual grocery store. The biggest thing in Salem is the three-time state champion West Limestone Wildcat football team. Woo, go team! Yes, I am being sarcastic, but I love to watch Cole play… that’s it.

  Oh crap! I left my phone in my room. Putting my plate away, I rush back to my room and grab my phone. I have one missed call and a new voicemail notification shining back up at me. Is it from him? I scroll through the call logs and there it is. Cole’s number. Wow, I wonder what he said. I go to voicemail and listen.

  “Hey, uh, Kimber. This is Cole. Ummm, I was just thinking that maybe you should go to the dance thing tomorrow night with me. If that’s cool with you. I heard you wanted to go so, uhhh yeahhh, call me when you get a chance.” His voice sounds velvety, but he sounds unsure of himself. I’ve only heard him talk like this once and it was during a history speech at school. Oh. My. God! Does he want to go with me?! I find Rachel’s name on my phone and quickly call her.

  “Oh, my God! Did he call?!” she screams as soon as she answers.

  “Yes, he wants me to go to the dance with him, and for me to call him back,” I say excited yet uneasy, but smile to myself.

  “Call him back?” She asks confoundedly.

  “Yeah, I was in the kitchen eating dinner and missed the call,” I said to her exacerbated.

  “WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME? CALL COLE!” She says, almost yelling before she hangs up. Rachel can be blunt at times, and that’s why I love her. I follow her command dutifully and I find Cole’s number and press call.

  “Hello,” he says in a hushed tone. I almost cannot hear him.

  “H-Hey Cole, it’s Kimber,” I say with an unsure tone. Come on get a grip girl, I tell myself as I replay the words in my head. I sound so indifferent.

  “Oh, Hey! Listen, I can’t talk right now, but I guess since you called back you want to go to the dance with me tomorrow?” He talks quickly and sounds slightly arrogant. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Do I want to go with him? I question myself but answer with all the confidence I can muster.

  “I would love to.” Perhaps, he’s just nervous or busy. Right, all-star Cole Snyder, nervous. Ha, I can only hope.

  “Cool, I’ll see you in History tomorrow.”

  “Ok, see you then,” I say hoping that I sound at least a little cheerful.

  “K, bye”

  “Bye,” I say and click end.

  And just like that my spirits lift. I am grinning from ear to ear. Could he be my one? I send a quick text to Rachel to get online so we can chat. I go shower and change into my pajamas, and by the time I get to my computer and get online, she is losing her mind.

  Hey, what did he say? Where are you? HELLO? Rachel types.

  Hey, I’m here! Sorry I had to shower and change. Not much. It was a very short conversation. I say.

  Oh, come on Kimber, spit it out.

  He said that since I was calling that he assumed that I was saying yes to going to the dance with him. He came off as sort of arrogant and he was whispering for some reason. Should I go with him?

  Why wouldn’t you? She asks.

  I’m just a little unsure now. I start to toy with the hem of my shirt.

  Just go with your gut. I have to get my homework done, but if you need me just text me ok?

  Ok, love ya. I type quickly.

  Love you too

  I shut down my computer and go to my room. I start thinking about why or why I shouldn’t go to the dance with Cole. It’s not like we are dating. I’m sure he just didn’t want someone hanging all over him trying to prove something. He hates that. He especially hates it when people use him for his looks.

  I don’t like being in the house by myself, but Momma works nights. Since Jozlyn left in August I just stay in my room. I have dark blue walls and white sheer curtains. Jozlyn and I put up white twinkle lights when she still lived here and I love it. I don’t have to turn any lights on. All I do is walk in and it’s like I’ve walked into the night’s sky. I love stars and I always have. I finish my homework and start to doodle on the back of my notebook. I have to keep my mind busy or I will never get to sleep. I look at the clock and its ten-thirty. I guess I can try to sleep. I set my notebook and pencil on my nightstand and cover myself up to my chin. I feel comforted, and I dream of big green pastures and laying on a big quilt watching the stars. A white knight and his horse ride up to save me. From what exactly? I don’t know.

  ∞

  Dear Seventeen-year-old Kimber,

  You made the first step in your first relationship. You did it! I’m so proud that you called him back! He will teach you so much! Listen to and learn from your heart. You owe it to yourself.

  Love always,

  Present-day Kimber

  Chapter 2

  The next morning, I wake up wishing my dream was true. Come on now, there are no more knights in shining armor. If there were, I’m sure that more girls would be willing to be damsels in distress. I am strangely excited about tonight. However, I am a little apprehensive. Cole Snyder… wow. I still
think of him as a little kid in my first-grade class that would always make everyone laugh. He always had a joke to tell. I had a “kid crush” on him even then. Of course, now he is two tons of sexy in a one-ton bucket. What is he going to wear? Oh gosh, what am I going to wear to this thing? I’ve only been to maybe two of these so-called dances. There’s a DJ if you want to call a guy that graduated two years ago and is living vicariously through random high schoolers a DJ. We all go to a sparsely decorated gym and awkwardly move around to really bad music. It is not a formal event by far, and I think most guys wear jeans. Some girls wear dresses or skirts, but I think I will wear my black jeans and my favorite black and red halter top. I smell coffee being brewed so Momma must be home. I throw on my robe and go to join her.

  “Mornin’ Momma.”

  “Hey sweetheart, how was school?” My momma and I have the normal “after school talks” in the morning before school.

  “Good, I got a B on that math test I was studying for.”

  “That’s great! Good job!” Momma says genuinely.

  “Thanks, Momma. Oh, and I was asked to the homecoming dance.”

  “Oh? By who?”

  “Cole Snyder.”

  “Hmm, that’s nice. Are you going to go?”

  “I’d like to, but only if it’s ok with you. I know how you feel about me going out when you’re at work.”

  “As long as you take your phone and call me – not text – when you get home then I don’t mind. Honey, you know that.” She says sternly at first but softens at the end.

  “I just don’t want to worry you, Momma,” I whisper.

  “Kimber, honey, I love you and I will always worry about you, but you ain’t your sister.”

  “I know Momma, but she’s better now.” I sigh. I will always live in Jozlyn’s shadow. My sister had a wild and crazy phase during her senior year and needless to say, it is a miracle she graduated with her class. Also, she is lucky she isn’t in jail.

  “Well, that’s true honey. You better get movin’ or you will be late for school. I’ll see you in the mornin’ ok darlin’?”

  “Ok Momma, love you.”

  “Love you too.” She kisses my forehead like only a mother can and takes off to her room for bed. I go to my room and change, and for once put on a little makeup just to a look a little nicer than normal. I take a quick look in the mirror. Geez, I never really get over how pale I am. Grabbing my keys, I head out the door.

  The drive to school isn’t a long one, and I get to my parking spot just as the warning bell rings. I am right on time. I feel so different when I am here. Like I am a completely different person. It’s strange that I only feel like myself when I am alone. I walk into homeroom and take my seat as Rachel comes sprinting in. I can’t help but laugh a little at her disheveled look. She is always late.

  Between morning announcements, I let Rachel know that Momma said that I could go to the dance and she squeals and claps her hands. My day drags by. History is my last class and the clock is moving slow. I keep tapping my feet to help keep myself busy. It doesn’t help. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. An eternity later it is lunchtime. I grab a chicken salad and some sweet tea and find Rachel. She knows how to take my mind off things and soon I’m eating and laughing with her. I don’t really understand why I’m being this way. It’s not like I’ve never been out with Cole before. We have been out plenty of times as friends. I think it’s because it seems so official to go to a dance with someone like we are together. Are we together? No, he would have to ask me, that’s a rule or something. Right? Here I go again, watching the clock, waiting and waiting for history. Kind of ironic to be waiting for a class that talks of nothing but the past. One more class and I’ll see him. I hope I don’t make it awkward. Gosh, PLEASE don’t make it awkward, and keep your head in the game Kimber!

  Finally, the bell rings for our break between sixth and seventh period and I go grab all my stuff for History and a drink. I head to class where Mrs. Jones is handing out our chapter worksheets. Mrs. Jones is by far my favorite teacher. She lets us get away with talking and writing notes to each other as long as we do our work and listen when she’s talking. She is so entertaining it’s hard not to listen to her. There he is, the third row in the next to last seat smiling at me, and I can’t help this big dumb grin on my face. I walk over and take my seat behind him.

  “Hey stranger,” he says.

  “Hey.”

  “Missed talking to you. Are we still on for tonight?”

  “Yep as long as I can go like this,” I say laughing. He looks down at my clothes, and his face looks suddenly serious.

  “I think you look beautiful, but you could be wearing anything and still look beautiful to me.”

  “Thank you.” I smile as I melt away. We may have to call the janitor to clean up the Kimber sized puddle on the floor. Mrs. Jones calls the class to order and we start on our worksheets. I keep looking at the back of Cole’s head. He has gorgeous hair. It’s just long enough to get in his eyes. The last bell of the day rings and I gather all of my things. Of course, the day moves faster after I get to the class that I’ve waited on all day.

  “So Kimber, do you want me to meet you after the game or at the dance?” Cole asks nonchalantly.

  “How about we meet after the game by the field house?” I ask.

  “Sounds good, I’ll see you then,” He says brightly.

  He smiles and leaves me standing there still staring after him. I am in deep trouble. I head to my parking spot and meet Rachel. We decide to go to the gas station and then go back and get all of our homework for the weekend done before the game. We are such nerds. I don’t care it sounds like a free weekend to me. We pack everything away and head to the game. I’m pretty sure this is the only thing in Salem that is going on tonight. Figures.

  The game starts, and because it is homecoming the homecoming court is sitting in the best seats in the stadium. This is fine with me. I’ll just sit next to the band and be able to see everything still. I can even see Cole when he runs out. Ok, get a grip, Kimber. He is not your boyfriend. He is just your date to the homecoming dance. I wish I wouldn’t fall in love so fast. Is it fast though? How long have I felt this way? I close my eyes and shake my head. I don’t know how long I’ve actually had feelings for this guy. If he doesn’t have them for me, I will have to find a way to cope and still be friends. My life without Cole would be bleak.

  The band starts to play, and the football players run out. As much as I try not to find him, number eleven sticks out more than any other number. After the coin toss, Rachel goes to get us funnel cakes from the concession stand and we cheer on our team. The score is all tied up and we have to win to continue on to the state championship. Odds are not in the team’s favor. I can’t help but keep thinking about the dance. Then a roar from the crowd erupts. I missed something. We pull out a 24-21 win over the other team with a field goal. The homecoming queen is announced and Rachel and I start to get up and head out of the stadium. I head over to the field house to wait for Cole while Rachel heads to the gym.

  It is so foggy tonight. Thick, billowing fog rolls in towards the field house and the school. I start to worry about the drive home when the field house starts to empty. My heart rate spikes and I start to get sweaty palms. How extremely girly of me. Cole finally walks out and ambles over to me.

  “Do you want to take a walk before the dance?” He talks slow and soft like he is being very careful of what to say.

  “Sure.” Oh gosh, what is this?

  “I wanted to just clear my head after a day like today. A walk would do me some good.” He seems genuine. I wonder what he is thinking about.

  “Ok let’s walk, but to where?” I ask him quietly.

  “How about the practice field?”

  “Ok,” I say and start overthinking the situation as usual, and start to fidget. We walk side by side in silence to the practice field which is behind the field house. Only, it’s away from everything and all you see is the past
ure behind it. I can’t stand the silence anymore and decide on small talk.

  “It’s getting really foggy. I am a little worried about the drive home.” I whisper.

  “It is.” He makes a rumbling noise in the back of his throat. That one noise warms me from the inside. “I could follow you home if you want just to make sure you make it ok.” What? Why would he do that?

  “That would be nice, but I don’t want to impose.” That’s so sweet of him.

  “Not a problem, don’t worry about it.” I instantly start to worry about it, and it’s back to silence again. Great, awkward Kimber is here to stay. The fog slowly creeps its way closer and closer to us. I stop and look at Cole who is just staring into the fog. I want to wait for him to speak. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable. He does this a lot so I give him a minute. Finally, he talks.

  “You know the fog is a beautiful thing. It is silent when it moves, and you wouldn’t know it was there unless you were out in it.”

  “It is a beautiful thing, but scary,” I say.

  “A lot like you,” He responds seriously.

  “I’m scary?” I laugh. Yeah right.

  “In some ways, but I meant that you are beautiful like the fog.”

  “Oh well, thanks I guess.” I’m so glad it’s dark out. I’m blushing from the top of my head to my toes.

  “Kimber,” he stops and puts his hands on my shoulders. He looks into my eyes intently.

  “What?” I whisper, suddenly scared of what he is about to say.

  “I want you to know something, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything back.” It feels like he is looking into my soul. What is this about? “Ok?” He is stone-faced except for the little wrinkle above his nose. That’s a cute wrinkle. Focus Kimber!

  “Ok,” I say almost soundlessly. What’s this?

  “Kimber, I know you think of us as friends, and we are. I just can’t help myself in thinking that I would like to be a lot more than friends, but only if you feel the same. I don’t want you to feel obligated.” He stops, takes a deep breath, and starts again. “I know that we are close. You know more about me than most people. I just want to see where this could lead. What do you think?” He runs his hands slowly from my shoulders, down my arms, and to my hands to hold them. My mind is racing, and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped three minutes ago. I know I need to say something though.