Letters to Me

by Eliza Rose

  "Do you want to lead or follow?" he asks slowly.

  "Follow." I am so nervous. Plus, I should be able to see better if he is ahead of me and not behind. Better to see to climb and an excuse to look at his butt. I giggle to myself. We climb the ladder slowly and it feels like an hour but it is probably around five minutes and we are at the top. I hadn't realized he had set up a little picnic out on the ledge of the tower. "Is it safe?" I ask finally.

  "Yeah, Mathew gets out here all the time, you and I will be fine. Come sit?" It's true Mathew is a bigger guy, and to say that he was a big ol' boy is an understatement. I carefully step out on the ledge. It has thick bars around it, but they look corroded and rusty. He puts his hand out for me and I glance down at it. Would he save me if I fell? Would he be able to lift me if I needed him to? I reach for him and he gently pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight. He plants a soft kiss in my hair and sighs.

  "I hope you are hungry." He laughs softly. I finally get a good look at the food. He has packed enough for six people!

  "Is there anyone joining us?" I ask and he laughs again and it makes my heart skip a beat.

  "No baby, on one but us." I smile at him, and he smiles back. His perfect teeth gleam in the moonlight. We both sit and he starts to divvy out the food. Some of my favorites, and I know he has been trying hard for this meal. Barbeque sandwiches and steak fries. He has watermelon chunks and even white barbeque sauce for the sandwiches. He even brought the best sweet tea around. We start to eat and, on my goodness, it is so delicious. Mouthwatering. I make a noise I never thought I could make over some food.

  "You like it?" Cole asks with a hint of a smile.

  " Oh my gosh yes! I love you so much right now!" Oh, wow Kimber smooth, and over food at that. Settle down lady.

  "Babe, I will spoil you with food or jewelry or whatever your heart desires. You want it, I'll get it." My cheeks heat and I look down at my hands again.

  "You know I love you for you right Cole?"

  "Yes." he says immediately.

  "Ok, you didn't have to go to all of this trouble for me." I am still looking down at my hands. I can't look him in the face.

  "I wanted to show you that you are special to me and show you that you have magic in your back yard." What is he talking about, magic? he turns off his head lamp and points up to the sky. Oh wow, the stars. I'm speechless. "Magic," he says as he points up again.

  "Beautiful..." I whisper.

  "It is," He reaches up and caresses my cheek. "You are." More magic. The world stops turning. He moves his hand down and to my neck pulling me closer and kisses me. A soft tender kiss. I am lost in my own body. He keeps kissing and I start to think that I'm dreaming. No, not a dream. I wrap my hands around his neck and throw myself into the kiss. I don't know for how long, but we both pull away breathless.

  "Beautiful." Cole whispers as he holds me against his chest. I'm completely content exactly where I am. A small smile creeps across my face. Then my stomach growls. How embarrassing! Hopefully he didn't hear that.

  "Seems like we need to finish eating," he says as he passes me more food.

  "Yeah, I am hungry. I didn't eat much today." I forgot about breakfast and when lunch cam I was too busy looking hyper focusing to think about eating much.

  "You have to eat sweetheart," he said concern evident in his voice. "You already don't eat much for supper now."

  "I eat, I just don't have big dinners unless Momma is there." Why cook a huge meal when it's just me?

  "So, do we need to do this more often?" Cole asks me with a smile.

  "I would like that. This is nice and cozy." It was, and I couldn't imagine a restaurant would be any better. I don't want to push it. Don't want him to think I want him to be around all the time. I do, but he doesn't have to know.

  "Hey Kimber?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Do you know how much I love you?" He says this with a wistful tone. He lays back because he has finished eating and I finish my last few bites and take the leap. Not literally, but I lay next to him and cuddle to his side.

  "No, I don't." I smile and savor his smell and the feel of his body beneath me.

  "I love you more than you love the stars. I love you more than you love watermelon chunks." He laughs. "I love you more than you love cuddling. I love you more than my life. You are so important to me. I love you so much Kimber." Wow, did he just say that? I've frozen, I don't even think I'm breathing. He jerks up and looks at me. I don't know what he sees, but he looks concerned. "Did I say too much? I'm afraid I will scare you off. I just needed you to know." He kisses me softly lays on his side and starts to run his fingers through my hair.

  "Cole, I love you the same and more. I feel like we are two parts of a whole. When you are near me, I can almost feel that you are there before I see you. I love you so much." I reach for his face and rub my hand across his cheek. We sit in silence for a while and I lay on his shoulder. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he is looking at me. I stare at the stars.

  "What are you thinking?" Cole asks with a smile.

  "I was thinking about the stars. I want to see them when they aren't diluted by lights from the ground. I want to go to the most rural areas of the world and just gaze at the stars, at God's beautiful creations far above me," I say. He looks at me lovingly. I smile and he starts to play with my hair. It feels so good so I close my eyes and relax.

  Chapter 5

  I hear something off in the distance and open my eyes with a start. Complete and utter darkness surrounds me. No, not nightmares again! I look around more to get my surroundings and finally figure out what the noise I heard was. It was Cole softly snoring. Snoring? Oh my God, we fell asleep!

  "Cole wake up." I shake him gently. "Honey, wake up." He groans and tries to pull me to him. "Cole it's Kimber, wake up sweetheart we are still on the tower." His eyes jerk open and he looks at me. He looks a million miles away from where we are now. "Sweety, are you ok?" He sits up on his elbow and looks around. For a moment I don't think he is going to say anything. He shakes his head.

  "I thought it was all a dream, and if I woke up, we wouldn't be together." The little wrinkle is back.

  "You can't get rid of me that easily." I say as I smile and reach for his hand. "Now I'm sure it's after ten and I'm going to be in trouble if I don't get home. He wrestles his phone out of his pocket and looks at the time.

  "It's two in the morning." He says standing up and reaching for me.

  "Cole it's dark and I'm scared to climb down. I can't see."

  "It's ok baby. I will go first and shine the light up so you can see."

  "How will you see?"

  "I don't need to see," he laughs, "I will feel my way down." I blush seven shades of red. My mind goes to a dirty place when he says that. The way he said it, and the way he looked at me makes me feel like he meant it the way I took it. I look down and start twiddling my fingers. "Hey, I've got you, Kimber. You won't fall I promise."

  "Ok, let’s go." He starts going down the ladder wrung by wrung. Just like he said he would he is shining the light up towards me. I don't know how, but I can see perfectly. We make it down faster than we did going up.

  "What are we going to do about all of the stuff?" I ask.

  "I'll come back for it and clean it all up. Come on, we gotta get you home." He grabs my hand and leads me toward my house. The front porch and driveway are clean and there is no sign of his romantic gesture outside of the house. After looking around I realize that momma isn't home yet and I may be safe from being in trouble. She will be home soon. Probably on her way now. Cole breaks me from my inner monologue by clearing his throat.

  "Kimber, I know you have to go in, but I want to tell you that our first month together has given me nothing but happiness." He steps closer to me. Our bodies are almost touching and I am hoping that I don't have bad breath. "I love you." He says and reaches down and kisses me. It starts slow and gentle, and then something changes and there is a desperation in his ki
ss that I've never felt from him. He wraps his hands around me. One on the back of my head in my hair and the other on my lower back. I have lost all thought. I'm lost in his kiss. We break away and we are breathless.

  "I love you too." I say catching my breath.

  "I have to go clean that stuff up. I will see you tomorrow...well I mean later today." He smiles and runs his hand through his hair. "Well go in darlin'. I love you."

  "Love you to Cole." I walk into the house and get my phone. He has already texted me.

  Love you more

  I call my momma. I am not going to lie to her and say that I fell asleep before calling her. I'm going to tell her the truth. It rings and she answers on the first ring.

  "Kimber what's wrong?"

  "Mom, I fell asleep with Cole after dinner. We had a picnic (ok I can hide the water tower part from her) under the stars and we fell asleep together. I just got home. I'm so sorry."

  "Honey, honestly, it's fine. I'm a little disappointed, but it's fine. I wish you wouldn't have done it but it's not like you were off drinking or anything. You fell asleep at a picnic. I'll be home in a few hours. Love you."

  "Love you Momma." She hangs up. She is most likely busy, and I don't think this conversation is over. I feel like I need a shower so I start getting everything ready. I start to get this nagging feeling and I text Cole to see if he is home.

  Hey, are you home yet? I ask.

  Pulling in now. He replies almost immediately.

  Ok see you later love you I say smiling in anticipation of what he will say next.

  Love you more

  I didn't want to say that it wasn't possible for him to love me more so I just got in the shower and tried not to think about what a wonderful night I just had. After my shower, I get in bed and make sure my alarm is set for five. I stare at the ceiling and try to coax myself to sleep. I’m not tired what happened tonight? I can’t believe Momma didn’t yell and scream at me about responsibilities like I had heard her tell Jozlyn about a billion times. Why does she treat me differently? My alarm goes off and I haven’t slept any more since being home. I get up and start to get ready, but my heart isn’t in it. I go to the kitchen and sit. I stare at the refrigerator. Time passes and Momma walks through the door.

  “Mornin’ Momma” I cheerfully greet her. She gives me a look and I immediately change my mood. “What’s wrong?”

  “I lost a baby tonight,” she says with sadness evident in her voice. I know Momma loves her job, but she always takes her losses hard. She has such a big heart and it shows.

  “I’m so sorry!” I go to her and hold her tightly. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t make a sound. She just holds me tightly. “How are the parents?”

  “As good as can be expected.” She starts to make a pot of coffee and keeps herself busy by making some eggs while the coffee brews.

  “Momma, are you upset with me?” I’m so worried that she will blow up on me.

  “No, sweetheart, like I said I’m just a little disappointed. You are a smart girl and I know you make good choices. I trust you and if you say you fell asleep at a picnic with Cole, I believe you.” Momma says with a believable tone. She seems tired though. I don’t want to keep her up too long.

  “Why aren’t you treating me like Jozlyn?” I blurt out.

  “Baby, I gave birth to two beautiful little girls, but they are two separate people. They are two different personalities. I know who you both are. I would push Jozlyn to do better and make better choices because I wanted better for her. She has made her mistakes. You are your own person and you make good decisions. I haven’t had to worry as much about you as I do Jozlyn because you are on the right track for your life, BUT that doesn’t give you an excuse to go wild and crazy. I want you to keep being you. I love you so much. Just like I love your sister very much, and she is learning from the bad decisions that she has made.”

  “So, you trust me to make good decisions because I have before?”

  “Yes,” she says this with a tone in her voice that makes me think she is not playing around.

  “Ok Momma, I will do my best at making good decisions.” I think for a minute. “Momma, why do you do what you do? As a career I mean.”

  “I love to help parents and babies. I’ve always loved it. Even when I was your age I knew I would be in the medical field. Why do you ask?”

  “I know it hurts you a lot to lose someone. I just don’t know what keeps pushing you.”

  “I just keep pushing honey. It’s part of the job. I feel like that if I can’t deal with the bad parts then I don’t deserve the good parts.”

  “I’m not sure I could do that.”

  “You have time to think about what you want to do sweetie. I should go to bed. I love you and I will see you tomorrow.”

  “Ok Momma, see you then.” I go back to my room and throw on a t-shirt and jeans. I go brush my teeth and hair. Grab my stuff and I’m good to go. I drive to school while thinking about the future and what I would love to do even if it came with not so good things like with Momma’s job. I draw a blank. I know I love the stars, but I don’t see myself doing anything with science and being happy and successful. I am still thinking about this when I park. There is barely anyone here. Just a few random cars here and there. I look down at my dashboard clock. 07:15 am. No wonder! I am super early. So, I get out my notebook and think about writing Cole.

  Dear Seventeen-year-old Kimber,

  You spent the night eating, laughing, and dreaming with the guy you love. Never in a million years did you think that this would happen. Especially with the one, it is happening with. You think that you may have found someone I can spend a long time with. If not the rest of your life. You think you know him. You both have known each other and have been friends your whole life. What is not romantic about two friends becoming lovers? Nothing, but guard your heart dear.

  Love Always,

  Present Day Kimber

  I close my notebook after just doodling for a while and look up to see what time it is. Just in time. I gather my things and get out of my car. I go over to Cole’s car to see him. He looks like he didn’t get any sleep. Well, he didn’t. Neither of us did. He gives me a look that melts me. I get in his car because we still have a few minutes and it’s kind of chilly.

  “Good morning beautiful,” Cole says in his deep and masculine voice.

  “Good morning handsome,” I say back as smooth as possible. Even though every cell in my body is liquifying at the sound of his three little words.

  “How was your morning?” he asks me as if he doesn’t know.

  “Fine, did you get home ok?” I’m concerned that he didn’t go home, but I’m not sure.

  “Yeah,” he goes silent. I know he doesn’t like being at home that much. He doesn’t have a home life as I do and people like to leave him.

  “So, I was thinking about this Halloween party. I want it to be special. What is your favorite Halloween movie?”

  “Oh, why do you want it to be special? My favorite movie is Nightmare on Elm Street, but you already knew that.” He grins and his dimples show.

  “Yeah I did. I just want to make memories with you.” I say and pat his hand holding mine.

  “How about we make a memory now?” He gives me that melting look and I can’t breathe. What is he talking about? I can’t think straight. He is coming closer and closer to my face. Cole moves his hand to intertwine with my hair. He puts his forehead on mine. “I never want to forget the way I feel right now. I love you so much. I never want to lose you.” He says this with a reverence that I haven’t heard from him before. He is leaving all of his emotions on the table and being bare in front of me. Bare in front of me… oh goodness, there goes my mind again.

  “I love you.” I tilt my head back and gently kiss him. He smiles and turns away. “We have to get to class, Cole.”

  “Alright,” he sighs heavily, “let’s go.” We walk hand in hand. He takes me to my homeroom class and kisses my hand as a prince
would do to a lady he was courting. “Until history,” he says in a sultry tone and walks away. I hate to see him walk away from me. I feel like we need to always be together. That’s weird, I normally don’t think this way or have these feelings. I feel like I need to protect him and keep him safe from everyone around. He is a big strong football player. I should be wanting him to protect me! Gosh, I need to get out of my head.

  I go into homeroom and wait for Rachael to make her entrance. I take my seat as the warning bell rings and she runs in. I try to hide my smirk, but it doesn’t work she knows I’m laughing at her. “Sweety, why are you always pushing it to get here. You live two minutes away.”

  “I like to get as much sleep as possible.” She says as I notice she looks like she rolled out of bed long enough to put her hair in a bun. The homeroom teacher interrupts our conversation by talking about Senior activities coming up. I usually don’t participate in anything like that, but it’s my last year. Maybe the senior picnic or the prom committee. I’m sure Cole will want to do some things as well. The bell rings for the first class and I gather my things. Rachael comes to me looking apprehensive. I take one look at her and I know somethings up.

  “Spit it out.”

  “Kimber, I want to invite some more people to the party on Saturday. I know you don’t like her too much, but I invited Quinn Black.” Oh my God. A thousand things run through my mind. Why does she have to come to the party? I can’t stand her. I don’t say any of this of course. Every person she is ever around is always on the receiving end of her high and mighty attitude. If we were living in the 1800’s she would have been called a harlot. She is just bad news, but Rachel continues to give her chances to bring her into her circle.

  “Rach, you can invite who you want, it’s your party.” I seriously hope Quinn comes down with a cold. She is the girl that made me gravitate away from most of my school population. As small as our school is everything gets around somehow and I don’t want any of her ick sticking to me. She is ok if you like her sort of people, but not so surprisingly dreadful things happen to girls who are dating or like the guy that she likes. I had a crush on a boy in middle school and she told him. Not only did she tell him, but she made it out to be this big deal like I was stalking him and I was crazy. I’m not and I wasn’t stalking him. I ran into him at the park once, but that was pure coincidence.