Letters to Me

by Eliza Rose

  “I feel the same way.” Wait, is that what I wanted to say? I think so.

  “Oh thank God!” he whispers and he pulls me to his chest. He runs his hand through my hair and does that grumbling sound again. If he keeps doing that, there won’t be any of me to dance with.

  “So is that why you asked me to the dance?”

  “Yeah, and who else would I want to dance to bad music with?”

  “Well, you know most of the female student body, and some of the males, are in love with you,” I say sarcastically.

  “Who cares, I’m with who I want to be with.”

  “Well, that sounds nice. So, what are we now?” How bold of me. My stomach is in constant flips. He pulls back and looks down at me. There is a familiar twinkle in his eyes.

  “Well, ma’am, I’d like to call you my little lady, but I think I’d get a good ol’ punch to the ribs for that.”

  “Quit with the western crap,” I laugh “and you would be right.”

  “Well, how about my girlfriend?”

  “That’ll do cowboy.” I grin up at him, and because he is still holding me, I pull him back into a hug.

  “Hey now don’t start that.” He smiles and offers his arm. “May I escort you to the dance now?”

  “You may.” I smile and take his arm. With that, we dance the night away. The music isn’t as bad as it usually is. We dance close, and Cole is the perfect gentleman. Rachel dances with Mathew, Cole’s friend, most of the night. Mathew is muscular and tall, and despite his size, is a gentle guy and careful around people so he doesn’t hurt them. He is especially careful with Rachel I notice. Most everyone is dancing and enjoying themselves minus a few that are sitting and a few that keep disappearing under the bleachers. The thought makes me blush and makes me want to take Cole there too. I look over at Rachel. She seems to be having a lot of fun. I haven’t told her about Cole and our new relationship yet. I really haven’t talked to her since Cole and I got to the dance. I want to wait a little while before I say anything to her about my new boyfriend. Wow, boyfriend, I have one of those! The dance is over in what seems like no time at all and I am heading towards my car. Cole is walking with me with my hand in his. Rachel and Mathew are not too far behind whispering to themselves. The fog has now surrounded the entire school.

  “Well, Mr. Snyder, I have to say that was a wonderful night. Thank you,” I say with a smile.

  “Well, Miss Huntley, I would have to agree with you. I can’t wait for many more like this one.” He brushes his dark hair out of his eyes.

  “Aren’t you the optimistic one.” I laugh.

  “You give me a good reason to be. Now, I am parked out front so would you give me a ride? Then you can follow me to your house.”

  “Sure.” I don’t know what else to say. “Give me just one minute,” I say quickly. I walk over to Rachel and let her know that I am leaving and ask if she wants her stuff out of my car. She says no that she is coming over tomorrow anyway. Then she asks me what’s going on with me and Cole. I smile and tell her that I will fill her in tomorrow and walk away casually. I know that that will be bugging her all night, but I deserve to keep it between just Cole and me for at least a few hours.

  “Ok, I’m ready,” I say. Cole smiles and opens my door. I wait for him to get in then start the car. I drive him around and get to his car. He sighs seriously and looks at me.

  “There is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now, but I know how you like to move slowly.” I have a feeling I know what he is talking about.

  “Carpe diem, Cole.” My heart explodes and quickly stops, or at least that is how it feels.

  “Alright then.” He leans towards me, and looks me straight in the eyes. He gently puts his hand on one side of my face and kisses me softly on the lips. Then he rubs my cheek with his thumb and smiles.

  “I’m glad that we can try us,” he says happily.

  “Me too,” I whisper. Is that a symphony I hear?

  “Follow me, ok?” He is so serious tonight and I have a feeling it’s because we are more serious now.

  “Ok, see you soon?” I ask smiling at him.

  “Yes. I’ll call you.” He says jokingly with a big smile on his face. You would think I would be immune, but no. Not now, not ever, I hope. I follow him to my house. He parks in my driveway and walks me to the door.

  “Goodnight Kimber,” he says in a somber tone.

  “Goodnight Cole,” I say blissfully.

  “Do you think I could see you tomorrow night?” he asks.

  “I’m not really sure, but I will let you know.” I don’t really know if Momma will be ok with it, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.

  “Ok, I’ll call you,” Cole says seriously this time.

  “Be careful ok?” I don’t want him to get hurt. The fog is heavier back in these woods than it was at school.

  “You worry too much, but I will.” He walks to his car and then yells back to me. “I’m not leaving until you go in!” How sweet. I open the door, wave at him, and go in. I lock the door and sink to the floor. What in the world happened today? I call my momma and leave a voice mail saying that I am home safe and sound. I get up and go to my bathroom. I need a shower, and to think. Lord knows I do my best thinking in the shower. My phone buzzes with a new text.

  Stay safe. See you soon. It’s from Cole. I hope this works out with him. I look at the text one more time then get in the shower. When I get out, I send him a text.

  Are you home safe?

  Yes dear, good night sweetheart. He sends a little heart after. I smile and go straight to sleep.

  ∞

  Dear seventeen-year-old Kimber,

  It happens. Your secret crush/best guy friend will ask you out. Y’all are a thing now! Don’t be weird about it, and relax around him like you are when you are both out with friends together. You had your first kiss. Have fun!

  Love Always,

  Present day Kimber

  Chapter 3

  I wake up the next morning and Momma is already in bed. I must have slept later than normal. I fix myself some breakfast, eat, and go to my room. I don’t want to risk waking her while she is sleeping. Rachel texts to see if she can come over and I tell her yes as long as we can be outside. She tells me she will be over soon and that she wants to talk. Oh, wonderful. Rachel is one of those girls who will not ask about something, but can almost compel the information out of you. At least, that is how it has always been with the two of us. I go out to the porch and wait for her. It doesn’t even feel like its September outside, but for Alabama heat is the way of life.

  Rachel pulls up my driveway, and from the way she looks at me through the windshield, I can tell that she is beyond curious. Her eyes are focused on me, squinting and looking bothered by her thoughts. Her brows are furrowed in a way that makes me concerned if there is something wrong. She gets out and starts to walk towards me, but doesn’t say a word. Oh my goodness, it is killing me. Is it about Cole? Just ask me already! Is there something wrong? Still nothing. She’s not going to ask me. I realize this after sitting in awkward silence for what feels like an eternity but could be only a few minutes.

  “Did you have fun last night?” I ask to break the silence.

  “Yes, but I hear your night was better,” She says in a snarky tone.

  “What do you mean?” bewildered by the tone of her voice.

  “Cole told Mathew that you two are a thing now,” She says shortly.

  “Is that all he told him?” I really wanted to keep this between Cole and me for a while. I guess I should have told him that. Well, too late now. I shrug internally.

  “Is there more to tell?” she asks super curious now.

  “No, not really,” I tell a little white lie.

  “Yes, or at least that’s all Mathew told me.” Well, then I might as well tell her.

  “He kissed me.” I whisper quickly.

  “Wow, so y’all really did take the leap.” She seems surprised.

  “I
guess so.” I look down at my feet.

  “Are you sure about this?” She asks genuinely.

  “Well, I wish I would have thought about it longer, and you know taken my time. I think at least for now it is a good decision.” If I would have thought about it more, I would have been too scared to do it.

  “Kimber, what if it doesn’t work out?” she asks. The furrowed brow comes back.

  “Rach, you know I’ve been crushin on him for forever. If it doesn’t work out, which I don’t see why it won’t, then I’ll live.” I hope.

  “Besides me he is your best friend though. Can you afford to lose that? I just don’t want to see you hurt.” Her eyes are pleading and her brow is more crumpled than before. I think about what she has said for a few moments, and finally know what I want to say.

  “Honestly, I think we are so close because I’ve already loved him for so long that…”

  “Loved him?!” she interrupts.

  “Yes, anyway, we are so close because my love for him is so great. Not in a romantic way. A more of an ‘I care and love him that I wouldn’t want him to hurt or go away’ way. Like I love you, but now a little different. I think it is morphing into something that could grow with our relationship.”

  “Wow, you love him more than me,” she laughs.

  “No, never silly!” I nudge her shoulder. “You want something to drink? Momma’s asleep, but I can run in and get something.” I really want to change the subject.

  “I’m good. I brought something. So, what happened last night after you left?”

  “We talked, and then he asked if we could go out tonight,” I say, leaving it at that.

  “And?” she pushes.

  “Momma’s still asleep. I haven’t asked.” No need to sugar coat it.

  “Could it be a double date?” she questions, full of hope.

  “I think it would go over better with her if it was. Hold on let me text Cole and see what he thinks.”

  Hey Cole, would you be ok with Rach and Mathew coming out with us?

  Does that mean you can come out? He asks.

  Haven’t asked Momma’s sleeping. I say. He makes me so nervous.

  Yeah if that makes it sound better to her, I’m up for it. I’ll talk to Mathew. He says after a few minutes.

  I’ll let you know what momma says. I type my response back quickly and set my phone down.

  “You know you’re stricter on yourself than you momma is,” Rachel tells me.

  “I don’t want to worry her like Jozlyn did. I don’t want to put her through that again.” I say thinking back to what Jozlyn put her through. I would hate myself if I did that to my mom.

  “Honey, I know, but go easy on yourself!” She yells. I shush her.

  “Hey girls, y’all can come in,” Momma calls from the house.

  “Ask her!” Rachel whispers.

  “Hey Momma, how was work?” I ask.

  “Fine just a long night,” she says still sounding tired.

  “I’m sorry I slept late.” I apologize. I like our morning talks.

  “Sweetheart, you had a long night, it's fine. How was the dance? Did you two have fun?” She asks enthusiastically.

  “It was better than usual,” Rachel says.

  “Yeah, the music wasn’t half bad.” I look everywhere but at her. I am so scared to ask her about tonight.

  “Kimber, what are you dancing around? If you have something to ask me just ask.” She always knows. Rachel starts to laugh, and I shoot her a hateful glance.

  “Cole wants to go out tonight.”

  “Ok and?” She asks like she doesn’t know what I’m getting at.

  “And I would really like to go, Rachel is coming with Mathew too. If I can go that is.” I say in a hurry. I pull and twist the hem of my shirt.

  “Just be home before midnight, and call me when you get home. I don’t have a problem with it. Besides, I know his parents and there really isn’t much y’all can get into around here.” She laughs. I couldn’t agree with her more. There is absolutely nothing to do around here.

  “Thank you, Momma.” I say and exhale.

  “You’re welcome, honey. What are y’all going to do?” She asks warmly.

  “I’m not sure.” I say to momma. “What do you think Rachel?” imploring her to say anything that sounds safe.

  “I say we leave it to the guys and we worry about what to wear.” We all laugh. Close one! I wink at her.

  Momma tells us she has to go get ready for work, and Rachel and I go to my room to talk. I text Cole and tell him that my momma said that it is ok, and ask him when he will be over. He says around four so we can go out and eat, and then whatever afterward. What am I going to wear?! Jeans, always jeans. Rachel rolls her eyes when I pull my favorite pair out.

  Cole and Mathew pick us up right on time. We are going to grab something to eat and go to our “surprise”. I have no idea what they have planned, but I am so nervous. I honestly hate surprises. The thought of the unknown freaks me out. Cole knows that, and I think he is doing this on purpose. He knows I have to have a semblance of control. We all sit in the car listening to music and wait for our food to finish. The only place in this little town to serve food is bound to have a wait. It’s not your normal fast food place. This place, The Village, you park your car, walk up to the window, and place your order then when it is done, they call you over to get it. It’s worth every penny because of their peanut butter milkshake. The lady signals us and Cole and Mathew get out to get the food.

  “Where do you think we are going?” I ask Rachel.

  “No clue, but with all this anticipation it better be good. Plus, it’s gettin’ dark!”

  “Shh! Here they come.” We say and laugh together nervously. They get back in the car and we start driving down the back roads. I start to freak out. It is dark, and I have no idea where we are going.

  “Cole, where are you taking us?” I ask.

  “Well, Kimber, if I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Cole smiles. I pout. He is doing this on purpose. We take a few more turns and take a sharp right. We stop at a fence. Mathew jumps out and goes to open it and closes it behind us. He jumps back in and we take off down a dirt trail. It isn’t even a road. I can only see what the light from the headlights touch. All of a sudden there is a clearing with what could only be described as a porch standing in the middle of it. No house attached just a wooden stage-like porch. It has rails around it and it is screened in except for the top. The guys tell Rachel and I to head towards it while they get some stuff from the trunk. We grab the food and head that way. Soon they catch up and we walk up the steps together. They have brought some lanterns, blankets, and a cooler with more drinks. A picnic! In the woods, at night… I don’t get it. They spread out the blankets, sit the cooler in the middle, and light the lanterns. Cole goes back to the car and turns it off. Oh my gosh! Even with only the small amount of light coming from the lanterns you can see so much. The trees, lightning bugs, the moon, and so many stars! It is beautiful! We all sit and eat our delicious food and after we finish, I lay down with my head in Cole’s lap and stare up at the star-lit sky.

  “How did you know?” I ask.

  “Know what?” he asks confused.

  “That I loved the night’s sky so much.”

  “Kimber, I know we haven’t been a couple very long, but I still know a lot about you.” He says matter-of-factly.

  “Obviously. Why all the secretiveness?” I wonder aloud.

  “Honestly…because you don’t enjoy surprises enough.” I look at him for what seems like hours and then something occurs to me, and I know I have to say something. “Why did you wait so long?” I ask quietly.

  “For what?” he asks looking perplexed.

  “To ask me out,” I say with a smile and confidence I didn’t know I had.

  “I’m not sure. I think I was in denial or something.” He says and then rubs his hand down my arm. We shift so we are both laying on the blanket. Rachel and Mathew are
whispering not too far away, and I try to ignore them. Cole is absent-mindedly rubbing my arm. I lay my head on his shoulder and cuddle up to his side and marvel at the sky above me. I realize that we don’t have to talk and it’s not awkward or boring it’s just us. We can just lay together peacefully. Soon we have to pack up and start to head home. I wish that there was more time that we could spend together, but I need to get home. We pull up outside my house and Cole gets out with me. I say goodbye to Rachel and Mathew, and Cole and I walk hand in hand to the door.

  “I had a wonderful surprise. Thank you.” I tell him while smiling as I look up at him.

  “You’re welcome. See you Monday?” He is rubbing my arm again. It’s so nice. I love the feeling of his closeness to me.

  “Yes, you can call or text me later.” I can’t keep the hope from my voice.

  “Ok.” We don’t move. He stands and rubs his hand across my cheek in the most loving gesture.

  “I wish it was longer,” I whisper longingly.

  “Me too, but I gotta go.” He says as he closes his eyes. It seems like he doesn’t want to leave.

  “I know, please be careful,” I tell him, my voice full of concern.

  “I will.” He whispers with reverence. He kisses my cheek and walks away. Knowing he won’t leave until I walk in the house, I walk in and shut the door. Holy crap, what just happened? What a great night. I think Cole and I could be a great idea. I am so genuinely happy. Blissful even. I never thought that we would be in a relationship. I go and shower and get in my PJs and call Momma. She is busy so I leave a message. I lay on my bed and try to concentrate on the book I am trying to read. It's not happening. I grab my phone and text Cole, Rachel, and Mathew.

  Did you get home ok?

  They all respond within a few minutes that they are all at home and safe.

  ∞

  Dear Seventeen-year-old Kimber,